Thank you.
BTW, one thing I meant to mention in my previous post that I forgot... in response to the person who pointed out that if you live in fantasy, you're basically not living in the present reality, well....
I really feel you hit the nail on the head there, because... in some ways, that's part of what happened. I got so fixated on a fantasy daydream that somehow or other, the target of my obsessive infatuation was going to live in a house with me someday... that by some magic, I could get to Norway alone (or maybe with the aid of someone not in my family so I could get away from my family, back when I was resenting them) and circumstances would allign so that my Norwegian crush and I could be in the same place and away from both of our parents.
In a lot of ways... the fantasy was actually very much like that of a 12-year-old wanting to place house.
I... did end up being rattled a few times, because.... even as the months went by, and the months became a couple of years, well... I stayed stagnate, lost in the moment where he and I played that one game together and voice-chatted together during one weekend. I also held onto vague promises of "maybe later, we'll...." as if it meant something significant. When in some ways, they were prolly only passing thoughts of what MIGHT maybe happen later, before he got busy with life.
I was pretty pitiful for a long time, doing nothing but spending long periods of time staring at his username and profile on Steam and Facebook, maybe like some teenager from an old sitcom sitting next to a landline wondering why the apple of her eye isn't calling her.
Eventually, I found out purely by chance that he apparently had his own cabin... when did that happen? How did it happen? I'll prolly never know cuz I never initiated with him that much or kept up with his life directly enough to ask. I think in some ways, he also kept some stuff from me because he was trying to be nice, cuz he knew I was struggling with depression and didn't need to hear about how his life was advancing while mine was remaining the same.
Then he told me rather casually at one point that he had been to the cons, Dragoncon and such. It was like... WHAT? I thought he had told me that if he ever came to America (which he never had before) I might be one of the first to know, and especially if he maybe made arrangements to meet a mutual friend, he might later arrange to come see me face-to-face. And this was literally the first I'd had heard that he'd not only been to the cons, but several. And it was literally news to me. When did that happen? Why wasn't I included in on ANY of those plans when I had originally been told I would be? What happened to our close friendship?
Though... again, part of that is probably on me, because... well, I had been told later that he did have a lot going on and he found it exhausting to have to be the one who was expected to keep initiating... especially since I only wanted to keep talking about the same old things every single time a convo did start.
But then... when it reached the point where he announced he had gotten a job, it shattered me and I had an absolute meltdown because it represented that the "last holdout" of my old social circle had sold out, and moved on like the rest of the world. Maybe in some ways, it was also a significant SHOCK to me, because.... for the longest time, the males I'd known in my life who had the greatest impact on my family (my grandfather, and my dad) were just... types who'd never held down a job. Or even if they did, they never kept one for very long during my younger years. So... I guess in a lot of ways, especially since my Norwegian friend had some similar traits as them, I honestly believed that he would follow the same trend as them by trying a little, and then return to his life of being on the computer all the time and... yeah, be with me.
But no, it completely shattered the fantasy. And reality came crushing down on me, and it effected me so deeply that I made a complete idiot out of myself, broke off friendship with him in the worst way possible, and I had to spend a few weeks a therapy forum just to become more stable again.
To be fair though... I guess the biggest part of the reason why, in some ways, my grandfather and dad were able to stay at home so much was because each of their wives ended up taking over in the workforce to keep the bills paid. They had the luxury of being married if it wasn't working out for them during those periods of time... the difference with my Norwegian friend, I suppose, is that he's single and had nobody else to turn to or lean on if he truly wanted to get out of his parents' place, so he learned to buck up, get therapy and get a job. Cuz... he's single and he likes being single, apparently.
Maybe... even if it sounds completely stupid, I was disappointed that he took so much initiative because 1: it made him into a different person than what I was used to. 2: It destroyed the original dynamic I had with him and took him away from me. 3: It completely oblitherated that ridiculous fantasy I had, where we'd get to move out of our familiies' homes and move in together, if only magical circumstances could've allowed it.
And... since I wasn't really used to being around men who could get their rear in gear despite having depression and get a job and really get somewhere, I was shocked and disappointed only because.... I wasn't used to seeing it, it was new to me, and... well, it was a shock.
In the end... I suppose my point is... yes, I can definitely see how if you live in a fantasy, you totally become oblivious to everything that is moving on all around you because you're staying stuck in one moment. Maybe in a way, your mind is TRYING to move forward, but only through private extension of what your imagination is trying to develop and grow out of an internal daydream... which isn't gonna happen especially if you just assume it's gonna happen and you haven't even communicated/shared it with anyone.
And sometimes, depending on how deeply entrenched you get in it, especially if you don't have anything else going for you... it can be enough to temporarily shatter your mind and spirit when you finally get slapped with the proof that, not only is it never gonna happen, but certain potential doors that might have been slightly ajar for you have long since shut because you ignored chances or invitations to participate in some things while waiting for a very specific fantasy to come to pass.
BTW, one thing I meant to mention in my previous post that I forgot... in response to the person who pointed out that if you live in fantasy, you're basically not living in the present reality, well....
I really feel you hit the nail on the head there, because... in some ways, that's part of what happened. I got so fixated on a fantasy daydream that somehow or other, the target of my obsessive infatuation was going to live in a house with me someday... that by some magic, I could get to Norway alone (or maybe with the aid of someone not in my family so I could get away from my family, back when I was resenting them) and circumstances would allign so that my Norwegian crush and I could be in the same place and away from both of our parents.
In a lot of ways... the fantasy was actually very much like that of a 12-year-old wanting to place house.
I... did end up being rattled a few times, because.... even as the months went by, and the months became a couple of years, well... I stayed stagnate, lost in the moment where he and I played that one game together and voice-chatted together during one weekend. I also held onto vague promises of "maybe later, we'll...." as if it meant something significant. When in some ways, they were prolly only passing thoughts of what MIGHT maybe happen later, before he got busy with life.
I was pretty pitiful for a long time, doing nothing but spending long periods of time staring at his username and profile on Steam and Facebook, maybe like some teenager from an old sitcom sitting next to a landline wondering why the apple of her eye isn't calling her.
Eventually, I found out purely by chance that he apparently had his own cabin... when did that happen? How did it happen? I'll prolly never know cuz I never initiated with him that much or kept up with his life directly enough to ask. I think in some ways, he also kept some stuff from me because he was trying to be nice, cuz he knew I was struggling with depression and didn't need to hear about how his life was advancing while mine was remaining the same.
Then he told me rather casually at one point that he had been to the cons, Dragoncon and such. It was like... WHAT? I thought he had told me that if he ever came to America (which he never had before) I might be one of the first to know, and especially if he maybe made arrangements to meet a mutual friend, he might later arrange to come see me face-to-face. And this was literally the first I'd had heard that he'd not only been to the cons, but several. And it was literally news to me. When did that happen? Why wasn't I included in on ANY of those plans when I had originally been told I would be? What happened to our close friendship?
Though... again, part of that is probably on me, because... well, I had been told later that he did have a lot going on and he found it exhausting to have to be the one who was expected to keep initiating... especially since I only wanted to keep talking about the same old things every single time a convo did start.
But then... when it reached the point where he announced he had gotten a job, it shattered me and I had an absolute meltdown because it represented that the "last holdout" of my old social circle had sold out, and moved on like the rest of the world. Maybe in some ways, it was also a significant SHOCK to me, because.... for the longest time, the males I'd known in my life who had the greatest impact on my family (my grandfather, and my dad) were just... types who'd never held down a job. Or even if they did, they never kept one for very long during my younger years. So... I guess in a lot of ways, especially since my Norwegian friend had some similar traits as them, I honestly believed that he would follow the same trend as them by trying a little, and then return to his life of being on the computer all the time and... yeah, be with me.
But no, it completely shattered the fantasy. And reality came crushing down on me, and it effected me so deeply that I made a complete idiot out of myself, broke off friendship with him in the worst way possible, and I had to spend a few weeks a therapy forum just to become more stable again.
To be fair though... I guess the biggest part of the reason why, in some ways, my grandfather and dad were able to stay at home so much was because each of their wives ended up taking over in the workforce to keep the bills paid. They had the luxury of being married if it wasn't working out for them during those periods of time... the difference with my Norwegian friend, I suppose, is that he's single and had nobody else to turn to or lean on if he truly wanted to get out of his parents' place, so he learned to buck up, get therapy and get a job. Cuz... he's single and he likes being single, apparently.
Maybe... even if it sounds completely stupid, I was disappointed that he took so much initiative because 1: it made him into a different person than what I was used to. 2: It destroyed the original dynamic I had with him and took him away from me. 3: It completely oblitherated that ridiculous fantasy I had, where we'd get to move out of our familiies' homes and move in together, if only magical circumstances could've allowed it.
And... since I wasn't really used to being around men who could get their rear in gear despite having depression and get a job and really get somewhere, I was shocked and disappointed only because.... I wasn't used to seeing it, it was new to me, and... well, it was a shock.
In the end... I suppose my point is... yes, I can definitely see how if you live in a fantasy, you totally become oblivious to everything that is moving on all around you because you're staying stuck in one moment. Maybe in a way, your mind is TRYING to move forward, but only through private extension of what your imagination is trying to develop and grow out of an internal daydream... which isn't gonna happen especially if you just assume it's gonna happen and you haven't even communicated/shared it with anyone.
And sometimes, depending on how deeply entrenched you get in it, especially if you don't have anything else going for you... it can be enough to temporarily shatter your mind and spirit when you finally get slapped with the proof that, not only is it never gonna happen, but certain potential doors that might have been slightly ajar for you have long since shut because you ignored chances or invitations to participate in some things while waiting for a very specific fantasy to come to pass.
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