I'm a parent of three girls. They aren't at the the teen or 'tween' age yet. But my wife and I have decided they won't do the teenage dating thing. We've let the girls know that. I've explained how the marriage thing works. Dad has to approve of them first. If they get old enough to marry and there is a man interested, send him to us. I'm glad I decided this while they are still young. 
I think it's foolish that US culture pushes young people to date when they are so many years away from marriage. The succession of boyfriends and girlfriends opens them up for heart break and temptation.
My wife is from Asia, not from India. There is some arranged marriage in her country, but it's not so common in the cities and areas where she has lived. She had a couple of relatives who were sort of matched up. One of them was getting along in years and hadn't married yet, and got matched up with a man in the same situation that she'd known since she was young.
Many years ago, my wife had a friend who was Indian but not raised in India. She was in her 40's and had never married. She was an attractive woman, too, with a good education and a good career, and very dedicated to prayer. She didn't seem like the kind of woman who would be single at that age if she wanted to marry. We also knew an Indian evangelist who grew up in the same country she did who had been a widower for a coulpe of years. We suggested introducing them to both of them and both showed some interest. The woman seemed a little fearful or nervous about it. The man sent her an email talking about all his faults, impatience, temper. He seemed like he was being hard on himself.
The woman said she didn't know much about this man. In India, when people get matched up, usually their families interview each other to protect the ones considering marriage, but we were not in a position to do that for her, and she didn't know enough about him. I think she was also scared of marriage. He hadn't presented the good things about himself in that letter, either. (He'd planted churches, won souls, etc.) I also realized she was looking at this as deciding to marry a man, not deciding to meet a man and get to know him and find out about him on her own. We just wanted to introduce them. So she backed out, and later decided she was called to be celibate and seemed content with that. He ended up marrying a woman about 20 years younger than himself who was very active in ministry in one of the churches he had planted in Eastern Europe.
In the US, there are some pockets of Christians who reject the idea of dating. Instead, they expect suitors to go through the daughters' fathers' to court and marry. English culture used to be that way, way back when. Some of the Christians that do this homeschool or are involved in purity movements (promoting virginity of the unmarried). Many Indians get arranged to be married with the help of their parents. But there are other Indian families doing this. I would imagine some Anglo Americans expecting to find young men to go through the father to court their daughters might find it hard to find young men willing to approach the father.
I'm thinking about this sort of thing with my own daughters. I can teach them to be very selective and have them date, and tell them to bring their dates to me and their mother. But we could end up living overseas anyway.
I am curious how the whole Indian arranged marriage thing works. How does it work when a young person finds someone or she is interested in? How does it work when the parents set them up? Mainly, what I am interested in is how do Christian families check out the potential spouse and their families? What do they do and what kind of questions do they ask? What is their criteria. I would imagine this could vary greatly, so personal experiences and opinions are welcome?
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I think it's foolish that US culture pushes young people to date when they are so many years away from marriage. The succession of boyfriends and girlfriends opens them up for heart break and temptation.
My wife is from Asia, not from India. There is some arranged marriage in her country, but it's not so common in the cities and areas where she has lived. She had a couple of relatives who were sort of matched up. One of them was getting along in years and hadn't married yet, and got matched up with a man in the same situation that she'd known since she was young.
Many years ago, my wife had a friend who was Indian but not raised in India. She was in her 40's and had never married. She was an attractive woman, too, with a good education and a good career, and very dedicated to prayer. She didn't seem like the kind of woman who would be single at that age if she wanted to marry. We also knew an Indian evangelist who grew up in the same country she did who had been a widower for a coulpe of years. We suggested introducing them to both of them and both showed some interest. The woman seemed a little fearful or nervous about it. The man sent her an email talking about all his faults, impatience, temper. He seemed like he was being hard on himself.
The woman said she didn't know much about this man. In India, when people get matched up, usually their families interview each other to protect the ones considering marriage, but we were not in a position to do that for her, and she didn't know enough about him. I think she was also scared of marriage. He hadn't presented the good things about himself in that letter, either. (He'd planted churches, won souls, etc.) I also realized she was looking at this as deciding to marry a man, not deciding to meet a man and get to know him and find out about him on her own. We just wanted to introduce them. So she backed out, and later decided she was called to be celibate and seemed content with that. He ended up marrying a woman about 20 years younger than himself who was very active in ministry in one of the churches he had planted in Eastern Europe.
In the US, there are some pockets of Christians who reject the idea of dating. Instead, they expect suitors to go through the daughters' fathers' to court and marry. English culture used to be that way, way back when. Some of the Christians that do this homeschool or are involved in purity movements (promoting virginity of the unmarried). Many Indians get arranged to be married with the help of their parents. But there are other Indian families doing this. I would imagine some Anglo Americans expecting to find young men to go through the father to court their daughters might find it hard to find young men willing to approach the father.
I'm thinking about this sort of thing with my own daughters. I can teach them to be very selective and have them date, and tell them to bring their dates to me and their mother. But we could end up living overseas anyway.
I am curious how the whole Indian arranged marriage thing works. How does it work when a young person finds someone or she is interested in? How does it work when the parents set them up? Mainly, what I am interested in is how do Christian families check out the potential spouse and their families? What do they do and what kind of questions do they ask? What is their criteria. I would imagine this could vary greatly, so personal experiences and opinions are welcome?
I
