Perhaps a "time-out" is in order. During this time-out, see if you can obtain a testimony of Jesus Christ. Only you can obtain a relationship with the Savior (no one else can do it for you). Don't take my word or anyone elses word for it that Christ lives; Discover for yourself. Prepare yourself to receive an answer.
James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."
If you do this, I believe that the Holy Spirit will convict you that the bible is the word of God, Jesus Christ is the only begotten Son of God and the Savior of the world.