Marriage question

[jchristian]

I have a question for those who may be able to share their wisdom.

My first wife divorced me. Because of her actions, I was scripturally permitted to remarry. (That's all I need to say).

My second wife divorced me and there was no evidence of infidelity. She literally left and never spoke to me again. There was not even a conversation in which I was allowed to process this decision with her. I had to do so alone. I am unaware of her ever moving on or being with anyone else afterwards. For four years, I waited for her to see if she would repent and reconcile our Biblical marriage and she never did. I eventually gave up waiting and believing that she ever would.

I started a Bible study in my home two years ago and I invited my mail carrier. She showed up every week, and we became close friends. She has a daughter in the same grade of high school as my daughter. I became very close to her and her daughter and helped them through some difficult times and vice versa. Even though she grew to love me, I refused to get into a relationship with her because I wasn't sure if it was right given the circumstances surrounding my second divorce (i.e. there were no scriptural grounds for divorce per our Lord Jesus Christ.)

My second wife left me in a position in which she abandoned me and divorced me without infidelity. Am I scripturally free to marry this other woman?

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

I have a question for those who may be able to share their wisdom.

My first wife divorced me. Because of her actions, I was scripturally permitted to remarry. (That's all I need to say).

My second wife divorced me and there was no evidence of infidelity. She literally left and never spoke to me again. There was not even a conversation in which I was allowed to process this decision with her. I had to do so alone. I am unaware of her ever moving on or being with anyone else afterwards. For four years, I waited for her to see if she would repent and reconcile our Biblical marriage and she never did. I eventually gave up waiting and believing that she ever would.

I started a Bible study in my home two years ago and I invited my mail carrier. She showed up every week, and we became close friends. She has a daughter in the same grade of high school as my daughter. I became very close to her and her daughter and helped them through some difficult times and vice versa. Even though she grew to love me, I refused to get into a relationship with her because I wasn't sure if it was right given the circumstances surrounding my second divorce (i.e. there were no scriptural grounds for divorce per our Lord Jesus Christ.)

My second wife left me in a position in which she abandoned me and divorced me without infidelity. Am I scripturally free to marry this other woman?

Was your second wife a believer? If she isn't a believer, then you can remarry.

If your second wife is a believer, then bring God into your relationship and work things out with her. Or you can remain single and focus on God.

 

[NightTwister]

I have a question for those who may be able to share their wisdom.

My first wife divorced me. Because of her actions, I was scripturally permitted to remarry. (That's all I need to say).

My second wife divorced me and there was no evidence of infidelity. She literally left and never spoke to me again. There was not even a conversation in which I was allowed to process this decision with her. I had to do so alone. I am unaware of her ever moving on or being with anyone else afterwards. For four years, I waited for her to see if she would repent and reconcile our Biblical marriage and she never did. I eventually gave up waiting and believing that she ever would.

I started a Bible study in my home two years ago and I invited my mail carrier. She showed up every week, and we became close friends. She has a daughter in the same grade of high school as my daughter. I became very close to her and her daughter and helped them through some difficult times and vice versa. Even though she grew to love me, I refused to get into a relationship with her because I wasn't sure if it was right given the circumstances surrounding my second divorce (i.e. there were no scriptural grounds for divorce per our Lord Jesus Christ.)

My second wife left me in a position in which she abandoned me and divorced me without infidelity. Am I scripturally free to marry this other woman?

If she abandoned you, then she wasn't a Christian. You are not bound to her.

 

[4urenlightment]

I have a question for those who may be able to share their wisdom.

My first wife divorced me. Because of her actions, I was scripturally permitted to remarry. (That's all I need to say).

My second wife divorced me and there was no evidence of infidelity. She literally left and never spoke to me again. There was not even a conversation in which I was allowed to process this decision with her. I had to do so alone. I am unaware of her ever moving on or being with anyone else afterwards. For four years, I waited for her to see if she would repent and reconcile our Biblical marriage and she never did. I eventually gave up waiting and believing that she ever would.

I started a Bible study in my home two years ago and I invited my mail carrier. She showed up every week, and we became close friends. She has a daughter in the same grade of high school as my daughter. I became very close to her and her daughter and helped them through some difficult times and vice versa. Even though she grew to love me, I refused to get into a relationship with her because I wasn't sure if it was right given the circumstances surrounding my second divorce (i.e. there were no scriptural grounds for divorce per our Lord Jesus Christ.)

My second wife left me in a position in which she abandoned me and divorced me without infidelity. Am I scripturally free to marry this other woman?

Even though your second wife didn't have no evidence of infidelity to bring to court doesn't means she was in the wrong for leaving the relationship.
You can't expect her to stay until she caught you cheating on her. That the situation may not come out the way you expect it to be.

But if you would have given your second wife the same amount of attention that you're giving to the postal worker maybe she wouldn't had left

Matthew 5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Psalm 44:21
would not God have discovered it, since he knows the secrets of the heart?

Matthew 9:4
Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?

 

[GWH]

I have a question for those who may be able to share their wisdom.

My first wife divorced me. Because of her actions, I was scripturally permitted to remarry. (That's all I need to say).

My second wife divorced me and there was no evidence of infidelity. She literally left and never spoke to me again. There was not even a conversation in which I was allowed to process this decision with her. I had to do so alone. I am unaware of her ever moving on or being with anyone else afterwards. For four years, I waited for her to see if she would repent and reconcile our Biblical marriage and she never did. I eventually gave up waiting and believing that she ever would.

I started a Bible study in my home two years ago and I invited my mail carrier. She showed up every week, and we became close friends. She has a daughter in the same grade of high school as my daughter. I became very close to her and her daughter and helped them through some difficult times and vice versa. Even though she grew to love me, I refused to get into a relationship with her because I wasn't sure if it was right given the circumstances surrounding my second divorce (i.e. there were no scriptural grounds for divorce per our Lord Jesus Christ.)

My second wife left me in a position in which she abandoned me and divorced me without infidelity. Am I scripturally free to marry this other woman?

If your second wife repented and returned, would you be able to forgive and reestablish a one flesh relationship?
If yes, then you should contact her and communicate your confession of guilt for your part of the problem.
Perhaps you could sing or play "It's a Little Bit Me" by the Monkees:

… Walk out
Girl, don't you walk out
We've got things to say
Talked out, let's have it talked out
Things will be okay
… Girl
I don't want to fight
I'm a little bit wrong
And you're a little bit right
I said girl
You know that it's true
It's a little bit me, (a little bit me)
It's a little bit you, too

… Don't know, just what I said wrong
But girl I apologize
Don't go, here's where you belong
So wipe the tears from your eyes
… Girl
I don't want to fight
I'm a little bit wrong
You're a little bit right
… I said girl
You know that it's true
It's a little bit me
And it's a little bit you, too

… Oh, girl
I don't want to fight
I'm a little bit wrong
And you're a little bit right
… I said girl
You know that it's true
It's a little bit me
And it's a little bit you, too

… It's a little bit me (ah, a little bit me)
It's a little bit you (ah, a little bit you)
Girl don't go (ah, a little bit me)
No, no, no, no, no (ah, a little bit you)
Girl don't go (ah, a little bit me)
No, no, no, no, no (ah, a little bit you)
Hey girl (ah, a little bit me)
Hey girl (ah, a little bit you)
Please don't go (ah, a little bit me)

 

[Suze]

I have a question for those who may be able to share their wisdom.

My first wife divorced me. Because of her actions, I was scripturally permitted to remarry. (That's all I need to say).

My second wife divorced me and there was no evidence of infidelity. She literally left and never spoke to me again. There was not even a conversation in which I was allowed to process this decision with her. I had to do so alone. I am unaware of her ever moving on or being with anyone else afterwards. For four years, I waited for her to see if she would repent and reconcile our Biblical marriage and she never did. I eventually gave up waiting and believing that she ever would.

I started a Bible study in my home two years ago and I invited my mail carrier. She showed up every week, and we became close friends. She has a daughter in the same grade of high school as my daughter. I became very close to her and her daughter and helped them through some difficult times and vice versa. Even though she grew to love me, I refused to get into a relationship with her because I wasn't sure if it was right given the circumstances surrounding my second divorce (i.e. there were no scriptural grounds for divorce per our Lord Jesus Christ.)

My second wife left me in a position in which she abandoned me and divorced me without infidelity. Am I scripturally free to marry this other woman?

This is just my personal opinion , u need to contact your second wife , find out if she has remarried etc , in my opinion if she has had sex with anyone else since u got divorced from her , then u r free from her and in a position to marry again . Once a spouse , male or female , has slept with some one other than their spouse , then the innocent party is free .
When u contact your second wife , try to b tactful about the information u require . Best not to just ask get straight out , unless she's a straight shooter and wouldn't b offended by the question . Maybe u could find out from one of her family members or friends ? Done one sympathetic to your situation . Hope everything works out good for u .

 

[jchristian]

Even though your second wife didn't have no evidence of infidelity to bring to court doesn't means she was in the wrong for leaving the relationship.
You can't expect her to stay until she caught you cheating on her. That the situation may not come out the way you expect it to be.

But if you would have given your second wife the same amount of attention that you're giving to the postal worker maybe she wouldn't had left

Matthew 5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Psalm 44:21
would not God have discovered it, since he knows the secrets of the heart?

Matthew 9:4
Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?

Libel definition: a defamatory statement or representation especially in the form of written or printed words

She WAS in the wrong for leaving the relationship.

"You can't expect her to stay until she caught you cheating on her." WHAT!? Why would you say something like that? Are you a Christian? Do you not know it is the devil that slanders and accuses the brethren? I did not cheat on my wives.

I gave my second wife far more attention than I have given to my friend who is a postal worker. She was my wife. You have NO IDEA what that woman put me through and what she did to destroy my life. Few and far between were the times when she was unconditionally kind to me. She had mental health issues as far as I could tell. Based upon everything I had experienced with her, I believe she had Paranoid Personality Disorder. Look it up and tell me how you can have a healthy relationship with someone like that. I had no intention of saying anything negative about her in this post, but I don't want people slandering me falsely.

 

[jchristian]

Was your second wife a believer? If she isn't a believer, then you can remarry.

If your second wife is a believer, then bring God into your relationship and work things out with her. Or you can remain single and focus on God.

She was a believer. When you say, "bring God into your relationship and work things out with her", I'm not sure you understand that she left in April 2020, and our divorce was finalized in summer of 2021. She has refused to speak to me since April 2020. My postal worker friend began attending Bible study at my house around December 2023. It was sometime around April 2024 when I had finally given up hope that my second wife would ever come back to me. (And this was not an excuse to pursue a relationship with the postal worker. As I said, I'm avoided a relationship with her.)

I just wonder why I must be tormented to be single and lonely for the rest of my life due to the mental illness (or whatever the problem is) of my ex-wife and her refusing to move on or reconcile.

[These are all approximate dates, not 100% accurate.]

 

[NightTwister]

Even though your second wife didn't have no evidence of infidelity to bring to court doesn't means she was in the wrong for leaving the relationship.
You can't expect her to stay until she caught you cheating on her. That the situation may not come out the way you expect it to be.

But if you would have given your second wife the same amount of attention that you're giving to the postal worker maybe she wouldn't had left

Matthew 5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Psalm 44:21
would not God have discovered it, since he knows the secrets of the heart?

Matthew 9:4
Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?

You couldn't have read that more incorrectly.

 

[jchristian]

If your second wife repented and returned, would you be able to forgive and reestablish a one flesh relationship?
If yes, then you should contact her and communicate your confession of guilt for your part of the problem.
Perhaps you could sing or play "It's a Little Bit Me" by the Monkees:

You don't understand. She lives on the other side of the small town we live in. She refuses to speak to me. There is nothing I can say in which she will agree to speak to me. It's a brick wall.

 

[jchristian]

This is just my personal opinion , u need to contact your second wife , find out if she has remarried etc , in my opinion if she has had sex with anyone else since u got divorced from her , then u r free from her and in a position to marry again . Once a spouse , male or female , has slept with some one other than their spouse , then the innocent party is free .
When u contact your second wife , try to b tactful about the information u require . Best not to just ask get straight out , unless she's a straight shooter and wouldn't b offended by the question . Maybe u could find out from one of her family members or friends ? Done one sympathetic to your situation . Hope everything works out good for u .

I agree that if someone sleeps with someone else then the innocent party is free.

But, like I said, she refuses to speak to me or any intermediary on my behalf. It was me praying and waiting in silence for four years, hoping God would reconcile the situation. And then I finally just gave up waiting. This means, in my heart and mind.

 

[Godsgirl1983]

You can't expect her to stay until she caught you cheating on her.

But if you would have given your second wife the same amount of attention that you're giving to the postal worker maybe she wouldn't had left

That's quite an assumption you are making there, especially when the OP clearly explains there was time between wife leaving and meeting the postal worker.

 

[NightTwister]

This is just my personal opinion , u need to contact your second wife , find out if she has remarried etc , in my opinion if she has had sex with anyone else since u got divorced from her , then u r free from her and in a position to marry again . Once a spouse , male or female , has slept with some one other than their spouse , then the innocent party is free .
When u contact your second wife , try to b tactful about the information u require . Best not to just ask get straight out , unless she's a straight shooter and wouldn't b offended by the question . Maybe u could find out from one of her family members or friends ? Done one sympathetic to your situation . Hope everything works out good for u .

Did you even read the original post?

 

[NightTwister]

She was a believer. When you say, "bring God into your relationship and work things out with her", I'm not sure you understand that she left in April 2020, and our divorce was finalized in summer of 2021. She has refused to speak to me since April 2020. My postal worker friend began attending Bible study at my house around December 2023. It was sometime around April 2024 when I had finally given up hope that my second wife would ever come back to me. (And this was not an excuse to pursue a relationship with the postal worker. As I said, I'm avoided a relationship with her.)

I just wonder why I must be tormented to be single and lonely for the rest of my life due to the mental illness (or whatever the problem is) of my ex-wife and her refusing to move on or reconcile.

[These are all approximate dates, not 100% accurate.]

If she was truly a believer she would not have left you and divorced you like that.

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

She was a believer. When you say, "bring God into your relationship and work things out with her", I'm not sure you understand that she left in April 2020, and our divorce was finalized in summer of 2021. She has refused to speak to me since April 2020. My postal worker friend began attending Bible study at my house around December 2023. It was sometime around April 2024 when I had finally given up hope that my second wife would ever come back to me. (And this was not an excuse to pursue a relationship with the postal worker. As I said, I'm avoided a relationship with her.)

I just wonder why I must be tormented to be single and lonely for the rest of my life due to the mental illness (or whatever the problem is) of my ex-wife and her refusing to move on or reconcile.

[These are all approximate dates, not 100% accurate.]

Okay, your second wife is a believer and hadn't committed adultery. Well.... Singleness really isn't as bad as people think, especially if God is at the center of your life. I know this isn't what you want to hear.

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

If she was truly a believer she would not have left you and divorced you like that.

We are only hearing his side of the story, not hers. I really do wonder why she left. He says she has mental health issues, but we don't know if she really does have that.

 

[jchristian]

If she was truly a believer she would not have left you and divorced you like that.

I'm not sure it's that easy. If a person has severe mental health issues, in her mind, she may have been justified for her actions. She was a believer in our Lord Jesus Christ, but she...

I'm not sure how to put it into words to be honest. She never stopped going to church. I don't understand it to this day. I pray for her regularly.

 

[GWH]

You don't understand. She lives on the other side of the small town we live in. She refuses to speak to me. There is nothing I can say in which she will agree to speak to me. It's a brick wall.

I understand that you did not answer my question,
but regarding my suggestion, you could mail her your confession of guilt and a copy of the song lyrics.

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

I'm not sure it's that easy. If a person has severe mental health issues, in her mind, she may have been justified for her actions. She was a believer in our Lord Jesus Christ, but she...

I'm not sure how to put it into words to be honest. She never stopped going to church. I don't understand it to this day. I pray for her regularly.

Did you know she had mental health issues before you married her?

 

[jchristian]

We are only hearing his side of the story, not hers. I really do wonder why she left. He says she has mental health issues, but we don't know if she really does have that.

That's fair. I don't really feel like getting into the whole story to be honest. It's irrelevant at this point. God knows the truth.