Let the pun wars begin

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At the evening service tonight the topic is "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
 
The Assoiciate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I upped my Pledge - Up yours."
 
Evidence has it... William Tell was an avid bowler, oh! yes...

Unfortunately, all the league records were destroyed in a fire...

Thus, we shall never know for whom the Tell bowled! 😄
 
A young man was in love with two women and couldn't decide which of them to marry.

So, he went to a marriage counselor.

When asked to describe his two loves...he stated ...one was a lovely poet...and the other a fantastic cook making delicious pancakes.

"Oh", said the counselor, "I see what the problem is....You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse.". 😉
 
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A young man was in love with two women and couldn't decide which of them to marry.

So, he went to a marriage counselor.

When asked to describe his two loves...he stated ...one was a lovely poet...and the other a fantastic cook making delicious pancakes.

"Oh", said the counselor, "I see what the problem is....You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse.". 😉
That would be a conundrum for sure. :)
 
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How do you make a duck a soul singer ? 🤔

Hold it under water till it's bill withers. 😉




 
A student made a model of Mount Everest for his school project.

When asked.."Is it to scale?"

He said, "Don't be absurd..It's just to look at!". 😉
 
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Did you hear about the Dutch painter that swapped his Cabrilet Smart car for a GMC Savana 2500..to better haul his supplies.

Everyone in town said, "Look at Vincent's van go!"
 
I think I drove that van in Gran Turismo 2. It couldn't beat every race, but it was pretty fast for a van. 1,077 horsepower.
 
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One day a broccolli🥦 and a carrot🥕, who were best friends, were walking down the country road.

A farm truck🚜 whipped by and struck the carrot.

The broccoli called 911 and tried to help his friend the best he could.

Rushed to the hospital🚑 and into surgery..and after a long wait, the doctor finally appeared.

He told the broccoli, "I have some good news and some bad news".

The good news is your friend is going to pull through.

" The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life" 🤔
 
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One day a broccolli🥦 and a carrot🥕, who were best friends, were walking down the country road.

A farm truck🚜 whipped by and struck the carrot.

The broccoli called 911 and tried to help his friend the best he could.

Rushed to the hospital🚑 and into surgery..and after a long wait, the doctor finally appeared.

He told the broccoli, "I have some good news and some bad news".

The good news is your friend is going to pull through.

" The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life" 🤔
The broccoli was green with envy.
 
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