Those who follow Christ are persecuted. This is Bibilical. This is God's Word. The one who stays faithful to the end is saved.
Sometimes, no, many a times when I see Christians bullying fellow Christians, it feels like God turns a blind eye. I know feelings betray us. But why do Christians who commit wrongs are living a blessed life and the ones who got hurt are scolded by God for being angry and bitter?
I am embarrassed writing this.. but I want to let at least some things out..
I got married nearly 10 years ago. It was an arranged marriage. My husband married me cos his girlfriend of 12 years had broken up with him and got married. The days leading to our marriage was horrendous. I was 25 and so foolish. I naively told him I didn't care about his past as long as he didn't bring his past into our marriage. My engagement and marriage were tear-filled. I couldn't point what was wrong but everything was wrong. I don't have a close relationship with family. I don't have friends who can support me emotionally. Dealing all this by myself was driving me crazy. After marriage, he told me we cannot join together in bed cos he wanted to tell me something. After about a week, he told he he had erectile dysfunction. I supported him, told him not to worry and that we can ask God for his healing. But, this man became so toxic. He was always on and on about how God did not help him unite with his girlfriend, how God deceived him when he believed that God would keep His promise and so on.
Next, the sexual intimacy was a nightmare. He wanted to do everything that they showed in porn and when I cried or resisted, he would get angry and fight with me. He told his parents that I am uncooperative and they would give me a hard time. There have been times when he forgot about my existence and locked the bedroom, and I had to sleep in the living room without a pillow or blanket. There was absolutely no respect, no love and torture was too much from both my husband and my in-laws that I attempted to end my life twice within 4 months of marriage. He would walk around completely without clothes and force me to do so. If I resisted, he would get angry and we would end up fighting. It was so bad, I felt trapped within 4 walls and lost my identity. My parents could not do anything out of fear cos they feared their family would threaten to divorce me. So with no support, life became hellish.
10 months into marriage, he had a huge argument with his parents over his desire to do business without prior knowledge or experience. During that time, while trying to pacify him and mend the relationship between them, we got into an argument and had a big fight. He used that situation to lie to his parents that I treated him poorly because of his dysfunction. His parents were filled with rage, immediately took him to a doctor, checked that he was okay and pressured to divorce me. They went to their Church Pastor and he called me to come alone to the Church and not tell anything to my parents. Then he and his wife prayed for me to drive away the evil spirit. He said when my husband was back from work, he would pray for him similarly. But when my husband came, the Pastor adviced me on how good my husband was and that I had to be blessed to be married into such a wonderful family, prayed for us and then sent us away. On our way back, where I was shocked beyond words, my husband told me he wanted to drink alcohol. I was flabbergasted! This was the man that the Church Pastor was supporting. Oh, the Pastor was using my father-in-law's land to run his Church.
We went back home and got into yet another argument. My husband complained to his mother. And the Church Pastor called my phone and told me if he can get us both divorced. I cried a lot, and told my father, and my father scolded the Pastor 'Is this what a Christian Pastor would do?'
So yes, I was constantly tortured by my husband, my in-laws, his Church Pastor and his Church members. So many support for him while I was all alone, by myself. I lost hope in God. Where was He? What was He doing? Watching on as a bystander? I lost interest in Church, lost hope in God. I do not remember what I prayed to God about. I did not strive in prayer. I never felt God's presence. Never remembered Him. He was not there. Even if He was, He was only a bystander, just watching my life in ruins.
My husband, since the beginning of marriage, always tormented me about his sexual fantasy, of having 10 girls in bed, argued with me about how polygamy was legal according to the Bible and compared me to a porn actress. I hated intimacy with him. It felt like a torture. Once he even stopped my continuous hiccups with a shocking story that he had a family with another girl.
Once I had shared with him my horrible experience with a pervert, and since that moment on he mimicked the pervert - the same words, the perverted tone and would get a kick out of it.
Things turned uglier and uglier. He would poop and not flush, he would drink whenever I was not home, and would smoke inside our bedroom so much that I could not sleep cos the pillows and blankets reeked of cigarette.
I was always crying, always tormented, always depressed and we were always arguing and fighting. He would always tell everything to his mom, dad and sister but a tweaked version. From what I had witnessed, even if he had told them the complete truth, they would have protected him while giving me up to death. Due to work, we were living in a different city from home. But he and his mother planned to shift us to their home, slowly driving me away cos I did not satisfy him in bed. He never discussed any financials with me, like he got into a lot of trouble by lending money to colleagues who cheated him. Even then, he got mad and rageful at me when I told him to be careful with money and to put aside some money for household expense before spending on non-emergency purposes. He got angry as if I was trying to do something bad. So, eventually his family without my consent, without a single discussion brought us home where he was working from home. Shortly after, I landed up a job. Things were still very bad at home. Now we were living with his parents. So even more cruel and terrible so much that not even the maid had any respect for me as a person. Why did I even stay in such a marriage?
One day we got into another argument and fought again. I wanted to stay with my parents for the weekend, he escalated it saying don't come back, stay more days and such. Then I cried cos he was basically driving me away. He and his family knows that I am very timid and wouldn't go to the cops and such. Ofc, stupid me did not even think about it. Anyway, he treated me so cruelly. He said he had already slept with 10 girls when we were married. I broke down completely lost, wept and wept. HIs mother was present, shocked and speechless. She said, 'Do you want to live with such a bad man?'. I told her 'haven't you thought about how you would answer God when judgement day comes?' and said 'how are you going to go to Church and participate in communion? Wouldn't you feel too guilty?' She said nothing. With tears pouring down my face, body trembling, I left their place and never went back.
After 2 months he sent me a lawyer's notice, then pressure me to sign mutual divorce. When my family and I refused, they filed for divorce. That was when I got angry. After doing all this, is he going to silently escape? I filed counter. It's been 6+ years of non-stop crying, depression, deep deep darkness for me.
During one of the court sessions, he told me privately that he already married another girl through a dating site. And they have a son together. He showed me whatsapp group messages of his cousins congratulating him. This tore me apart, broke me to pieces. I have never recovered. It took me years to come out of my room where I had shut myself in. There was no one to listen to me, to hear my pain. My parents are opposite of his'. My father prioritizes his ego, my mother wants to send me back to him cos Christians do not divorce. My own parents became a second hell to me. My father never supports me during my divorce case cos he is ashamed of me for being weak. My mother still prays for me to go back to the marriage. There is none and she doesn't want to accept it. I asked her, 'Should I go as his second wife like he asked me?'. My husband once told me I can come be his second wife if I wanted, with a smirk on his face. This happened in the court premises, in private. I cried again. He again told me if I wanted him back, I need to be fully naked in the house. I cried again. There is no justice. No escape. I married a wrong person. If I remain in this marriage, I will slowly wither. If I get out of this marriage, I will always carry the label.
I hated God. I still do. He abandoned me at the most difficult time. The doctor at the hospital had said that it was a miracle that I was alive without a single thing that went wrong and that was thanks to the God I worshipped. But I hate God. Did He keep me alive just so that I can die everyday? During my marriage with no one by my side, I reached out to plenty of Christian organizations. Nobody helped. Nobody was able to listen to my cry. Nobody understood. They are all the same. All serve money, they don't serve God. And God also loves people with money. My husband's parents had built a Church and are also helping their Church. Is that why God blesses them in everything? Sorry I'm so angry. Is God a sucker for money too? Is God the same as everyone? So He accepts people's offerings and looks past their mistake and tortures others?? i know I'm angry but I just hate God. Where is He? Why did He abandon me? Why does He not answer?
Sometimes, no, many a times when I see Christians bullying fellow Christians, it feels like God turns a blind eye. I know feelings betray us. But why do Christians who commit wrongs are living a blessed life and the ones who got hurt are scolded by God for being angry and bitter?
I am embarrassed writing this.. but I want to let at least some things out..
I got married nearly 10 years ago. It was an arranged marriage. My husband married me cos his girlfriend of 12 years had broken up with him and got married. The days leading to our marriage was horrendous. I was 25 and so foolish. I naively told him I didn't care about his past as long as he didn't bring his past into our marriage. My engagement and marriage were tear-filled. I couldn't point what was wrong but everything was wrong. I don't have a close relationship with family. I don't have friends who can support me emotionally. Dealing all this by myself was driving me crazy. After marriage, he told me we cannot join together in bed cos he wanted to tell me something. After about a week, he told he he had erectile dysfunction. I supported him, told him not to worry and that we can ask God for his healing. But, this man became so toxic. He was always on and on about how God did not help him unite with his girlfriend, how God deceived him when he believed that God would keep His promise and so on.
Next, the sexual intimacy was a nightmare. He wanted to do everything that they showed in porn and when I cried or resisted, he would get angry and fight with me. He told his parents that I am uncooperative and they would give me a hard time. There have been times when he forgot about my existence and locked the bedroom, and I had to sleep in the living room without a pillow or blanket. There was absolutely no respect, no love and torture was too much from both my husband and my in-laws that I attempted to end my life twice within 4 months of marriage. He would walk around completely without clothes and force me to do so. If I resisted, he would get angry and we would end up fighting. It was so bad, I felt trapped within 4 walls and lost my identity. My parents could not do anything out of fear cos they feared their family would threaten to divorce me. So with no support, life became hellish.
10 months into marriage, he had a huge argument with his parents over his desire to do business without prior knowledge or experience. During that time, while trying to pacify him and mend the relationship between them, we got into an argument and had a big fight. He used that situation to lie to his parents that I treated him poorly because of his dysfunction. His parents were filled with rage, immediately took him to a doctor, checked that he was okay and pressured to divorce me. They went to their Church Pastor and he called me to come alone to the Church and not tell anything to my parents. Then he and his wife prayed for me to drive away the evil spirit. He said when my husband was back from work, he would pray for him similarly. But when my husband came, the Pastor adviced me on how good my husband was and that I had to be blessed to be married into such a wonderful family, prayed for us and then sent us away. On our way back, where I was shocked beyond words, my husband told me he wanted to drink alcohol. I was flabbergasted! This was the man that the Church Pastor was supporting. Oh, the Pastor was using my father-in-law's land to run his Church.
We went back home and got into yet another argument. My husband complained to his mother. And the Church Pastor called my phone and told me if he can get us both divorced. I cried a lot, and told my father, and my father scolded the Pastor 'Is this what a Christian Pastor would do?'
So yes, I was constantly tortured by my husband, my in-laws, his Church Pastor and his Church members. So many support for him while I was all alone, by myself. I lost hope in God. Where was He? What was He doing? Watching on as a bystander? I lost interest in Church, lost hope in God. I do not remember what I prayed to God about. I did not strive in prayer. I never felt God's presence. Never remembered Him. He was not there. Even if He was, He was only a bystander, just watching my life in ruins.
My husband, since the beginning of marriage, always tormented me about his sexual fantasy, of having 10 girls in bed, argued with me about how polygamy was legal according to the Bible and compared me to a porn actress. I hated intimacy with him. It felt like a torture. Once he even stopped my continuous hiccups with a shocking story that he had a family with another girl.
Once I had shared with him my horrible experience with a pervert, and since that moment on he mimicked the pervert - the same words, the perverted tone and would get a kick out of it.
Things turned uglier and uglier. He would poop and not flush, he would drink whenever I was not home, and would smoke inside our bedroom so much that I could not sleep cos the pillows and blankets reeked of cigarette.
I was always crying, always tormented, always depressed and we were always arguing and fighting. He would always tell everything to his mom, dad and sister but a tweaked version. From what I had witnessed, even if he had told them the complete truth, they would have protected him while giving me up to death. Due to work, we were living in a different city from home. But he and his mother planned to shift us to their home, slowly driving me away cos I did not satisfy him in bed. He never discussed any financials with me, like he got into a lot of trouble by lending money to colleagues who cheated him. Even then, he got mad and rageful at me when I told him to be careful with money and to put aside some money for household expense before spending on non-emergency purposes. He got angry as if I was trying to do something bad. So, eventually his family without my consent, without a single discussion brought us home where he was working from home. Shortly after, I landed up a job. Things were still very bad at home. Now we were living with his parents. So even more cruel and terrible so much that not even the maid had any respect for me as a person. Why did I even stay in such a marriage?
One day we got into another argument and fought again. I wanted to stay with my parents for the weekend, he escalated it saying don't come back, stay more days and such. Then I cried cos he was basically driving me away. He and his family knows that I am very timid and wouldn't go to the cops and such. Ofc, stupid me did not even think about it. Anyway, he treated me so cruelly. He said he had already slept with 10 girls when we were married. I broke down completely lost, wept and wept. HIs mother was present, shocked and speechless. She said, 'Do you want to live with such a bad man?'. I told her 'haven't you thought about how you would answer God when judgement day comes?' and said 'how are you going to go to Church and participate in communion? Wouldn't you feel too guilty?' She said nothing. With tears pouring down my face, body trembling, I left their place and never went back.
After 2 months he sent me a lawyer's notice, then pressure me to sign mutual divorce. When my family and I refused, they filed for divorce. That was when I got angry. After doing all this, is he going to silently escape? I filed counter. It's been 6+ years of non-stop crying, depression, deep deep darkness for me.
During one of the court sessions, he told me privately that he already married another girl through a dating site. And they have a son together. He showed me whatsapp group messages of his cousins congratulating him. This tore me apart, broke me to pieces. I have never recovered. It took me years to come out of my room where I had shut myself in. There was no one to listen to me, to hear my pain. My parents are opposite of his'. My father prioritizes his ego, my mother wants to send me back to him cos Christians do not divorce. My own parents became a second hell to me. My father never supports me during my divorce case cos he is ashamed of me for being weak. My mother still prays for me to go back to the marriage. There is none and she doesn't want to accept it. I asked her, 'Should I go as his second wife like he asked me?'. My husband once told me I can come be his second wife if I wanted, with a smirk on his face. This happened in the court premises, in private. I cried again. He again told me if I wanted him back, I need to be fully naked in the house. I cried again. There is no justice. No escape. I married a wrong person. If I remain in this marriage, I will slowly wither. If I get out of this marriage, I will always carry the label.
I hated God. I still do. He abandoned me at the most difficult time. The doctor at the hospital had said that it was a miracle that I was alive without a single thing that went wrong and that was thanks to the God I worshipped. But I hate God. Did He keep me alive just so that I can die everyday? During my marriage with no one by my side, I reached out to plenty of Christian organizations. Nobody helped. Nobody was able to listen to my cry. Nobody understood. They are all the same. All serve money, they don't serve God. And God also loves people with money. My husband's parents had built a Church and are also helping their Church. Is that why God blesses them in everything? Sorry I'm so angry. Is God a sucker for money too? Is God the same as everyone? So He accepts people's offerings and looks past their mistake and tortures others?? i know I'm angry but I just hate God. Where is He? Why did He abandon me? Why does He not answer?
. Focus on the Truth and things will start to look and feel better for u and u will b able to c how God has always been with u to bring u safely to this point and, He will guide u into a good future if u can just b patient and trust Him . He has got u this far