I talked to my pastor about this incident, and he tells me that my wife doesn't have any respect towards me. He also asked me if I need help with filing for divorce that he can help. I told him that God is telling me to hang in there, but I find it torturous.
Here's some background...
I got into an argument a couple of weeks back over putting my stepson on my dental and vision insurance. He's over the age of 21 one, doesn't live in the house nor does he attend college. My wife has him under her insurance, and he has coverage under his employer. The wife thinks that I'm after her son, because I didn't add him to my plan. On my insurance plan I have myself, my spouse, my youngest daughter (15) and my stepdaughter (17). My three other kids are not on my plan, (22g, 19g, 18b), because of my ex-wife trying to fraud the insurance company by purchasing Ray-bans and Oakley sunglasses. I March I had to use our insurance to get everyone through dental and vision, because of a layoff. My wife ended up purchasing my stepdaughter $500 Tiffany frames and my stepson $800 Dolce & Gabbana frames. I wasn't with them during the purchase i just saw the debt hit our HSA account.
Anyway... The reason I didn't want to add him on the insurance is because I didn't want to be liable again.
The argument happens, and my wife is upset about the insurance. So much so that she is telling that she wants a divorce, because I'm not treating her son fairly. I let her vent and then leave the house for a few hours to let her cool down.
During that time she had texted my brother and told him how terrible I am. trying to win them on her side. I later find out that she text male friends that have adult stepchildren on their insurance asking for their opinions.
Another bit of information...
My wife keeps her phone locked, and she is always on online with her phone. I find her sometimes up in the middle of the night on her phone posting. i can see her smiling and laughing at times, at things that she finds amusing online. When I ask her about it, she gets jumpy and says it's nothing. I have asked her in the past, if maybe she was talking to someone or that people sometimes misinterpret things as being flirtatious. If she's cool headed she'll say that she's not and when she's not cool headed she starts accusing me of being doing something because i'm being suspicious.
A week later...
It's 10:45pm my wife fell asleep on the sofa. I notice that her phone has a indicator light on, so i move it so that I can see if it was a missed call from her son or parents. Instead there is a message for some guy on the screen that reads "I haven't talked to you in a few days, I want to see..." Since my wife keeps her screen locked, that's as much of the message that I can read. the message came in at 10:20pm. I let it be, for a little while and then finally at 11:00pm i decided to wake up my wife. Although I was furious, because why is some guy talking to my wife at an unreasonable time? In addition, the message came through Facebook messenger as a undetected text. Meaning that the message doesn't get logged from our mobile phone provider as a call or incoming text. His message indicated a few days, more than two and less than a five. I asked her who is this guy that is texting you in the middle of the night? I told her that it's inappropriate. She looked at her phone and said last week she had text a few guy friends about handling insurance with step-kids. Most likely that he's check in on her, I left the conversation as is.
The next evening...
We are siting on the couch watching TV, and my wife starts using her phone. She then tells me , I see that you reactivated your Facebook account. She said, I bet you checked on the guy that texted me last night. I told her yes, I was curious who he is and why you two are talking. I told her, that last night she mentioned that you talked to a few guy friends about the insurance and step-kids. I told her, I looked at you friends profile. He is a single dad raising his daughter. She started looking through his profile and said that he's married. She showed me a photo on his profile, form three years back. How could you be asking him about step children insurance. I also told her, that she needs to tell him that I (your husband), doesn't see it appropriate to be communicating you after 8:30pm. I told her does his wife know that he is text you in the middle of the night? My wife opened her messaging app, and showed me the message that he had sent to her the night before. It read "I haven't talked to you in a few days, I want to see if you got your insurance thing resolved, and I'm here if you need to talk." I told my wife that's great, I'm glad he's being polite but he's checking the field. He wants to keep an open dialogue with you. I told my wife, now looking at your message where is the rest of the text from a few days ago? She said that she deleted them, that she deletes any messages that she has with men. I told her why in the world would you delete them if you aren't trying to hide anything? I told her that my phone is open, that she has my passwords. i never delete any conversations that I have with anyone, because I have nothing to hide.
What happens next...
I watched my wife start typing on her phone, and i wait for her to finish. I told her was that really important for you type to stop something in the middle of our conversation. She said I did what you asked me to do, to text my friend to stop communicating with me in the middle of the night. I asked her if I can see what she had sent. she showed me, and it read "My asshole husband is sitting right next to me and is telling me that you shouldn't be messaging me in the middle of the night. He is also threatening to tell your wife, that we are talking. If he reaches out to you or your wife please let me know." I told her, why would you send that message like that? I wasn't threatening him or his wife? And why would my call me names to someone? She said because you are a stalker, and I'm afraid that you are going to harass him. I told her, if you were in my position wouldn't you be curious? I left it alone and went to bed as well as my wife.
Middle of the night...
I woke up in the middle of the night feeling uneasy. I went to visit the guy Facebook account, and I noticed that my wife's previous likes and post have been removed. I was thinking why would this happen, he just removed all of her posting? Then I decided to check her Facebook, I was unfriended. I was shocked, but not really concerned because I'm not a social media type of person. (Here i am posting) . LOL . But then I started thinking about her Facebook, she goes by her maiden name and never post pictures about us. She has her Facebook as being single, and little trace of me being involved.
I have been praying to God about this, and have talking to my wife about the way it made me feel.
How I don't feel respected, and that she disrespected me to her friend.
- She tells me "I only disrespect you in front of my friends, not when you aren't around"
I left for work today, I whispered in her ear:
[FONT="]"I want to create something beautiful between us, something long lasting. I want to show you how much I love you."[/FONT]
I feel that God wants me to be patient, and to work on my marriage.
I see obstacles and challenges, I don't think that God wants me to go through this much of a challenge.
Here's the question...
What should I do?
How would you handle it?
I'm I being over reactive?
How do I love someone, when they don't respect you?
Here's some background...
I got into an argument a couple of weeks back over putting my stepson on my dental and vision insurance. He's over the age of 21 one, doesn't live in the house nor does he attend college. My wife has him under her insurance, and he has coverage under his employer. The wife thinks that I'm after her son, because I didn't add him to my plan. On my insurance plan I have myself, my spouse, my youngest daughter (15) and my stepdaughter (17). My three other kids are not on my plan, (22g, 19g, 18b), because of my ex-wife trying to fraud the insurance company by purchasing Ray-bans and Oakley sunglasses. I March I had to use our insurance to get everyone through dental and vision, because of a layoff. My wife ended up purchasing my stepdaughter $500 Tiffany frames and my stepson $800 Dolce & Gabbana frames. I wasn't with them during the purchase i just saw the debt hit our HSA account.
Anyway... The reason I didn't want to add him on the insurance is because I didn't want to be liable again.
The argument happens, and my wife is upset about the insurance. So much so that she is telling that she wants a divorce, because I'm not treating her son fairly. I let her vent and then leave the house for a few hours to let her cool down.
During that time she had texted my brother and told him how terrible I am. trying to win them on her side. I later find out that she text male friends that have adult stepchildren on their insurance asking for their opinions.
Another bit of information...
My wife keeps her phone locked, and she is always on online with her phone. I find her sometimes up in the middle of the night on her phone posting. i can see her smiling and laughing at times, at things that she finds amusing online. When I ask her about it, she gets jumpy and says it's nothing. I have asked her in the past, if maybe she was talking to someone or that people sometimes misinterpret things as being flirtatious. If she's cool headed she'll say that she's not and when she's not cool headed she starts accusing me of being doing something because i'm being suspicious.
A week later...
It's 10:45pm my wife fell asleep on the sofa. I notice that her phone has a indicator light on, so i move it so that I can see if it was a missed call from her son or parents. Instead there is a message for some guy on the screen that reads "I haven't talked to you in a few days, I want to see..." Since my wife keeps her screen locked, that's as much of the message that I can read. the message came in at 10:20pm. I let it be, for a little while and then finally at 11:00pm i decided to wake up my wife. Although I was furious, because why is some guy talking to my wife at an unreasonable time? In addition, the message came through Facebook messenger as a undetected text. Meaning that the message doesn't get logged from our mobile phone provider as a call or incoming text. His message indicated a few days, more than two and less than a five. I asked her who is this guy that is texting you in the middle of the night? I told her that it's inappropriate. She looked at her phone and said last week she had text a few guy friends about handling insurance with step-kids. Most likely that he's check in on her, I left the conversation as is.
The next evening...
We are siting on the couch watching TV, and my wife starts using her phone. She then tells me , I see that you reactivated your Facebook account. She said, I bet you checked on the guy that texted me last night. I told her yes, I was curious who he is and why you two are talking. I told her, that last night she mentioned that you talked to a few guy friends about the insurance and step-kids. I told her, I looked at you friends profile. He is a single dad raising his daughter. She started looking through his profile and said that he's married. She showed me a photo on his profile, form three years back. How could you be asking him about step children insurance. I also told her, that she needs to tell him that I (your husband), doesn't see it appropriate to be communicating you after 8:30pm. I told her does his wife know that he is text you in the middle of the night? My wife opened her messaging app, and showed me the message that he had sent to her the night before. It read "I haven't talked to you in a few days, I want to see if you got your insurance thing resolved, and I'm here if you need to talk." I told my wife that's great, I'm glad he's being polite but he's checking the field. He wants to keep an open dialogue with you. I told my wife, now looking at your message where is the rest of the text from a few days ago? She said that she deleted them, that she deletes any messages that she has with men. I told her why in the world would you delete them if you aren't trying to hide anything? I told her that my phone is open, that she has my passwords. i never delete any conversations that I have with anyone, because I have nothing to hide.
What happens next...
I watched my wife start typing on her phone, and i wait for her to finish. I told her was that really important for you type to stop something in the middle of our conversation. She said I did what you asked me to do, to text my friend to stop communicating with me in the middle of the night. I asked her if I can see what she had sent. she showed me, and it read "My asshole husband is sitting right next to me and is telling me that you shouldn't be messaging me in the middle of the night. He is also threatening to tell your wife, that we are talking. If he reaches out to you or your wife please let me know." I told her, why would you send that message like that? I wasn't threatening him or his wife? And why would my call me names to someone? She said because you are a stalker, and I'm afraid that you are going to harass him. I told her, if you were in my position wouldn't you be curious? I left it alone and went to bed as well as my wife.
Middle of the night...
I woke up in the middle of the night feeling uneasy. I went to visit the guy Facebook account, and I noticed that my wife's previous likes and post have been removed. I was thinking why would this happen, he just removed all of her posting? Then I decided to check her Facebook, I was unfriended. I was shocked, but not really concerned because I'm not a social media type of person. (Here i am posting) . LOL . But then I started thinking about her Facebook, she goes by her maiden name and never post pictures about us. She has her Facebook as being single, and little trace of me being involved.
I have been praying to God about this, and have talking to my wife about the way it made me feel.
How I don't feel respected, and that she disrespected me to her friend.
- She tells me "I only disrespect you in front of my friends, not when you aren't around"
I left for work today, I whispered in her ear:
[FONT="]"I want to create something beautiful between us, something long lasting. I want to show you how much I love you."[/FONT]
I feel that God wants me to be patient, and to work on my marriage.
I see obstacles and challenges, I don't think that God wants me to go through this much of a challenge.
Here's the question...
What should I do?
How would you handle it?
I'm I being over reactive?
How do I love someone, when they don't respect you?
