New Here and Badly Hurt

[DennisA]

After ten faithful years at church the pastor and head elder heard some gossip about my wife and I. They confronted us and we were dumbfounded about such lies. We vehemently denied the false accusations but without any evidence the pastor and elder suspended us for six months from participating in any ministry. Deeply hurt we left the church. We received no support from any friends. Amazing we could attend a church faithfully for ten years and no one cares when you leave, or why.
A person from the church had reported a conversation we had in our home with a couple who had visited our church. The visiting couple told this church member they would never come to our church due to the weird and awkward conversations they had in our home. No details were given. We have no idea what was said that was so disturbing.
We have not been to church in six months. We had been resentful and bitter but have finally forgiven the pastor, elder, and back stabbing friend. Pray for us as we search for a new church family.

 

[GRACE_ambassador]

We had been resentful and bitter but have finally forgiven the pastor, elder, and back stabbing friend. Pray for us as we search for a new church family.

Precious friend @DennisA, glad to hear forgiveness; I will pray for you and yours:

And, precious friend(s), Please Be Very Richly Encouraged and Edified
In The Lord Jesus Christ and In His Precious Word Of Truth, Rightly
Divided:

God's Grace Word for our infirmities!
+
The Bible: The BIG Picture

Amen.

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

After ten faithful years at church the pastor and head elder heard some gossip about my wife and I. They confronted us and we were dumbfounded about such lies. We vehemently denied the false accusations but without any evidence the pastor and elder suspended us for six months from participating in any ministry. Deeply hurt we left the church. We received no support from any friends. Amazing we could attend a church faithfully for ten years and no one cares when you leave, or why.
A person from the church had reported a conversation we had in our home with a couple who had visited our church. The visiting couple told this church member they would never come to our church due to the weird and awkward conversations they had in our home. No details were given. We have no idea what was said that was so disturbing.
We have not been to church in six months. We had been resentful and bitter but have finally forgiven the pastor, elder, and back stabbing friend. Pray for us as we search for a new church family.

I've been through a major church split and couldn't believe Christians would behave in that manner. But we moved on to another church and over the years some healing took place. Now many of us are close and pray for each other on Facebook. It's a pity that churches don't follow the Biblical pattern laid out to deal with issues. It will take some time to heal but I pray that you and your wife do. Don't let the devil steal your joy or your relationship with Him. Blessings!

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

After ten faithful years at church the pastor and head elder heard some gossip about my wife and I. They confronted us and we were dumbfounded about such lies. We vehemently denied the false accusations but without any evidence the pastor and elder suspended us for six months from participating in any ministry. Deeply hurt we left the church. We received no support from any friends. Amazing we could attend a church faithfully for ten years and no one cares when you leave, or why.
A person from the church had reported a conversation we had in our home with a couple who had visited our church. The visiting couple told this church member they would never come to our church due to the weird and awkward conversations they had in our home. No details were given. We have no idea what was said that was so disturbing.
We have not been to church in six months. We had been resentful and bitter but have finally forgiven the pastor, elder, and back stabbing friend. Pray for us as we search for a new church family.

I've been there.
In fact I could give several dozen comparable situations and some that nearly killed me from the gravity.

One lesson I've learned is that people, even friends will disappoint you sooner or later. That doesn't make me a recluse or bitter, but only by the grace of God can we get through it BETTER than before. In fact one major injustice came to mind earlier that wasted years of my life and labor for nothing. My pastor at the time destroyed my good ministry because of his arrogant pride. I was too immature to understand what I see now, but cannot change the past damage he caused. However I can not blame others. They make their own decisions and I have taken responsibility for mine.

The first thing to do is to tell your brothers their fault and rebuke them. However, do so in a spirit of humility lest you too be tempted and fall. If they repent, forgive them. You have gained your brothers in the family of God. Are you 100% sure if you would go to heaven, if something happened today? > Here's what the Bible says.<

Another point that comes to mind is the following Instructions from Jesus in Luke 14.

12Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou makest a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy rich neighbours; lest they also bid thee again, and a recompence be made thee. 12Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou makest a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy rich neighbours; lest they also bid thee again, and a recompence be made thee. 13But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind: 14And thou shalt be blessed; for they cannot recompense thee: for thou shalt be recompensed at the resurrection of the just. when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind: 14And thou shalt be blessed; for they cannot recompense thee: for thou shalt be recompensed at the resurrection of the just.

When I went through unimaginable injustices and suffering with no compassion from people I've helped before, I decided to apply the Luke 14 blessings to those who can not recompense. This is because God Himself is our source and people are a disappointment as they were to Jesus so many times. Now it is easier to identify with Jesus when reading what He went through.

 

[CrystalAnkles]

After ten faithful years at church the pastor and head elder heard some gossip about my wife and I. They confronted us and we were dumbfounded about such lies. We vehemently denied the false accusations but without any evidence the pastor and elder suspended us for six months from participating in any ministry. Deeply hurt we left the church. We received no support from any friends. Amazing we could attend a church faithfully for ten years and no one cares when you leave, or why.
A person from the church had reported a conversation we had in our home with a couple who had visited our church. The visiting couple told this church member they would never come to our church due to the weird and awkward conversations they had in our home. No details were given. We have no idea what was said that was so disturbing.
We have not been to church in six months. We had been resentful and bitter but have finally forgiven the pastor, elder, and back stabbing friend. Pray for us as we search for a new church family.

You weren't actually ousted by a real pastor,or church. And you certainly didn't have a friend in the backstabber.

Maybe consider this God's way of giving you the Exodus you needed from a false church.

Real God anointed Preachers do not do what he did to you and your wife.

Now,kick the dust from your feet. Pray,and take your time seeming a new church.

A Bible study group would even serve as that. Because you,the believer,are the temple of God. And we coming together are the world church.
Where two of more are gathered,there is Jesus among them.

Don't see this as a hurt. See it as a blessing.

God keep you both in his light.

 

[faithlife]

Hi DennisA glad you are joining us, welcome to CC fellowship! I can't say it any better than all of the above so forgive, forget and see what the Lord has in store for you and your wife. God bless your family and your endeavors

 

[tourist]

I haven't been to church either. Been 10 years now. At times it was basically a gossip feast.

Just because it's a church setting does not mean that Christian values are always displayed. Shake the dust off your feet from that horrid place and move forward once again in a positive spiritual direction.

Let go of the bitter feelings as that group is not worth getting bitter over. Sorry that this has happen to you and your wife but you are not alone in this regard.

Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.

 

[Toknow]

After ten faithful years at church the pastor and head elder heard some gossip about my wife and I. They confronted us and we were dumbfounded about such lies. We vehemently denied the false accusations but without any evidence the pastor and elder suspended us for six months from participating in any ministry. Deeply hurt we left the church. We received no support from any friends. Amazing we could attend a church faithfully for ten years and no one cares when you leave, or why.
A person from the church had reported a conversation we had in our home with a couple who had visited our church. The visiting couple told this church member they would never come to our church due to the weird and awkward conversations they had in our home. No details were given. We have no idea what was said that was so disturbing.
We have not been to church in six months. We had been resentful and bitter but have finally forgiven the pastor, elder, and back stabbing friend. Pray for us as we search for a new church family.

Hi DennisA
Please read post no. 5 by @CrystalAnkles ....
that member has properly responded to you.

I would guess that the church you attended is non-denominational.
Those "pastors" are not responsible to anyone but themselves...they respond to no one.

I could be wrong,,,but highly doubt it was a real denominatinal church.

Shake the dust off and move on....
and pick a big denomination that has a heirarchy and responds to someone above them (above the pastor).

Not all Christian churches are following the Christian RELIGION these days, so it won't be easy....but you sound
like intelligent persons so I'm hopeful for you.

Don't let PEOPLE keep you from worshipping God in a formal manner...
this is also necessary.

God bless you and welcome to the forum.

 

[andy700700]

Ephesians 4:32
New International Version
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

James 1:12
New International Version
12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

James 1:2-4
New International Version
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

1 Corinthians 12:12-27
New International Version
12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by[a] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.
15 Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

 

[DennisA]

As an aside, the church has recently banned us from viewing the Sunday worship service stream online. How childish. I guess revenge and nastiness doesn’t apply to church leaders. I’m confident God will deal with them.

 

[Gideon300]

After ten faithful years at church the pastor and head elder heard some gossip about my wife and I. They confronted us and we were dumbfounded about such lies. We vehemently denied the false accusations but without any evidence the pastor and elder suspended us for six months from participating in any ministry. Deeply hurt we left the church. We received no support from any friends. Amazing we could attend a church faithfully for ten years and no one cares when you leave, or why.
A person from the church had reported a conversation we had in our home with a couple who had visited our church. The visiting couple told this church member they would never come to our church due to the weird and awkward conversations they had in our home. No details were given. We have no idea what was said that was so disturbing.
We have not been to church in six months. We had been resentful and bitter but have finally forgiven the pastor, elder, and back stabbing friend. Pray for us as we search for a new church family.

I know a couple who had a dispute with their new pastor about 20 years ago. They gave up on church completely. It's sad because their Christian lives have been stagnant since. I got divorced. My ex wife was Christian in name only. Quite a few people I thought of as friends turned on me. I had one guy come to my workplace to harangue me.

We have to remember that only those that God identifies as in Christ is the Church. There will be a lot of people, including elders and pastors, who will be ashamed when they face God's judgement.

I had a lot of trouble with unforgiveness. My late friend and mentor helped me with this article he wrote years ago. It's long but worth it. A lot of people have been helped by ti.

https://christianlife.au/7-can-you-forgive-from-your-heart/

 

[Gideon300]

As an aside, the church has recently banned us from viewing the Sunday worship service stream online. How childish. I guess revenge and nastiness doesn’t apply to church leaders. I’m confident God will deal with them.

You may be right. When I was going through the messy break up, I just wanted to find a place where I could rest in the Lord and get spiritually healed. I don't remember talking about it, but the leadership found out. You would have thought that I'd committed the unpardonable sin and come to the church to take it over. A few years later, that church had ceased to exist. The pastor died in his 50's and the congregation scattered. The building was sold and it was as if the church had never existed. God is not mocked. The way we treat the brethren is the way we treat Jesus.

 

[PAC-fit]

What a good and informative thread to healing! Welcome 'DennisA', praying.

 

[Seeker47]

Welcome DennisA to CC. There is lots of good people here with tons of experience and encouragement. This is where you need to be.

But I cannot help but find this thread to be incredible sad.

 

[Tex_MidwesternerNW]

After ten faithful years at church the pastor and head elder heard some gossip about my wife and I. They confronted us and we were dumbfounded about such lies. We vehemently denied the false accusations but without any evidence the pastor and elder suspended us for six months from participating in any ministry. Deeply hurt we left the church. We received no support from any friends. Amazing we could attend a church faithfully for ten years and no one cares when you leave, or why.
A person from the church had reported a conversation we had in our home with a couple who had visited our church. The visiting couple told this church member they would never come to our church due to the weird and awkward conversations they had in our home. No details were given. We have no idea what was said that was so disturbing.
We have not been to church in six months. We had been resentful and bitter but have finally forgiven the pastor, elder, and back stabbing friend. Pray for us as we search for a new church family.

Pray for the friends of your enemy. That will prevent quarreling.

 

[Snackersmom]

As an aside, the church has recently banned us from viewing the Sunday worship service stream online. How childish. I guess revenge and nastiness doesn’t apply to church leaders. I’m confident God will deal with them.

Hi Dennis, welcome to the site!

For whatever it's worth, I only heard one side but that church sounds like it is heading in a cult-like direction. I've never heard of a legitimate church banning a former member from their livestream if said member wasn't causing trouble.

Of course we only heard one side, but that level of control is a huge red flag. Feel free to vent here if it helps you sort things through lol .

Welcome to cc, I hope you find what you're looking for!

 

[ResidentAlien]

Why do I have the funny feeling we're not getting the whole story.