Do Support Groups and Resources Really Help, or Do They Just Make People Worse?

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Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
#41
Depends on the support group. Some of them are great. Others are just cults.
 
S

SigP226

Guest
#42
I'll say it this way. The only human being on planet earth that can make a change in you .... is YOU!
 
May 9, 2021
3
1
3
#43
I went out with someone four times, I was deeply hurt when it ended. How do you survive losing a spouse?
One minute, one breath at a time. Its been just over 2 years now and I still feel like I'm missing half of me. I'm quite busy these days but when I'm home alone in the evening, I still feel the emptiness of not having my best friend.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,227
9,293
113
#44
One minute, one breath at a time. Its been just over 2 years now and I still feel like I'm missing half of me. I'm quite busy these days but when I'm home alone in the evening, I still feel the emptiness of not having my best friend.
She never used to like my music loud
But I can turn the stereo way up now
Still it's hard to fill the silent house
Since she's gone

- Al Denson
 

Dee77

New member
Oct 12, 2021
9
8
3
#45
Hey Everyone,

I've been wondering about this for a while. Here in the Singles Forum, we often talk about the ways we try to work on ourselves before meeting the right person.

Since I often start discussions about what people may be struggling with, I've always felt it was only fair to be transparent about my own struggles. All my life, I have pretty much always fought with disordered eating. I've never been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder because the doctors said my symptoms weren't "bad enough," or at least don't meet the standards it apparently takes to have a "full-blown" "condition."

Over the years, I have sought several paths to stay focused and healthy, and for a while I was researching internet resources that focused on disordered eating. I was basically looking for online communities that talk about the issues at hand and support each other regularly.

What I found instead (at least in my opinion) was a cesspool of communities devoted to not only perpetrating the disordered behavior, but also pushing its participants to become more and more dangerously emaciated. For instance, the anorexia and bulimia "help" groups that punished members for eating more than 500 calories a day, required regular weigh-ins, and blocked anyone who wasn't losing weight or losing it fast enough.

Even worse, members talked about all their "tricks" for reducing hunger, minimizing calorie intake, and the "most effective" means of purging if you actually happened to eat something.

Even on legit channels for things like the keto diet, the channel host was high-fiving people in the livestream who said they had gone 5 days without food.

Now I am not trying to knock any kind of diet anyone might have found that works for them, as I do think that nutrition is highly individual, but the disturbing thing to me about trends such as intermittent fasting is that no one is talking about the fact that those with disordered eating will use this to hide the fact that they are starving themselves. It's even worse when you put a religious spin on it.

A while back, I was going through an extremely rough time and thought to myself, "What better time to fast and pray, as that's what we're always told to do!" I would go without eating until about 5 PM everyday, then have some kind of small scraps of food. I kept telling myself that I was "getting closer to God." After a few weeks, I believe the Holy Spirit clearly said to me, "(Seoul,) you. are. starving. yourself," and, out of conviction, I had to quit.

What I'm trying to say is that I found most "support" places to be a lot like the American prison system -- just as a criminal learns to become a better or more sophisticated criminal in prison, someone like me only learned more destructive habits from such groups, even if that wasn't the intention.

And so I was wondering, is it like this for others as well?

* For anyone who struggles with something, particular addictions: drugs, alcohol, nicotine, shopping, gambling, video games -- do you find that "support" resources really help -- or does it just mean finding new ways of supporting your addiction?

* Do you go to places or resources hoping to find plans for recovery, but really only learn other ways to continue (or worsen) your behavior?

* If so, what real help is out there, and do you have any suggestions as to where to find it? What has and has not worked for you, and what would you suggest for others?

As a single Christian who often talks with other single Christians about what we must do to prepare ourselves to meet a future spouse, I am very interested in how other people are coping, or better yet, improving with their issues, and I am hoping that people will share some things that have really worked.

Thank you very much for your testimony and time -- looking forward to hearing from you!
Hi Seoul. I find your post interesting and have been disappointed by chat groups that I have looked into.
I don’t chat often but find that I want to share my heart with people who might understand my struggles.

My prayer is that this group will be different. How long have you been involved here? Have you made friends? Have you been encouraged?

Dee77
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,558
17,027
113
69
Tennessee
#46
Hi Seoul. I find your post interesting and have been disappointed by chat groups that I have looked into.
I don’t chat often but find that I want to share my heart with people who might understand my struggles.

My prayer is that this group will be different. How long have you been involved here? Have you made friends? Have you been encouraged?

Dee77
Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,432
5,378
113
#47
Hi Seoul. I find your post interesting and have been disappointed by chat groups that I have looked into.
I don’t chat often but find that I want to share my heart with people who might understand my struggles.

My prayer is that this group will be different. How long have you been involved here? Have you made friends? Have you been encouraged?

Dee77
Hi Dee,

Welcome to CC! I hope you are able to connect and make friends here!

I know a lot of people come here looking for friends and fellowship, but I would encourage people to be realistic about online chat groups and to be willing to put in the work it takes to actually connect with others through this medium. People sometimes come here and see me saying hi to or think that I know a lot of people on the site, but what they don't see is everything that's gone on behind the scenes.

To answer your questions, yes, I have made friends and found a lot of encouragement here. But as with everything, it comes with a price.

I've been on this site since 2009 (about 12 years,) and have literally spent countless thousands of hours here. The first year or so I was very active in the live chat, but soon switched to the forums (mostly Singles,) as writing has always been my primary form of communication -- even before the internet, I spent a lot of my free time writing pen and paper letters, so I adapted to this kind of format very quickly.

I think that a platform like this can be a hard transition for those who are not used to writing out their communication, as it takes at least triple the amount of time and ten times the amount of patience. You'll get a lot of "false starts" -- exchanges you might think will turn into a friendship, but for whatever reason, it fades, sometimes even after years. As the Bible says, there is a time and a season for everything.

I do have a small circle of friends I have known here since at least around 2015, but they're very easy going people who understand that I might disappear for weeks or months at a time due to the busy-ness of life. They know that I can't always respond individually, and that I can be in different moods to write different things, so sometimes I'm not in a frame of mind to write personal messages, but I WILL start threads here about things I'm thinking about, and they know that's the best way to see what I'm up to. I'm very blessed in that they understand and accept that. I also usually travel at least once a year to visit family, so over the years, I've been able to meet a few of these wonderful people in person (with more on my wish list.)

So yes, I've had a very wonderful experience, but it's not been without A LOT of work (for instance, I've written probably at least 1000 threads on the forum over all this time, which definitely helps you get to know people,) but it also means that you will attract a lot of trolls and people who attack you for your beliefs as well. Sometimes they're may also be under the influence of other substances, and you just kind of have to roll with the punches, because nothing you say will appease them.

I can't tell you the number of times I've followed people who were mowing others down and eventually you find out that part of it is because they are drinking and/or on drugs while posting (or AREN'T taking the medications they're supposed to be taking,) and so you have to take any negative experiences with a huge block of salt.

But this is just my experience here -- CC became my substitute for movies, TV, and most other entertainment -- and any one else's experience might be quite different.

I wish you all the best and hope to see you around in the forums!

Feel free to ask any questions you wish, and the rest of us will do our best to answer. :)
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
6,187
2,504
113
#48
For whatever reason women tend to have many emotional issues concerning diet... from one extreme to the other is usually the case.

Looking at the results of lifestyle of those who have gone through gastric bypass surgery...sure they lose weight. But then there's the losing of their gall bladder, and constant issues with digestive system and emotional issues which usually resulted in divorce or estrangement and return to diabetes in five years. Basically their identity is wrapped up in how they look and they no longer look like themselves. (Extra skin also isn't exactly a plus either)

So even if the obesity is "cured" it never really helped the person and actually made their quality of life worse.

All of which proves something Jesus alluded to in John 5. Jesus once asked a man a seemingly odd question, "Do you want to be well?".

Why would Jesus ask a lame man that question?

What was the purpose of asking that?
Is the expected answer always the truth?

Is food (or the lack of it) more important than health?
Is beauty more important than health?

New medicines are out for diabetics which kill their hunger and increase feelings of satiation...and some of the people who use this drug are becoming emotionally unsettled... because of their emotional connection to food and eating. All of which again goes back to the question, "Do you want to be well?".

It's extremely surprising that the expected answer doesn't match the reality of so many people.