Epidemic of childless and miserable 40+ women

Smoke · Mar 11, 2021

If I misunderstood, I apologize... but you're 43? Do you feel 43 is the new 83? You're still relatively young. At worst, you're in your peak. If it's too personal to answer here, I understand, but why have you completely given up? I think it's a righteous desire to want a family.

Also, as much as Satan and his minions tempt us to disobey God, it's ultimately our decision to rebel. We might listen to "the evil one", but we are the ones that walk ourselves to the edge of the cliff. Having said that, I'm glad you didn't follow through with your plan to kill yourself. Perhaps God can use your story as a testimony of redemption by coming to Christ. Not just redemption in the "I'm content to be a believer and alive", but thriving... potentially with a righteous desire you have had by taking the necessary steps to obtain a family. I wouldn't finish writing your book at 43...

Smoke · Mar 11, 2021

surfer14 said:

I'm most familiar with Ben Shaprio. I'm definitely a fan of his. I can tell you in the example you used for Peterson, Ben Shapiro says explicitly what you're saying. The reason why people love Ben so much is that he is fantastic at articulating his points, which happen to be right-leaning, while dancing circles around ignorant left-thinking people (in particular students). I don't agree with everything... obviously I'm a Christian and he's a Jew, but I don't think he's a wolf in sheep clothing.

Perhaps I'm missing something about Ben Shapiro, what makes you think he is an enemy?

PC123 · Mar 11, 2021

Smoke said:

Our peak is really in our 20's but it's a fair question... Why have I given up...
I am financially unattractive... No woman wants to get together with a man that's poor...
Trust and commitment are not things I can easily dive into anymore...
And, people that get together at my age rarely ever build a lasting relationship for various reasons...
One main reason is that the more people someone sleeps with the harder it is to pair bond...

Smoke said:

True. I walked away from God when I was a teenager. I thought that God and Satan were just a myth. It wasn't until that moment in my life that I realized that Satan is real... And that motivated me to find God... But that's isn't an excuse... I did reject God and I did walk myself to the edge of the cliff...

Smoke said:

Maybe. I dunno, we'll see. Im about to make a huge change in my life now as I'm hitting the road in a campervan, away from the city.
Who knows what the future may hold. If a woman enters my life who shows some interest then I will probably try to pursue her.

southernf · Mar 11, 2021

PC123 said:

I'm not sure if it helps, but as a woman I can tell you that I definitely do not think men peak in their 20s! I'm not sure if you mean physically or what, but I honestly think men "age" a lot more easily than we do. Older, wiser, more established men are attractive to me. For the record I'm married and I"m not looking at other men literally like that, but just saying from a female perspective.

I'm not sure what kind of relationship you truly want, but I'm sure there are plenty of Christian women that are also alone and would love to find their other half at any age no matter how much money you have. Please don't give up!

Katy · Mar 11, 2021

PC123 said:

Hi PC123... I was sad to hear your story and pray that you are blessed with somebody to share you life with. I am so glad that you are no longer standing on the edge of the cliff anymore.

Thankfully I am not on that path - I have Jesus and so much to be thankful in my life. And grief, suffering and pain is something we all have to bare no matter who we are. We live in a fallen world. This just happens to be mine/our cross to bare. The purpose of my sharing wasn't to say that men don't suffer. I know they do! But more about the judgement and pain inflicted on women in the church for not having a family - and the presumption that it is because we have chosen to have a career which is so often not the case.

My case in my thirties, and also another lady on this forum... avoided church entirely because of the judgement inflicted on us as women. No only do we endure pain of not having a family we also are subjected to the judgment of others for not doing so. My fear when reading posts titled "The growing epidemic of women over 40 childless and miserable" really just sums up what we know to be true - we are judged because we are childless. I just wanted the people who commented on things such as "it is OK for a lady to be a waitress but not to be anything more" (summarising) to understand, that sometimes it is not about choice. These kinds of comments open wounds that are still healing.

Men have their own stereotypes and expectations thrust upon them. My point is that if we want more people to find and love Jesus we need to live by the example of Jesus.

On a side note, when I first met my man he was doing up an old crusty sail boat. We used to say, all we need is $2 for a cup of coffee, each other and the sand between out toes. We lived on that old boat for years. When you find the right, God fearing women. Money (or lack of) won't even be a factor.

southernf · Mar 11, 2021

Katy said:

I want to put a "like" on every paragraph in this post! So well said. I was blessed to have kids fairly early in my marriage and blessed to have avoided this kind of judgment, but I have seen first hand how devastating it can be for a close friend of mine in the church who isn't able to have children but wanted them with all her heart. Hopefully by sharing these things we can all understand the pain that both men and women have to endure. It's amazing how it seems easier to share these things on an internet message board than in real life, but I'm glad God has directed us here.

Tararose · Mar 11, 2021

PC123 said:

Interesting points, not every woman is opposed to a camper an lifestyle, or is someone who has slept with lots of people either

I would agree not many women want to start having kids in late 30d or 40s but then I guess lots of men are looking for a younger woman sooo 🤷‍♀️ It’s all still technically a possibility.

I know maybe there aren’t many men or women keen to live frugally or very simply, sadly even in the church, but they are certainly out there, and in here too as it happens. Sometimes the person who we seek is a rare gem, it just depends if we have the time and energy and dedication to take the risk and keep searching as we go through eh at every path the Lord sets for us in this life.

PC123 · Mar 12, 2021

southernf said:

I definitely agree. I think most guys still act like teenagers in their 20s, I did.
Peak was the wrong word to use...
What I meant to say is that I think the 20s is the ideal time to get married...

Give up... My mind is frantically looking for a way to try and deny it or justify it or excuse it... And i easily could...
Thats cognitive dissonance playing out... Cos I don't like to give up... And I know deep down I have given up...

That's where I needed to go, to become at peace with my life, to rid myself from that torment.
I let go of desires as much as possible, of material things as well... Sometimes it is wiser to give up when you against the odds...

I may have given up the pursuit for love but never say never. If an opportunity for love is presented then i have to at least consider it

PC123 · Mar 12, 2021

Katy said:

Ye its the title of the thread. It should of just referred to people like us... For every single girl, there is a single guy... Right...
And too often in see finger-pointing from both sides, guys are usually too immature in their 20s...
And your right about the greater expectation placed upon women.
I think u said that you didn't choose to work, you had to work. That is true...

Hey, what's with the last paragraph... Uv left me hanging... Years, sailing, how many years?
What happened... It sounds so beautiful... U have to fill me in... Why aren't you together anymore?

Absolutely · Mar 12, 2021

PC123 said:

Our peak is really in our 20's but it's a fair question... Why have I given up...
I am financially unattractive... No woman wants to get together with a man that's poor...
Trust and commitment are not things I can easily dive into anymore...
And, people that get together at my age rarely ever build a lasting relationship for various reasons...
One main reason is that the more people someone sleeps with the harder it is to pair bond...

True. I walked away from God when I was a teenager. I thought that God and Satan were just a myth. It wasn't until that moment in my life that I realized that Satan is real... And that motivated me to find God... But that's isn't an excuse... I did reject God and I did walk myself to the edge of the cliff...

Maybe. I dunno, we'll see. Im about to make a huge change in my life now as I'm hitting the road in a campervan, away from the city.
Who knows what the future may hold. If a woman enters my life who shows some interest then I will probably try to pursue her.

I cracked a smile when I read this.

I wanted to go with you.

My wife said no.

Oh well. I don't have much money anymore.
I bet I coulda lasted a couple of weeks though.

Katy · Mar 12, 2021

PC123 said:

We spent two years on the yacht. That old boat needed work! I probably wouldn't describe it as beautiful. An adventure definitely. ;-)

saintrose · Mar 18, 2021

southernf said:

With all the severe problems in the world this says a lot. "Strain at a gnat and swallow a camel..."

saintrose · Mar 18, 2021

Tararose said:

It's definitely wrong to run others down for their life choices and I did not see anyone doing that at all on this thread; or 'condemning them for not observing your own ideals of what a woman's "role" is'. If you take time to carefully read my observations as well as others, you'll see that no one is running anyone down - if anything it's an attempt to compassionately alert women what is ahead so that they can make informed choices. I saw a 40 plus year old lawyer on a documentary who had reached the pinnacle of her career - she had achieved everything the 'world' told her she should for her "empowerment" or whatever other lies are pushed. She broke down crying and said "Everyone told me to achieve and focus on a career. Nobody told me to focus on having a family."

Someone on here pointed it out and it's true: there is a concerted effort to get women in the West to choose a career over family and it is leaving an ocean of childless, unhappy women in its wake. Satan is essentially behind it since those who pushed it are Luciferians. God said "Be fruitful and multiply..." If you said that to any of the women who still buy the lies that are being pushed you'd be laughed to scorn and bitterly shamed.

There is nothing wrong with training for and having a career if one so chooses - and no one said that. It's just an observation. Someone else pointed out - and I have read it on Henry Makow - that there is an effort by Luciferians to twist women with feminism so they choose career, being a lesbian, having an abortion, and viewing men as evil. Admittedly - some men are evil - but there are some good ones.

I saw my sister bitterly disappointed over her life choices of not having a family - yet she refused to admit it and refused to admit that she was trying to take over because she was so desperate for a family. So I looked it up and read about several psychologists who have found that there is an epidemic of unhappy 40 something women that are bitter because they bought into the 'career-will-empower-you-and-make-you-somebody-big' or whatever else you label it. Young women have stars in their eyes but when their 40's roll around or their 50's they are finding out that it's a all a big lie. Unfortunately their window of childbearing years has often passed when they wake up and realize they were sold a lie.

If you're alert you can sometimes see the bitterness come out in some of these women prosecutors. Some are nice - but I watched a lot of Dateline and some of the women seem almost hateful; like they want to stick it to people. There's a really mean one in Texas and another in Florida. I've heard people say that Kamala Harris tries to act like a dude. She seems like a bitter and hateful woman. She was hated in California. She really abused parents whose children cut school. She was hateful towards them - and of course she never had children of her own. It almost seemed like she had an underlying hatred or that she detested people who had children.

But if women want careers by all means they should have them - it's just that they should be told the entire story: that if they choose this path then this 'may' be ahead for you.

The entire point summed up would be that young women should be told about what's ahead so that they don't wake up some day when they're 45 years old and childless and then fall into misery and depression.

It should all be done in love. Everyone is free to make the choices they want in their life but young women should be told that there may be a cost if they choose to forego having a family. For some women that may be fine. For others, it's not - and they're the ones I think we should be concerned about.

GiveThanks · Mar 18, 2021

This is ridiculous.

Tararose · Mar 19, 2021

saintrose said:

It's definitely wrong to run others down for their life choices and I did not see anyone doing that at all on this thread; or 'condemning them for not observing your own ideals of what a woman's "role" is'. If you take time to carefully read my observations as well as others, you'll see that no one is running anyone down - if anything it's an attempt to compassionately alert women what is ahead so that they can make informed choices. I saw a 40 plus year old lawyer on a documentary who had reached the pinnacle of her career - she had achieved everything the 'world' told her she should for her "empowerment" or whatever other lies are pushed. She broke down crying and said "Everyone told me to achieve and focus on a career. Nobody told me to focus on having a family."

Someone on here pointed it out and it's true: there is a concerted effort to get women in the West to choose a career over family and it is leaving an ocean of childless, unhappy women in its wake. Satan is essentially behind it since those who pushed it are Luciferians. God said "Be fruitful and multiply..." If you said that to any of the women who still buy the lies that are being pushed you'd be laughed to scorn and bitterly shamed.

There is nothing wrong with training for and having a career if one so chooses - and no one said that. It's just an observation. Someone else pointed out - and I have read it on Henry Makow - that there is an effort by Luciferians to twist women with feminism so they choose career, being a lesbian, having an abortion, and viewing men as evil. Admittedly - some men are evil - but there are some good ones.

I saw my sister bitterly disappointed over her life choices of not having a family - yet she refused to admit it and refused to admit that she was trying to take over because she was so desperate for a family. So I looked it up and read about several psychologists who have found that there is an epidemic of unhappy 40 something women that are bitter because they bought into the 'career-will-empower-you-and-make-you-somebody-big' or whatever else you label it. Young women have stars in their eyes but when their 40's roll around or their 50's they are finding out that it's a all a big lie. Unfortunately their window of childbearing years has often passed when they wake up and realize they were sold a lie.

If you're alert you can sometimes see the bitterness come out in some of these women prosecutors. Some are nice - but I watched a lot of Dateline and some of the women seem almost hateful; like they want to stick it to people. There's a really mean one in Texas and another in Florida. I've heard people say that Kamala Harris tries to act like a dude. She seems like a bitter and hateful woman. She was hated in California. She really abused parents whose children cut school. She was hateful towards them - and of course she never had children of her own. It almost seemed like she had an underlying hatred or that she detested people who had children.

But if women want careers by all means they should have them - it's just that they should be told the entire story: that if they choose this path then this 'may' be ahead for you.

The entire point summed up would be that young women should be told about what's ahead so that they don't wake up some day when they're 45 years old and childless and then fall into misery and depression.

It should all be done in love. Everyone is free to make the choices they want in their life but young women should be told that there may be a cost if they choose to forego having a family. For some women that may be fine. For others, it's not - and they're the ones I think we should be concerned about.

Thanks for the feedback on my response. Perhaps we understand some of the other responses a little differently, but that’s ok. I get the point of your post, wasn’t having a go at that - Just to clarify.

TheIndianGirl · Mar 19, 2021

Being married and having a child is not really in a person's control. It just means that she has not met the right person. What is she supposed to do? I think realizing this will reduce any grief. If a woman had a "missed opportunity" where she literally choose a career over a marriage/kids (where she rejected a proposal to take a flashy job across the country, or delayed having kids once in a marriage) and later wanted kids, she could have regrets. With respect to love/marriage alone, I think that can happen at any age.

TheIndianGirl · Mar 19, 2021

In any case, by the time a woman is 40, she has already lived about half her life (based on life expectancy statistics). She can decide to live her remaining half (which will go by more quickly than the first half) with regrets or choose to make the best of the situation. Jesus doesn't value a married woman more than a single childless woman, does He?

TheIndianGirl · Mar 19, 2021

The other issue, is idolizing marriage and kids over Jesus. I have heard pastors on YouTube talk about this. It seems hard to believe that idolizing marriage and kids would be bad, but apparently it is. I think this is another reason why a person may experience grief.

TheIndianGirl · Mar 19, 2021

*Idolizing, meaning only that person/thing can fill the void in your life. Thinking, "If I had ___________, my life would be complete."

PC123 · Mar 20, 2021

Katy said:

But what happened to the relationship? If u don't mind me asking...

I just started a new chapter... I turned a van into a camper and I'm on the road...😆😆😆
Eh yolo... U know what im saying...
I always wanted to do it and covid kind of pushed me further into it...

Epidemic of childless and miserable 40+ women

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