Is it okay to marry someone just to have children?

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TheIndianGirl

Guest
#1
#1
Is it okay to marry someone just to have children? For example, if you prayed for and found someone (and you also think God has led him/her to you), however you are not "in love" with this person, would you get married? You do like this person though and could see yourself with this person long-term (he's loyal, kind, etc.). I would especially like to hear from divorced people with kids.
 
OneOfHis

OneOfHis

Well-known member
#2
Mar 24, 2019
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#2
I would feel strongly convicted and opposed to marrying anyone, who I didn't love and want to spend the rest of my life with.


This person is supposed to be my other half and actually come BEFORE children.


Lets say I marry the woman who is equally yoked with me and who is good to marry. I love her and we get along great.


Wether or not God blesses us with natural born children of our own, this is a blessing and I have found a good thing.



If I marry just to produce a child, and God does not bless us with a child.... then what?


Also, you would be living a lie if you truly felt this way and didn't share it with your other half and they were under the assumption you married them specifically because you loved them and wanted to remain together until death do you part.


Honestly it sounds like spitting on Gods design for marriage to me.😅




Children are a blessing and not an entitlement.

Marriage is more than just a prerequisite to a gift we may or may not recieve.
 
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Ghoti2

Well-known member
#3
Nov 8, 2019
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#3
TheIndianGirl said:
Is it okay to marry someone just to have children? For example, if you prayed for and found someone (and you also think God has led him/her to you), however you are not "in love" with this person, would you get married? You do like this person though and could see yourself with this person long-term (he's loyal, kind, etc.). I would especially like to hear from divorced people with kids.
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Not at all. How can you think so lowly of yourself.... AND of him? Are you a breed cow?
 
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TheIndianGirl

Guest
#4
#4
Ghoti2 said:
Not at all. How can you think so lowly of yourself.... AND of him? Are you a breed cow?
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Not sure why you are so surprised at this question. This is a general question, not about me. Nonetheless, it should not be a big surprise that many women rush and marry to have children (because of the "ticking clock") and so they will marry anyone "good enough." Also, a lot of well-meaning people also push these women to marry a "good enough" man (i.e., people say things such as, don't be too picky, etc.) so there is some pressure. Even though it is not good, a lot of women do marry out of pressure and "settle."
 
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TheIndianGirl

Guest
#7
#7
I agree it is not wise to marry someone you are not "in love" with, but I'm sure virtually all of these women have no regrets about having these children. And many might say it was worth it to have the children.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#8
Feb 21, 2014
70,920
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#8
And what happens to those kids when/ if the parents get divorced because they aren't in love??
 
Aerials1978

Aerials1978

Well-known member
#9
Dec 10, 2019
1,707
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#9
TheIndianGirl said:
I agree it is not wise to marry someone you are not "in love" with, but I'm sure virtually all of these women have no regrets about having these children. And many might say it was worth it to have the children.
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There is the ripple effect to where God uses situations to bring about good. There is always the chance that disaster can come about. If they claim it’s was worth it, that might indicate their own selfish desires instead of Gods, the Fathers, or the Children’s.
 
GardenofWeeden

GardenofWeeden

Well-known member
#10
Jul 27, 2018
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The Garden of Weeden
#10
Would I do it? No. I have to be in love with someone to marry them regardless of how good, patient and all they are.

However, IF she can submit to her husband, showing him love, and IF he can love her like Christ loves the church, and IF they can teach their children how to live within a Godly marriage, forsaking ALL others, until DEATH do they part, then I say why not marry to have children? I HIGHLY doubt either of them can say without a doubt they can commit like this, without loving each other romantically if they are honest with themselves and each other, though.
Just my two cents though.
 
Whispered

Whispered

Well-known member
#11
Aug 17, 2019
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www.christiancourier.com
#11
TheIndianGirl said:
Is it okay to marry someone just to have children? For example, if you prayed for and found someone (and you also think God has led him/her to you), however you are not "in love" with this person, would you get married? You do like this person though and could see yourself with this person long-term (he's loyal, kind, etc.). I would especially like to hear from divorced people with kids.
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I think what is a first consideration as to having children is to realize, when you're thinking of a man to marry for that purpose, that you and your spouse will role model behaviors your children will watch and learn from as you are with one another as mom and dad.
If you are not in love with your spouse your children will learn from what you do have with him. You are both teachers of the highest order to young impressionable minds. Even in the womb, babies pick up on the emotions, because those are a chemical reaction in the body, and the baby shares all that goes on in your body.
You will impress upon your children to be what you do have in relationship with your spouse, even before they're born.
How will you teach your children when they're older what love is, what it means to love someone and the difference in being in love with someone, if you and dad are not in love?

Consider also that you don't have to be married in order to have children. In Vitro is always an option.
 
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GHW1776

Member
#12
Feb 26, 2020
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Cali
#12
I'm just going to say nope. That's a horrible road to even consider and the outcome of such a poor choice would be really bad. I'm just going to leave it at that.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#13
Sep 17, 2018
4,058
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#13
Part of marriage and children is reflecting what love and sacrifice and commitment is. All of that lacks when you marry for selfish reasons, thusly you show a wrong example to your children.
 
1christian1

1christian1

Banned
#14
Sep 13, 2018
2,587
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#14
TheIndianGirl said:
Is it okay to marry someone just to have children? For example, if you prayed for and found someone (and you also think God has led him/her to you), however you are not "in love" with this person, would you get married? You do like this person though and could see yourself with this person long-term (he's loyal, kind, etc.). I would especially like to hear from divorced people with kids.
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Why would the Lord send to you a person that you did'nt love. That does'nt make any sense. To me I mean...
 
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GHW1776

Member
#15
Feb 26, 2020
30
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Cali
#15
1christian1 said:
Why would the Lord send to you a person that you did'nt love. That does'nt make any sense. To me I mean...
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You are right. It doesn't make sense at all. And any Christian I am sure it wouldn't make sense to. So you were right in every way.
 
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GHW1776

Member
#17
Feb 26, 2020
30
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Cali
#17
What does being divorced have to do with it? I mean are you making an assumption that people who are divorced did this very thing you are asking about?
 
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EleventhHour

Guest
#18
#18
TheIndianGirl said:
Is it okay to marry someone just to have children? For example, if you prayed for and found someone (and you also think God has led him/her to you), however you are not "in love" with this person, would you get married? You do like this person though and could see yourself with this person long-term (he's loyal, kind, etc.). I would especially like to hear from divorced people with kids.
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Read a book by C S Lewis...called The Four Loves ...I think it will help in your decision.

It speaks about how filial love can become eros love .... this is often seen in culture that have arranged marriages.
 
laughingheart

laughingheart

Senior Member
#19
Sep 21, 2016
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#19
I understand that you are not asking for yourself and are bringing up a question. Here are my thoughts.
I know that there are people who rationalize things. They list the person's good attributes but in their heart they know they are settling. Do they realize that they are cheating the other person? They are keeping them from the chance of having a spouse who loves them. This is not right to do to them. They are also saying that when they take their vows, they are willing to lie. Neither of these things are part of Christian love. You need to care about the other person's needs. That other person,as well as themselves, will never have the real intimacy that most of us crave. They will have a sense of loss or emptiness because they are not their spouse's love.
I am not saying that love can't or doesn't grow within a relationship that didn't start out as romantic, but if someone has already decided that they do not have these feelings for someone, neither of you will end up happy.
 
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EleventhHour

Guest
#20
#20
laughingheart said:
I understand that you are not asking for yourself and are bringing up a question. Here are my thoughts.
I know that there are people who rationalize things. They list the person's good attributes but in their heart they know they are settling. Do they realize that they are cheating the other person? They are keeping them from the chance of having a spouse who loves them. This is not right to do to them. They are also saying that when they take their vows, they are willing to lie. Neither of these things are part of Christian love. You need to care about the other person's needs. That other person,as well as themselves, will never have the real intimacy that most of us crave. They will have a sense of loss or emptiness because they are not their spouse's love.
I am not saying that love can't or doesn't grow within a relationship that didn't start out as romantic, but if someone has already decided that they do not have these feelings for someone, neither of you will end up happy.
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She stated not "in love" not that she did not love the person.
Romantic love is not that far from filial love.
 
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