How to confess to a relative

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BrokenHearted1025

BrokenHearted1025

Senior Member
Oct 3, 2013
107
1
18
Hello.
I hope all is well in the CC Community.

My friend asked me to type up her story. What I typed are her words, and wants feedback from you guys, so here it goes:

"Back in October 2009, I had sex with my boyfriend at the time in my aunt's house. We didn't do anything on her bed, on the floor. I knew what I did was wrong, but I couldn't succumb myself into telling her what I did. Jumping into July of 2011, I've heard a few snickerings and whisperings coming from family members, saying that they know what I did. The only person who didn't know was my father. I also heard my family say that I am a sociopath without a conscience because I didn't tell my aunt what I did at her apt. I'm not a sociopath!!!! I also heard other things being said about me by my family saying that I'm a w***e, s**t and a p********e, but I'm not. Jumping into late June 2014, I believe that my aunt told my dad, and he's treating me like a leper. I want to tell my aunt what I did, but nervous as heck. What should I say to her? Sometimes I feel like going into isolation from my family. Please help."
 
Please keep in mind that the content above is my friend's words, NOT MINE!!! I've given her all the advice in the world but she's too stubborn to take my advice.
 
BrokenHearted1025 said:
Hello.
I hope all is well in the CC Community.

My friend asked me to type up her story. What I typed are her words, and wants feedback from you guys, so here it goes:

"Back in October 2009, I had sex with my boyfriend at the time in my aunt's house. We didn't do anything on her bed, on the floor. I knew what I did was wrong, but I couldn't succumb myself into telling her what I did. Jumping into July of 2011, I've heard a few snickerings and whisperings coming from family members, saying that they know what I did. The only person who didn't know was my father. I also heard my family say that I am a sociopath without a conscience because I didn't tell my aunt what I did at her apt. I'm not a sociopath!!!! I also heard other things being said about me by my family saying that I'm a w***e, s**t and a p********e, but I'm not. Jumping into late June 2014, I believe that my aunt told my dad, and he's treating me like a leper. I want to tell my aunt what I did, but nervous as heck. What should I say to her? Sometimes I feel like going into isolation from my family. Please help."
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brokenhearted, tell your friend that it will be hard but honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. It's obvious that her aunt at least suspects something happened--now your friend needs to confirm it. I've never had sex at a relative's house, but her family should not be calling her such horrible names either. Having sex at her aunt's house does NOT make her a conscience-less sociopath.. It only makes her a little disrespectful, thats all. Tell her to own up to what she did, and hopefully it will all blow over afterward. :)
 
Has she made a profession of faith? If so has she confessed her sin to the Lord? If not she can only be advised to trust Christ then she can learn to have more respect for herself and not allow herself to be used in demeaning ways as she has in the past.

Until she is right with the Lord she can never be right with the rest of the family.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
Your friends first step to resolution is admitting the truth then asking for forgiveness. I find the better way to approach this is in a letter. You see, when you write things down, you can think of what you are about to say, you can also prevent a heated argument, which in the light of her current situation is bound to happen if she insists to "talk" about it. The first people she has to contact is 1. Aunt 2. Dad the rest of them are not even important.

And lastly... tell your friend: "This too, shall pass"
 
Based on the post, I'd say she has a difficult family. What to do depends on the family and how they think and act.

In this case I'd suggest speaking to her aunt alone. Definitely no other family members or they will attack her like a pack of wolves and her aunt might have to attack her as well in that family atmosphere. Alone her aunt might be somewhat softer.

I feel she should be as honest as possible. No excusing or trying to justify what she did, just say what happened and that she is sorry for having done it. Was she manipulated or pressured by her boyfriend? Did she get a sudden urge to have sex, taking the opportunity that they were alone? her aunt will most likely give her a hard talking to, and she should let her aunt have her say.

Then take it from there.

If the family call her those "******" names and treat her like a leper, then she should pull away for a while to let things cool down. I assume talking about name-calling has already taken place.

Since she is aware it was not a good thing to do, I assume she has regretted and repented, so now forgiveness should be the next on the agenda. Her family sound harsh and she should not take what they say personally (easy to say when I am not her) since it reflects their attitude and not her personality, i.e. it's the family's problem.

Pray God gives you wisdom when you talk to your friend, and that her heart is open to the advice.
 
BrokenHearted1025 said:
Hello.
I hope all is well in the CC Community.

My friend asked me to type up her story. What I typed are her words, and wants feedback from you guys, so here it goes:

"Back in October 2009, I had sex with my boyfriend at the time in my aunt's house. We didn't do anything on her bed, on the floor. I knew what I did was wrong, but I couldn't succumb myself into telling her what I did. Jumping into July of 2011, I've heard a few snickerings and whisperings coming from family members, saying that they know what I did. The only person who didn't know was my father. I also heard my family say that I am a sociopath without a conscience because I didn't tell my aunt what I did at her apt. I'm not a sociopath!!!! I also heard other things being said about me by my family saying that I'm a w***e, s**t and a p********e, but I'm not. Jumping into late June 2014, I believe that my aunt told my dad, and he's treating me like a leper. I want to tell my aunt what I did, but nervous as heck. What should I say to her? Sometimes I feel like going into isolation from my family. Please help."
Click to expand...

A hard thing!

1) I cannot TELL YOUR FRIEND for the female perspective.
2) Obviously, she is not repented of such an act (as an adult sin). She is just concerned about WHAT PEOPLE SAY (and she has NO WAY to know what people think) (that would be another issue for her).
3) Is she willing TO APPOLOGIZE? (and be forgiven)
4) or Is she concerned on the image HER family has?

I don´t know the rule HER house or family has but, if she is seen as a leper, just imagine what TWO lepers might cause if THEY sleep my own room or bed... That´s understandable!

If she approches GOD (1st) the second can be "sort" out. She has to be strong enough to be seen as a pest (Hope they are in love with that daughter they had).

She needed a hotel and that mistake is cashing its toll. That´s all! :(
 
Hey Notuptome, she told me that she goes to church, but she's not saved and baptized. I will give her your advice. Thank you very much.
 
Hey ThePottersClay, I think that writing a letter to her aunt is better than talking about it vocally. I give her your advice. Thank you very much.
 
Hey John_agape, her family's from the Caribbean, so they are difficult, however, I agree with everything you've mentioned. I will give her your advice. Thank you very much.
 
Hey secularhermit, I don't think it's about her image and what others said about her. I believe that she's ready, willing and able to apologize. I will give her your advice. Thank you very much.
 
BrokenHearted1025 said:
Hello.
I hope all is well in the CC Community.

My friend asked me to type up her story. What I typed are her words, and wants feedback from you guys, so here it goes:

"Back in October 2009, I had sex with my boyfriend at the time in my aunt's house. We didn't do anything on her bed, on the floor. I knew what I did was wrong, but I couldn't succumb myself into telling her what I did. Jumping into July of 2011, I've heard a few snickerings and whisperings coming from family members, saying that they know what I did. The only person who didn't know was my father. I also heard my family say that I am a sociopath without a conscience because I didn't tell my aunt what I did at her apt. I'm not a sociopath!!!! I also heard other things being said about me by my family saying that I'm a w***e, s**t and a p********e, but I'm not. Jumping into late June 2014, I believe that my aunt told my dad, and he's treating me like a leper. I want to tell my aunt what I did, but nervous as heck. What should I say to her? Sometimes I feel like going into isolation from my family. Please help."
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I really do not understand what the problem is.
 
Hey tourist, the problem is that my friend ha sex with her boyfriend in her aunt's apt. back in 2009. In 2011, her family somehow found out about it and started calling her out of her name. Late last month, her aunt told her dad and he's treating her like a leper, so she wants to confess to her aunt about the incident now. My friend knew what she did was wrong, but she's afraid to tell her aunt.
 
Hey blue_ladybug, my friend told me that she wants to write a letter to her aunt, letting her know what happened. Do you think she should do that?
 
BrokenHearted1025 said:
Hey tourist, the problem is that my friend ha sex with her boyfriend in her aunt's apt. back in 2009. In 2011, her family somehow found out about it and started calling her out of her name. Late last month, her aunt told her dad and he's treating her like a leper, so she wants to confess to her aunt about the incident now. My friend knew what she did was wrong, but she's afraid to tell her aunt.
Click to expand...

Maybe she could write her aunt a letter to avoid any possible confrontation. I can relate to your avatar.
 
BrokenHearted1025 said:
Hey blue_ladybug, my friend told me that she wants to write a letter to her aunt, letting her know what happened. Do you think she should do that?
Click to expand...

brokenhearted, I think she COULD write a letter to her aunt, or maybe at least a letter of apology. I do believe her confession should be in person with her aunt, though. Tell her to write an apology letter, but that she needs to talk to her aunt ALONE, as another poster here suggested, and confess.
 
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