Frustrated

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Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,626
1,319
113
#21
Spousal Abuse Syndrome.
It’s easy to judge... and I noticed some one else throwing that ‘Jezebel spirit’ label around too... which isn’t even scriptural actually... what about an ‘Ahab spirit’ or a ‘Nabal’ one lol? 🤣😂
 
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Oblio

Guest
#22
I know what I'm talking about...you don't.
 
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Oblio

Guest
#23
This man is looking for help and does not need an argument breaking out on his thread.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,626
1,319
113
#24
This man is looking for help and does not need an argument breaking out on his thread.
He needs truth not his ears tickling. It seems like you are projecting what happened to you onto his situation. I’m sorry if you were treated badly by someone but as far as I’m aware this person is at risk of destroying his marriage and family.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
61,177
30,317
113
#25
Relationships are enhanced when healthy boundaries are established and respected. Your complaint seems to be that your wife does not pay enough attention to you, nor heed your council, and even reneges on mutual agreements. Did she have her earbuds in when you began explaining this thing to her? That may be a good place to start: do not attempt to talk to someone who is not paying attention in the first place. Or did she put them in after you began your explanation?
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,626
1,319
113
#26
I know what I'm talking about...you don't.
The fact that I am trying to help from different perspective to you does not mean that it’s okay for you to be rude to me. I don’t like the way you are speaking to me; it’s actually disrespectful. The conversation is between the OP and myself, I didn’t address you and would prefer you not to involve yourself with me please.
 

inukubo

Active member
Jun 27, 2019
169
166
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#28
@3angelsmsg I am in similar but different situation and found your insights helpful. My situation is slightly different in that my wife, as a born again Christian, neglects the children, and even teaches our children that lying and deceit are acceptable behaviors to manipulate and take advantage of others. Despite my challenges, she is so manipulative that it confuses the kids and takes me hours of discussion to undo. I believe she has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), every attempt at counseling just resulted in her lying and manipulating counselors against me with false accusations and crying. What counselor is going to challenge a crying woman? One time the counselor set some communication rules, within minutes she violated his rules so deceptively and manipulated counselor against me that he didn’t even realize she was breaking his rules, after he started giving me dirty looks from the misinformation she was giving him, I raised my hand and asked him why he was allowing her to violate his communication rules! He looked stunned like a deer in headlights completely unaware of her manipulation, then acknowledged his error, then asked my wife to comply, She did it again and I finally had to point out that I don’t think we will be able to make any progress, even though he was highly experienced counselor, he was no match for my wife. This same pattern repeatedly itself with 13 counselors. The hardest part is seeing how it tears up my kids. They are strong and after 23 years of hell, my kids are now able to see through her manipulation and deception. My kids are now 21, 18, 15. My 18 year suffered the most due to his sensitive heart. It is a heartbreaking situation. I have always been healthy person but just found out last month that I now have elevated blood pressure from 23 years of stress and hell of trying to protect my kids from all of her deception. I have something called complex ptsd from the ongoing sustained stress of it all. I worry what will happen to my 15 year old if my health fails, who will standup for him? Living with a pathological liar and raising 3 kids is like a living hell I would never wish on my worst enemy. I forgive her, she is very broken, but I don’t trust her and I know no human can heal her, only God can help her. I don’t believe God will override her free will choice to continue her deceptive life style which benefits only her at our expense. But I wish God would at least try to influence her more, I see no evidence of Him doing so. I would have left but know in my heart that that she would have manipulated the authorities against me and I would have lost all ability to influence and protect my kids because she is ruthless as Jezebel. So I only have 2 more years of hell before my youngest reaches 18. Do you have any perspective why God would not offer more help? I am not asking for much, just a little support to help my wife see the destruction of her deceptions and irresponsibility, just a little to give us some hope is all we ask for. I would appreciate any insights you may have. Sincerely, HisWaysAreHigher
I've been where you are brother, except without children thankfully. A couple of realizations that helped me were:

1) By staying with my toxic, narcissistic ex, I was not only destroying myself and wasting the gifts that God had given me, I was also further enabling her toxic behavior by preventing her from experiencing the full consequences of her actions.

2) I am not her Savior. No matter how much I sacrificed myself for her, I would never be able to change her or save her. I had to let go of that seemingly noble, yet prideful (and ultimately, sinful) notion, and let God deal with her Himself.
 
Jan 16, 2022
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#29
I've been where you are brother, except without children thankfully. A couple of realizations that helped me were:

1) By staying with my toxic, narcissistic ex, I was not only destroying myself and wasting the gifts that God had given me, I was also further enabling her toxic behavior by preventing her from experiencing the full consequences of her actions.

2) I am not her Savior. No matter how much I sacrificed myself for her, I would never be able to change her or save her. I had to let go of that seemingly noble, yet prideful (and ultimately, sinful) notion, and let God deal with her Himself.
@inukubo I mostly agree and came to same realizations years ago but I couldn’t leave my kids. What kind of man would I be to make myself comfortable while my kids stay behind and learn to lie and manipulate people? I had to stay and fight for them and the truth no matter how hard. Basically the system now favors women whose lies are believed with no questions nor proof. All a woman needs to do is accuse a man and he is guilty no questions asked, the only thing my ruthless wife didn’t account for is that my kids grew up and can see through her lies now, so I now have 2 adult witnesses and my third child will be an adult in a few years. She is so used to getting away with lies and manipulation she just assumed our kids would follow her like our friends, family, and counselors who only see what she programs them to “see”. My kids however “see” everything so they can’t be fooled by her anymore like every one outside our home. The saddest part is she is so good at manipulating she is not likely to ever experience the full consequences of her actions. Please pray for my kids and their future spouses who will also have to deal with her.