Hi Michael,
I can definitely relate to a lot of what you are saying, and it's incredibly hard to get over situations like this.
I had a situation where I was very close to someone, but things ended horribly. I longed to talk to that person every single day, hoping things would change. But when my Mom and a co-worker both strongly told me I needed to move on, I knew it wasn't just them speaking -- it was God. I was absolutely crushed that there was no hope, no cracks in the door, no chance of reconciliation.
It's been many, many years and I'm pretty sure I'll carry that wound until I get to heaven. People tell me, you just need to forgive, you just need to let go, you need to get over any bitterness, you need to do more of this and be sure to add in a lot of that. But I've grown up in church culture where I saw so many people wanting to tell everyone else what to do, and what they weren't doing right -- while their own lives were a mess.
Do I believe that God heals all wounds, even emotional ones? Absolutely. I just don't believe that all of them will be healed in this lifetime.
I had a Christian friend who said that what I was feeling was all my fault because I wasn't doing all the things they said I needed to do (basically, be perfect.)
I told them, "I've known women who had full mastsectomies -- would you tell them that they should be able to nurse a child? Because that's a pretty good parallel of what you're telling me I can do." I believe some hurts amputate a part of our soul, a part of of who we are -- and, like someone who lost a leg and has to learn to walk on a prosthetic, there might be ways to cope, but things are never truly the same.
I could be wrong about this but I fully believe that emotional hurts can be like this too -- yes, God might heal us in some ways, but sometimes there are permanent side effects and loss that change some things about us, or the way we have to go about life, for as long as we have this earthly life.
I think one of the saddest truths in life is that there are some people who are toxic to us, and that we can also be toxic to other people. Try as we might, or as optimistic as we are about certain things we think we can handle, the only true solution is to get away from them -- and, painful as it is, stay away from them -- permanently.
I understand that you are hurting beyond belief right now, and I am so sorry. I don't know how to help except to pray for you and encourage you to concentrate on working through one day at a time (which is what God told me when I was going through the worst of it.)
As
@Snackersmom has said, please stay away from this person. I know how much it hurts. And I know how strong the pull is, believe me.
But, as noble of intentions it sounds like you have, for whatever reason, the both of you are making each other sick, and will continue to do so as long a you have any contact.
I'm so sorry, because I know how much it hurts.
But the only thing to do in this situation is to walk away -- and ask God to keep your focus on whatever He has for you, because it will be going in the opposite direction.
