Hey everyone,
If too long to read, I am requesting prayer as recently God has shown me some dark things that are in me that I don't like, one major thing being that I can get very judgmental and closed off/hold things against people rather than walking in love.
I was recently diagnosed with MS. God has been awesome to me through it all, and I've really been holding onto His word and have been at peace even with the diagnoses and restrictions the health condition has placed on me, all glory to God. It really lit a fire in me to just let His light shine through me in the midst of the diagnosis/health problem, as having joy and peace and being full of life in the midst of a health trial that could potentially be a life-long thing can be a great testimony/witness to those who don't yet know Jesus and can be an encouragement to those who do. I am fully convinced that God is working through this diagnosis.
With this, my life dynamic has changed dramatically. I am currently staying with my parents as they help take care of me while we get acquainted with this new way of life. Things have really slowed down for me - I'm still employed, but I haven't been working since December 4th, as that was the day I went to the hospital. Being back at home with my mom and dad has been great, and they're taking great care of me, but for some reason I got some sort of offense or annoyance at my dad a couple weeks ago. I recognized it was there, but I don't know why exactly.
Another thing that came up was, we had a family friend over for a couple nights as they were in town for some work. This family friend is a Chrisitan. The visit was okay, but I became more aware that I have a judgment/something against this person. During their visit, I was closed off due to some things that were said, but I didn't address them/speak up/respond in love - rather, I judged this person.
God has been moving and revealing so much in my life in the past couple months. With the way I had been able to respond in the midst of my diagnosis, the fellowship and closeness I had been experiencing with God, really feeling like I had entered into His rest, and then for me to get out of it somewhere along the line and then respond in these sorts of ways, it really ate me up. A few days ago, I finally broke down because I know this isn't how God wants me to respond or be in any way, but it shows me the depths of my heart, how wicked I can be. I am not to be a self-righteous, judgmental person who identifies as a Chrisitan - to me, in those moments, I am no better than a pharisee.
I also had a few moments this past week where God was speaking to me to not do some things; one, I listened. The second, I didn't really, but I did in the end. The third, I didn't.
I'm noticing more and more weakness, and these sins I am ashamed of. I don't like to have weakness or for others to see it. :\ but that's something God is probably working on me about in this. My pride needs to go!!
To sum it up, God has been showing me some ugly stuff in my heart that I don't like seeing, and it hurts to see it. I need some prayer. The most important thing is my relationship with God and keeping it close and intimate.
If too long to read, I am requesting prayer as recently God has shown me some dark things that are in me that I don't like, one major thing being that I can get very judgmental and closed off/hold things against people rather than walking in love.
I was recently diagnosed with MS. God has been awesome to me through it all, and I've really been holding onto His word and have been at peace even with the diagnoses and restrictions the health condition has placed on me, all glory to God. It really lit a fire in me to just let His light shine through me in the midst of the diagnosis/health problem, as having joy and peace and being full of life in the midst of a health trial that could potentially be a life-long thing can be a great testimony/witness to those who don't yet know Jesus and can be an encouragement to those who do. I am fully convinced that God is working through this diagnosis.
With this, my life dynamic has changed dramatically. I am currently staying with my parents as they help take care of me while we get acquainted with this new way of life. Things have really slowed down for me - I'm still employed, but I haven't been working since December 4th, as that was the day I went to the hospital. Being back at home with my mom and dad has been great, and they're taking great care of me, but for some reason I got some sort of offense or annoyance at my dad a couple weeks ago. I recognized it was there, but I don't know why exactly.
Another thing that came up was, we had a family friend over for a couple nights as they were in town for some work. This family friend is a Chrisitan. The visit was okay, but I became more aware that I have a judgment/something against this person. During their visit, I was closed off due to some things that were said, but I didn't address them/speak up/respond in love - rather, I judged this person.
God has been moving and revealing so much in my life in the past couple months. With the way I had been able to respond in the midst of my diagnosis, the fellowship and closeness I had been experiencing with God, really feeling like I had entered into His rest, and then for me to get out of it somewhere along the line and then respond in these sorts of ways, it really ate me up. A few days ago, I finally broke down because I know this isn't how God wants me to respond or be in any way, but it shows me the depths of my heart, how wicked I can be. I am not to be a self-righteous, judgmental person who identifies as a Chrisitan - to me, in those moments, I am no better than a pharisee.
I also had a few moments this past week where God was speaking to me to not do some things; one, I listened. The second, I didn't really, but I did in the end. The third, I didn't.
I'm noticing more and more weakness, and these sins I am ashamed of. I don't like to have weakness or for others to see it. :\ but that's something God is probably working on me about in this. My pride needs to go!!
To sum it up, God has been showing me some ugly stuff in my heart that I don't like seeing, and it hurts to see it. I need some prayer. The most important thing is my relationship with God and keeping it close and intimate.
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