Kicking a Child Out of the House

[Dude653]

Christ does not preach kicking out. He does not say, divorce. We do that because we are hard hearted.

My parents divorce because my dad was violent and abusive. So if you have a child who's violent you may have to get him out of the house too

 

[justahumanbeing]

My parents divorce because my dad was violent and abusive. So if you have a child who's violent you may have to get him out of the house too

If parents hadn't expected that of their child, then they should not have one in the first place. If you have a child or ward, no matter what the state they are in, you have to help your children. You can send them away. But, make sure they are still well cared for if they are underaged. Also, children being like that is for their parents to blame. The parents could also be the cause of their anger and pain. And that anger does not last a lifetime. You are responsible for what becomes of your children when they are yet to stand on their own. Sending the child away is okay. But walking away from your responsibility as a parent to the child never is. At least until they reach adulthood.

 

[justahumanbeing]

I understand what you're saying, and it sounds like you have been very blessed to not face any of these situations.

I'm only speaking of myself and not anyone else, because everyone's situation is different, but I grew up in a very conservative, judgmental church atmosphere. Any time something went wrong, it was always seen as being the fault of the parents or people involved -- there was never the slightest hint of acknowledgment or compassion over the fact that life can go very wrong, despite our best and most prayerful efforts.

So I grew up in the mind frame of basically seeing people's problems as being the result of their own bad choices or lack of willingness to do something about it -- and then God started putting me smack dab into the middle of situations I couldn't control, or in contact with people who had tried their best, but things had gone terribly wrong. Needless to say, it changed my own mind very quickly.

In the case of this family that I spoke about, there were several other dynamics going on, some of which I won't mention out of privacy and respect. But when I was talking to the father about this situation, he mentioned that this particular child had always been headstrong, never listening to advice, and was impulsive, and rebellious, in contrast to a sibling close in age who was pretty much the opposite, even from the time they were young. Part of it all this was also that there had been a remarriage in the family that the rebellious son had not wanted to happen and he remained bitter about it, rebelling at every turn because he blamed his parents for ruining their family.

The father also had a job in which he was working up to 100 hours a week, so I'm sure this affected some of what was going on at home and what was or was not being monitored. The remarriage had caused a situation in which this son was exposed to a relative he wanted nothing to do with (for good reasons all their own,) and so he spent as much time away from home as possible, thus falling into bad company.

My heart aches for all people who have started out doing the best they knew to do, but things have gone horribly wrong, and all they are clinging to now are prayers and the promises of God when this life ends.

A very good example where parents don't give up on Children. No matter what happens. Because, if parents don't care for you in this world and love you. Good chance of not many others loving you. That nurture is needed. Falling into bad company is very unfortunate. It's happened in my life. That happens because of neglect from the family. But sometimes, despite all best efforts from us as family members. There's not much we can do. That's where we surrender to God. He knows best for us. We think it's in our hands. But it's all in God's hands. As the Proverbs say,"the horse is made ready for the day of battle, but the victory is of the Lord." God allows things in our life sometimes. But He never abandons us. - "I will never leave you nor forsake you". That's God's promise to us in the Bible.
Deuteronomy - Chapter 31 verses 6-8

 

[GardenofWeeden]

If parents hadn't expected that of their child, then they should not have one in the first place. If you have a child or ward, no matter what the state they are in, you have to help your children. You can send them away. But, make sure they are still well cared for if they are underaged. Also, children being like that is for their parents to blame. The parents could also be the cause of their anger and pain. And that anger does not last a lifetime. You are responsible for what becomes of your children when they are yet to stand on their own. Sending the child away is okay. But walking away from your responsibility as a parent to the child never is. At least until they reach adulthood.

At some point in a child's life, we all have to realize that parents, as lousy or amazing as yours and mine might be, were just flawed humans, who are trying to make it through this world the best they can. Once we realize this, we start to see life differently and things get lighter.
Judging other parents, based upon your or my opinion of how they should be, doesn't make this any easier.

 

[MsMediator]

At some point in a child's life, we all have to realize that parents, as lousy or amazing as yours and mine might be, were just flawed humans, who are trying to make it through this world the best they can. Once we realize this, we start to see life differently and things get lighter.
Judging other parents, based upon your or my opinion of how they should be, doesn't make this any easier.

Another thing I would add is that all/most people by nature care about self-survival. It helps to realize this. If there is immediate danger posed on the children, I believe parents act how we expect them to (father saving kids from fire, mother asking criminals to spare child in home invasion, etc.). However, if parents are facing long-haul issues like poverty or trauma they may be unable to deal with this and may care more about self survival. This is why people may turn to various addictions (to deal with hurt or anger) or people stay in bad marriages/relationships even though this has negative impact on the children. Sometimes this can be for selfish reasons, sometimes not. I read awhile ago that dependent mothers prefer to keep the family intact even if doing so is bad/dangerous for the children. Extreme case is children are sold off into early marriage (Middle East/Africa) as easy way to pay off debt or into porn (Philippines and other poor countries) for improved lifestyle.

 

[Dude653]

If parents hadn't expected that of their child, then they should not have one in the first place. If you have a child or ward, no matter what the state they are in, you have to help your children. You can send them away. But, make sure they are still well cared for if they are underaged. Also, children being like that is for their parents to blame. The parents could also be the cause of their anger and pain. And that anger does not last a lifetime. You are responsible for what becomes of your children when they are yet to stand on their own. Sending the child away is okay. But walking away from your responsibility as a parent to the child never is. At least until they reach adulthood.

"If the parents weren't psychic and couldn't predict the future, they shouldn't have had children"

 

[Papermonkey]

If a minor child, no. Whatever is causing them to act out is going to be compounded by being abandoned by their parents.

If an adult child, depends on their age. At 20+ if they're still at home have them pull their weight. Charge rent and a share of utilities, make them buy and cook their own food.
Let them know that way what life is like when they move out. Which for me would be 30 yrs. of age.

My aunt let her oldest move back home after a week,and this he moved out having signed a year apartment lease in a town over an hour away. He [aid in full the apartment balance due so to break the lease. He was 25.
He never left home again until he passed away in a care facility having suffered Parkinson's to the point he was paralyzed. His 90 yr. old mom couldn't take care of him at that point.

Gotta grow up and put sometime. I moved out at 19.

 

[justahumanbeing]

At some point in a child's life, we all have to realize that parents, as lousy or amazing as yours and mine might be, were just flawed humans, who are trying to make it through this world the best they can. Once we realize this, we start to see life differently and things get lighter.
Judging other parents, based upon your or my opinion of how they should be, doesn't make this any easier.

I never said that it was easy. Nothing is easy in this world. I'm just saying that a child is a gift from God. We all talk about how it's wrong to kill a child before birth. We say it's life. Kicking your child out of the house without taking responsibility for what becomes of the child after shows lack of empathy and shows the parent is irresponsible. Also why aren't you prepared for the worst case scenario when you decide to have a child? People have to realize that a child is not something like a toy you buy in the shop or even a car. When you decide to have one, it absolutely means that many things will be compromised in your own life. So, that's what I said. If it's not for you, don't have one and then blame it all on the child. You are to blame for putting yourself and the child in a bad situation. When the ship sinks, does the captain save himself? Or do the passengers and crew come first? If people think they're not up to the task, they shouldn't do it and then blame the child alone. The child will fail and can fail. Things can go wrong. But if the parent fails where the child fails, then that makes it even worse. Besides, what I share here isn't funny. I'm just trying to help. My world views and values most definitely will not align with yours or anyone else's. Maybe I just come from a different part of the world where we look at and do things this way.. If there's something good in what I say, take that. Not forcing my views on anyone or calling it right or wrong. Because what's heaven for me could be hell for someone else.

 

[GardenofWeeden]

I never said that it was easy. Nothing is easy in this world. I'm just saying that a child is a gift from God. We all talk about how it's wrong to kill a child before birth. We say it's life. Kicking your child out of the house without taking responsibility for what becomes of the child after shows lack of empathy and shows the parent is irresponsible. Also why aren't you prepared for the worst case scenario when you decide to have a child? People have to realize that a child is not something like a toy you buy in the shop or even a car. When you decide to have one, it absolutely means that many things will be compromised in your own life. So, that's what I said. If it's not for you, don't have one and then blame it all on the child. You are to blame for putting yourself and the child in a bad situation. When the ship sinks, does the captain save himself? Or do the passengers and crew come first? If people think they're not up to the task, they shouldn't do it and then blame the child alone. The child will fail and can fail. Things can go wrong. But if the parent fails where the child fails, then that makes it even worse. Besides, what I share here isn't funny. I'm just trying to help. My world views and values most definitely will not align with yours or anyone else's. Maybe I just come from a different part of the world where we look at and do things this way.. If there's something good in what I say, take that. Not forcing my views on anyone or calling it right or wrong. Because what's heaven for me could be hell for someone else.

I am really thankful Christ never calls me names (irresponsible), or belittles me, when I make choices with which he disagrees. We can say we would never kick a minor child out of the house and why, but to call people names who aren't in the same intellectual, spiritual or emotional maturity as we, isn't very loving. We can say it saddens us. We can say it hurts us to learn this happens, but to call people names and belittle them puts us into the same frame of mind as they were when they made their choices.
That is all I meant.

 

[Magenta]

As the Proverbs say, "the horse is made ready for the day of battle, but the victory is of the Lord."

Proverbs21:31~ The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the Lord.

 

[justahumanbeing]

I am really thankful Christ never calls me names (irresponsible), or belittles me, when I make choices with which he disagrees. We can say we would never kick a minor child out of the house and why, but to call people names who aren't in the same intellectual, spiritual or emotional maturity as we, isn't very loving. We can say it saddens us. We can say it hurts us to learn this happens, but to call people names and belittle them puts us into the same frame of mind as they were when they made their choices.
That is all I meant.

I didn't mean to call anyone any names or belittle them. Not my way. I just said if a parent were to send the child out of the house when they are underaged, that would be irresponsible and that would lack empathy for the parent to do so. How else can I say that? I was speaking hypothetically. My thoughts were shared in general related to what all of us discuss. Not personal, not intended to hurt anyone, but to give my view and perspective. If it seemed that way, I didn't intend it