I don't know

[ChrisTopherO]

I'm sad. I don't know what to say. I have been trained to be a certain person. I have been taught many things. I drink because of what I know. I know things about humanity. I know how things work. I don't like what I know. I want to be free of it. If you only knew what was going on. I hate what I know. I hate what I know.

 

[shittim]

I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I, Me, me, me, me, Mine, mine, mine, mine,.......
When truly become His we notice that I, me, and Mine are no longer in our vocabulary, we are "hidden" in Christ, His thoughts are our thoughts, His desires become our desires, His walk is walked out through us.

 

[Oblio]

I'm sad. I don't know what to say. I have been trained to be a certain person. I have been taught many things. I drink because of what I know. I know things about humanity. I know how things work. I don't like what I know. I want to be free of it. If you only knew what was going on. I hate what I know. I hate what I know.

Welcome to Christian Chat. I hope you can find some rest here.

 

[LoveBrokeThru]

I'm sad. I don't know what to say. I have been trained to be a certain person.

When you are "of the world", separated from God, you are owned by the world's demands.
When you are born again, and Spiritually become "one with God", then you are free'd from being like the world demands that you be.
To be "free in Christ" is to be free from the "world mind", which is actually nothing but lies and pretense and hype and falseness.
To be made free from this, is to be "in the world but not of it".....and this is peace of mind found and this is truth gained.
You have to find that here... John 14:6

 

[Magenta]

Welcome!

 

[PennEd]

I'm sad. I don't know what to say. I have been trained to be a certain person. I have been taught many things. I drink because of what I know. I know things about humanity. I know how things work. I don't like what I know. I want to be free of it. If you only knew what was going on. I hate what I know. I hate what I know.

Welcome to CC! Hope you find peace from these thoughts here.

If you are CIA, or NSA etc..., then give us some inside baseball please!

Otherwise, we here all know about humanity as well. Our hearts are incurably desperate and wicked. So we wouldn't be shocked by what any human is capable of.

But if we are born again, we are given a NEW heart! Praise Jesus!

 

[tstumf]

Hello Chris, much brotherly love. I think with these feelings and what you seem to be going through remind me of a certain point in my life not long ago. I’m not much further into this journey than you but I can share what I know if it will help you and maybe depending on that you were trained to do ( I have my guesses) I recently learned of a group of men in the USA you can get in contact with In real life and set you on the right path to healing. Men much as yourself trained to do terrible things now experiencing a full life in Christ free from this stuff. I will get you their contact page linked if you want something like that. I have to ask first Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior into your heart? If not now is the time. Gods training will overcome whatever worldly training you have. God is greater than whatever you face today and it’s entirely possible to be freed of these thoughts, and negative emotions you face no matter what they are but first is accepting your new position in Christ and being Gods son and a student to his path and process that is where the path to this new training begins. Gods life and training is Greater and stronger than what you are facing right now and It may not feel like it or seem like it at this time but it’s true he has moved me miles from where I once was a couple years ago. God Bless you with much love.

 

[Magenta]

I'm sad. I don't know what to say. I have been trained to be a certain person. I have been taught many things. I drink because of what I know. I know things about humanity. I know how things work. I don't like what I know. I want to be free of it. If you only knew what was going on. I hate what I know. I hate what I know.

I remember feeling like that. I remember knowing that if I had a gun, I may well have put a bullet in my brain to stop the thoughts that endlessly went through it. I remember wondering, and pondering for many years, and agonizing over the meaning of my life: what was it supposed to be? I remember feeling so empty and lost, and not knowing what to do about it. I remember feeling like I should know, how could I not know, why did I not know??? I remember feeling like I had no words to say how I really felt. I remember thinking it would be futile to attempt to do so. I remember endeavoring to run from, forget, and/or dull the pain through drinking, drugging, and relationships. I remember alcohol poisoning, and a few drug overdoses. I remember failed relationships. I remember coming to the end of myself. I remember God revealing Himself to me, imparting to me the understanding that He knew everything there was to know about me, that He knew every decision I had ever made that brought me to this place of feeling so useless, worthless, and broken. I remember feeling His unconditional love for me. I remember how it filled my entire body, and how I wept to experience it, knowing how unworthy of it I was. I remember that He forgave me even though I could not forgive myself. I remember thinking, I don't believe in that God, but I cherished none-the-less the knowledge that God loved me. I remember thinking, there must be something else. I remember looking for that something else for many years. I remember coming to the end of myself, again. I remember crying out to God, that God I did not believe in, for help. I remember that within days I was clean and sober. I remember then turning more intentionally to others for help, and going places where I could listen to people articulate their life's circumstances and their suffering. I remember they spoke of a solution, but I could not hear it. I remember they said, "Keep coming back," so I did. I remember them telling me it gets better, and it has. I remember loving listening to people tell their God stories. I remember coming to believe. I remember that God loved me at my worst, upheld me at my lowest, and directed me when I asked for help, as long as I was willing. I hope the same for you.

 

[Magenta]

I also remember how they spoke of unspeakable joy even in the face of life's challenges. I remember they were able to see themselves clearly yet still laugh at themselves despite their failures. I remember how awed I felt to be in the presence of those who were willing to be so honest, who allowed themselves to be so vulnerable, who were able to say the things I could not, and who seemed to have no need of justifying their existence to others. I remember the fear I had. I remember the crushing, paralyzing weight of guilt and shame that used to burden me. All these things I remember with gratitude to have survived the stupidity of my youth. I know I did nothing on my own but run from Him in rebellion and defiance. I thank God for being so long suffering and gracious toward me.

 

[Rhomphaeam]

I'm sad. I don't know what to say. I have been trained to be a certain person. I have been taught many things. I drink because of what I know. I know things about humanity. I know how things work. I don't like what I know. I want to be free of it. If you only knew what was going on. I hate what I know. I hate what I know.

Hi Chris, Be at rest and set your sights on Christ. One thing that has never ceased to sadden me in the course of fellowshipping with believers is to hear the details of the many accounts of life that seem almost too terrible to believe. If you have experienced that by projection then that in truth may be even more difficult to bear with. All I can tell you is that Christ heals. Just to know Him and his mercy - HEALS.

Welcome to the forum

 

[Roughsoul1991]

I'm sad. I don't know what to say. I have been trained to be a certain person. I have been taught many things. I drink because of what I know. I know things about humanity. I know how things work. I don't like what I know. I want to be free of it. If you only knew what was going on. I hate what I know. I hate what I know.

I think you would learn much from Solomon's Ecclesiastes (he reaches your same feelings but the conclusion gives you the answer to begin to focus on.

 

[Mem]

When my friends ask me, "How are you doing?" I answer, " I know the day surely comes when God wipes away all my tears."

 

[Magenta]

When my friends ask me, "How are you doing?" I answer, " I know the day surely comes when God wipes away all my tears."

Hebrews 13:14

 

[Artios1]

What you have to realize is…. what you know is worldly…and it is a spiritual battle.

Let me emphatically state ~No matter what~ ….We still come out victorious! Rest your mind in knowing that….

 

[GaryA]

I'm sad. I don't know what to say. I have been trained to be a certain person. I have been taught many things. I drink because of what I know. I know things about humanity. I know how things work. I don't like what I know. I want to be free of it. If you only knew what was going on. I hate what I know. I hate what I know.

There are many who know a great deal about what is going on...

And, the important question is - how can you use that knowlege to help someone?

Having that knowlege - and not doing any good thing with it - what use is there in it?

Trust in the Lord.

Stop drinking.

Be sober.

1 Peter 1:

13 Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

Don't let it destroy you; instead, "use it for good"...

 

[Lanolin]

is it a trauma, the way to be free of a trauma is to talk to God about it. He'll listen

some things are hard to bear. Thats why some ppl drink to try and forget...but its better to take you cares and worries to God and He can comfort you and heal them.