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MrsRMR

MrsRMR

New member
#1
Sep 5, 2019
7
7
3
#1
Hello guys I am looking for some guidance. As we all are lol. Here is my deal my ex boyfriend is now a pastor he reached out to me on Facebook, and started to minister to me over the phone. We are now both married. I started to attend his church and even started to give my 10%. However his wife started posting on Facebook really weird things like she’s tired of people not seeing her worth. And no one loves her. I’ve spoken to her before and I thought we were friends. I spoke to her about it and asked her if she felt ok with me being there she said yes, but felt like her husband was acting different with her when he would talk to me.
I have decided that for the sake of their peace and mine I shouldn’t be there anymore and have started attending a different church which I feel so much better and so much love. My dilema is that the pastor (my ex) told me that God has a goal with me and that if I am not being prepared at his church I’ll go to hell. It’s basically what he said in different words, he said I am being disobedient to God. I need help determining this??? I feel lost.
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#2
Oct 23, 2018
13,063
10,629
113
#2
Hi MRSRMR welcome to CC and nice to meet you. Obviously the wise thing to do is stay away from your ex. He has a problematic marriage that's not your position to fix. That's going off the rails, saying you'd go to hell if you don't go to his church and certainly unscriptural. Keeping in contact with him will bring temptation, Also, take this to another of the forums for more responses. You're not lost, you are found. God bless.
 
MrsRMR

MrsRMR

New member
#3
Sep 5, 2019
7
7
3
#3
TabinRivCA said:
Hi MRSRMR welcome to CC and nice to meet you. Obviously the wise thing to do is stay away from your ex. He has a problematic marriage that's not your position to fix. That's going off the rails, saying you'd go to hell if you don't go to his church and certainly unscriptural. Keeping in contact with him will bring temptation, Also, take this to another of the forums for more responses. You're not lost, you are found. God bless.
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Amen, I am grateful for your reply! Thank you for the suggestion. I am happy I stumbled across CC LOL.
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#4
Jul 24, 2016
7,581
3,616
113
#4
MrsRMR said:
Hello guys I am looking for some guidance. As we all are lol. Here is my deal my ex boyfriend is now a pastor he reached out to me on Facebook, and started to minister to me over the phone. We are now both married. I started to attend his church and even started to give my 10%. However his wife started posting on Facebook really weird things like she’s tired of people not seeing her worth. And no one loves her. I’ve spoken to her before and I thought we were friends. I spoke to her about it and asked her if she felt ok with me being there she said yes, but felt like her husband was acting different with her when he would talk to me.
I have decided that for the sake of their peace and mine I shouldn’t be there anymore and have started attending a different church which I feel so much better and so much love. My dilema is that the pastor (my ex) told me that God has a goal with me and that if I am not being prepared at his church I’ll go to hell. It’s basically what he said in different words, he said I am being disobedient to God. I need help determining this??? I feel lost.
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Disregard what He is saying.. There is something not quite right with His relationship with his wife.. And you being there in the mix just makes things even more unstable.. You where right to depart that situation and find fellowship elsewhere..

Your relationship with the LORD is between you and Him.. We should not try to have a relationship with God through any pastor or anyone else for that matter.. Be at peace with God and seek His will with all your heart and mind and all will be well for you..
 
M

Miri

Guest
#5
#5
MrsRMR said:
Hello guys I am looking for some guidance. As we all are lol. Here is my deal my ex boyfriend is now a pastor he reached out to me on Facebook, and started to minister to me over the phone. We are now both married. I started to attend his church and even started to give my 10%. However his wife started posting on Facebook really weird things like she’s tired of people not seeing her worth. And no one loves her. I’ve spoken to her before and I thought we were friends. I spoke to her about it and asked her if she felt ok with me being there she said yes, but felt like her husband was acting different with her when he would talk to me.
I have decided that for the sake of their peace and mine I shouldn’t be there anymore and have started attending a different church which I feel so much better and so much love. My dilema is that the pastor (my ex) told me that God has a goal with me and that if I am not being prepared at his church I’ll go to hell. It’s basically what he said in different words, he said I am being disobedient to God. I need help determining this??? I feel lost.
Click to expand...

Sounds to me like you are the wise one and you are very fortunate that he is
your ex and you are not married to him.

He sounds very controlling, he is obviously loving the status of pastor and using it to
control people. He sounds like a wolf in sheep’s clothing who manipulates people.
Not the sort of person who should be a pastor at all.

Just because someone is a pastor it doesn’t mean they should be!
 
M

Miri

Guest
#6
#6
Ps if he keeps contacting you, then block him from Facebook and I
would also suggest that you contact the others in leadership in the church
if you feel comfortable doing that. They deserve to know what a pretender
they have as a pastor before he brain washes them.
 
SoulWeaver

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
#7
Oct 25, 2014
4,889
2,534
113
#7
You've received some great advice. He definitely sounds like a cult leader and him acting weird towards his wife is a major red flag for a pastor, his marriage should be exemplary. If you sensed awkwardness in his behavior, do not write it off and think you're imagining, your "gut feeling" is actually your right brain analyzing nonverbal info such as his body language, facial expressions etc. You can't explain in words, but you feel something is definitely wrong.
And oh, hate to break the news to him, but Jesus does all the preparing - to somehow ascribe this process to himself was a surprisingly arrogant assertion to make and the cause enough to flee from such a pastor...
Anathematizing members and calling them "disobedient to God" when they want to leave a particular congregation or denomination, threatening, scare tactics - this is what cults employ, and not people who have your well being in mind.
All in all, good call on your part to avoid him.
Welcome to CC, dear. :)
 
MrsRMR

MrsRMR

New member
#8
Sep 5, 2019
7
7
3
#8
Amen, thank you all! I feel so much better. I feel liberated!!! I guess I am still guilty a little for breaking his heart in the past.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#9
#9
MrsRMR said:
Amen, thank you all! I feel so much better. I feel liberated!!! I guess I am still guilty a little for breaking his heart in the past.
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The past is the part it’s all covered by the blood of the lamb, as is the future.
 
SoulWeaver

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
#10
Oct 25, 2014
4,889
2,534
113
#10
MrsRMR said:
I guess I am still guilty a little for breaking his heart in the past.
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Everybody can only be responsible for their own reactions and behaviors. You might have hurt him in the past, I am sure not maliciously... but he must forgive you your shortcomings, just like Jesus forgave him his. If he chooses to not forgive you or thinks he has some right to emotionally blackmail you now, that would be really evil on his part. No guilt... That only serves the enemy. God provoked guilt is always unto repentance so you can receive freedom from sin and forgiveness, everything else reject.
 
oyster67

oyster67

Senior Member
#11
May 24, 2014
11,887
8,705
113
#11
Welcome to CC. So sorry that we have to meet under such difficult circumstances.:(

Sounds like your ex-bf is really starting to unravel big time. It's not your fault. It happens. It happens a lot. You sound like a very wise woman of God. I will pray that you can get away from him and that He does not start stalking you. The fact that he calls himself a pastor means nothing.

Matthew
7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
7:16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
7:17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
7:18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither [can] a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
7:19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
7:20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
 
T

tasha66

Guest
#13
#13
Hi Mrs. I am new here too!
I work in the healh area and do alot of relationship counselling. This ex of yours is trying to manipulate you, and is obviously not in a happy marriage. The fact that he is your ex means he knows how to manipulate / use you, make you feel guilty for no reason & is probably trying to groom you into doing something in the future you will regret. That is why he doesn't want you to leave his church. It also shows that he is uncertain re his marriage, and is deflecting his frustration / confusion onto you - which is a common tactic of abusers and deceitful, manipulative people. He wants a 'partner in crime' to side with him. My advice is walk away (or run!) from him and his unhappy situation for good. You are better than to be used like that! He is using God's name to make you feel guilty and nobody should ever do that.
Hope this helps. Cheers :)
 
MrsRMR

MrsRMR

New member
#14
Sep 5, 2019
7
7
3
#14
tasha66 said:
Hi Mrs. I am new here too!
I work in the healh area and do alot of relationship counselling. This ex of yours is trying to manipulate you, and is obviously not in a happy marriage. The fact that he is your ex means he knows how to manipulate / use you, make you feel guilty for no reason & is probably trying to groom you into doing something in the future you will regret. That is why he doesn't want you to leave his church. It also shows that he is uncertain re his marriage, and is deflecting his frustration / confusion onto you - which is a common tactic of abusers and deceitful, manipulative people. He wants a 'partner in crime' to side with him. My advice is walk away (or run!) from him and his unhappy situation for good. You are better than to be used like that! He is using God's name to make you feel guilty and nobody should ever do that.
Hope this helps. Cheers :)
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Thank you so much for your reply! I appreciate it I was feeling bad again. It’s true he knows I am soft and I just want to make everyone happy and he knew how to get to me. I am happy I am attending a new church and also have joined a small group there. Thank you again! 💕💕
 
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