Has the single forum died down?

[Susanna]

Not much going on in the Singles Forum. What has happened?

 

[Cameron143]

They all eloped.

 

[Mem]

@seoulsearch has secured herself in a cryostasis pod after all her energy was drained tackling the most recent alien invasion of married peoples. #facehuggerperimetersafetybreached

 

[Subhumanoidal]

The site as a whole has slowed down. Been slowing down for years. Around 2013 the site seemed to peak and since then it's been slowly declining.
One factor seems to be how vicious some people are. I've seen many people quit the site after a short time due to this. It used to be primarily in the BDF, but it's spread to the News forum now, as well.
Another is not many seem to sign up intending to stay. There's been an increase in single post users that ask a question and never return.
Or people joining looking for a chat room and quitting when they learn there isn't one.
Also joining looking for one specific thing and if its not readily available, they leave. We see this a lot in Singles forum.
As well as some forums not often being used at all, and many that post in them don't fit the theme. Arab, Philippine, Teen and Young Adults in particular.
And when the chats were up they had a bad reputation due to a few people running the rooms and banning people left and right. Some for simply disagreeing with them and others had no clue why they were banned. Despite many complaints in the playstore nothing was ever done and it continued.
Mods also seem less invested, as does the owner. They seem to have stopped enforcing some things that they used to and given up. Not a great feeling as a user.
Suggestions forum, once intended for suggestions to improve the site, has been allowed to be another Misc forum, basically. And when suggestions are made there's rarely any official response, which puts it on the user's to step in. Sometimes with wrong information because changes were made and no one was told. So a lack of communication.
People paying and looking for live chats only to find they don't exist anymore.
Some don't like paying then getting an email asking for donations for the site. Or not seeing how the donations are put towards the site other than keeping it going.
So plenty of reasons for the site to slow down over the years.
And those are the kinds of things I've seen others say over the years, which has gone up as activity has gone down.

 

[TabinRivCA]

I looked back at the early pages of the SF and it seems like it was more geared, not totally, towards single life banter and thoughts. A lot of dating issues funny and serious are posted. Just my observation is that over the years, posts attempting to find out how to meet and mingle with potential Christian partners have been discouraged making the SF a super casual stop with not a direct motive. In the past it seemed fun, honest and sometimes personal and feelings about dating could be shared. It feels like a little bit of that sneaks in but looking down the list of Threads here it seems like it has changed it's drift. Not criticizing anything or anyone here because a lot may have to do with covid and/or the general feeling of frustration when it comes to politics. Always hope though, I see @seoulsearch, even from the beginning, is attempting to stir the pot😂. Btw, I'm a twice widow and not looking, but I think it's sad there isn't more of a open platform for single Christians who are wanting to meet someone and get married. Btw, bravo for the few couples who succeeded in matching up here👏👏💕💕✝🔯 (trying not to be too serious here, but alas again I failed, lol)

 

[tourist]

They all eloped.

Good for them.

 

[Lynx]

This place isn't as busy for the same reason our UPCI general conference isn't as popular as it used to be. Lots of other places to go these days. Geocities and Myspace didn't really take much from forums, but Facebook sucked the life out of them. And now there's WhatsApp, Snapchat, all kinds of things.

But just like our general conference, there are still people who hang out on the forum. It's not what it used to be, but it's still a thing.

Take it for what it is now. The other options that have sprung up are not going away. It will never be what it used to be. But it still is what it currently is.

 

[Lynx]

The site as a whole has slowed down. Been slowing down for years. Around 2013 the site seemed to peak and since then it's been slowly declining.
One factor seems to be how vicious some people are. I've seen many people quit the site after a short time due to this. It used to be primarily in the BDF, but it's spread to the News forum now, as well.
Another is not many seem to sign up intending to stay. There's been an increase in single post users that ask a question and never return.
Or people joining looking for a chat room and quitting when they learn there isn't one.
Also joining looking for one specific thing and if its not readily available, they leave. We see this a lot in Singles forum.
As well as some forums not often being used at all, and many that post in them don't fit the theme. Arab, Philippine, Teen and Young Adults in particular.
And when the chats were up they had a bad reputation due to a few people running the rooms and banning people left and right. Some for simply disagreeing with them and others had no clue why they were banned. Despite many complaints in the playstore nothing was ever done and it continued.
Mods also seem less invested, as does the owner. They seem to have stopped enforcing some things that they used to and given up. Not a great feeling as a user.
Suggestions forum, once intended for suggestions to improve the site, has been allowed to be another Misc forum, basically. And when suggestions are made there's rarely any official response, which puts it on the user's to step in. Sometimes with wrong information because changes were made and no one was told. So a lack of communication.
People paying and looking for live chats only to find they don't exist anymore.
Some don't like paying then getting an email asking for donations for the site. Or not seeing how the donations are put towards the site other than keeping it going.
So plenty of reasons for the site to slow down over the years.
And those are the kinds of things I've seen others say over the years, which has gone up as activity has gone down.

Hmm... These things have happened, but I'm gonna have to disagree about them being the cause. If none of them had happened, this forum would still have slowed down to its current state. All forums have been doing the same, all across the internet, from what I have seen.

The single only forum I know of that has not had this happen... Has been the Steam forum for video games. It just keeps picking up steam.

 

[Godsgirl1983]

maybe all the regular singles here have discussed everything and don't know what else to talk about?

 

[Lynx]

maybe all the regular singles here have discussed everything and don't know what else to talk about?

Silly girl. We can always find something else to talk about!

Have you ever played sleeping dogs? It's like Grand theft Auto meets a Jackie Chan movie.

 

[seoulsearch]

@seoulsearch has secured herself in a cryostasis pod after all her energy was drained tackling the most recent alien invasion of married peoples. #facehuggerperimetersafetybreached

Cryostatis pods are pretty cozy (Winston isn't minding it either.)

I think everyone here should try them.

Just sayin'.

 

[Mem]

Cryostatis pods are pretty cozy (Winston isn't minding it either.)

I think everyone here should try them.

Just sayin'.

You've almost singlehandedly carried the singles forum, and then valiantly attempted to shoulder the family forum also, so the need for regeneration would necessarily come up. Missed you, nonetheless.

 

[seoulsearch]

The site as a whole has slowed down. Been slowing down for years. Around 2013 the site seemed to peak and since then it's been slowly declining.
One factor seems to be how vicious some people are. I've seen many people quit the site after a short time due to this. It used to be primarily in the BDF, but it's spread to the News forum now, as well.
Another is not many seem to sign up intending to stay. There's been an increase in single post users that ask a question and never return.
Or people joining looking for a chat room and quitting when they learn there isn't one.
Also joining looking for one specific thing and if its not readily available, they leave. We see this a lot in Singles forum.
As well as some forums not often being used at all, and many that post in them don't fit the theme. Arab, Philippine, Teen and Young Adults in particular.
And when the chats were up they had a bad reputation due to a few people running the rooms and banning people left and right. Some for simply disagreeing with them and others had no clue why they were banned. Despite many complaints in the playstore nothing was ever done and it continued.
Mods also seem less invested, as does the owner. They seem to have stopped enforcing some things that they used to and given up. Not a great feeling as a user.
Suggestions forum, once intended for suggestions to improve the site, has been allowed to be another Misc forum, basically. And when suggestions are made there's rarely any official response, which puts it on the user's to step in. Sometimes with wrong information because changes were made and no one was told. So a lack of communication.
People paying and looking for live chats only to find they don't exist anymore.
Some don't like paying then getting an email asking for donations for the site. Or not seeing how the donations are put towards the site other than keeping it going.
So plenty of reasons for the site to slow down over the years.
And those are the kinds of things I've seen others say over the years, which has gone up as activity has gone down.

I think this is a pretty thorough summary of why the forum has slowed down so much -- competition and a shifting landscape.

When I first joined (2009,) we had a lot of young people here -- mid-20's to mid-30's, so there was obviously a lot of interest in finding someone at that time.

Nowadays, I think the demographic has shifted considerably -- I'm guessing 35-65 seems to be more the norm -- and that presents a whole new set of challenges and responsibilities.

I'm not trying to downplay the needs of older singles who want to find someone at all, but say for example, a family of mine collapsed and was rushed to the ER a few weeks ago -- which greatly reduces my interest in supposedly "single" topics like flirting, how to meet dates, and worrying about whether someone likes me or not.

The thread about chores was actually born from a sense of gratitude that I could do laundry for my loved one, whom we are very grateful that God has kept here, at least for now.

I do think a lot about how to keep Singles welcoming to a wide range of single experiences -- from those who are very much concerned with finding someone, to those like me whose focus has shifted to the well-being of family members. Every person in my circle is a caretaker and that greatly affects how we view dating or gettimg married.

I want to be respectful of those who ask, "How do I meet someone?"

But the truth is, whenever I hear the tried-and-true answer: "You need to volunteer, get involved, and meet someone at your church!!" (as if no single person on earth could figure that out on their own,) my spirit literally retches in response. Sure it works for some, but there's any recognition the fact that many of us have been in church all our lives but never found someone there, even while pretty much living at the church (I did this for a few years and became severely burned out.)

I'm much more interested in learning what challenges married people face that we singles can work on preparing for if we are to be married. Are they overcoming? Are they having victory? If so, why aren't more people finding this as well?

The number one topic I always run into is sexual abuse/porn addiction. So, married women, what advice do you have for ladies who are looking to get married -- and may have to deal with a husband who prefers porn to them? Married men, what advice do you have for men who are trying to kick the habit, and should they still get married? Do you feel women should just accept that most men look at porn and not expect anything different?

I think the church is basically doing nothing to address sexual abuse/addiction and while it tells us that getting married is the thing to do, there doesn't seem to be much help for the issues that are often brought to life AFTER marriage.

No one talks about the wife who finds she doesn't like intimacy because of past abuse, and so she gets to a point where avoids her husband as much as possible.

Or the husband who grew an attraction to various things he saw portrayed through illicit means, and now he expects his wife to do those things -- even though she doesn't want to.

These are the types of stories I have heard repeatedly and no one talks about them. I actually used to write threads about some of these issues back in the day but of course, realize a public forum is extremely limited and isn't going to be of much help. But there was a reason behind it.

I'll never forget writing a thread about sexual abuse and a young man I'd never seen here before came into the live chat (when we still had them,) saying, "SS, thanks for the thread -- peace," and then I never saw him again. For me, that was a confirmation that I need to find a way to keep talking to people about things no one wants to talk about -- which means seeking out other places to talk to people.

I had to smile when @Godsgirl1983 mentioned that I liked stirring the pot, even from the beginning. I'm certainly guilty as charged.

However, the motivation has changed over the years. When I started here, I had a lot of leftover anger and bitterness from my undesired divorce. Over time, my temperament has mellowed, and now I'm just your average kind of ornery, trying to stir up some above average trouble.

Most of my thread ideas are actually quite serious, but for right now, people seem to need a few fluffier topics.

I do pray about whether I should stay on this forum or not, or if God is trying to move me elsewhere.

And so when things calm down, if God seems to allow it, I hope to be back to stirring that big ol' pot.

Except maybe this time it'll be with an electric mixer instead of just a plain old wooden spoon.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Hmm... These things have happened, but I'm gonna have to disagree about them being the cause. If none of them had happened, this forum would still have slowed down to its current state. All forums have been doing the same, all across the internet, from what I have seen.

The single only forum I know of that has not had this happen... Has been the Steam forum for video games. It just keeps picking up steam.

I was simply suggesting reasons that could be part of the problem. Didn't say they were the only reasons.

 

[seoulsearch]

You've almost singlehandedly carried the singles forum, and then valiantly attempted to shoulder the family forum also, so the need for regeneration would necessarily come up. Missed you, nonetheless.

I'm going to need an extra strength cryo pod!

I love my CC peeps! ❤️🙏💐

I might throw out a few discussion topics now and then, but the only reason they turn into anything is due to the awesome participants like you who take the time to respond!

I'm hoping to get back into the groove soon.

 

[Magenta]

Geocities and Myspace didn't really take much from forums, but Facebook sucked the life out of them.

Myspace was incredibly busy for a while, but they did not want what it had become.

 

[ImLova]

I'm kind new here, I am glad I found this place, here is a lot to read. But yes as you all say it is little slow and depending are you ask something you can go very little in return. I also have to admit that when I registry I taught it would be a chat room and able to chat directly with people. As I's alone in family as christian and there is no one of my friends that is christian, I was hope to be able to chat with other christian now and then. But Still here is a good place and I only hope there will be more people finding hare and come back.

 

[daisyseesthesun]

I thought trying out a Christian chat site would be a nice change. I have met some nice people on here. i don't agree with everything but overall, the people on this site are encouraging. But in general, many of us Christian walk a lonely path as it's hard to make friends. I often think of king David and how he only had one true friend Jonathan. But we have plenty of books of Christian from the past to occupy us in our journey.

 

[Lynx]

Cryostatis pods are pretty cozy (Winston isn't minding it either.)

I think everyone here should try them.

Just sayin'.

I wouldn't ask Winston's opinion about the weather if he had just come in from outside.

I wouldn't ask his opinion about pillow cases if he had just come from bed, bath and beyond.

 

[Snackersmom]

Not much going on in the Singles Forum. What has happened?

We need a good stupid-flirt or goofy "missed connections" thread to liven things up 🤔