Marriage of Convenience

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Z

zaoman32

Guest
#41
#41
shae0104 said:
but people marry for love and look how that turns out sometimes idk which is better at times. Don't mind me too much today I'm in a wierd state of mind
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The problem is people view love as those little butterfly flower feelings they get inside. Love is not in word or feeling, but in action. As Liamson stated earlier, what if they fall in love with someone 6 months later? And that's exactly the problem. Couples fall in love, get married, and when they're happy perky flowery feelings are gone, they just go through the motions, and then when they notice a hottie on the street, they get the butterflies back, and that's what they chase.

Love is not in word but in deed. I can tell any random person on the street "I love you", but does it mean anything? No. However, if they needed help, and I inconvenienced myself to help them, that would mean something and that would speak love to them louder than words would. Flowery feelings are nothing more than attraction to a person, it is not a deep love that has any kind of root to build on.
 
Markum1972

Markum1972

Senior Member
#42
Mar 25, 2013
1,165
32
48
#42
shae0104 said:
but people marry for love and look how that turns out sometimes idk which is better at times. Don't mind me too much today I'm in a wierd state of mind
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That is true, Shae. But the premise of marriage is "forsaking all others" and "not letting anyone divide that which God has assembled". These sum up to commitment. So it is very easy to SAY "I love you" but without acting on it by committing yourself to endure, they are vain words.

This is something that God has convicted me of many times, "What are you telling people... and what are you showing them? Are they the same?" Ouch (to the flesh)... how many times I have been shown I have been a hypocrite and have to turn from my ways.

Thanks be to our God who is a loving Father that chastises and corrects us when we humble ourselves to Him.
 
Markum1972

Markum1972

Senior Member
#43
Mar 25, 2013
1,165
32
48
#43
zaoman32 said:
The problem is people view love as those little butterfly flower feelings they get inside. Love is not in word or feeling, but in action. As Liamson stated earlier, what if they fall in love with someone 6 months later? And that's exactly the problem. Couples fall in love, get married, and when they're happy perky flowery feelings are gone, they just go through the motions, and then when they notice a hottie on the street, they get the butterflies back, and that's what they chase.

Love is not in word but in deed. I can tell any random person on the street "I love you", but does it mean anything? No. However, if they needed help, and I inconvenienced myself to help them, that would mean something and that would speak love to them louder than words would. Flowery feelings are nothing more than attraction to a person, it is not a deep love that has any kind of root to build on.
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Hah. I just read your post and noticed you and I posted pretty much the same thing. Very cool. :)
 
shae0104

shae0104

Banned
#44
Jun 21, 2011
545
7
0
#44
u r both god guys I was in a funk today sorry for the Debbie downer attitude
 
P

Powemm

Guest
#45
#45
zaoman32 said:
marriage is not about convenience, it's about selfless love.
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thank you Zoa! you took the thought that was coming right out of my mouth and posted it !!
Exactly!!
 
Markum1972

Markum1972

Senior Member
#46
Mar 25, 2013
1,165
32
48
#46
shae0104 said:
u r both god guys I was in a funk today sorry for the Debbie downer attitude
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Eh... you were fine. Seemed like you just needed the same kind of encouragement that many of us need from time to time. We ALL go through the same struggles. :)
 
shae0104

shae0104

Banned
#47
Jun 21, 2011
545
7
0
#47
some days I just look at facts is all and it makes me wonder
 
Markum1972

Markum1972

Senior Member
#48
Mar 25, 2013
1,165
32
48
#48
shae0104 said:
some days I just look at facts is all and it makes me wonder
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Yeah. The evidence supports more of one than the other and can be very discouraging.

What helps me sometimes is remembering that all it took was a cloud the size of a hand for Elijah to get excited. While everyone else was looking at how clear the skies were, Elijah focused on that one tiny cloud knowing that with God, all things are possible. :)
HandCloud.jpg
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#50
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
131
63
#50
Personally, I wouldn't marry for convenience, and if love is the only other reason to get married, then I guess I may not get married for love either.


Let me explain.


Every serious boyfriend I've ever had has asked me to marry him. I only accepted once, and it fell apart quickly. I loved him very much, but God had another plan... and I am so grateful he did! The man I agreed to marry wasn't a Godly one. But I thought that things would change. As if I could love him enough, as if I could fix him. I look back 4 years later on the person I was and I laugh at my misguided and unhealthy way of living. I can't fix or change anyone. It's not my job.

I believe in love. Lord knows how I view it, how I value it, and if any of you really want to know, PM me. Anyway, love isn't always reason enough to get married. You have to have more. You need to be friends, you need to know each other's boundaries, you need to agree that God is the center or everything falls apart. There are many things a couple needs to survive, and most of those ways are completely customized to the couple.

I tend to be attracted to extroverts. Someone who will grab my hand and tell me we're going on an adventure. The logical side of me says that's silly because (insert reason here). But you know what? Maybe it's not. I like people who can make me look at something differently, who can encourage me to come out of my shell.


Does any of this make sense?
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#51
#51
DuchessAimee said:
Personally, I wouldn't marry for convenience, and if love is the only other reason to get married, then I guess I may not get married for love either.


Let me explain.


Every serious boyfriend I've ever had has asked me to marry him. I only accepted once, and it fell apart quickly. I loved him very much, but God had another plan... and I am so grateful he did! The man I agreed to marry wasn't a Godly one. But I thought that things would change. As if I could love him enough, as if I could fix him. I look back 4 years later on the person I was and I laugh at my misguided and unhealthy way of living. I can't fix or change anyone. It's not my job.

I believe in love. Lord knows how I view it, how I value it, and if any of you really want to know, PM me. Anyway, love isn't always reason enough to get married. You have to have more. You need to be friends, you need to know each other's boundaries, you need to agree that God is the center or everything falls apart. There are many things a couple needs to survive, and most of those ways are completely customized to the couple.

I tend to be attracted to extroverts. Someone who will grab my hand and tell me we're going on an adventure. The logical side of me says that's silly because (insert reason here). But you know what? Maybe it's not. I like people who can make me look at something differently, who can encourage me to come out of my shell.


Does any of this make sense?
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Yea, that makes sense. I've loved a lot of women I dated. Sometimes it just isn't enough to make it work. Gots ta have enough trust, honesty, and respect. I still love all of the girls I dated....even the train wrecks that drove me bonkers. My most recent gf....I loved her to death and still miss her. Problem is, no trust or honesty. If that woman told me the sky was blue, I'd have to walk outside and check to make sure it wasn't purple that day. lol. It's not healthy to attach yourself to someone you can't trust no matter how you feel about them
 
K

kessy001

Guest
#52
#52
If its a marriage of convenience, that means its like an arranged marriage, both parties are aware of its purpose n consequences. I want to believe this marriage is like a contract, a means to an end, in this marriage there is no love and the only commitment that exist is to the terms of the 'marriage' agreement.

I don't like the idea, but i wont judge anyone who does it.
 
shae0104

shae0104

Banned
#53
Jun 21, 2011
545
7
0
#53
I always think we as humans are too emotional. we feelings get in the way.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#54
#54
Sad to say, but this concept seems quite rampant on CC in regards to some foreigners. Especially from certain countries. I know i have had a number of women from a specific country 'feeling me out' to see if i seemed like someone who could afford to get them into the US. They would be really nice and Christian, til they discovered i was not someone who would be able to get them here. I would never hear from them again after that. I typically refuse contact with the women from this country at this point. I know not all are like that, but i don't feel like wasting my time chatting with someone just to find out they are only trying to see if they can use me.
 
SHEEPxDOG

SHEEPxDOG

Banned
#55
Aug 25, 2012
119
1
0
#55
Ugly said:
Sad to say, but this concept seems quite rampant on CC in regards to some foreigners. Especially from certain countries. I know i have had a number of women from a specific country 'feeling me out' to see if i seemed like someone who could afford to get them into the US. They would be really nice and Christian, til they discovered i was not someone who would be able to get them here. I would never hear from them again after that. I typically refuse contact with the women from this country at this point. I know not all are like that, but i don't feel like wasting my time chatting with someone just to find out they are only trying to see if they can use me.
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that is hilarious.
 
SHEEPxDOG

SHEEPxDOG

Banned
#56
Aug 25, 2012
119
1
0
#56
shae0104 said:
my friend did it and it literally saved her life. He was in the military and didnt want to be in the barracks she was without insurance, she ended up having a utopic pregnancy and it ruptured. With out that medical care who knows what would of happened. funny a few years later I had a roomie and he was military and I kinda needed the same thing. He said i'll marry you and you can keep the extra money they give me. I really did think about it. But I didnt follow through.
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I literally laughed out loud.
 
shae0104

shae0104

Banned
#57
Jun 21, 2011
545
7
0
#57
idk how someone coming close to death or poverty is funny
 
I

iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#58
#58
Marriage for me is all about that feeling,not of butterflies in my tum tum..but of moths! great big gigantic moths that circle all around in my guts like it was a giant bug light. "Zap.bzzzzzzzzzzzz Bam Crackleeeeeeeeeeeee Zappo"
Marriage is all about convenience for me. I want it to be like the most awesome fast food drive in ever!!! Takey Takey - Gimmie Gimmie. Oh wait...er,wrong Chat site...lol This is my profile I use on eDisharmony.org My bad.:)
 
SHEEPxDOG

SHEEPxDOG

Banned
#59
Aug 25, 2012
119
1
0
#59
shae0104 said:
idk how someone coming close to death or poverty is funny
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funny a few years later I had a roomie and he was military and I kinda needed the same thing. He said i'll marry you and you can keep the extra money they give me. I really did think about it. But I didnt follow through.

lighten up, clearly i was referring to this bit....^
 
shae0104

shae0104

Banned
#60
Jun 21, 2011
545
7
0
#60
well since your telling me to I will. It was a time in my life were i was pretty poor (like using church pantry poor)and my kid didnt have healthcare and medicaid was constantly losing my paperwork. I can admit I was overly sensitive. Know lets go to the range!
SHEEPxDOG said:
funny a few years later I had a roomie and he was military and I kinda needed the same thing. He said i'll marry you and you can keep the extra money they give me. I really did think about it. But I didnt follow through.

lighten up, clearly i was referring to this bit....^
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