Hello, so just a real quick note before I post a longer post on my actual inquiry. I’ve always been a person that holds stuff in and deals with them by, really, not dealing with them.
Alrighty, so I’ve had a very good life. Great and close family friends, good enjoyable line of work, etc About 6 weeks or so ago I started having issues sleeping at night. I’ve always been extremely schedule oriented. I go to bed at 9 and wake up at 6. I didn’t use to be like that but over the last 10-12 years it became this regimented. It’s basically controlled my life quite a bit because I don’t go out or do hardly anything so I can be in the house so I can be in bed at 9. So I’ve had a few life changing events (most that are or should be for the good getting my own house by myself, good rewarding job, etc and a couple things that aren’t so good that I have been just dealing with). Ive never been one to talk about things/problems in my left. Anyway about 6 weeks or so ago, I’ve had some intermittent issues going to bed at night. Some nights are tough and some nights are good. Well anyway, ever since this has started, it’s like I get nervous when bedtime comes because I feel like all I’m going to do is lay in there and not get to bed and now this issue has kinda started taking over my life and I’ve developed anxiety. Each night as it gets closer to bedtime I get anxious and nervous. I’m a pacer when I get anxious or nervous (so I lay there and then I get up and pace and then that I’m assuming adds to the anxiousness and just snowballs). I’ve never done well when I have the occasional rough nights (as most everyone has) in general but lately I think about how tired and stuff I will be then I can’t rest and feel frustrated and stuff (just kind of a revolving door of those feelings). So the main point now, I’ve been searching for something (both of parents are saved for about the last 20-25 years, so they have been sharing and wanting me to be saved as well over those years). Well things generally were good in life for me so I haven’t “felt the need” to even really look into it, up until a few years back. Nothing specific happened or anything, I just started to wonder a little here and there. Well fast forward to a few weeks or so ago, when all this overthinking and anxiety started, my search seems to have grown and I’ve been praying and looking more to God
So I guess my question really is, I feel very lost and confused right now and I feel the devil of the world is holding me back from just giving my life to Him and let Him guide me and take my burdens. I just don’t know if I’m doing it right or really what I’m doing. Part of me is afraid to surrender and part of me wants to live life with Him. I know ultimately it’s the devil that keeps me guessing and stuff. I just don’t want my “wanting to surrender myself to Him” is because I am frustrated and feel powerless and out of my own control that I normally have over my life, and then if/when things get better I go back to thinking I have my own life under my own control again. I just don’t know what I am doing. I’ve always had the preconceived idea that only people that were drug addicts or drunks or other addicts and “socially known bad people) that hit rock bottom and then they see the light and are changed and with Jesus
When I pray, even thought I feel I am sincere, am I not? I know everybody comes to God in their own way and time
Not sure if there is even true questions here I just don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to do. I do feel like I’m looking for something and know God is there, I just don’t know how to reach him and I guess let go of the worries and things in the world
Alrighty, so I’ve had a very good life. Great and close family friends, good enjoyable line of work, etc About 6 weeks or so ago I started having issues sleeping at night. I’ve always been extremely schedule oriented. I go to bed at 9 and wake up at 6. I didn’t use to be like that but over the last 10-12 years it became this regimented. It’s basically controlled my life quite a bit because I don’t go out or do hardly anything so I can be in the house so I can be in bed at 9. So I’ve had a few life changing events (most that are or should be for the good getting my own house by myself, good rewarding job, etc and a couple things that aren’t so good that I have been just dealing with). Ive never been one to talk about things/problems in my left. Anyway about 6 weeks or so ago, I’ve had some intermittent issues going to bed at night. Some nights are tough and some nights are good. Well anyway, ever since this has started, it’s like I get nervous when bedtime comes because I feel like all I’m going to do is lay in there and not get to bed and now this issue has kinda started taking over my life and I’ve developed anxiety. Each night as it gets closer to bedtime I get anxious and nervous. I’m a pacer when I get anxious or nervous (so I lay there and then I get up and pace and then that I’m assuming adds to the anxiousness and just snowballs). I’ve never done well when I have the occasional rough nights (as most everyone has) in general but lately I think about how tired and stuff I will be then I can’t rest and feel frustrated and stuff (just kind of a revolving door of those feelings). So the main point now, I’ve been searching for something (both of parents are saved for about the last 20-25 years, so they have been sharing and wanting me to be saved as well over those years). Well things generally were good in life for me so I haven’t “felt the need” to even really look into it, up until a few years back. Nothing specific happened or anything, I just started to wonder a little here and there. Well fast forward to a few weeks or so ago, when all this overthinking and anxiety started, my search seems to have grown and I’ve been praying and looking more to God
So I guess my question really is, I feel very lost and confused right now and I feel the devil of the world is holding me back from just giving my life to Him and let Him guide me and take my burdens. I just don’t know if I’m doing it right or really what I’m doing. Part of me is afraid to surrender and part of me wants to live life with Him. I know ultimately it’s the devil that keeps me guessing and stuff. I just don’t want my “wanting to surrender myself to Him” is because I am frustrated and feel powerless and out of my own control that I normally have over my life, and then if/when things get better I go back to thinking I have my own life under my own control again. I just don’t know what I am doing. I’ve always had the preconceived idea that only people that were drug addicts or drunks or other addicts and “socially known bad people) that hit rock bottom and then they see the light and are changed and with Jesus
When I pray, even thought I feel I am sincere, am I not? I know everybody comes to God in their own way and time
Not sure if there is even true questions here I just don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to do. I do feel like I’m looking for something and know God is there, I just don’t know how to reach him and I guess let go of the worries and things in the world
