F
Hi, this will be long so thank you beforehand for reading it all 
So I was born into a Christian family, went to a Christian school, that been said, when I was about two months old my dad left for Europe. He came back for visit when I was 3 years old, saw him briefly at least I got to create a memory of who he was. After some weeks, he left again leaving my mum pregnant and this time he left for 8 years.
During those 8 years I grew up with my mum, siblings, uncles and aunties, cousins and friends. We had so much fun, we played a lot, my cousin lived near so it was like we had a second home. We didn't have much as we were 3 children and 1 mum. I missed my dad, but didn't know how to express it. I also felt hate towards him because we would talk on the phone like once a year and other times I heard my mum talking with him she would always be crying and shouting. I and my brothers were exposed to things like porn magazines and alcohol at a very early age as my mum would drink a lot.
Fast forward to 2006, when I was 11, God intervenes, my dad is now very involved in his church, he and my mum ´´fixed´´ their relationship and we moved to Europe, after a year, my sister is born so we're now 4 siblings. We're very involved in church, we're there 4 days a week. Barely had any other social life growing up as a teen.
In church we seemed like the perfect family but at home there was violence from my dad, physical and psychological. Sometimes he and my mum would argue and the next day we would see marks and scars on her face. He was very violent with me, always had marks on my face or body as well. On time a bandage on my wrist.
It was so confusing and infuriating because I really thought he had missed me as much as I missed him since he left, why was he so aggressive with us when we came to be with him? Also he shared the gospel, I keep wondering where in the Bible God said a man should beat up his wife...
Well fast forward to 2014, I'm 19, he almost broke my jaw because after cleaning I left the bin next to the table rather than under the table. That day I decided I was going to leave, I felt safer outside home than inside. Told my teachers (they already knew over the years and had had chats with my parents warning them that if they continued they would call social securities), did a lot of paper work and therapy sessions, in a month I left home like I was going to school and never went back home since then.
It's almost 9 years since that day and I still remember it like yesterday. As soon as I left I stopped going to church, I didn't want to serve the same ''aggressive and strict'' God that my dad used to serve and teach about. I got into a sinful relationship for 3 years, then moved to another city, then got addicted to weed when I was 23 and hated myself for it. Drinking a lot of alcohol as well, partying a lot, seeking men's attention and validation of self worth and self esteem, and trying to feel that huge void I felt inside me. I’ve also tried harder drugs like cocaine and ecstasy at this point. Two years after I had a very bad trip, got very scared of smoking weed bc I didn't want the same thing to happen so I stopped but continued with the other hard drugs. This went on for some months then COVID hit in 2020.
Thanks to covid there were no more parties, my whole world stopped so I felt so hopeless and way more depressed than ever, I had hit rock bottom. I couldn't sleep, had so many attacks at night that I was afraid to sleep. So one day in tears I just said ''God I've tried everything and nothing worked, I'm just going to read a passage and sleep, if you're real help me sleep in peace''. Opened my Bible to somewhere in psalm and the next thing I woke up with my bible on my chest in the same position I was before sleeping, I had slept for 6 hours straight in a very long time.
I was so amazed, got on my knees and started weeping and weeping, couldn't stop asking for forgiveness and giving thanks. The next days were more of the same thing. I searched for a church, as it was covid they were only online so I joined the community groups online and attended online Sunday service.
When it opened I went, entering a church after 6 years was like being lost and finally finding home, finally finding where I belonged. I remember the first weeks I would just sit in the front and weep, couldn't stop weeping even during the message haha. Got baptized again but now by my own decision.
These past 2 years have been filled with deliverance, healing, love, peace, a whole lot of grace, purpose, worth, freedom, renewing of my mind, new friends and church family, healing in my family and healing in my relationship with men, how I see men and what to expect from a Godly man and how to be a Godly woman, and the list goes on.
So yeah, I've always being ashamed of my testimony and now I have joined the evangelism group of my church to gain courage to go out there and share this with who ever may need to hear it, to help people know they're not alone and plant a seed in their hearts.
Thank you again for reading all this, God bless you <3
So I was born into a Christian family, went to a Christian school, that been said, when I was about two months old my dad left for Europe. He came back for visit when I was 3 years old, saw him briefly at least I got to create a memory of who he was. After some weeks, he left again leaving my mum pregnant and this time he left for 8 years.
During those 8 years I grew up with my mum, siblings, uncles and aunties, cousins and friends. We had so much fun, we played a lot, my cousin lived near so it was like we had a second home. We didn't have much as we were 3 children and 1 mum. I missed my dad, but didn't know how to express it. I also felt hate towards him because we would talk on the phone like once a year and other times I heard my mum talking with him she would always be crying and shouting. I and my brothers were exposed to things like porn magazines and alcohol at a very early age as my mum would drink a lot.
Fast forward to 2006, when I was 11, God intervenes, my dad is now very involved in his church, he and my mum ´´fixed´´ their relationship and we moved to Europe, after a year, my sister is born so we're now 4 siblings. We're very involved in church, we're there 4 days a week. Barely had any other social life growing up as a teen.
In church we seemed like the perfect family but at home there was violence from my dad, physical and psychological. Sometimes he and my mum would argue and the next day we would see marks and scars on her face. He was very violent with me, always had marks on my face or body as well. On time a bandage on my wrist.
It was so confusing and infuriating because I really thought he had missed me as much as I missed him since he left, why was he so aggressive with us when we came to be with him? Also he shared the gospel, I keep wondering where in the Bible God said a man should beat up his wife...
Well fast forward to 2014, I'm 19, he almost broke my jaw because after cleaning I left the bin next to the table rather than under the table. That day I decided I was going to leave, I felt safer outside home than inside. Told my teachers (they already knew over the years and had had chats with my parents warning them that if they continued they would call social securities), did a lot of paper work and therapy sessions, in a month I left home like I was going to school and never went back home since then.
It's almost 9 years since that day and I still remember it like yesterday. As soon as I left I stopped going to church, I didn't want to serve the same ''aggressive and strict'' God that my dad used to serve and teach about. I got into a sinful relationship for 3 years, then moved to another city, then got addicted to weed when I was 23 and hated myself for it. Drinking a lot of alcohol as well, partying a lot, seeking men's attention and validation of self worth and self esteem, and trying to feel that huge void I felt inside me. I’ve also tried harder drugs like cocaine and ecstasy at this point. Two years after I had a very bad trip, got very scared of smoking weed bc I didn't want the same thing to happen so I stopped but continued with the other hard drugs. This went on for some months then COVID hit in 2020.
Thanks to covid there were no more parties, my whole world stopped so I felt so hopeless and way more depressed than ever, I had hit rock bottom. I couldn't sleep, had so many attacks at night that I was afraid to sleep. So one day in tears I just said ''God I've tried everything and nothing worked, I'm just going to read a passage and sleep, if you're real help me sleep in peace''. Opened my Bible to somewhere in psalm and the next thing I woke up with my bible on my chest in the same position I was before sleeping, I had slept for 6 hours straight in a very long time.
I was so amazed, got on my knees and started weeping and weeping, couldn't stop asking for forgiveness and giving thanks. The next days were more of the same thing. I searched for a church, as it was covid they were only online so I joined the community groups online and attended online Sunday service.
When it opened I went, entering a church after 6 years was like being lost and finally finding home, finally finding where I belonged. I remember the first weeks I would just sit in the front and weep, couldn't stop weeping even during the message haha. Got baptized again but now by my own decision.
These past 2 years have been filled with deliverance, healing, love, peace, a whole lot of grace, purpose, worth, freedom, renewing of my mind, new friends and church family, healing in my family and healing in my relationship with men, how I see men and what to expect from a Godly man and how to be a Godly woman, and the list goes on.
So yeah, I've always being ashamed of my testimony and now I have joined the evangelism group of my church to gain courage to go out there and share this with who ever may need to hear it, to help people know they're not alone and plant a seed in their hearts.
Thank you again for reading all this, God bless you <3
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