I’m sorry to hear about your struggles, friend. I’m praying, asking God to surround you with His love, give you strength and guidance to overcome your issues. May He provide for all the resources you need and sustain you with His peace at this time.
Also, I know that Focus on the Family can provide a free phone consultation with a licensed counselor if you call this number 855-382-5433. If you think it might be helpful, please call them and seek assistance.