Hmm...I can offer you some sort of advice.
There are some superficial elements to being human as far as attraction is concerned. I've tried to skirt around that personally and say that I don't care what someone looks like but that's not being honest with myself. I don't care "too" much but even caring at all makes me feel worldly at times. Self-centered, narcissistic, egotistical.
That aside. I know fit men in the church that prefer "matronly" women. So don't get "too" worked up over that. I've seen Pastors that are thin and wives that are not. Also children change a woman's body, so a thin woman could just transform due to biology and there's nothing that can really be done (mostly).
I have a small gut from poor diet and poor exercise. It is hardly noticeable unless I'm swimming and it wouldn't be a deal breaker for most women on a superficial level. Do I still feel guilty about not loving the Lord with my physical strength to the fullest? Yes I do.
And no, it isn't shaming or condemnation motivated of that I am certain. It's neglecting my health. I'm going to start working out soon (because I finally have a workout partner spontaneously). I presume that diet will be modified when I do because it was when I was 16 (when I stopped) and french fries and eating 1-2 meals a day of just almost "Panic eating" because I start shaking or knowing that "I SHOULD" would in no way cut it for laborious physical exercise.
I get that way with water too...Drink coffee all day (that has stopped recently due to this mindset) among other negative habits and not hydrating except for an emergency or extreme dry mouth or nausea. I've pushed the limits of my body and I've also disassociated from it as a sort of protest as well as just not having an equilibrium with my flesh. Loving my temple.
For me it's being malnourished which is not as easy to perceive (unless one is keenly aware) is something that's more socially acceptable. Spiritually? No.
So I have the opposite side of the spectrum that people can't see. I'm not anorexic. You legit can't tell. I can though and I know the Lord can.
I imagine that someone in your position would long for what I have and for me it's reversed. If I were much heavier I would be more compelled to work out. I don't like eating. Sometimes I do, but I have to be enticed and I have fallen into the trap of subjugating (vs submitting) my flesh in unhealthy ways. Seriously unhealthy if I were to continue.
Vincent Van Gogh comes to mind. I think he died in his 30s. He had a bird diet of minimal cheese and wine if I recall correctly.
So that's the other end.
When I started walking daily on a track (which was open 24 hours
) and eating 3x/day I ended up looking gaunt and unhealthy to others but I felt great. When I moved back to where I am now I stopped because I don't want to walk in a neighborhood and I don't want to walk on a sidewalk beside a divided highway. #firstworldproblems
So I could keep going on and on about this if it's helpful but I do NOT agree that we must make no effort to refine our bodies. Not cosmetically necessarily (Spousal preference is where I sit on that) but health wise.
I may start a wellness thread on diet and exercise because it's something that often gets neglected.
Alas, tis a long topic that I could probably talk for 2 hours on because there are so many factors...
I had a friend of mine that was about the same weight and he dieted/did walking and worked out like a horse for a semester and there was hardly any change in his physical appearance. Genetically you will have limits and will have to operate in what you have been given. Of course, building muscle and replacing fat you wouldn't notice much of a difference initially.
Grrr...trying to wrap it up. Basically there are health rules and sometimes people punish their bodies. You have to love your body...like you would a pet or a child. Nourish it and not abuse it.
It's not a one size fits all thing though. Sometimes people starve themselves and end up gaining weight...your body panics and lowers its metabolic rate and goes into survival mode and stores more in preparation for starving. Note: I mean our definition of starving not someone that literally has no access to food.
Anyway. I would encourage walking. Get some good shoes. You'd be surprised at the amount of calories it can burn and how easy it can be. Use some headphones and listen to whatever puts you into a worshipful mindset. Enjoying creation is a great way to get more in shape. AVOID processed foods (your body doesn't "process" them well) don't go hungry...but be creative on your food intake.
Like I usually eat to stop the hunger pangs and to not have to sit as much. Try and stop at the point of "almost full" and eat SLOWER. Stretch a meal out to at least 30 mins if you can. There's always another meal in the future. Even cooking burns calories.
I'll probably post more when I start working out because it's going to be a rough process for me.
That ended up being a solid 12-13 mins talk time so at least there's that lol.
Anyway, <3 in Yeshua.
