Moving On

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Elle07

Elle07

New member
#1
Apr 4, 2019
15
9
3
#1
Hello. Seeking some advise with fellow Christians. Well I had a relationship with this guy whom I thought he accepted Christ (but I couldn’t judge) he changed his habits gave up his vices but only for a brief time and wanted to go back to the things he used to. I felt hurt that he chose his vices over me. I am on the process of healing but sometimes bitteness gets hold of me like I was hoping something bad will happen to him. 😊 it’s crazy I know and wrong. Thanks for your insights!
 
TLC209

TLC209

Active member
#2
Mar 20, 2019
553
182
43
42
Merced, CA
#2
Elle07 said:
Hello. Seeking some advise with fellow Christians. Well I had a relationship with this guy whom I thought he accepted Christ (but I couldn’t judge) he changed his habits gave up his vices but only for a brief time and wanted to go back to the things he used to. I felt hurt that he chose his vices over me. I am on the process of healing but sometimes bitteness gets hold of me like I was hoping something bad will happen to him. 😊 it’s crazy I know and wrong. Thanks for your insights!
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Isnt it worse that he chose his vices over God? I think its sad that your ex wasn't strong enough in the Lord. How long were you with him?

Atleast you found out short term rather in the long run that he would turn back to his vices. God might have spared you a worse situation such as divorce or kids in the middle.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#3
Sep 17, 2018
4,058
3,172
113
#3
It was an unwise choice. He changed (who knows for what motives) and then went back. This suggests a relatively short timeframe. Getting with someone who's a new believer comes with such risks.
You don't have the time to see how established one is in their faith. He wasn't. My advice is to avoid dating newer Christians. Also if you marry such a man how could he fulfill his role as spiritual head?
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#4
Aug 13, 2014
27,283
9,332
113
#4
"...hoping something bad will happen to him" is normal. It's not a GOOD thing, mind you, but don't worry too much about it. When you are hurt you instinctively want somebody else to hurt too, preferably the one who hurt you.

Don't revel in it of course, and by all means take steps to deal with it... but don't beat yourself up over it.
 
Elle07

Elle07

New member
#5
Apr 4, 2019
15
9
3
#5
TLC209 said:
Isnt it worse that he chose his vices over God? I think its sad that your ex wasn't strong enough in the Lord. How long were you with him?

Atleast you found out short term rather in the long run that he would turn back to his vices. God might have spared you a worse situation such as divorce or kids in the middle.
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Thanks for the insight didn’t think it that way that he chose vices over God.
Ya God did spare me. We were about 8 months
 
Elle07

Elle07

New member
#6
Apr 4, 2019
15
9
3
#6
Lynx said:
"...hoping something bad will happen to him" is normal. It's not a GOOD thing, mind you, but don't worry too much about it. When you are hurt you instinctively want somebody else to hurt too, preferably the one who hurt you.

Don't revel in it of course, and by all means take steps to deal with it... but don't beat yourself up over it.
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Like how? I’m really having a hard time since we have common friends and we bump into each other from time to time.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#7
Aug 13, 2014
27,283
9,332
113
#7
I'm just saying don't beat yourself up over wishing him ill. How to move on, I have no idea.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#8
Jun 30, 2015
25,412
13,760
113
#8
There are two key components to moving on from a hurtful relationship: forgive and forget. I know that sounds trite, but it isn't.

Real forgiveness is putting all that person's actual and perceived wrongdoing in God's hands and saying, "I let this go completely, and I ask You to set me free from it." Pray for the person... even if all you can pray is, "God, deal with them according to Your good will."

The forget part is found in putting energy into other parts of your life. How easy that is depends on how enmeshed you were with that person. If they were your 'bread and butter', it will be difficult. You will need to find other avenues for your needs. Jesus can help you with that. For many people, just getting busy is very liberating. Renew an old hobby, take up a volunteer responsibility, even switch churches if you need to. Work towards having a complete and satisfying life without the former person.
 
TLC209

TLC209

Active member
#9
Mar 20, 2019
553
182
43
42
Merced, CA
#9
Elle07 said:
Like how? I’m really having a hard time since we have common friends and we bump into each other from time to time.
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Hey its gonna be hard. But youre young I imagine. You sound young. Don't let something like this put a dent in your rainbow sort of speak.

Just keep ur smile and let God work on you. We all need to learn from our experiences, take the good with the bad. Im sure there is a message in all of this for you to grow from. Take personal inventory and learn how to make better choices next time.

Were not perfect so im sure theres room for you to grow from this. Beauty for ashes. And im a friend if you need one. Just sayin..
 
Elle07

Elle07

New member
#10
Apr 4, 2019
15
9
3
#10
TLC209 said:
Hey its gonna be hard. But youre young I imagine. You sound young. Don't let something like this put a dent in your rainbow sort of speak.

Just keep ur smile and let God work on you. We all need to learn from our experiences, take the good with the bad. Im sure there is a message in all of this for you to grow from. Take personal inventory and learn how to make better choices next time.

Were not perfect so im sure theres room for you to grow from this. Beauty for ashes. And im a friend if you need one. Just sayin..
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Thanks a lot
 
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