Nothing you all have said helped me feel any better but thanks for trying. The idea of suicide is starting to sound better than living and struggling to take care of my daughter for the rest of our lives. I think she would be much better off without me
I"m sorry to hear of this. What I offered to you was evidence that you are potentially a True Child of God as identified by Scripture. The True Children of God are taught to Endure. So if you are Enduring, then those Scriptures are written to you . . . a True Child of God. And so think about this Holy Word: What do the True Children of God Endure? Fields of roses and luscious melons? No, we are told to Endure because of hardship. Below I offer you one of the most important Scriptures you should be aware of. And when you are aware of it, it is vital that you begin to dwell upon it; understand it.
Isaiah 55:8 NIV - 8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD."
To know God's thoughts and ways, we MUST know the Bible. So, I encourage you to begin reading the Bible in a timeline, chronological order so that you can see how Powerful God is as He leads His True Vine through this world (from the days of Adam to where we are today). By coming to know God through His story, you will see His Power and know that He has a plan that involves Endurance.
As for suicide, I've been there. I understand this struggle, at least from my perspective. If others didn't exist, we wouldn't struggle, but because others exist, we base our feelings and emotions from that viewpoint. You've got to change your perspective and sense of self-worth . . . to base them upon what God thinks of you and what YOU think of you. Forget the ideas, thoughts, and opinions of others, and learn to depend upon yourself, your sense of personal value, and quality. You live in a sick world, surrounded by very sick people, so it is critical that you develop your own sense of values and self-worth. If your personal values stem from the minds of sick people around you, you will be doomed just as I was doomed. And so, I do not live for the thoughts and ideas of others. Everyone wanted me to "dance" for them, but incredibly, they all had a different tune for which I was to dance. I became exhausted, trying to be who each person wanted me to be (for them exclusively). I got to the point of wanting to jump off of the Narrows Bridge in Tacoma, Washington, but God intervened and showed me that I needed to become just one person . . . to "dance" for Him and none other.
Now, I am just one person. No longer do I behave differently when I am around a beautiful woman with whom I would like to share my time. Now, I am no longer a certain type of person around senior citizens, my boss, my subordinates, or my family. I am just one person . . . I live for my God, myself, and if I had a child as do you, I would live for them. But . . . I do not sacrifice my own integrity and sense of value. My God and I determine who I am and what my sense of value is. I don't give one rats butt whether or not someone is upset with me . . . even here. If people are angry with me, this does not change how I feel about myself. And believe me, this place is filled with aggressive people who are constantly trying to break me/us down . . . I don't play that game, and neither should you.
I believe in you. You are not alone.
I pray all the time and have no answers and I’m just questioning is it even worth it.
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