My wife decided 38 months ago that we were done with any type of sexual intimacy. I've tried everything to accept it and pretend like it doesn't matter....but that approach isn't working well.
Marriage advice...
- Thread starter bubbajudy
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Your profile says you're a Christian and attending church. Are you both believers and does she attend as well? Have you tried marital counseling at your church?
Welcome to CC...
You haven't provided many details, but we'll assume that there isn't a physical impediment or marital unfaithfulness in play.
Obviously, it does matter. Only by mutual agreement can a married couple abstain, and then it's better to keep the period of absention as short as possible. Otherwise, they are being effectively unfaithful.
Ask God what the problem is. If your sin is the cause, He will tell you.
As already suggested, get help. A biblically sound counselor will be able to help you both work through the issues. Don't assume that your pastor has the necessary capacity; that may or may not be true, and the wrong counselor can make the situation much worse.
L
Locoponydirtman
Guest
Yall need pastoral care.
I dont know the full story so i cant offer much else.
This situation is very wrong, and needs addressed. Going along is unacceptable.
Thanks for the feedback. A little background. We have been married 28 years. Our mutual interest level in intimacy has not aligned from day one. She would say "she put up with it" for 25 years and decided "enough is enough." On a couple of occasions (years before she called it quits) she discovered I had visited some inappropriate sites. It was wrong. I repented. She says she forgave me but now it feels like zero intimacy is a punishment. We went to a 5-day marriage intensive put on by Focus on the Family. We learned a lot. This was six months ago and emotionally we have completely restored our relationship. Every area of our lives is "perfect" except sexual intimacy. She not only has no interest nor desire but literally I haven't seen her without clothes on in the last 38 months and she insists on separate bedrooms. There is affection in terms of hugs and handholding. No kissing and no anything else.
L
Locoponydirtman
Guest
holy heavens, 38 months! is she spending time with someone else? that sounds like grounds for divorce. maybe that's what she wants. SHE'S IN VIOLATION OF THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT!
I am so sorry to hear of this. I can actually say that I know the feeling as I am at 26 months myself. You have not stated if your wife is a Christian and if you are attending a church. I actually believe that your only chance would be if your wife is counseled by another God fearing woman. Rebellious women are very hard to reach.
I met my wife on Christian Mingle. but she was an imposter. It was my fault for not being diligent.
Anyway God never intended this for you....I will pray for you
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
I met my wife on Christian Mingle. but she was an imposter. It was my fault for not being diligent.
Anyway God never intended this for you....I will pray for you
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
about women imposters: the very 1st time i checked out a dating service at my friends house, i glanced at 3 women's profiles. the 1st, said she was 42 years old & looked like 20, the 2nd said she was 51 & looked like 25 & the 3rd said she was 57 & looked like 35. me, not knowing anything about dating services, said to my buddy, "wow these women look so good for their ages". & he immediately said, "they are posting pictures of themselves when they were younger". that turned the light on in my head!
Yes, when I used to be on the dating sites, some men posted pictures from when they were in the military, which is awesome.
I have nothing but respect for anyone who serves their country.
But the pictures were from 30+ years ago, and they were trying to advertise themselves as the same product.
Try cleaning the house, cooking dinner, and a massage. Would work for me..
If she's being serious about it get marital counseling.
I don't think she is intending it as punishment, as it sounds like she had very little/no interest in sex since the beginning. Plus, now her sex drive has decreased.
It could also be she feels unattractive or you made her feel unattractive, which is a turn-off for most women and consequently they would not want to share the bed. Or, she may no longer find you attractive for whatever reason.
Do you have "date nights"? That could help and lead the way...in any case an honest conversation is needed. If she still refuses, you can ask her how she intends to end this schism.
i admit i'm an old tough soul meaning strict & to the point. another way that i am is, "don't wait, get it done now". your wife owns an extreme case of selfishness. she's IN VIOLATION OF THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT"! & she's robbing herself too. perhaps the 1st area woman react is to cut men off in the bedroom. i know a guy with a similar situation. they got married & she changed her ways in this way, "aha, i got him now"! & she changed immediately upon being married. she expected him to do everything for her but she wouldn't do anything for him. he said the romance was lousy & very selfish on her part. that's grounds for divorce. she's not faithful. btw, where the heck do women get this idea that we are supposed to do everything for them? the 1st thing God ever said about a woman is that she would be man's helper! blessings to you in every way. maybe Jesus will send a miracle your way.
S
Susanna
Guest
But the pictures were from 30+ years ago, and they were trying to advertise themselves as the same product.
Don’t we all.
..........
Pastor yes, but also get specific Christian counseling for your specific needs...I'm sorry you are going through this...might be good to start reading the Bible together and praying...that's real intimacy.
I suggest that you both look up Mark Gungor, who I believe to be the best marriage counselor ever. He is hilariously funny and entertaining as well. If you wife is not willing, look him up yourself. Every man wants to know what makes a woman tick. Pastor Gungor knows. He is one of the few counsellors who does not start by telling couples it's the man's fault. That alone makes him special.
Are you both Christians? If so, does she not know that her attitude is wrong? She puts undue stress on the relationship. It does matter. My marriage was over the night my ex turned over in bed and ignored me. It took a little while after that, but it was all downhill from there. She had already ended the relationship in her mind.
Umm this situation does go both ways.There are times men are the hold out, both sides are wrong.