How do you avoid feeling down because of loneliness

[anne03]

After an 8yrs relationship I got separated from my ex 4 month ago. Today we had a family day at church. We were sharing and talking, and it was quite fun, but at the end of the day, everybody came back to their houses with their families, and I came home alone. I don't have any feelings for my ex anymore and I am an introverted person, so I usually enjoy my own company, but I've been feeling pretty sad since I came back home from church.

 

[2ndTimothyGroup]

I'm sorry for your lonliness. I have suffered from extreme loneliness at one point in my life. At that point, I was without not a single friend or family member from my past. Without getting deep into a Biblical explanation, I do believe that the Lord is in full control over my life, that my loneliness was placed into my life for a very clear, specific reason. That reason is this:

I turned to God and learned to depend upon Him and Him alone. I can honestly say that it was one of the most incredible experiences of my semi-long life. Being 100% alone after knowing so many people, and considering that I was very, and I mean incredibly social, I cannot express how grateful I am for that experience. Very much, it was like placing your hand upon a hot-stove . . . and the learning experience that comes by and through it.

Hang in there.

 

[blueluna5]

After an 8yrs relationship I got separated from my ex 4 month ago. Today we had a family day at church. We were sharing and talking, and it was quite fun, but at the end of the day, everybody came back to their houses with their families, and I came home alone. I don't have any feelings for my ex anymore and I am an introverted person, so I usually enjoy my own company, but I've been feeling pretty sad since I came back home from church.

It does suck being lonely. Although I would say being in bad company is worse.

I'm an introvert as well. This makes it super difficult. You need to put yourself out there if you feel ready. Look at it like a game or a problem solving technique instead of "I'm trying to find company so I'm not lonely." That approach has never worked for me.

You could go on a dating site, go out with co workers from work or friends from church. Join a club nearby, book club, or a join a hobby. At least it will get you around other people initially. But taking steps in that direction.

Otherwise just distracting yourself at home is typically what I would do during those times. Read the Bible of course and pray. I like playing music and listening to it, reading, drawing, cleaning the house. Gardening would be fun to get into right now. Maybe get a pet if you don't have one.

Hope some of those ideas help. It's just a phase of life. Life is change. Sometimes just keeping the right perspective helps.

 

[kaijo]

My mind is always overwhelmingly active. So i try to tire it out by doing difficult things like playing certain video games or learning piano for example. Other than that taking care of my cat helps to bring me peace in a lonely/isolated environment

 

[Subhumanoidal]

After an 8yrs relationship I got separated from my ex 4 month ago. Today we had a family day at church. We were sharing and talking, and it was quite fun, but at the end of the day, everybody came back to their houses with their families, and I came home alone. I don't have any feelings for my ex anymore and I am an introverted person, so I usually enjoy my own company, but I've been feeling pretty sad since I came back home from church.

Really this is more about grieving the end of a relationship than standard loneliness. This form of loneliness only serves to highlight the void left in your life after the breakup.
So my advice is first, don't be surprised by this feeling. Eight years could feel similar to a divorce and divorce can take years to recover from. And that loneliness, even if they have kids, can stick around a long time.
So focus on healing past the breakup. Even if it was a bad relationship and you're glad to be out of it, you'll still be affected by its ending.
Part of healing is acknowledging and accepting how you feel. Hurt, betrayed, or whatever feelings. Give yourself time to feel those things. Healing doesn't happen by pretending problems don't exist.

And, of course the standard answer, keep busy. Make friends and do things with them, find a hobby, join a club, etc... though the social suggestions aren't always ideal for introverts (I'm an introvert too, so I get it).
But knowing you have something going on in your life that you enjoy will make things easier. It's when you know you're going home to en empty house and have nothing to enjoy that makes even the ride home difficult.

Really it's all about distracting yourself while you heal, to minimize the negative feelings effects on you. That takes time to learn and get better at. Be patient and know it will all improve.

 

[anne03]

I'm sorry for your lonliness. I have suffered from extreme loneliness at one point in my life. At that point, I was without not a single friend or family member from my past. Without getting deep into a Biblical explanation, I do believe that the Lord is in full control over my life, that my loneliness was placed into my life for a very clear, specific reason. That reason is this:

I turned to God and learned to depend upon Him and Him alone. I can honestly say that it was one of the most incredible experiences of my semi-long life. Being 100% alone after knowing so many people, and considering that I was very, and I mean incredibly social, I cannot express how grateful I am for that experience. Very much, it was like placing your hand upon a hot-stove . . . and the learning experience that comes by and through it.

Hang in there.

Thank you for your answer, it made me smile actually. That is exactly what I think, I'm trying to use this time to get closer to God, even though is hard sometimes.

 

[anne03]

T

It does suck being lonely. Although I would say being in bad company is worse.

I'm an introvert as well. This makes it super difficult. You need to put yourself out there if you feel ready. Look at it like a game or a problem solving technique instead of "I'm trying to find company so I'm not lonely." That approach has never worked for me.

You could go on a dating site, go out with co workers from work or friends from church. Join a club nearby, book club, or a join a hobby. At least it will get you around other people initially. But taking steps in that direction.

Otherwise just distracting yourself at home is typically what I would do during those times. Read the Bible of course and pray. I like playing music and listening to it, reading, drawing, cleaning the house. Gardening would be fun to get into right now. Maybe get a pet if you don't have one.

Hope some of those ideas help. It's just a phase of life. Life is change. Sometimes just keeping the right perspective helps.

Thanks, that is what I'm trying to do, it's been hard to me because most of the people around me are a little toxic and not godly, but God is so amazing that all of the sudden some of my good all friends have been contacting me and practically forcing me to hang out with them, because honestly I did not feel like it, but they are being such a bless to me during this time.

 

[anne03]

My mind is always overwhelmingly active. So i try to tire it out by doing difficult things like playing certain video games or learning piano for example. Other than that taking care of my cat helps to bring me peace in a lonely/isolated environment

Hey, how are you learning piano? What method are you using? I've been thinking about that. I tried to learn some time ago but then I got a scholarship for college and had to quite it after only 3 classes.

 

[anne03]

Really this is more about grieving the end of a relationship than standard loneliness. This form of loneliness only serves to highlight the void left in your life after the breakup.
So my advice is first, don't be surprised by this feeling. Eight years could feel similar to a divorce and divorce can take years to recover from. And that loneliness, even if they have kids, can stick around a long time.
So focus on healing past the breakup. Even if it was a bad relationship and you're glad to be out of it, you'll still be affected by its ending.
Part of healing is acknowledging and accepting how you feel. Hurt, betrayed, or whatever feelings. Give yourself time to feel those things. Healing doesn't happen by pretending problems don't exist.

And, of course the standard answer, keep busy. Make friends and do things with them, find a hobby, join a club, etc... though the social suggestions aren't always ideal for introverts (I'm an introvert too, so I get it).
But knowing you have something going on in your life that you enjoy will make things easier. It's when you know you're going home to en empty house and have nothing to enjoy that makes even the ride home difficult.

Really it's all about distracting yourself while you heal, to minimize the negative feelings effects on you. That takes time to learn and get better at. Be patient and know it will all improve.

Thanks for your words, you are so right. And I feel like you have known me for years. I struggle with acknowledging my feelings a lot. I'm kind of a control freak, so I think I always have to be good. I have to remember myself everyday that is okay not to be okay. Pray for me on that matter.

 

[Lynx]

Weeeeeeell... I'm a guy and you're a girl, so for anything I say about emotional stuff it might work different for you. Your mileage may vary.

For myself, I'd say the first thing to do is decide what it is about being alone that bugs you. Then see if you can do something about it.

Is it the absence of somebody to talk to? Maybe you could join a chat group online.

Is it the insecurity of not having anybody to help you? See if you can install backups in your life to take care of things you might temporarily not be able to take care of - savings if you can't work for a while, backup vehicle if your main car is in the shop, things like that.

Is it boredom? The absence of somebody else at home makes life really boring? We have never had more options for diversions.

Is it just the quietness? Maybe something as simple as turning on the radio or TV could help.

Or maybe nothing helps. Like I said, your mileage may vary. Maybe life just really sucks right now and all you can do is hunker down and endure until it gets better.

 

[2ndTimothyGroup]

Thank you for your answer, it made me smile actually. That is exactly what I think, I'm trying to use this time to get closer to God, even though is hard sometimes.

It [is] hard! In my case, I had no choice in the matter. The "church" refused to help; no former "christian" was available to help. All family had disappeared. I had nowhere to go but God. I would say to God, "Well, I guess it's just you and me."

Life can really seem unfair, but if it [is] unfair, this does not go unnoticed by our Powerful Lord. King David was often lonely as he ran for his life. Jesus was certainly feeling lonely and rejected (even by Peter). The Apostle Paul told us that everyone in the Province of Asia had abandoned him. But Anne, this is how the Lord works. When you read the Bible, I'd like you to notice how often the Word or idea, "Endure," crops up. The Children of the Lord must endure. But endure what? Fields of flowers, butterflies, and hummingbirds? Or, are we to endure hardship? The Bible tells us that God loves the poor, oppressed, suffering, and struggling.

So, as you struggle, and as you turn to the Lord . . . do your best to look at it as Holy Discipline by the greatest Father you could ever hope for.

Hebrews 12:7 NIV - "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?"

And Anne, try not to think of God's discipline as you being a bad person, but try to view it as proper training to bring you/us into proper maturity. Discipline doesn't necessarily mean that you're bad, but it more means that God wants you to move in a different direction. I personally do not view His discipline as punishment but as guidance and direction.

Lastly, because of all of this, I have learned to depend upon myself and God . . . not humans. When I DID depend upon humans, I was really miserable. I needed their approval. I needed their acceptance. I needed their love. And so I was miserable because I just wasn't getting it. And so, the Lord caused incredible isolation in my life so that I would learn to get over being "needy." After all, the Bible does say that we are to lean upon the Lord for all things. I learned the hard way when no one was "there" to help me understand.

 

[kaijo]

Hey, how are you learning piano? What method are you using? I've been thinking about that. I tried to learn some time ago but then I got a scholarship for college and had to quite it after only 3 classes.

I just try to learn from an app called Online Pianist. I dont know how to read music or play any cords or anything. That app just shows you which key to press with which finger as it comes down the screen like the Synthesia app. I can play a couple basic level songs but i still suck lol. Tho it does feel good to be able to finally play something you thought at the beginning was gonna be impossible for you.

 

[soberxp]

Of course, focus on getting along well with your friends or colleagues. If you have more friends, you won't feel lonely.

 

[Lynx]

Eh... I dunno. I have a few really good friends and sometimes I'm lonely.

Shoot, I know married people - people who found GOOD people to marry - with a flock of children and everything, and sometimes they still feel lonely.

 

[anne03]

Weeeeeeell... I'm a guy and you're a girl, so for anything I say about emotional stuff it might work different for you. Your mileage may vary.

For myself, I'd say the first thing to do is decide what it is about being alone that bugs you. Then see if you can do something about it.

Is it the absence of somebody to talk to? Maybe you could join a chat group online.

Is it the insecurity of not having anybody to help you? See if you can install backups in your life to take care of things you might temporarily not be able to take care of - savings if you can't work for a while, backup vehicle if your main car is in the shop, things like that.

Is it boredom? The absence of somebody else at home makes life really boring? We have never had more options for diversions.

Is it just the quietness? Maybe something as simple as turning on the radio or TV could help.

Or maybe nothing helps. Like I said, your mileage may vary. Maybe life just really sucks right now and all you can do is hunker down and endure until it gets better.

Thank you for the answer, you are rigth. Sometimes is hard not having someone to talk to,

 

[Lanolin]

alone time for me is precious because then I can talk to God without interference, so I dont see it as being sad really

A lot of the time people dont really see God as someone they can talk to (because Hes not here BODILY) but that dont matter to God He can hear you even if you whisper or just think on Him.

His presence can be like a breath of fresh air or just that feeling like He is there seeing everything you do and loving you for just being you.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Thanks for your words, you are so right. And I feel like you have known me for years. I struggle with acknowledging my feelings a lot. I'm kind of a control freak, so I think I always have to be good. I have to remember myself everyday that is okay not to be okay. Pray for me on that matter.

I've had depression 30 years, so I know what it's like to want to try and hide from how you feel. And in that time I've learned how important it is to accept whats going on inside you, so you can deal with it better.
It's often suggested to give yourself windows to let yourself feel negative emotions. Give yourself 10-20 mins a day (or twice a day) to just accept and let yourself feel And react to those things.
Doing so this way helps prevent the negatives from running free in your mind and making things worse. But also allows you the chance to feel things necessary to heal.
A small book, A Grief Observed, by C S Lewis could be helpful. It's a journal of his thoughts and feelings after his wife died, but can help make you aware of emotions you haven't noticed before.
Or help guide you through your own grief, making you feel less alone in it.

And vent on CC, or make your own journal to write things out. That's another useful tip. I did this as a teen and it helped me a lot through my early struggles with depression and anger.

 

[blueluna5]

T


Thanks, that is what I'm trying to do, it's been hard to me because most of the people around me are a little toxic and not godly, but God is so amazing that all of the sudden some of my good all friends have been contacting me and practically forcing me to hang out with them, because honestly I did not feel like it, but they are being such a bless to me during this time.

Yes that is what God will do. He'll have people come into your life when it's needed. So that we're always surrounded with love in same way.

He brings movies, books, music he thinks we'll enjoy as well. Constantly thinking of us but we only see the big things in life.

 

[Willow]

After an 8yrs relationship I got separated from my ex 4 month ago. Today we had a family day at church. We were sharing and talking, and it was quite fun, but at the end of the day, everybody came back to their houses with their families, and I came home alone. I don't have any feelings for my ex anymore and I am an introverted person, so I usually enjoy my own company, but I've been feeling pretty sad since I came back home from church.

I am sorry you are going thru this. I will keep you in prayers!

 

[Orumah]

You can avoid feeling down because of loneliness by going out with friends, studying the Bible and going for outdoor activities. You can also watch movies etc