Psalms says God hates lovers of violence with a passion. I do not like real violence (even boxing and sports are to much) however I do enjoy a good fighting video game (as long as theres no death) and slaying monsters on a jrpg. Does God hate me for that? If he does it would make alot of sense on why I feel like this lifes a waste of time and I'm destined to burn for all Eternity
Hi Koji,
Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you've written several times before that you struggle with Scrupulosity, and that it makes it very hard for you to discern religious principles, even making it difficult for you to read the Bible?
If possible, I would still recommend trying to read your Bible on a regular basis. It really helps you to be able to discern what God is saying/convicting you of versus what might be incorrect, overzealous self-condemnation.
Many years ago I was part of a church in which some of the members were becoming more and more radical and saw demons behind nearly everything. As someone else put it, "These people are giving more testimony to what the demons are supposedly doing than to what Jesus has already done!"
I still go through stages in my life where I am sometimes bitterly angry and depressed, mostly about being alive. I used to watch all kinds of violent movies (Silence of the Lambs, the original Robocop, Rambo, etc.) because I thought that the more violence I exposed myself to, the more numb I would be, and that eventually, I could just numb myself into not feeling anything.
Now obviously, in this case, my motivations for seeking out violent entertainment were wrong, so sometimes it's kind of obvious. But I also struggled with church members who were trying to strongly influence others to be like they were, and so, believing God was telling me to get rid of anything in my life that had any kind of violence in it, I threw away pretty much every book and movie that I owned at that time.
The thing that started to get me to question this was just how nit picky I was becoming. I didn't own most of the violent movies I had seen -- rather, I was fighting with myself over throwing out things like Disney movies. Beauty and the Beast? Gaston falls off a cliff = violence, therefore, gotta get rid of that one. Hmm. How about The Incredibles? Seems pretty innocent, but wait... There's this one scene where there's a bad guy that crashes into the side of something... violence. Gotta get rid of this one, too.
Then one day, I was doing some Bible reading, and it happened to be the story about the king who was so obese that when he was murdered (by the sword -- not exactly a very tame death), the Bible itself says that the sword was completely enclosed within his body. (Eglon - Judges 3:12-30.)
To me, this was a wake-up call -- The. Bible. is. full. of. violence!!! How about the story where a man and a woman are caught in sin, and a man runs a spear through both their bodies at the same time, and God sees it as righteousness? (Numbers 25:8.)
I suddenly realized that if I were to avoid each and every inkling of violence in this lifetime, it would also mean that I would have to stop reading the Bible! I think God was helping me realize that this was a major red flag that something wasn't right and I was going off the deep end in my fanaticism.
Now, I'm certainly not condoning violence (or Disney for that matter, as I know many Christians disapprove of Disney for other reasons,) but it taught me that we can go so far into the realm of "conviction" that we are truly driving ourselves crazy. These days, I limit my exposure to violence in entertainment, but I did wind up repurchasing a copy of The Incredibles.
(Others might feel convicted differently, which is perfectly understandable too -- go with what God is leading you to do, and you'll know more of what He wants you to do with regular Bible reading.)
I've read many of your threads, Koji, and know that you ask the same questions over and over because you seem to feel constantly self-condemned. I am praying and truly hoping that God will give you clarity and discernment that will bring these obsessive thoughts to a peaceful end.
Blessings to you! Keep us posted on how you're doing.
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