I feel that and I simply default to reading the word, thinking, and basic self maintenance. Mostly because I don't really want to do those things. I did at one time in my life, but the guilt was always there in some form. I've felt it since I was a child honestly.
Even when one is in that state (I find) that there are many things to do that could not possibly be considered sin in and of themselves. I believe I posted about this to you before. Do you recall this thread and my response? Below is much of the same except since I live this, it's months later.
Take it for what it's worth to you but I've personally experienced conviction about a lot of the things you have talked about before. They all have the same vibe more or less of porn. I have spent a lot of time convincing myself that with my liberty as a believer it's not sinful. Is it beneficial though? Does it strengthen my walk with the Lord? No.
Certainly the enemy can accuse you in conjunction with a conviction you continue to ignore and that produces a confused state of anxiety and depression...I experience it only when I ignore the Lord. What follows will be my own personal experience. It is contrary to what most believers I've met think/say. So you can scroll past it or not. Do I think there is a version of all the vain creations of man that honor and glorify the Lord? I certainly hope so. My longing toward certain things has subsided with continued resistance. Things that are most clearly not part of a believers life. Although I will admit, I'm not sure if the way is "so" narrow, but when I broaden it a bit it usually is just about me and what "I" want and not dying to myself, picking up my cross and following the Lord.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I usually have a fire but have lately been observing not having one on the sabbath just because...it's not any particular legalism but a fire is my own pleasure and so I just try for a day to not seek out my own pleasures as much. I still seek the Lord within pleasure ordinarily and recognize that there are many neutral things that I can do instead that I usually feel it to be time well spent.
Examples: Going for a walk, listening to radio broadcasts (depending), exercise, cooking, spending a bit of time just sitting in my car. Almost anything regarding animals or gardening. Swimming, biking, playing with children, etc.
There are times I really want to watch something or engage in what is basically unproductive fantasy and while sometimes I throw a tantrum about my personal convictions and what I feel the Lord has laid on my heart, these occur less and less frequently.
There are times where I just give in to that and recently it was concerning a game and the result was just a mild bleh for a few months. Where I didn't want to read or pray really except as an afterthought, and now the game is dull and uninteresting.
Fake stuff doesn't really help me in my walk. Nor does it really help me with goals in life which is seeing the Lord's promises fulfilled. They may sound a bit "heavy" but I don't particularly care what fundamental legalists (of which I have met few) have to say about things unless their goal is focused on what is in scripture. I hope "fundamental legalist" isn't a derogatory term for a sold out christian....because there are times where all I want to do is leave my flesh behind, and a lot of gaming, internet, and films/tv only seem to make me more comfortable in it. I am less inclined to feel guilty about things that are unscriptural as a general effect as well as open myself up to more specific attacks if I "dabble" with certain behaviors. Idolatry is a thing and so is occultic expression. Is it all that? Not generally speaking. It depends on the person. I find myself attracted to things most believers are largely unaware of and can't even conceptualize the draw. So while it is a private battle that I keep to myself mostly, I do speak out occasionally against the things they are so comfortable in because of how it does not edify me and weakens.
On a somewhat deeper level, you wait on the Lord regarding sexuality and you wait on the Lord regarding spirituality (marriage of the lamb). There are a lot of things you can "have now" but they are hollow. Sometimes I rage a bit in my impatience and am flippant about the futility of it all...but HE is patient and comforts me at times regardless. I feel as though everything will be called into account some day (scripture) and that even the tiny bits of "OCD" with a desire to serve him and conform to his will and his image even if the result was only so-so, he sees.
I feel when a believer walks out of a theater because something bothers them because "it's the right thing to do" is to be applauded. It's a little thing, and "something" will make you feel like it doesn't matter as it was just one little thing. Whatever that "something" is, I typically choose to not listen to it.
Rarely (if ever) do I get a break from this constant battle unless I submit to the Lord, as opposed to my own will. I can say that at times, it looks like a hopeless uphill battle even when I do submit...but I'm not alone, and walking in the Lord's power and strength requires further submitting.
It's not all bad though. I read recently in corinthians somewhere that if one does not take part in sufferings (or persecutions) of Christ neither can they enter into his rest. I read that after the fact, when it seems like there's a nice peaceful meadow moment. These moments are well worth it, but hard to describe.
I typed a bit more out, but this stuff is challenging for me to write about because of my own struggles but I can be more expansive if it would be useful to you. This isn't something the majority of believers experience to a serious degree and it is quite harrowing.
1
1
