I want to love more.

[LittleMermaid]

So we've all been there. Church is over and we're ready to go to lunch or maybe cook something tasty at home. We're excited to just enjoy Sunday afternoon with maybe a movie or a book or a nice nap. Sunday is awesome right? Then a fellow brother or sister approaches you and asks you for a ride home all the way over to the West side of town because their car broke down. That can take over an hour in the city I live. Or maybe she needs a ride to the tire shop. Whatever it might be, your plans are ruined, your day off is being eaten up, and you are super hungry by the time you finish helping your friend. You do it of course because you care about them. But inside you are annoyed.

When Jesus helped people, he did it lovingly and willingly. He was happy to serve. How can I change my attitude inside? How can I start feeling joy when I do help? Because I've noticed that sometimes I help but inside I'm tired and frustrated. I feel so fake, if that makes sense. I want to love people genuinely.

Do ya'll have any similar troubles? Maybe with time, it's gotten easier for you to do this? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[OneOfHis]

So we've all been there. Church is over and we're ready to go to lunch or maybe cook something tasty at home. We're excited to just enjoy Sunday afternoon with maybe a movie or a book or a nice nap. Sunday is awesome right? Then a fellow brother or sister approaches you and asks you for a ride home all the way over to the West side of town because their car broke down. That can take over an hour in the city I live. Or maybe she needs a ride to the tire shop. Whatever it might be, your plans are ruined, your day off is being eaten up, and you are super hungry by the time you finish helping your friend. You do it of course because you care about them. But inside you are annoyed.

When Jesus helped people, he did it lovingly and willingly. He was happy to serve. How can I change my attitude inside? How can I start feeling joy when I do help? Because I've noticed that sometimes I help but inside I'm tired and frustrated. I feel so fake, if that makes sense. I want to love people genuinely.

Do ya'll have any similar troubles? Maybe with time, it's gotten easier for you to do this? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Very very good question.....

Ya.... I've faced this too

I can give (time,money,energy) happily... but I am also guilty of giving and feeling a bit ... bummed out sometimes...


I don't think you're fake at all and you seeing this in yourself is being very real...

Our flesh wants pleasure... or gain for joy...

Our quickened spirit want us to love and share joyfully....

I think the hardest part is accepting where we are lacking and you've done that already....
You want to improve because you love Him and those who ask of you...

What we have to do in the moment is pray for deliverance from the temptation to be bitter about sharing what GOD provided... (time money or energy) and find the joy in the opportunity we have to help... to even have the power to help in the first place...

 

[LoneGirl02]

So we've all been there. Church is over and we're ready to go to lunch or maybe cook something tasty at home. We're excited to just enjoy Sunday afternoon with maybe a movie or a book or a nice nap. Sunday is awesome right? Then a fellow brother or sister approaches you and asks you for a ride home all the way over to the West side of town because their car broke down. That can take over an hour in the city I live. Or maybe she needs a ride to the tire shop. Whatever it might be, your plans are ruined, your day off is being eaten up, and you are super hungry by the time you finish helping your friend. You do it of course because you care about them. But inside you are annoyed.

When Jesus helped people, he did it lovingly and willingly. He was happy to serve. How can I change my attitude inside? How can I start feeling joy when I do help? Because I've noticed that sometimes I help but inside I'm tired and frustrated. I feel so fake, if that makes sense. I want to love people genuinely.

Do ya'll have any similar troubles? Maybe with time, it's gotten easier for you to do this? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Wow, such good questions!

Yes, we all struggle with being able to love, serve and help people from a heart that is from pure compassion.

Basically, its Jesus who pours into our hearts the love and compassion . He knows we can't love people on our own. So, the more you spend time with Jesus, the more you become more like Him in order to help people with a loving heart.

Just ask Him...you want to be more like Him. You want to love people inside and out. He knows you desires this...so why not?😊

 

[love_comes_softly]

@LittleMermaid what an awesome, very relevant topic!!

This is something I too have to be careful of doing. I wondered how I could care so much, want to help and still feel like I “wasted” my time. Then I feel major guilt for feeling that way.

The Lord has been showing me that I personally should change the way I look at my days. I’m praying about how I can change my heart and mind, so that I can ask “what do you have for me to do today, Lord?”

When I don’t look at the day as “mine”, but rather the Lord’s, it becomes a bit easier. It’s a work in progress, however I have noticed a difference in my inward attitude.

It was also brought to my attention to try to prioritize my other days, so that I don’t feel like my only down time happens on one day. We do need to find rest in each day.

I look forward to hearing what others have to share.

 

[Jimbone]

Oh man have I been there, but in my area a ride home is not a 2 hour trip or anything, but what's had me feeling like that is when you get the one that just expects it, every time. Always finds a ride there and is just like "looks like I'm getting a ride from you" thing that starts to wear so thin, never offers any gas money and looks for the groups you sign up for to sign up for to just start imposing themselves right on you no problem at all.....but we are going to talk about/learn about/worship Jesus you know???? It's like the same thing, and this is just a way for us to be Christ to the least of them. So I believe this is ONLY because we have His Spirit in us, otherwise we would have no problem "having something else to do", when they asked. This is His power working in our hearts bringing us to all truth, and also why He gets all glory for it, because at least in my case something I'd never even be at church to do anyway, but even if I was would have found a reason to say no the second time on. Good topic, and praise God for conversations like this.

 

[Pipp]

This has become a thing in the past year or so for me as well..... I think the thing that gets me is I've never had alot of personal time in my whole life and now that I realize it as a need in my own life I guess I sometimes feel like it doesnt matter as much as other peoples needs. Theres been many times I've babysat or been asked to do something that completely takes up my weekend, which is my only chance at me time . It feels wrong to have the free time and say no to someone else though, it makes me feel selfish. I love helping others and I'll give you anything I have, I just wish my own needs were being met as well.

Sorry if this makes me seem self centered or like cry baby, but its bothered me more in the past year than ever.

 

[OneOfHis]

This has become a thing in the past year or so for me as well..... I think the thing that gets me is I've never had alot of personal time in my whole life and now that I realize it as a need in my own life I guess I sometimes feel like it doesnt matter as much as other peoples needs. Theres been many times I've babysat or been asked to do something that completely takes up my weekend, which is my only chance at me time . It feels wrong to have the free time and say no to someone else though, it makes me feel selfish. I love helping others and I'll give you anything I have, I just wish my own needs were being met as well.

Sorry if this makes me seem self centered or like cry baby, but its bothered me more in the past year than ever.

Not even a little...

There is a line ...

God provides all of our time... we have limited time... just like we have limited resources like money....

If every time we were provided wages for the opportunities we are given.... we would give them ALL away....

We in our life would give much less in total than if we were to use those wages to build a foundation and provide more opportunity for others.....


I think in our own lives we need to look to Him for joy in giving... but also when to give and what to give....


You're not a cry baby at all... if anything I would guess more than a few times you gave a bit more than maybe was optimal and it left some .... trials or pain or "want"....


This topic is so deep on so many levels😅


jim also brought up how sometime giving to someone who is entitled could be an issue in of itself...

to take that to the extreme

i dont think we SHOULD find joy in enabling something bad like an abusive or ungrateful behavior through giving money or encouragement at the wrong times....

 

[Jimbone]

Not even a little...

There is a line ...

God provides all of our time... we have limited time... just like we have limited resources like money....

If every time we were provided wages for the opportunities we are given.... we would give them ALL away....

We in our life would give much less in total than if we were to use those wages to build a foundation and provide more opportunity for others.....


I think in our own lives we need to look to Him for joy in giving... but also when to give and what to give....


You're not a cry baby at all... if anything I would guess more than a few times you gave a bit more than maybe was optimal and it left some .... trials or pain or "want"....


This topic is so deep on so many levels😅


jim also brought up how sometime giving to someone who is entitled could be an issue in of itself...

to take that to the extreme

i dont think we SHOULD find joy in enabling something bad like an abusive or ungrateful behavior through giving money or encouragement at the wrong times....

The issue with this particular one I have called him out on it and told him exactly how it comes across. I am open with this person, but my point wasn't his issues, it was that Jesus would be willing to give us a ride home every time, and He would probably use those times to talk with and grow us. I understand what you mean, and trust me I've said something, but I always think of the guys that took the roof up to lower there friend to Jesus, if he's trying to impose himself on Jesus, then come on.

 

[christian74]

@LittleMermaid
Great topic as this is something I struggle with also time to time but this is what I go by: (1) I stop helping when I no longer do it out of cheerful heart and also let them know; (2) context matter as in do they really need help, have they become feel almost entitled to my "service," and/or is my heart in it as I no longer do things if there is no joy in it; and (3) most importantly, I will listen to Holy Spirit and His prompting. Also, I believe it's really about having a close daily relationship with Jesus, being connected to Him intimately, that will shape and transform you from within, giving more love, wisdom, and strength to do what is right under any given circumstance.

 

[OneOfHis]

The issue with this particular one I have called him out on it and told him exactly how it comes across. I am open with this person, but my point wasn't his issues, it was that Jesus would be willing to give us a ride home every time, and He would probably use those times to talk with and grow us. I understand what you mean, and trust me I've said something, but I always think of the guys that took the roof up to lower there friend to Jesus, if he's trying to impose himself on Jesus, then come on.

Amen...

I actually love the way that sounded "Jesus would give us a ride home everytime"....

So true.....

I wasn't trying to suggest you have done wrong or helped too much or provided support to a bad cause... and hope I didn't sound that way...


I only was trying to make a point that sometimes people either need a different help than what they "want" and that sometimes when we give too much in the short term... we give less in the long term never having a chance to build up ourselves...


God bless you for caring so much and doing everything in your power to show Gods love shining in you

 

[Gregoryp]

There is the parable of money, you have $100 to last the next two weeks, its enough if your frugal though. However, your neighbour comes and needs to borrow $55 for either medication, gas money etc. Now if you give him the $55 , your left with $45 for the two weeks. So in my case the answer was no, I cannot help. Because all your doing is transferring the problem from one person to another. So in other words be discerning. Yourself has to come first. An hour out of your weekend time is ok, or a Saturday night house sitting, but there has to be a cut off point.

 

[Oncefallen]

Amen...

I actually love the way that sounded "Jesus would give us a ride home everytime"....

So true.....

But He wouldn't.

People get this skewed idea that Christ did everything that everyone wanted when they wanted it but that is not the Jesus that is portrayed in the whole of scripture. Jesus routinely "retreated" from the crowds with his disciples and at times even left his disciples to be alone with the Father. If Christ needed to "recharge" from ministry, how much more do we?

One of the biggest problems that has plagued the church for decades is that a small percentage of total attendees do the vast majority of the work within the church because of consumerism culture where people perceive church as a place they go to be served rather than a place that they go to serve others. As a result, the small percentage that do serve end up getting guilted into doing by far more than they should (often ignoring other responsibilities such as their families) to fill the gap.

Jesus did exactly what His Father called Him to do at exactly the time that it was supposed to be done.

 

[Jimbone]

But He wouldn't.

People get this skewed idea that Christ did everything that everyone wanted when they wanted it but that is not the Jesus that is portrayed in the whole of scripture. Jesus routinely "retreated" from the crowds with his disciples and at times even left his disciples to be alone with the Father. If Christ needed to "recharge" from ministry, how much more do we?

One of the biggest problems that has plagued the church for decades is that a small percentage of total attendees do the vast majority of the work within the church because of consumerism culture where people perceive church as a place they go to be served rather than a place that they go to serve others. As a result, the small percentage that do serve end up getting guilted into doing by far more than they should (often ignoring other responsibilities such as their families) to fill the gap.

Jesus did exactly what His Father called Him to do at exactly the time that it was supposed to be done.

I understand what you mean, but this is the same Jesus that says if your brother ask you to walk a mile, you walk two right? If you think what I was talking about is what you're describing here, and just being walked over, then you're wrong, and Jesus would do exactly what I said, every time. It's not about Him doing everything everyone wants, no body even suggested this, you brought it to the conversation from nowhere, it's about Jesus being amazed by the lengths and things they will do to get to Him, and how He had pity and mercy on the crowds and stayed all night with them. I agree with much of what your saying here, but the sideways way you came at this comment so quick to "teach" and say what Jesus wouldn't do, you missed what the spirit of the whole comment was about.

 

[OneOfHis]

But He wouldn't.

People get this skewed idea that Christ did everything that everyone wanted when they wanted it but that is not the Jesus that is portrayed in the whole of scripture. Jesus routinely "retreated" from the crowds with his disciples and at times even left his disciples to be alone with the Father. If Christ needed to "recharge" from ministry, how much more do we?

One of the biggest problems that has plagued the church for decades is that a small percentage of total attendees do the vast majority of the work within the church because of consumerism culture where people perceive church as a place they go to be served rather than a place that they go to serve others. As a result, the small percentage that do serve end up getting guilted into doing by far more than they should (often ignoring other responsibilities such as their families) to fill the gap.

Jesus did exactly what His Father called Him to do at exactly the time that it was supposed to be done.

Sorry if I poorly worded my post.... I actually agreed with your main point in my post...

I only was trying to make a point that sometimes people either need a different help than what they "want" and that sometimes when we give too much in the short term... we give less in the long term never having a chance to build up ourselves...

When I agreed He would give us a ride home every time, it was under the idea that a ride home would be best for us and we also NEEDED the help....


But I think you make a great point and what you said is true.

 

[OneOfHis]

I understand what you mean, but this is the same Jesus that says if your brother ask you to walk a mile, you walk two right? If you think what I was talking about is what you're describing here, and just being walked over, then you're wrong, and Jesus would do exactly what I said, every time. It's not about Him doing everything everyone wants, no body even suggested this, you brought it to the conversation from nowhere, it's about Jesus being amazed by the lengths and things they will do to get to Him, and how He had pity and mercy on the crowds and stayed all night with them. I agree with much of what your saying here, but the sideways way you came at this comment so quick to "teach" and say what Jesus wouldn't do, you missed what the spirit of the whole comment was about.

I think he was only replying to the most literal sense of what was said, in regards to how it could not be true. ( imagine a man who asked for a fish every day... when he can learn how to himself)


I think we all have made good points here...


hahaha

who would have thought how to love more would be such a deep topic with so many different scenerios🤣

 

[Lynx]

For me, it would depend on how tired I am, how hungry I am and how much money I have. Also it would depend on whether the person has never asked for help before or is always asking for assistance.

If I'm very hungry, but I have cash to stop and get something en route, I'd give the person a ride but specify I'm gonna stop on the way and get something to eat.

If I'm very tired I'm going to say sorry I can't help, I have plans today. Because I do. If I'm really tired my plans involve lying down. I'm not telling them that because they naturally take exception to being brushed off because I want to go home and take a nap, but I gotta rest sometimes and there are other people in this church.

If it is somebody who is always asking for help, I am not one to enable laziness. I will say I have plans today and he will go find somebody else to leech.

 

[zeroturbulence]

So we've all been there. Church is over and we're ready to go to lunch or maybe cook something tasty at home. We're excited to just enjoy Sunday afternoon with maybe a movie or a book or a nice nap. Sunday is awesome right? Then a fellow brother or sister approaches you and asks you for a ride home all the way over to the West side of town because their car broke down. That can take over an hour in the city I live. Or maybe she needs a ride to the tire shop. Whatever it might be, your plans are ruined, your day off is being eaten up, and you are super hungry by the time you finish helping your friend. You do it of course because you care about them. But inside you are annoyed.

When Jesus helped people, he did it lovingly and willingly. He was happy to serve. How can I change my attitude inside? How can I start feeling joy when I do help? Because I've noticed that sometimes I help but inside I'm tired and frustrated. I feel so fake, if that makes sense. I want to love people genuinely.

Do ya'll have any similar troubles? Maybe with time, it's gotten easier for you to do this? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Keep in mind that Jesus could perform miracles and had unlimited energy. If someone needed a ride he could make a horse or donkey magically appear..

If it's too much for you, then I think you should tell this person that you just can't do it anymore. You're not her parent or guardian. She should find a ride with someone who lives closer to her or find a church that is closer. If she can't then she needs to pray for some other means to get a ride. It's not fair to you. If it was a life and death situation then your sacrifice would be justified, but this is more than you should have to put up with.

 

[TamLynn]

This has become a thing in the past year or so for me as well..... I think the thing that gets me is I've never had alot of personal time in my whole life and now that I realize it as a need in my own life I guess I sometimes feel like it doesnt matter as much as other peoples needs. Theres been many times I've babysat or been asked to do something that completely takes up my weekend, which is my only chance at me time . It feels wrong to have the free time and say no to someone else though, it makes me feel selfish. I love helping others and I'll give you anything I have, I just wish my own needs were being met as well.

Sorry if this makes me seem self centered or like cry baby, but its bothered me more in the past year than ever.

You dont sound selfish at all.

You do sound like you are aware of how refueling and resting has become more important to your mental health. ❤
Mental health plays into EVERY area of our life.
We need time to relax and be rejuvenated by the things that make our hearts come alive!
Many years ago I heard the phrase "Ministry isnt always convenient". (And ain't that the truth!?!)
I have reminded myself of this several times over the years.
Extending kindness is something we can all do and if you feel God leading you to serve then trust that He will bring those times of refreshing you need.
If you're struggling with it pray and ask Him to reveal what He's wanting (if anything) to teach you during this time.
Its 100% OK to say 'No' if you can't or don't feel like doing something (liberating even!)
The accuser likes to lie to us and tell us we are horrible selfish people for even considering not helping. Not true.
As we walk in obedience with God, we will see that there are many good things we can do. Let's pray that He will lead us to the BEST things we can do. 🤗

 

[BrotherMike]

I have no problems with helping people out with time or money IF it’s something the Lord gives me the ok to do. I usually pray about it so the Holy Spirit guides me. The one thing I try to make sure is not being taken advantage of or taking advantage of others. I also think what would Jesus do? What also helps me is I believe I am honored to bless others. Everything including my time and assets belong to Him. God gave me whatever I am capable of to help those who need it. Storing treasure in heaven is what we should be doing . I totally get it though that we need to make sure we are taken care of too. If you have the energy to help, go for it. Or maybe you can find someone who does have the energy to do so. Saying no is ok too if you don’t feel led to help. Not an easy battle but maybe some of the suggestions i wrote will help organize the thoughts.

 

[BrotherMike]

I do believe in order for us to love more, we need to receive Jesus passionate, personal, powerful love for us. It's the most amazing feeling in the world to bask in His love and presence to fill us up with Joy and Peace. With this we will be better equipped to love others more.