Feeling disheartened

[Lynx]

Bottomline, I've come to hate the word "hope." I now get angry whenever someone suggests I can change my life for the better. I know as a Christian that I should say I trust in God. Well, I trust him for hellfire insurance, but not anything else.

If God doesn't want me to be happy or indeed joyful (as Christians are so fond of differentiating the two), who am I to deny him? And even if he does, I find more solace in my fantasy worlds than I honestly ever have found in my Bible.

Oh yeah, History Princess... Now I remember you.

Boy do I EVER remember you. We used to go around and around in these little conversations.

I have never met somebody so dedicated to despondence. You're almost like a gloom ninja. Every cheerful comment, every helpful suggestion, you are right there to shoot it down as fast as possible. Can't have optimism getting in the way of your despondence.

It's almost like you ENJOY being down and defend it zealously. I don't understand that, but that's what it seems like.

I think this time I will get off the carousel. I got dizzy enough last time that I'm still spinning a bit.

Have fun not having any fun, and arguing about why you should not have any fun, and defending your right to not have any fun.

 

[Lynx]

Good luck, and remember we are always here if you need to vent.

Famous last words, eh? Hoo boy, do I ever regret saying THAT!

 

[HistoryPrincess]

@HistoryPrincess

Do you have a pastor, deacon/ess or elder at your church to speak with? In a church, everyone is family and is there to help, serve and love one another.

Don‘t forget that God gives us experiences to build up our faith. Last year, I lost five family members and friends. I found I can use that experience to help others who are grieving. So, God has a plan and YOU are a part of it. You will get through this and quite possibly, God will use you to help others.

Blessings to you.


View attachment 281150

Sounds like abuse to me.

 

[Ceph]

My greatest (realistic) dream I've had throughout my life was that I might get to spend it with another person who understood me.
I'm also neurodivergent, living in fantasies myself. I've met several woman online who I fell deeply in love with, all of which tore my heart out before I even met them. I've also been deceived by a catfish once, and now I've just been deceived by a catfish again.
All the friends I knew personally have left me, just vanishing without telling me why, and now I have no one to interact with every day.
Much more trouble than that has happened to me, and trouble yet remains in my soul.
I still worry about the people I loved, and I'm constantly afflicted by the wickedness that comes up in my heart.

You know what comforts me?
The knowledge that because I believe the Lord Jesus, once I finally leave this accursed world, I'll never have to deal with these problems again.

Sure, this live is a desolation. I am utterly torn to pieces and bowed down. I have nothing to look forward to on earth almost every day.
But with God, perhaps my 'fantasies' will be my reward.

 

[cinder]

Well I think one thing is for sure, and that's that no one ever made their life better or got any happier by sitting around the house meditating on everything that was wrong with their life. So if you actually want to change (because sometimes people don't want to change, they just want to complain and get attention / pity), the mini habits strategy might be helpful (basically set goals that are so pathetically easy that they take practically no effort to complete but once you get started you might do a whole lot more). For example, read 3 verses in the Bible, or walk for 3 minutes every day, write 50 words every day, or eat at least 2 baby carrots every day. That might be a good way to start turning around your thinking that you don't finish things. Practically, also pay attention to what you eat as there's more and more evidence that eating crap can make you feel crappy while eating well can make you feel better.

Beyond that, if you're a believer you're in the service of the King, which means he's in charge and his mission is primary your comfort and happiness are secondary (not that God doesn't care about those, but "I don't feel like it" really isn't a valid excuse for disobedience). We all need that reminder sometimes (which God gave me when I was getting all whiny about not fitting in about a month ago). Also it may need to be said that Christian service doesn't have to mean doing things in busy environments with lots of people. You can volunteer to fold bulletins (if the church still has those), put the lyrics on the screen during sunday service, help maintain the church website or clean the church building and serve with a small team instead of doing something up front and super visible. Or you can steal my plan for my little old lady years and go volunteer at animal shelters and play with the dogs and cats all day. They're usually easier to get along with and more good natured and accepting than many humans.

A wise man once said about God's direction that asking God for direction when you're not moving in any direction is like trying to steer a parked car. Nothing changes till you decide to start moving.

And for what it's worth, yes he does love you and care about you: https://www.fathersloveletter.com/

 

[HistoryPrincess]

Well I think one thing is for sure, and that's that no one ever made their life better or got any happier by sitting around the house meditating on everything that was wrong with their life. So if you actually want to change (because sometimes people don't want to change, they just want to complain and get attention / pity), the mini habits strategy might be helpful (basically set goals that are so pathetically easy that they take practically no effort to complete but once you get started you might do a whole lot more). For example, read 3 verses in the Bible, or walk for 3 minutes every day, write 50 words every day, or eat at least 2 baby carrots every day. That might be a good way to start turning around your thinking that you don't finish things. Practically, also pay attention to what you eat as there's more and more evidence that eating crap can make you feel crappy while eating well can make you feel better.

Beyond that, if you're a believer you're in the service of the King, which means he's in charge and his mission is primary your comfort and happiness are secondary (not that God doesn't care about those, but "I don't feel like it" really isn't a valid excuse for disobedience). We all need that reminder sometimes (which God gave me when I was getting all whiny about not fitting in about a month ago). Also it may need to be said that Christian service doesn't have to mean doing things in busy environments with lots of people. You can volunteer to fold bulletins (if the church still has those), put the lyrics on the screen during sunday service, help maintain the church website or clean the church building and serve with a small team instead of doing something up front and super visible. Or you can steal my plan for my little old lady years and go volunteer at animal shelters and play with the dogs and cats all day. They're usually easier to get along with and more good natured and accepting than many humans.

A wise man once said about God's direction that asking God for direction when you're not moving in any direction is like trying to steer a parked car. Nothing changes till you decide to start moving.

And for what it's worth, yes he does love you and care about you: https://www.fathersloveletter.com/

Problem is, how do you motivate yourself when all of that feels like too much work?

 

[Ceph]

Problem is, how do you motivate yourself when all of that feels like too much work?

 

[Ceph]

What do you mean?
The fruit of your mind is from God as well. What about praising Him & loving Him while you think?

 

[HistoryPrincess]

What do you mean?
The fruit of your mind is from God as well. What about praising Him & loving Him while you think?

I've got a lot of things on my mind already. It's not exactly the tidiest place.

 

[MsMediator]

You mentioned you are neurodivergent. Have you tried seeking out other neurodivergent people for friendship? I have heard that neurotypical people may not always "get" neurodivergent people, and vice versa.

 

[HistoryPrincess]

You mentioned you are neurodivergent. Have you tried seeking out other neurodivergent people for friendship? I have heard that neurotypical people may not always "get" neurodivergent people, and vice versa.

I tried that too. See, I'm neurodivergent in a way that's closest to neurotypical. I've had neurotypical people even tell me they wouldn't have known I was neurodivergent had I not told them. That was not the case for most of the neurodivergent people I hung out with. It was pretty clear they were elsewhere on the scale. I say this not to demean them, only that I didn't connect with them any more easily. My one online friend is probably only one of a handful of people I've met who are on the same scale as me.

Since she and I chatted this evening, I've started feeling a bit better. But I'm not holding my breath.

 

[Lynx]

*sigh

Now I done told y'all it ain't gonna do no good. I told y'all you can't help HistoryPrincess.

I told y'all all she wants to do is complain. I told y'all that if you try to help her, she will defeat any cheerfulness or helpful suggestion.

If y'all keep trying to help her, that's on y'all. Any extant frustration y'all get from this is completely y'all's fault, ya hear? Ya done been warned.

 

[Gideon300]

Before anyone asks, yes I'm a Christian.

Let's just say, I've been a Christian since I was 17. I'm turning 32 in a couple weeks. And while I don't think I could ever abandon my faith, part of me just wants nothing to do with it anymore.

After high school, I experienced a series of disappointments in school, work, and relationships − despite praying to God for guidance. By 2017, I'd resorted to retreating from the world and have been living that way for 8 years since. I live with my parents. I get social security (partly because I'm neurodivergent). But I've got no diploma, no job, and no friends (outside from an online friend who lives on the other side of the country). I haven't even attended church since then, apart from Easter and Christmas. I got tired of people telling me how to "better" my Christian life (albeit in a well-meaning way, not a legalistic way). And besides, most churches don't know what to do with people like me − 32, unmarried, and childless.

Last week, however, I thought I'd finally been given reason to hope again − to hope my life would change for the better. I sought spiritual guidance on it and delved into my Bible. But since then, the likelihood of this opportunity (which I'd prefer not to explain) actually panning out seems more and more unlikely every day.

"Hope" is now like a 4-letter word to me. I don't care what "good things" God has in store for me. I'd rather he leave me alone and quit playing with my feelings.

I doubt that you will like what I'm about to say, but it is the truth. Accept it, and the truth will set you free. Eventually.

"See to it, brothers, that none of you has a wicked heart of unbelief that turns away from the living God." Hebrews 3:12

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you encounter trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Allow perseverance to finish its work, so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

"And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not take lightly the discipline of the Lord, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you."" Hebrews 12:5

Be careful what you wish for. You might get it. I hope no one has ever said to you that Jesus has a wonderful plan for your life. He has, but the way to that wonderful life is through the cross. It is through suffering.

"And if we are children, then we are heirs: heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ—if indeed we suffer with Him, so that we may also be glorified with Him." Romans 8:17

Suffering in the world has no point. Suffering as a Christian is necessary and is God's means to deliver us and to strengthen us. However, in order to benefit, we must have the right attitude. If we rebel and complain, as did Israel in the wilderness, we will delay God's purpose for our lives. In the worst case, we may miss out completely. Of all the people who left Egypt, only Joshua and Caleb made it to the promised land. The rest perished in the wilderness.

There is always a "wilderness" for the believer before we can enter the fullness of the salvation of God.

"...........strengthening the souls of the disciples and encouraging them to continue in the faith. “We must endure many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,” they said." Acts 14:22

Christians need to know that tribulation is normal for the believer. The worst response you can have is to blame God and turn away from Him. All that does is leave you in a mess and close the door to any help God offers you. You step outside God's protection and you become vulnerable to Satan's attacks.

How do you get restored? First, by confessing that you have sinned. You are not God and you do not know why you are going through trials. God does not punish us. Trials are there for our benefit. No elite athlete gets to the top without practice and hard physical effort. The elites give up a great deal to win the worldly prize. How much more should Christians be willing to endure hardship to gain the prize that God awards and is eternal.

I've been through all that you have endured, but without the mental issues. After many years of up and down experiences, the Lord established me on the Rock - Himself. I still have trials, but they do not affect me as they once did. God will bring you to the same place. However, complaining is rebellion and only delays God's best.

 

[tourist]

What does that mean?

And I'm too angry to pray.

I was agreeing with another member to pray for your dire situation. I understand about being to angry to pray. I get angry with God at least once a month. Fortunately, Jesus fully understands the human condition and is very much concerned about your health, well-being, and having life and having it more abundantly. You should expect a dramatic turn-around in the months to come.

 

[tourist]

*sigh

Now I done told y'all it ain't gonna do no good. I told y'all you can't help HistoryPrincess.

I told y'all all she wants to do is complain. I told y'all that if you try to help her, she will defeat any cheerfulness or helpful suggestion.

If y'all keep trying to help her, that's on y'all. Any extant frustration y'all get from this is completely y'all's fault, ya hear? Ya done been warned.

Duly noted, brother.

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

*sigh

Now I done told y'all it ain't gonna do no good. I told y'all you can't help HistoryPrincess.

I told y'all all she wants to do is complain. I told y'all that if you try to help her, she will defeat any cheerfulness or helpful suggestion.

If y'all keep trying to help her, that's on y'all. Any extant frustration y'all get from this is completely y'all's fault, ya hear? Ya done been warned.

She posts here on occasion to vent. Let her, and let her brothers and sisters in Christ try to comfort her. Don't be rude and try to turn people against her when she's already down. What the heck is wrong with you?

 

[Burn1986]

Before anyone asks, yes I'm a Christian.

Let's just say, I've been a Christian since I was 17. I'm turning 32 in a couple weeks. And while I don't think I could ever abandon my faith, part of me just wants nothing to do with it anymore.

After high school, I experienced a series of disappointments in school, work, and relationships − despite praying to God for guidance. By 2017, I'd resorted to retreating from the world and have been living that way for 8 years since. I live with my parents. I get social security (partly because I'm neurodivergent). But I've got no diploma, no job, and no friends (outside from an online friend who lives on the other side of the country). I haven't even attended church since then, apart from Easter and Christmas. I got tired of people telling me how to "better" my Christian life (albeit in a well-meaning way, not a legalistic way). And besides, most churches don't know what to do with people like me − 32, unmarried, and childless.

Last week, however, I thought I'd finally been given reason to hope again − to hope my life would change for the better. I sought spiritual guidance on it and delved into my Bible. But since then, the likelihood of this opportunity (which I'd prefer not to explain) actually panning out seems more and more unlikely every day.

"Hope" is now like a 4-letter word to me. I don't care what "good things" God has in store for me. I'd rather he leave me alone and quit playing with my feelings.

Shoot. I wish I had some words of encouragement. It sounds like God is drawing you to him. I know a water fast and seeking God for about 21 days would open up a path. But it’s tough to do, since you’ll go through a a dry period there for about eight days.

 

[Lynx]

What the heck is wrong with you?

Experience.

 

[Burn1986]

Hmm...

I'm 47, unmarried and childless. I work at a fast food factory. From the outside my situation seems much like yours.

I have found that the people around me who said I should have big dreams for my life are wrong. My life works a lot better when I just take it as it comes and appreciate what I have while I have it.

Mind you, I'm not saying big dreams are bad. I'm glad somebody had a dream to make a smartphone, because I'm using one of those to make this post. I sure am glad my doctor aspired to go to medical school school and be a doctor. But that doesn't mean everyone has to or even should do the same thing.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should not have dreams. I'm just saying this is what has worked for me and it might work for you too.

Good luck, and remember we are always here if you need to vent.

Wow Lynx, thanks for sharing that. You’re encouraging

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

Experience.

Not her experience.