Need advice

[MrsRMR]

Hey brothers and sisters I have a small problem lol, I found this group because I left my ex church because it didn’t feel right we are both married, and he kept telling me weird things like God has a plan for him and I. Anyway my dilema is that I told his father I would make a donation for an upcoming trip they are going to. They are helping poor people in a third world country. Now donating to them doesn’t sit well in my heart. He said that I already said I would do it and I would be punished if I don’t. My husband said I don’t owe anything to them. Sorry this is so long

 

[Ghoti2]

God doesn't need our money. So He isn't going to punish anyone for not paying Him.

 

[tasha66]

Hi RMR! Great to see you here!
Your hubby is very wise - no, you don't owe them anything.
Well anyone that is asking for money from you, and making you feel guilty about it, is not a true Christian. How would you be punished exactly - did this person say?
Did Christ exploit people for money? No. He travelled around preaching and relied on gifts and hand outs.
Just remember there are alot of scammers out there, and false churches/prophets, so you have to be cautious and wise in this world.
I would cut off all connection with this person & their church, and tell them straight up you cannot donate any money for their cause. Don't offer any other explanation, or get drawn into a discussion as to why. Just say you cannot donate money, say good luck, then don't see them again. It may be hard, but if you have an email, I'd be emailing them up front and if you need to, change your phone number.
I was in a religion that used to make you feel guilty for alot of things. These people used to invite me over for dinner etc - I never asked them for food of anything else. Then as I got to know their religion, I felt it wasn't for me & told them. They said a few nasty things and also said they had been good to me in the past. I had thanked them for their hospitality and everything. I also didn't like the fact that the senior minister's wife wanted me to give up my university studies (which thankfully I didn't), & was trying to push me into going overseas for missionary work, something I'd told them a few times I didn't want to do, & felt I had no vocation for.
Using guilt tactics is a form of angry & manipulative behaviour.
I'd be steering clear of all of them. You can be polite still but distant. If they keep bothering you (which is what happened to me unfortunately), contact the police and tell them.
See you round the forums.
Cheers!

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Hey brothers and sisters I have a small problem lol, I found this group because I left my ex church because it didn’t feel right we are both married, and he kept telling me weird things like God has a plan for him and I. Anyway my dilema is that I told his father I would make a donation for an upcoming trip they are going to. They are helping poor people in a third world country. Now donating to them doesn’t sit well in my heart. He said that I already said I would do it and I would be punished if I don’t. My husband said I don’t owe anything to them. Sorry this is so long

It's not long. Just poorly written, making the bulk of it indecipherable. The only part i understood was you offered to donate, but don't want to. I'd suggest, in the future, not offering to do something you're not comfortable with, to start with. This avoids these dramas.
But being told you'll be punished (though you didn't say who would punish you. God?) is control and manipulation. I'd not give a dime to anyone like that.
If they were making a personal threat against you, i'd call the police. They likely won't be able to do anything, but you'll have a record with the police about it.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Yeah I don't understand the OP post either. What is this "group"? And who is "he"?

 

[Mii]

Guilt tripping you is rather odd and somewhat suspicious. Glad you sought out some additional counsel. I am automatically leery of "pressured sales". Be this in the pulpit or through any organization. Especially when money is an element...

I can't say whether you made the right decision or not in telling them no, if it didn't feel right I spend a good bit of time figuring out the reason usually and sometimes hit a dead end. I usually hold the door open (somewhat) with a "not at this time, but I may give it some thought, thank you for your consideration." Something along those lines at least. If it continues to come up privately (without their interjection) I would consider it more likely to be the Lord.

Then again, there are some things we need to RUN from.

More details would be helpful.

 

[Locoponydirtman]

Hey brothers and sisters I have a small problem lol, I found this group because I left my ex church because it didn’t feel right we are both married, and he kept telling me weird things like God has a plan for him and I. Anyway my dilema is that I told his father I would make a donation for an upcoming trip they are going to. They are helping poor people in a third world country. Now donating to them doesn’t sit well in my heart. He said that I already said I would do it and I would be punished if I don’t. My husband said I don’t owe anything to them. Sorry this is so long

First, don't make promises.
Second, what kind of "group" are you in, it sounds like there were red flags sticking out like porcupine quills that you ignored for some reason.
Third, find a church where there is leadership accountability, out side of that particular congregation.
Fourth, stop being rules by feelings. Let scripture rule you.

 

[kaylagrl]

God doesn't need our money. So He isn't going to punish anyone for not paying Him.

That's somewhat true. If we take that all the way though, how is the pastor paid and the church doors stay open? While God doesn't need money, He expects us to give, and generously.

 

[kaylagrl]

First, don't make promises.
Second, what kind of "group" are you in, it sounds like there were red flags sticking out like porcupine quills that you ignored for some reason.
Third, find a church where there is leadership accountability, out side of that particular congregation.
Fourth, stop being rules by feelings. Let scripture rule you.

And you pretty much nailed it.

 

[Ghoti2]

God doesn't need our money. So He isn't going to punish anyone for not paying Him.

That's somewhat true. If we take that all the way though, how is the pastor paid and the church doors stay open? While God doesn't need money, He expects us to give, and generously.

We are speaking to someone already confused because she lacks facts.
Please don't add to or alter the meanings of other's posts. Such tactics are not much different than those of the "threatening preachers", and is not helpful to her.

God does not need our money, period. And I certainly hope no one here gives because "God expects you to." The Bible says that our "giving" is useless if we do not have the pure, uncoerced desire to do so in our hearts. All sorts of things require money, and giving to them is a good thing..... bur NOT if you are doing it because you feel you are required to do so.

 

[Ghoti2]

One of the most commonly, oft-stated things at our church, (about everything), is that "We don't HAVE to, we GET to."

 

[kaylagrl]

We are speaking to someone already confused because she lacks facts.
Please don't add to or alter the meanings of other's posts. Such tactics are not much different than those of the "threatening preachers", and is not helpful to her.

God does not need our money, period. And I certainly hope no one here gives because "God expects you to." The Bible says that our "giving" is useless if we do not have the pure, uncoerced desire to do so in our hearts. All sorts of things require money, and giving to them is a good thing..... bur NOT if you are doing it because you feel you are required to do so.

What's the chip on your shoulder friend? I'm not trying to change what you are saying. If I take you wrong you can politely correct me. You don't have to go whole hog and accuse my character. So maybe chill a little. We'll probably find an issue we'll agree on sooner or later so let's cut each other some slack, k? Good.

Now to the second part. I don't think the OP has been clear enough yet on what really happened. But as another poster said the OP needs to be careful of making promises. Once you've given your word, usually I would say you should stand by it. But there may be issues that change that. Until the OP makes some things more clear I don't think any of us can give good advice.


p.s. We are required to give. No, we shouldn't feel manipulated but we should give, from a cheerful heart as the Word says.

 

[IFOLLOWHIM]

 

[Locoponydirtman]

What's the chip on your shoulder friend? I'm not trying to change what you are saying. If I take you wrong you can politely correct me. You don't have to go whole hog and accuse my character. So maybe chill a little. We'll probably find an issue we'll agree on sooner or later so let's cut each other some slack, k? Good.

Now to the second part. I don't think the OP has been clear enough yet on what really happened. But as another poster said the OP needs to be careful of making promises. Once you've given your word, usually I would say you should stand by it. But there may be issues that change that. Until the OP makes some things more clear I don't think any of us can give good advice.


p.s. We are required to give. No, we shouldn't feel manipulated but we should give, from a cheerful heart as the Word says.

Agreed, no need for the hostility.
The op isn't clear on many points.
I gave about the only advice advisable.
Giving is a necessity.
Giving is about maintaining the fellowship, and provision in the House of God.

 

[kaylagrl]

Agreed, no need for the hostility.
The op isn't clear on many points.
I gave about the only advice advisable.
Giving is a necessity.
Giving is about maintaining the fellowship, and provision in the House of God.

Agree 100% with both your posts, but then again, I usually do.

 

[Ghoti2]

To pointedly reply (for the benefit of the OP, only) "No", you are not obligated to give this person any money. You will hear a lot of talk to the effect that you are, but you can comfortably know that you are not.

 

[kaylagrl]

To pointedly reply (for the benefit of the OP, only) "No", you are not obligated to give this person any money. You will hear a lot of talk to the effect that you are, but you can comfortably know that you are not.

To the OP, no one here is saying you must give money. No one. Perhaps you can be more clear about your OP so we can better understand the issue. As another poster said, perhaps you should be more careful in the future when you make promises in regard to giving. That being said, you won't be punished for not giving to th.is person.

 

[1christian1]

Hey brothers and sisters I have a small problem lol, I found this group because I left my ex church because it didn’t feel right we are both married, and he kept telling me weird things like God has a plan for him and I. Anyway my dilema is that I told his father I would make a donation for an upcoming trip they are going to. They are helping poor people in a third world country. Now donating to them doesn’t sit well in my heart. He said that I already said I would do it and I would be punished if I don’t. My husband said I don’t owe anything to them. Sorry this is so long

Why did you find out that they are Not helping the poor???

 

[presidente]

I am assuming you mean your ex's church. Is this an ex boyfriend or ex husband? Was this someone you knew before you were married. Kind of hard to get a sense of what is going on.

If your ex's father is the rather negative guilt-tripping type, that doesn't mean the whole church is, necessarily. Do they teach false doctrine?

in general, I would say if you agree to make a donation do so. A lot of ministries make plans based on commitments like this. If you did not specify an amount, that's easy. Just give something if it's not to a bad cause.

If you agreed to donate to some organization and found out that they were misusing funds, sacrificing babies, or something like that, then there would be the ethical issue of keeping a commitment versus supporting something bad. Then you have the ethical issue of whether to keep your commitments or support something bad. If the church does a lot of good things but teaches something you don't agree with, then you have that issue to deal with.

Giving money to help the poor-- giving to them directly, building a school, distributing shoes and clothes, etc. sounds like a good thing.

I just make it a habit not to commit myself to long-term pledges or things of that nature. If someone asked for a commitment to a one-off donation and I had the funds, I might give them then and there if I wanted to give, or i could agree to give if I have the money but just not on me. I definitely don't vow, especially not vow money I do not have. Jesus said swear not at all. I also avoid long term pledges, especially those that never specify an end date. I know churches and missionaries like that for fund raising so they can budget. I had a missionary friend who said he'd rather see people agree to a monthly amount, but he later complained that people did not live up to their commitment. I have a relative who agreed to tithe to support a church building-- a property which it turns out was in the pastoral husband and wife's teams name--and they stopped giving when they went elsewhere. The couple said they'd made a commitment and they still owed. The end date was apparently not specified. If I were to sign a form like that, I'd put an end date on it. But I generally just avoid those sort of commitments, even if everyone else is doing it. I figure it is better to just give and let the missionaries, church leaders operate in faith that God will provide.