Hello everybody,
First of all : Merry Christmas and Happy New Year... God bless you all !
I warmly thank every person that will take a moment to read my message and to share his/her points of view. I pray a lot, trying to distant myself from everything and I do my best to follow our Lord from the bottom of my heart. Well sometimes you know, it's really hard to find peace and inner silence.
I can't tell this story to my relatives. So I share it trough the Internet. Maybe it will help other people. It's about mariage, divorce, and strange experience of « flashback » and meeting.
I'm 30 years old. My conversion occured few years ago. It was strong and brutal. But despite of assiduous involvement in my church (every sunday and during the week to pray, to study the Bible, to sing with the band...), I always felt fustrated by celibacy, loneliness. I prayed intensively for this.
Few months later, I met a man and immediatly thought it was the God's response to my prayer ! We had so much in common, and most of all, he was christian !
He came to my church, got baptised and the wedding was quickly planned. Despite maaany alarming signs in his comportment, I was sure about all good things God will do in our lives. So I strongly lied to myself, just to satisfy my own will of no being alone anymore.
Few weeks after the wedding, he changed ; stopped coming to the church. He let me alone and quickly show a huge problem with money. I married to share my faith with my husband, to pray, read the Bible with him : it never happened. Well, I won't tell all the story but daily life became more and more darker. I finally discovered huge lies. He's addicted to drugs and played a role. Really painful... it ended by a divorce, of course. I forgive him, pray for his soul and don't see him anymore.
Today, I have nothing : no more money, no home (I came back to my parents), no job... I have just my faith, and look myself in the mirror, recognizing that all I'm living now is due to a huge lack of... patience. P-a-t-i-e-n-c-e. PATIENCE !
It's so, so, so stupid. Well. I'm just a sinner who has unfortunately no wisdom at all.
A flashback happened during these hardships. I saw myself with a man I met during my studies. This man is really special to me, because he's the only one I met coincidentally many times, he's the only one who talked to me about faith, Scriptures... he's the only one who invited me for a walk in nature, or to restaurant (it never concretized because of me). He's the only one who talked to me about... patience, wisdom... And no other one will never look at me with those eyes. No one... Now I'm sure ot it.
But I realize all of this today, trough clear memories, few years later. When I met him as a student, I was totally blind and didn't know anything about Jesus. And after my conversion, I was not in contact with him anymore. I think I profoundly hurted him by my stupidity.
The story ends here : today I'm searching a job and go to evening classes, in the school where he works during the day. New « coincidence » : it was absolutely not planned ! I wrote him a letter, telling him how nice it would be to see him again... but he has not answer yet and will maybe never do.
So ironic, isn't it ? What does it mean ? What is God telling me trough this ?
I don't deserve anything, just loneliness for all my mistakes... but now, I just can't stop thinking about this special man. Can I pray God to see him again ? How this story sounds to you ?
It would be a miracle to see this man again, to beggin' him pardon and explain him everything.
I wish to all of us all a deep prayer's life, wisdom and patience.
Thanks for reading the ironic story of a sjd@he#udh*ei stupid poor woman.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year.
First of all : Merry Christmas and Happy New Year... God bless you all !
I warmly thank every person that will take a moment to read my message and to share his/her points of view. I pray a lot, trying to distant myself from everything and I do my best to follow our Lord from the bottom of my heart. Well sometimes you know, it's really hard to find peace and inner silence.
I can't tell this story to my relatives. So I share it trough the Internet. Maybe it will help other people. It's about mariage, divorce, and strange experience of « flashback » and meeting.
I'm 30 years old. My conversion occured few years ago. It was strong and brutal. But despite of assiduous involvement in my church (every sunday and during the week to pray, to study the Bible, to sing with the band...), I always felt fustrated by celibacy, loneliness. I prayed intensively for this.
Few months later, I met a man and immediatly thought it was the God's response to my prayer ! We had so much in common, and most of all, he was christian !
He came to my church, got baptised and the wedding was quickly planned. Despite maaany alarming signs in his comportment, I was sure about all good things God will do in our lives. So I strongly lied to myself, just to satisfy my own will of no being alone anymore.
Few weeks after the wedding, he changed ; stopped coming to the church. He let me alone and quickly show a huge problem with money. I married to share my faith with my husband, to pray, read the Bible with him : it never happened. Well, I won't tell all the story but daily life became more and more darker. I finally discovered huge lies. He's addicted to drugs and played a role. Really painful... it ended by a divorce, of course. I forgive him, pray for his soul and don't see him anymore.
Today, I have nothing : no more money, no home (I came back to my parents), no job... I have just my faith, and look myself in the mirror, recognizing that all I'm living now is due to a huge lack of... patience. P-a-t-i-e-n-c-e. PATIENCE !
It's so, so, so stupid. Well. I'm just a sinner who has unfortunately no wisdom at all.
A flashback happened during these hardships. I saw myself with a man I met during my studies. This man is really special to me, because he's the only one I met coincidentally many times, he's the only one who talked to me about faith, Scriptures... he's the only one who invited me for a walk in nature, or to restaurant (it never concretized because of me). He's the only one who talked to me about... patience, wisdom... And no other one will never look at me with those eyes. No one... Now I'm sure ot it.
But I realize all of this today, trough clear memories, few years later. When I met him as a student, I was totally blind and didn't know anything about Jesus. And after my conversion, I was not in contact with him anymore. I think I profoundly hurted him by my stupidity.
The story ends here : today I'm searching a job and go to evening classes, in the school where he works during the day. New « coincidence » : it was absolutely not planned ! I wrote him a letter, telling him how nice it would be to see him again... but he has not answer yet and will maybe never do.
So ironic, isn't it ? What does it mean ? What is God telling me trough this ?
I don't deserve anything, just loneliness for all my mistakes... but now, I just can't stop thinking about this special man. Can I pray God to see him again ? How this story sounds to you ?
It would be a miracle to see this man again, to beggin' him pardon and explain him everything.
I wish to all of us all a deep prayer's life, wisdom and patience.
Thanks for reading the ironic story of a sjd@he#udh*ei stupid poor woman.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year.
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