Is this natural ??

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Keeperofpeace

Keeperofpeace

Junior Member
#1
Aug 17, 2016
15
4
3
#1
Hello all... I'm a 55 yr old grandfather of three grandson's.. ages 3 and 3 and 5 yrs and i dearly love and care for them so much... but my issue is that i have this special bonding with one of my three yr old grandson's Adrian.. I raised him since birth but last summer my daughter and son in law moved into their own place and i was devastated to say the least... I can't ever remember feeling so much love for someone than I do for that baby... I recently was working out of town for a few months and i missed that child terribly... I would call him everyday after work and just the sound of his voice would make me cry..... Adrian often will stay the night with Paw paw but he cries bitterly when his parents come for him because he wants to stay with me... It breaks my heart to see him leave like that...My other children resent my relationship with Adrian but my other two grandchildren don't show the love and affection to me like Adrian does... It's very difficult to explain... Is this natural.. ? Has anyone else felt this way...? thumb_1562861577955_20190711_110409.jpg
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#2
Apr 18, 2013
9,526
2,609
113
#2
If you are the person who raised him, and who spent the most time with him, then you essentially became his surrogate father.

If this is what happened, then of course you would both feel especially close.

I'm sure this happens often, whenever someone spends so much time with a child that they essentially turn into a parent. It sounds very natural, and probably something that happens often.

As far as what to do about it... I have no idea.

But you do NOT want to come between your own children and their child.
That is probably what your children are feeling.

We have a lot of wise older people around here with lots of kids and grand kids.
I'm sure someone here can offer some advice.
 
Keeperofpeace

Keeperofpeace

Junior Member
#3
Aug 17, 2016
15
4
3
#3
Thanks, I did support the baby and my daughter and son in law for two years, but it seems to hurt me more to be apart from the baby than i think it does to Adrian... I just want to cherish and spend as much time with him as I can... we don't ever know when the good lord will call us home...
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#4
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,177
113
#4
Hey keeperofpeace.

My gbabies are a ginormous part of my heart. I love them so so MUCH!!!

I may be closer to one more than the other from time to time. One may be spending more time with me, simply because of circumstance, thus we are just connecting with laughter and fun.

I would be very intentional not to be partial to one over the other. Not only for the well being of all the kiddos (they all need your love) but also the one you are partial to may find themself on the receiving end of jealous and resentful siblings.

I get what you are saying, though, mine don't always show the same love and affection as another one at different times and that does make a difference. My mama shows my daughter so much love and a big part of that is because she reaches out to her more.

Maybe try and get to know the others more, reach out to them more.
 
JamOn

JamOn

Banned
#5
Jun 10, 2019
4,304
1,659
113
#5
Keeperofpeace said:
My other children resent my relationship with Adrian


but my other two grandchildren don't show the love and affection to me like Adrian does...
Click to expand...
to you, hmm.
 
JamOn

JamOn

Banned
#6
Jun 10, 2019
4,304
1,659
113
#6
What would be the worse scenario, a child crying for they miss you or a child not crying for they don’t miss you
 
PennEd

PennEd

Senior Member
#7
Apr 22, 2013
13,614
9,127
113
#7
Keeperofpeace said:
Hello all... I'm a 55 yr old grandfather of three grandson's.. ages 3 and 3 and 5 yrs and i dearly love and care for them so much... but my issue is that i have this special bonding with one of my three yr old grandson's Adrian.. I raised him since birth but last summer my daughter and son in law moved into their own place and i was devastated to say the least... I can't ever remember feeling so much love for someone than I do for that baby... I recently was working out of town for a few months and i missed that child terribly... I would call him everyday after work and just the sound of his voice would make me cry..... Adrian often will stay the night with Paw paw but he cries bitterly when his parents come for him because he wants to stay with me... It breaks my heart to see him leave like that...My other children resent my relationship with Adrian but my other two grandchildren don't show the love and affection to me like Adrian does... It's very difficult to explain... Is this natural.. ? Has anyone else felt this way...? View attachment 202995
Click to expand...
I gotta tell ya. As a parent, I would NOT like it if one of my sons loved being with ANYONE else (except their mother) more than me.

Especially at that young age. If I were that son-in-law I would SEVERELY limit the time my son would spend with you, until some sort of normal balance was restored. You need to be reeeaal careful. I have seen situations where parents have cut off entirely access to their children for the reason you describe. I hope you are reinforcing the need to be with his parents, and NOT feeding the child's desire to stay with you.
 
L

Locoponydirtman

Guest
#8
#8
Who is to say what is normal among humans?
But the question isn't about normalcy, it's about the nature of it. So what is natural among humanity but sin?
So I can only give one answer. It's not healthy. Not for you, or the child, or the parents of the child, or even the other grandchildren. I think you should focus your energies on the others, and build a healthy relationship with them. You are the adult, so you should be the one to set the thermostat in these relationships.

You for sure need to reinforce that the one child needs to go and be with his parents, and support their parental roll.

I would even go as far as to recommend that you start making a point of seeing all three together and not each one individually.

Start creating some healthy boundaries.
 
Keeperofpeace

Keeperofpeace

Junior Member
#9
Aug 17, 2016
15
4
3
#9
Thank you all for your advice.. and i do agree that i should spread the love.. the problem is that i don't get to see the other two as frequently as i get to see Adrian... One is in Los Angeles and the other is with my youngest sons mother who keeps him away from the family because of the split between them... When i do see them i try to show the same love and affection i show Adrian.. It's just that Adrian is a lot more attached to me... I try...
 
JamOn

JamOn

Banned
#10
Jun 10, 2019
4,304
1,659
113
#10
Keeperofpeace said:
Thank you all for your advice.. and i do agree that i should spread the love.. the problem is that i don't get to see the other two as frequently as i get to see Adrian... One is in Los Angeles and the other is with my youngest sons mother who keeps him away from the family because of the split between them... When i do see them i try to show the same love and affection i show Adrian.. It's just that Adrian is a lot more attached to me... I try...
Click to expand...
Maybe some modern tech scipe vid chat etc.. quote me if I’m wrong but I don’t think she can legally keep her son away unless there’s a good reason to convince courts there should be no visitations.

Sometimes like you said a split up can cause that but it may take legal action for her to ease her grip.
If I’m not mistaking even grandparents have rights I think can to see their grand kids
 
Keeperofpeace

Keeperofpeace

Junior Member
#12
Aug 17, 2016
15
4
3
#12
She will allow him to see my grandson, but she don't follow the terms of the child support .. so i might get a couple of days a month...
 
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
#13
Jul 18, 2017
26,074
13,778
113
#13
Keeperofpeace said:
My other children resent my relationship with Adrian but my other two grandchildren don't show the love and affection to me like Adrian does... It's very difficult to explain... Is this natural.. ? Has anyone else felt this way...?
Click to expand...
It is perfectly natural as maxwel has noted. Ideally you could adopt this child if the parents had no objection (not very likely).
 
Lafftur

Lafftur

Senior Member
#14
Apr 18, 2017
6,896
3,636
113
#14
Keeperofpeace said:
Hello all... I'm a 55 yr old grandfather of three grandson's.. ages 3 and 3 and 5 yrs and i dearly love and care for them so much... but my issue is that i have this special bonding with one of my three yr old grandson's Adrian.. I raised him since birth but last summer my daughter and son in law moved into their own place and i was devastated to say the least... I can't ever remember feeling so much love for someone than I do for that baby... I recently was working out of town for a few months and i missed that child terribly... I would call him everyday after work and just the sound of his voice would make me cry..... Adrian often will stay the night with Paw paw but he cries bitterly when his parents come for him because he wants to stay with me... It breaks my heart to see him leave like that...My other children resent my relationship with Adrian but my other two grandchildren don't show the love and affection to me like Adrian does... It's very difficult to explain... Is this natural.. ? Has anyone else felt this way...? View attachment 202995
Click to expand...
Yes, Jacob has felt like you about Joseph and favored him more than his other children which created jealousy in Joseph’s brother’s hearts. Jacob only made one coat of many colors...:unsure:

Yet, spiritually speaking......there might be a very valid reason for what you are feeling towards Adrian...what if he is the “Joseph” of your family?

Your connection to him might be more spiritual than natural. God has formed the bond between you and Adrian.

Just make sure Adrian is not more important than God to you or Adrian will end up on “the altar” (figuratively speaking) and you might not see him again until God allows.

Be careful, love God with all your heart. It just sounds like a time of testing for you. Nothing and no one belongs to us. Adrian belongs to God, just as you do.
 
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