need advice

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noblenut

Junior Member
#1
Nov 29, 2017
265
90
28
#1
i met this woman the other week in church and we seem to hit it off, so last Sunday we had a drink at a coffee shop and a walk in the park, then she tells me she has a partner from another town and he is already the man of her dreams, not knowing what else to do i agreed to be friends with her, i am somewhat attracted to this woman but i do not really know what i am to her, should i try for a relationship or look elsewhere
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#2
Oct 13, 2014
6,889
1,958
113
Germany
#2
I think its best if you keep a distance from her and tell her how you feel and cant keep her close.
run away from that heartache that will come ur way 5x as bad if u keep hanging out with her
thats my opinion
God bless ya
 
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noblenut

Junior Member
#3
Nov 29, 2017
265
90
28
#3
Demi777 said:
I think its best if you keep a distance from her and tell her how you feel and cant keep her close.
run away from that heartache that will come ur way 5x as bad if u keep hanging out with her
thats my opinion
God bless ya
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thanks for your advice, i may just see her at church and bible study and keep it at that
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#4
Aug 13, 2014
27,283
9,332
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#4
I think an old song lyric has some good advice in this matter.

You got to run away
It's a prison that is calling your name
Don't even look in the direction
Of a thought you should not entertain
You just can't win if you play
So run away
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#6
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#6
noblenut said:
i met this woman the other week in church and we seem to hit it off, so last Sunday we had a drink at a coffee shop and a walk in the park, then she tells me she has a partner from another town and he is already the man of her dreams, not knowing what else to do i agreed to be friends with her, i am somewhat attracted to this woman but i do not really know what i am to her, should i try for a relationship or look elsewhere
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If she’s told you she already has a partner then take that as a indication of not pursuing her any further.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but this will save you from any heartache to come.

Time to move on.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#7
Mar 13, 2014
42,581
17,048
113
69
Tennessee
#7
noblenut said:
i met this woman the other week in church and we seem to hit it off, so last Sunday we had a drink at a coffee shop and a walk in the park, then she tells me she has a partner from another town and he is already the man of her dreams, not knowing what else to do i agreed to be friends with her, i am somewhat attracted to this woman but i do not really know what i am to her, should i try for a relationship or look elsewhere
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The thing is, this man in her life is in another town while you, on the other hand, are in her town. The only point in agreeing to be her friend is that it would give you the opportunity to win her heart. My counsel is to do what you have to so that she forgets this other guy and starts to focus on you. I believe that what you are to her is a possibility for a prospective relationship.
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#8
Jul 24, 2016
7,581
3,616
113
#8
noblenut said:
i met this woman the other week in church and we seem to hit it off, so last Sunday we had a drink at a coffee shop and a walk in the park, then she tells me she has a partner from another town and he is already the man of her dreams, not knowing what else to do i agreed to be friends with her, i am somewhat attracted to this woman but i do not really know what i am to her, should i try for a relationship or look elsewhere
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This may sound harsh but there is a danger that she is putting you in the friend zone.. Some woman do this in an attempt to secure for themselves a back up guy who they will have a relationship with if they fail to secure a relationship with the guy they trully want.. Don't be used.. Don't be abused.. Make a clean break and start looking for a woman who wants you as their first choice..

May God help you in this..
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#9
Sep 17, 2018
4,058
3,172
113
#9
noblenut said:
i met this woman the other week in church and we seem to hit it off, so last Sunday we had a drink at a coffee shop and a walk in the park, then she tells me she has a partner from another town and he is already the man of her dreams, not knowing what else to do i agreed to be friends with her, i am somewhat attracted to this woman but i do not really know what i am to her, should i try for a relationship or look elsewhere
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This notion of going after her is ridiculous at best.
Would you really be comfortable in a relationship with someone who has already proven they will ditch who they're with to be with someone new? What's to say the same won't happen to you?
Also I find the idea of going after anothers partner selfish and disrespectful, both to whom you're pursuing as well as who they're with.
And while it may sound extreme it is still a possibility, but you have no idea how one might respond if you are trying to, or succeeded, in taking their partner away.
If you want drama and to reduce yourself to a lower person and put yourself at risk in a variety of ways, go get her.
If you want to be a decent person with a reasonable relationship move on.

Personally I find it suspect that she was out with "another guy" (you). That, alone, would make me doubtful of her.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#10
Feb 21, 2014
70,920
9,669
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#10
noblenut said:
i met this woman the other week in church and we seem to hit it off, so last Sunday we had a drink at a coffee shop and a walk in the park, then she tells me she has a partner from another town and he is already the man of her dreams, not knowing what else to do i agreed to be friends with her, i am somewhat attracted to this woman but i do not really know what i am to her, should i try for a relationship or look elsewhere
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The part in red should be an obvious answer to the question of whether to pursue a relationship with her. She's got someone else, probably a FEW "someone else's" if she was with another guy (YOU) at a coffee shop in a different town. That alone should tell you she's a player.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#11
Apr 18, 2013
9,526
2,608
113
#11
blue_ladybug said:
The part in red should be an obvious answer to the question of whether to pursue a relationship with her. She's got someone else, probably a FEW "someone else's" if she was with another guy (YOU) at a coffee shop in a different town. That alone should tell you she's a player.
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Unfortunately, I completely agree with this.

I would not have anything to do with this woman.
Be polite, and keep away.

..
 
T

TheLearner

Well-known member
#12
Jan 14, 2019
8,188
1,576
113
68
Brighton, MI
#12
noblenut said:
i met this woman the other week in church and we seem to hit it off, so last Sunday we had a drink at a coffee shop and a walk in the park, then she tells me she has a partner from another town and he is already the man of her dreams, not knowing what else to do i agreed to be friends with her, i am somewhat attracted to this woman but i do not really know what i am to her, should i try for a relationship or look elsewhere
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It is best to discuss it with her to see where she is really coming from. Bring another Lady with you when you do so.
If it gets freaky and you must scare her off, have the other lady ask her if she wants to become one of your many wives.
This is not the best answer, but having someone with you that you trust and know is best to avoid any temptations.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#13
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
2,692
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#13
if she is in a relationship with this other guy, then out of respect, you shouldn't pursue her.
 
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noblenut

Junior Member
#14
Nov 29, 2017
265
90
28
#14
i am just wondering why she came on to me
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#15
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#15
noblenut said:
i am just wondering why she came on to me
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Could be a number of reasons;

1. She’s not happy in her current relationship.
2. She’s bored.
3. She wants attention.
4. She a player homie.
 
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LadyInWaiting

Guest
#19
#19
No offense OP as I'm speaking about the general population here...but why do people say women are so difficult to understand? Maybe men cannot comprehend what we are trying to tell them?

Now to OP...she told you she already has a man that is THE MAN OF HER DREAMS!!! So please let her go, leave her alone, stop thinking about her, and move on. If you keep entertaining that possibility, it will only hurt you down the road.

If she was interested in any way, shape, or form (even with a boyfriend), then she would not have told you that. She would have kept it a secret until she figured out which one of you she likes more. But obviously this wasn't the case.
 
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preacher1611

Member
#20
Apr 11, 2019
65
43
18
#20
LadyInWaiting said:
No offense OP as I'm speaking about the general population here...but why do people say women are so difficult to understand? Maybe men cannot comprehend what we are trying to tell them?

Now to OP...she told you she already has a man that is THE MAN OF HER DREAMS!!! So please let her go, leave her alone, stop thinking about her, and move on. If you keep entertaining that possibility, it will only hurt you down the road.

If she was interested in any way, shape, or form (even with a boyfriend), then she would not have told you that. She would have kept it a secret until she figured out which one of you she likes more. But obviously this wasn't the case.
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That’s good advice! Men don’t understand women and women don’t understand men but a man and a woman can understand each other.
 
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