Having a non-Christian best friend

[Grigor1860]

Hello,

I know this isn’t strictly family-related, but we are very close.

I’d like to hear some both moral and religious perspectives on the suitability of being best friends with, and spending time with, a non-Christian. My best friend is a relatively moral person, but we differ radically on sexual morality in particular (she views it as meaningless, but not quite as transactional). I worry sometimes if associating with her is somehow corrupting, even if it’s not obvious to me.

I’d appreciate any input.

Adam

 

[Hazelelponi]

A couple thoughts here, not all specific to your friend not being Christian.

You used the word "she" to describe your closest friend. Therefore am I to understand that the person you're closest to in the world is the opposite sex from yourself?

Who also has a very different idea of sexual relationships than stated biblically - aka, limited to marriage?

And your a young man, with your own hormones in full swing?

This is a recipe for disaster... Honestly. Especially for a young Christian man who is trying to not only avoid temptation to sin but also the appearance of sin...

I would seek to limit my time, if I were you, that was spent alone with her, and do more to seek out male friends your age.

 

[SomeDisciple]

I wouldn't say associating with her is inherently corruptive, as long as you know where to draw the line- and actually do draw the line when it's called for.

 

[Grigor1860]

A couple thoughts here, not all specific to your friend not being Christian.

You used the word "she" to describe your closest friend. Therefore am I to understand that the person you're closest to in the world is the opposite sex from yourself?

Who also has a very different idea of sexual relationships than stated biblically - aka, limited to marriage?

And your a young man, with your own hormones in full swing?

This is a recipe for disaster... Honestly. Especially for a young Christian man who is trying to not only avoid temptation to sin but also the appearance of sin...

I would seek to limit my time, if I were you, that was spent alone with her, and do more to seek out male friends your age.

I do spend the majority of time with my male friends already; she and I have always been explicitly non-romantic, so there’s no attraction there on either part. My worry, principally, was whether or not such differences are tolerable, not that one of us might get funny ideas about the other, as that won’t happen.

 

[Grigor1860]

I wouldn't say associating with her is inherently corruptive, as long as you know where to draw the line- and actually do draw the line when it's called for.

Yes; this is the approach I take too - to hold firm on matters of principle.

 

[Butterflyyy]

Hi Grigor

What do you think of Psalm 1?
Also have you ever tried to win her lost soul to Christ? Have there been any times you have spoken to her about your relationship with Him?

The verse about light and darkness not being able to mix came to mind. I think you are discerning something very important and this is why you are asking about the matter.

The Word is a light to your path, and it says that the fool has said in his heart that there is no God. The Bible also says that he who keeps in the company of fools suffers harm.

I have to be honest, when a male and female are friends it usually means that one is attracted to the other from my experience. Even if this is not the case; the most important thing is that you are spiritually good for each other and this type of friendship could be a way of leaving yourself vulnerable spiritually.
It’s important to be prayerful about how to handle this situation, and her soul is precious so I would say pray for her, share the Gospel with her... but be wise and let the Holy Spirt lead you in this situation.
I have found that it is wise to make sure all your close friends are Christian ones, and that any others are for the purpose of helping them get saved if the Lord is leading you that way for a time. This calls for spiritual maturity, and may only be for a season if they reject Him or start to become a negative influence in your life, and I would be all the more cautious because it is someone of the opposite sex.
Be vigilant for your enemy the Devil is roaming around seeking whom he may devour.
Do not be ignorant of the enemies devices.
He is subtle.

Well done for asking the question brother and I hope I have been of some help.

God bless you 🦋

 

[Grigor1860]

Hi Grigor

What do you think of Psalm 1?
Also have you ever tried to win her lost soul to Christ? Have there been any times you have spoken to her about your relationship with Him?

The verse about light and darkness not being able to mix came to mind. I think you are discerning something very important and this is why you are asking about the matter.

The Word is a light to your path, and it says that the fool has said in his heart that there is no God. The Bible also says that he who keeps in the company of fools suffers harm.

I have to be honest, when a male and female are friends it usually means that one is attracted to the other from my experience. Even if this is not the case; the most important thing is that you are spiritually good for each other and this type of friendship could be a way of leaving yourself vulnerable spiritually.
It’s important to be prayerful about how to handle this situation, and her soul is precious so I would say pray for her, share the Gospel with her... but be wise and let the Holy Spirt lead you in this situation.
I have found that it is wise to make sure all your close friends are Christian ones, and that any others are for the purpose of helping them get saved if the Lord is leading you that way for a time. This calls for spiritual maturity, and may only be for a season if they reject Him or start to become a negative influence in your life, and I would be all the more cautious because it is someone of the opposite sex.
Be vigilant for your enemy the Devil is roaming around seeking whom he may devour.
Do not be ignorant of the enemies devices.
He is subtle.

Well done for asking the question brother and I hope I have been of some help.

God bless you 🦋

Thank you for your considered response! She was baptised I believe, but is firmly atheistic. I’ve never pushed her on it, as she is evidently set in her ways (I’ve always adhered to the idea of trying to set a good example, rather than confronting). You discern correctly my dilemma about spiritual vulnerability; that’s a lovely way of articulating my problem. Your advice has been of help: I shall try to keep my distance, wherever possible.

 

[Hazelelponi]

I do spend the majority of time with my male friends already; she and I have always been explicitly non-romantic, so there’s no attraction there on either part. My worry, principally, was whether or not such differences are tolerable, not that one of us might get funny ideas about the other, as that won’t happen.

Never say never... Stranger things have happened.

But as to time, the issue with the world is that we are born into sin, in such a way that if we don't step back from the world to some degree, sin looks and feels quite acceptable.

So while we definitely live here in this world, we want not a monastic existence (as we wouldn't be an example of Christ in the world), but we do need enough distance that sin keeps looking sinful.

It's a balance that isn't always easy to strike, but each of us must find it for ourselves.

We aren't called to refuse friendships with people we could be an example to, but like with anything, you need enough distance to see their sin as sinful, an affront to God.

Your heart will usually tell you when your too close, which I think it might be seeing as you've made this thread.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Hello,

I know this isn’t strictly family-related, but we are very close.

I’d like to hear some both moral and religious perspectives on the suitability of being best friends with, and spending time with, a non-Christian. My best friend is a relatively moral person, but we differ radically on sexual morality in particular (she views it as meaningless, but not quite as transactional). I worry sometimes if associating with her is somehow corrupting, even if it’s not obvious to me.

I’d appreciate any input.

Adam

If you take the advice being given then might I suggest you make a special point to keep distanced from all non-Christians. What tends to happen in these types of circumstances is the person wants to know why you've changed towards them. And upon explanation it reflects poorly on Christians. It seems common that such situations only serve to drive a wedge between the abandoned friend and the notions of Christianity. It's seen as "they think they're better than me because they're a Christian".

 

[SomeDisciple]

Hello people, Paul wrote about this.

9I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators: 10Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world. 11But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. 12For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? 13But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

You disfellowship Christians for being active fornicators. You don't have to stay away from worldly people for being worldly, that makes no sense. Like I said, you have to know where to draw the line, though. If you feel like they are having too much influence, obviously you need to distance yourself.

 

[GardenofWeeden]

God is Love, and Love is patient and kind, forgiving, not keeping a record of wrongs, but celebrates what is right, among other things. Don't drop her as a friend; that would hurt her and possibly push her further away, but definitely be a light for her, and don't let her cover your light with darkness. Continue to allow the Holy Spirit to guide your steps with her.

 

[Aaron56]

Friendship is not an equal yoke. Jesus Christ is our friend but we are not equal to Him, nor is He brought down to our level. In this relationship with your friend, you are the greater, in that He that is in you is greater than the world. As such, your primary concern is thus: has the Lord put us together? If so then you are to show her the Father in your relationship.

Further food for your consideration:
Atheism is not a lack of knowing God exists, it is a lifestyle whereby one lives as if God’s presence is of no consequence. In that sense, we all know God exists, but only believers live as if that is true. If you have been placed with her by the Lord then it is likely that she will recognize Christ/the Father as He appears in you by the example you walk out. I have unbelieving friends who seek me out for counsel because they recognize the gift of wisdom God has given me. I love them and they love me. And, as I am led by the Spirit, I am free to share my wisdom with those who are just and with those who are unjust equally. This requires mature understanding.

 

[HatedForNoReason]

Friendship is not an equal yoke. Jesus Christ is our friend but we are not equal to Him, nor is He brought down to our level. In this relationship with your friend, you are the greater, in that He that is in you is greater than the world. As such, your primary concern is thus: has the Lord put us together? If so then you are to show her the Father in your relationship.

Further food for your consideration:
Atheism is not a lack of knowing God exists, it is a lifestyle whereby one lives as if God’s presence is of no consequence. In that sense, we all know God exists, but only believers live as if that is true. If you have been placed with her by the Lord then it is likely that she will recognize Christ/the Father as He appears in you by the example you walk out. I have unbelieving friends who seek me out for counsel because they recognize the gift of wisdom God has given me. I love them and they love me. And, as I am led by the Spirit, I am free to share my wisdom with those who are just and with those who are unjust equally. This requires mature understanding.

2 Corinthians 6:14-17

King James Version (KJV)

14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

15 And what concord (agreement or harmony) hath Christ with Belial (Satan)? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

James 4:4

King James Version (KJV)

4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.


Proverbs 29:27

King James Version (KJV)

27 An unjust man is an abomination to the just: and he that is upright in the way is abomination to the wicked.

Genesis 3:14-15

King James Version (KJV)

14 And the Lord God said unto the serpent (Satan), Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed (All nonelects) and her seed (All of God’s elect); it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

Nonelects have no control over hating God's elects because Satan and his demons control all nonelects.

Example=finding fault with someone even though he didn't do anything wrong, this happen to my physical family.
Example 2=older sibling using loaded questions (logical fallacies) and taking sides with a bully.

 

[A-Sword-Cometh]

Men and women cannot be just friends, it is highly unnatural and will always lead to problems 100% of the time. Marry or just utterly forsake them.

 

[ChristianTonyB]

Depends on how strong you are. Samson thought he was, and came to grief.
Sooner or later a Christian that has a close relationship with an unbeliever will be drawn into a compromising situation, and will have to decide...do they bend to the will of the unbeliever, or remain loyal to God.

I used to be friendly with an unbelieving lady, we used to enjoy outdoor pursuits like hiking, cycling and mountain biking. We were part of an outdoor recreation group. The last hike I went on with them, they all chose to ignore a no hikers allowed sign and hike the trail. I had to excuse myself and take a different route by myself to get to the same destination. Therefore I had no fellowship with them. I haven't gone back, preferring to find law abiding Christians to hike with. I've yet to find them.

There's plenty of warnings for Christians in the New Testament of the Bible. Be careful not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, your own good ways will become corrupted sooner or later.

 

[Aaron56]

snip

You quoted my post but I'm not clear about your point.

 

[JohnDB]

Hello,

I know this isn’t strictly family-related, but we are very close.

I’d like to hear some both moral and religious perspectives on the suitability of being best friends with, and spending time with, a non-Christian. My best friend is a relatively moral person, but we differ radically on sexual morality in particular (she views it as meaningless, but not quite as transactional). I worry sometimes if associating with her is somehow corrupting, even if it’s not obvious to me.

I’d appreciate any input.

Adam

Input?
There's so little to go upon that I hesitate to even comment.

But I know that you can...and should.

Obviously you have been raised Christian or have at a minimum claimed Jesus as your Savior.
Meaning that you intend to live a Christian lifestyle. To be marked by those who know you or who come to know you as belonging to the Christians.

Now just as a point of reference....other than your personal claims of belonging is there enough evidence to convict you of being a Christian if a court was convened?
In the future of your adulthood how exactly do you see yourself demonstrating your Christian life to the community you live in? (So that there's no doubt to them that you are indeed a Christian)

I know that some of these questions probably haven't exactly been pondered as yet by a young man of your years...but I'm asking them for your consideration.

Who do you want to be when you are one of the adult masses? And how do you see yourself attaining this goal? What problems can you see stemming from a relationship with her?

 

[Lanolin]

I would limit my time with a non believer

how is it that she is your 'best friend' ?
or...are you hers?

I dont have Best friends. I just think its silly to rank friends.

 

[Lanolin]

I mean, friends all have value in different ways
I would rather have true friends than best friends

Jesus laid down his life for his friends, is this what she would do for you? Or you for her?

 

[Eli1]

What a strange question.
I have many best friends at work who are female and are atheist for the past 15 years.
They haven’t ”corrupted” me, in fact Iv’e changed them over the years with actions and behavior which comes from my faith.