As I began the OP to this thread many years ago let me state - My name is Tourist and I am an addict. Nicotine is my drug of choice.
4 1/2 years ago we moved from Florida to Tennessee. The plan was that I was going to retire. Once settled in our new home I made the choice to quit smoking. Did the lozenges thing. Actually, liked those, gave me a mild nicotine buzz. After a month or so I quit those and quick smoking altogether.
It was a hard thing to do, especially the withdrawal agony. The thing is, this agony was with me each day. Having moved, took a year off from work, because, I thought, I was now retired. Couldn't really afford to quit working totally, and feeling basically worthless, I scored a part-time job at my local McDonald's, 4 days a week, 8 hours a day. Now, being sort of a working man again, the extra money allowed me to feed my 2 cats, Tango and Sugar a better brand of cat food, and an upgrade to name-brand treats. Better grade of kitty litter too. Also, allowed me to feed my drug habit.
The day I started working again, my anxiety level was high. Bummed a smoke to calm my nerves. Next day bought a pack of L & M and a Bic lighter. Probably a mistake on my part. Over 8 months of totally abstaining from tobacco down the drain. My wife was severely disappointed. She wants me to be smoke free. Can't blame her for that. Said that I love smoking more than her. Hurt my feelings. What hurt more was that there was an element of truth to that.
Currently, 70 years old. My younger brother who is 65 and ready to retire full-time, asked me if I was going to keep working until I'm dead. I told him that I probably would. He asked me why. I told him that I don't know because I'm not a psychiatrist.
Still working my same schedule at McDonald's, going on 44 months. Now, believe me that this was a big step down from what I used to do and how much I got paid.
You reach a point in your life when you lose your career job and can never get back what you once had. You also realize that all of your big plans for your life that you once had are never going to happen. Still, I'm content with my current station in life. Have a nice home and a nice car. Have a wife who loves me. Cats love me too.
I admire anyone who works regardless of their occupation or rate of pay.
Having pondered these things I would have to be honest and say that the reason that I still work is that at this time it gives me a sense of purpose.
Yeah, it also enables me to keep smoking.
Use to pray to God for him to remove smoking from my life. He never did because he knew that I was lying to him. I know in my heart that one day soon I should probably quit working for good. At least quit working for pay. Oh yeah and quit smoking for good.
Or maybe not. I can give you all kinds of excuses why I smoke. That's what addicts do. That's who I am.
The truth hurts.