Do Support Groups and Resources Really Help, or Do They Just Make People Worse?

[Sculpt]

By the way, anyone know the name of the documentary I described above?

 

[LosingFaith]

Hi all! I noticed this topic and being recently involuntarily made single, I thought I'd chime in. Yes, I do support groups. I've been active in Celebrate Recovery for over a year and the step-study helped me get my thinking, my mindset and faith straightened out. I'm also active in an online Widow/Widowers group that has been an incredible blessing to be among people who get it. I was widowed in August 2019. I also regularly see a therapist and a psych nurse for med management.

In different ways they've all been an incredible blessing. My church fellowship is also an absolute NEED. It takes a lot to go from worn out, sinking in grief, and wanting to die myself to having a full and busy life.

 

[Lanolin]

the self help section at the bookshop is pretty popular.

Just to say...

support groups for widows are fine as widows arent really the same as addicts looking for a fix
its not like people want to be widows

although, I sometimes suspect SOME widows of bumping off their spouses...Ive known a few peculiar ones at the retirement villages.

 

[Sculpt]

Hi all! I noticed this topic and being recently involuntarily made single, I thought I'd chime in. Yes, I do support groups. I've been active in Celebrate Recovery for over a year and the step-study helped me get my thinking, my mindset and faith straightened out. I'm also active in an online Widow/Widowers group that has been an incredible blessing to be among people who get it. I was widowed in August 2019. I also regularly see a therapist and a psych nurse for med management.

In different ways they've all been an incredible blessing. My church fellowship is also an absolute NEED. It takes a lot to go from worn out, sinking in grief, and wanting to die myself to having a full and busy life.

I went out with someone four times, I was deeply hurt when it ended. How do you survive losing a spouse?

 

[Sculpt]

I tell you, I knew about anorexia and bulimia on a base level... I had some courses in college and was an avid NPR listener...

But then I saw this documentary... and I don't recall the name, but it was in a treatment center with interviews with the young ladies who were struggling to literally survive. I mean they were at death's door. The thing that hit me like a ton of bricks was the voices in their heads telling them they were fat and no good, torturing them. I'm welling up just thinking about it. I said to myself, this is possession! You can call it schizophrenia, but as I recall, the doc never said they were diagnosed nor being treated for schizophrenia. And even if they were, what the voices were saying was what seemed specifically demonic to me. I was like, she needs Christ's deliverance and an exorcism immediately. As I recall, that young lady died.

Say SeoulSister, did you ever see the documentary I described?

 

[seoulsearch]

Say SeoulSister, did you ever see the documentary I described?

Can't say that I have seen that particular one, but I have seen a few over the years... I try to stay current on the information when I can.

 

[Sculpt]

Can't say that I have seen that particular one, but I have seen a few over the years... I try to stay current on the information when I can.

I figured you had seen a few. Had you ever seen one where they talk about literally hearing voices that tell them they are fat, and or worthless? If so, what if any come to mind? I ask because I'm always working on media projects, and a good clip of this is what I'm looking for. (I did search for the one I saw online for about 30mins, but wasn't able to find it. But I don't need a clip from that one specifically.)

 

[Laura798]

Hey Everyone,

I've been wondering about this for a while. Here in the Singles Forum, we often talk about the ways we try to work on ourselves before meeting the right person.

Since I often start discussions about what people may be struggling with, I've always felt it was only fair to be transparent about my own struggles. All my life, I have pretty much always fought with disordered eating. I've never been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder because the doctors said my symptoms weren't "bad enough," or at least don't meet the standards it apparently takes to have a "full-blown" "condition."

Over the years, I have sought several paths to stay focused and healthy, and for a while I was researching internet resources that focused on disordered eating. I was basically looking for online communities that talk about the issues at hand and support each other regularly.

What I found instead (at least in my opinion) was a cesspool of communities devoted to not only perpetrating the disordered behavior, but also pushing its participants to become more and more dangerously emaciated. For instance, the anorexia and bulimia "help" groups that punished members for eating more than 500 calories a day, required regular weigh-ins, and blocked anyone who wasn't losing weight or losing it fast enough.

Even worse, members talked about all their "tricks" for reducing hunger, minimizing calorie intake, and the "most effective" means of purging if you actually happened to eat something.

Even on legit channels for things like the keto diet, the channel host was high-fiving people in the livestream who said they had gone 5 days without food.

Now I am not trying to knock any kind of diet anyone might have found that works for them, as I do think that nutrition is highly individual, but the disturbing thing to me about trends such as intermittent fasting is that no one is talking about the fact that those with disordered eating will use this to hide the fact that they are starving themselves. It's even worse when you put a religious spin on it.

A while back, I was going through an extremely rough time and thought to myself, "What better time to fast and pray, as that's what we're always told to do!" I would go without eating until about 5 PM everyday, then have some kind of small scraps of food. I kept telling myself that I was "getting closer to God." After a few weeks, I believe the Holy Spirit clearly said to me, "(Seoul,) you. are. starving. yourself," and, out of conviction, I had to quit.

What I'm trying to say is that I found most "support" places to be a lot like the American prison system -- just as a criminal learns to become a better or more sophisticated criminal in prison, someone like me only learned more destructive habits from such groups, even if that wasn't the intention.

And so I was wondering, is it like this for others as well?

* For anyone who struggles with something, particular addictions: drugs, alcohol, nicotine, shopping, gambling, video games -- do you find that "support" resources really help -- or does it just mean finding new ways of supporting your addiction?

* Do you go to places or resources hoping to find plans for recovery, but really only learn other ways to continue (or worsen) your behavior?

* If so, what real help is out there, and do you have any suggestions as to where to find it? What has and has not worked for you, and what would you suggest for others?

As a single Christian who often talks with other single Christians about what we must do to prepare ourselves to meet a future spouse, I am very interested in how other people are coping, or better yet, improving with their issues, and I am hoping that people will share some things that have really worked.

Thank you very much for your testimony and time -- looking forward to hearing from you!

Dear SS--I highly recommend Overeaters Anonymous--some groups are better than others. The 12 Step Program's spiritual principles were based in Christianity. I'd suggest visiting a few meetings to find one that you feel is straightforward--unfortunately, just like Christianity has a mix of man's teachings and has become watered down over time 12 steps have as well I'd recommend getting the book The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous. I think you will be pleasantly surprised https://oa.org/

 

[Lanolin]

12 steps can be 'christianised' with scripture and Jesus instead of some nebulous 'higher power'. If it helps.
But I suppose that risks alienating all the anonymous ppl who arent christians (or dont want to be) in the group.

 

[Lanolin]

There used to be this island that was owned by the Salvation army that was alcohol free so drunks/alcoholics were taken there to dry out and get sober.

It wasnt a support group as such like those 12 step anonymous groups but more like a rehab where people learned how to live without their drug. Many people found Jesus, but not everyone. Some were so desperate to get off the island (and drink) that they tried to swim back to the mainland.

You can google it Rotoroa Island.
The rehab isnt there anymore, they now own rehabs on the mainland. But back in the day it had a fearsome reputation. To this day the island is alcohol free.

I dont know if there are similar retreat places for people that suffer eating disorder to learn how to eat properly. But I think the consensus is you cant try and do it all on your own. At the very least, a retreat or rehab gives you a place to focus on getting better rather than try and cope with everything else going in in your life and be overwhelmed.

 

[rayzor]

There used to be this island that was owned by the Salvation army that was alcohol free so drunks/alcoholics were taken there to dry out and get sober.

It wasnt a support group as such like those 12 step anonymous groups but more like a rehab where people learned how to live without their drug. Many people found Jesus, but not everyone. Some were so desperate to get off the island (and drink) that they tried to swim back to the mainland.

You can google it Rotoroa Island.
The rehab isnt there anymore, they now own rehabs on the mainland. But back in the day it had a fearsome reputation. To this day the island is alcohol free.

I dont know if there are similar retreat places for people that suffer eating disorder to learn how to eat properly. But I think the consensus is you cant try and do it all on your own. At the very least, a retreat or rehab gives you a place to focus on getting better rather than try and cope with everything else going in in your life and be overwhelmed.

the lady was crazy yet the mob of the day did not mess with her..the ones that ran those bars.She would take a hammer break the barrels...god must of help her.

 

[seoulsearch]

I figured you had seen a few. Had you ever seen one where they talk about literally hearing voices that tell them they are fat, and or worthless? If so, what if any come to mind? I ask because I'm always working on media projects, and a good clip of this is what I'm looking for. (I did search for the one I saw online for about 30mins, but wasn't able to find it. But I don't need a clip from that one specifically.)

Hi Sculpt!

God bless you for having a heart for people suffering from these disorders.

I can only remember watching a few shows in which the symptoms were dramatized/fictionalized from the first person point of view. I remember being a kid and watching a special about a girl with anorexia that portrayed some of her thoughts as being like looking at a funhouse mirror. Everyone else saw skin and bones, but all she saw was a distorted image in which she was bloated and overweight.

I don't have regular TV or streaming services, but I caught clips of what I believe was a television movie, "Feed", about a girl whose twin brother dies (played by Tom Felton of Harry Potter fame) and she "sees" regular apparitions of him that hostilely tell her not to eat because "he' claims that HE needs any food she is given in order for him to stay "alive."

There is an especially grueling scene in which she is strapped down to a table and tubes are shoved up her nose because her condition has become so deteriorated. The actress who plays the main character is working from experience because she has battled these issues herself.

I've seen portrayals of famous people like Nadia Comaneci (the first gymnast to score a perfect 10,) and Karen Carpenter (the singer who died of complications related to her eating disorders.)

I have also read about cult-like groups that "pray to the goddess Ana" (a reference to anorexia, whom they treat as a real deity) to "keep them thin."

The last thing I watched was a documentary about "The Deadliest Eating Disorder in the World", diabulimia, in which type 1 diabetics refuse to take their insulin in order to control their weight -- at the risk of death.

I've also listened to several YouTubers who describe some of the internal process they go through as they fight to stay alive.

Thank you again for your compassion on those suffering with this, and best wishes when doing any further research!

 

[seoulsearch]

Dear SS--I highly recommend Overeaters Anonymous--some groups are better than others. The 12 Step Program's spiritual principles were based in Christianity. I'd suggest visiting a few meetings to find one that you feel is straightforward--unfortunately, just like Christianity has a mix of man's teachings and has become watered down over time 12 steps have as well I'd recommend getting the book The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous. I think you will be pleasantly surprised https://oa.org/

Hi Laura,

I want to say thanks to you and the others here who have recommended Overeaters Anonymous.

I'm sure I've looked up information about them online before; I guess I was skeptical about a 12-step program because I've known other people who were part of 12-steppers for other issues and for them, it didn't make a difference.

I appreciate the recommendation and will have to take a second look into this.

 

[MatthewWestfieldUK]

I tried 12 steps for something else. Can't fully recommend, depends on your personality type.
Im discovering symptoms of bipolar. Just have to find your way slowly

 

[Lanolin]

12 steps doesnt really work for bipolar
if you group a bunch of people suffering bipolar disorder together its a bit disastrous...it can either be a pity party or a wild party.

The best treatment is deliverance!

 

[Lanolin]

though I would advise anyone suffering (from anything) to take one day at a time.

 

[Lanolin]

I know some women (never men, or maybe they dont tell others) would go on WW or weight watchers. But I think it might be expensive because you have to buy the special food.

Or Jenny Craig.

Others just deal with weight by going to the gym, but also that costs a lot. I dont know that it works though cos I think it just makes you more hungry.

 

[Lanolin]

its very hard to be a friend to someone with an eating disorder cos they are constantly thinking about food. You might be having what you think is a normal conversation but their mind is really on how much they weigh and what they are going to eat next, or how much exercise they are going to do.

You sort of have to figure out ways to distract them from their self absorption....this is what I found anyway. out of nowhere will come 'have I lost weight?' or 'Ive been working out' or some new diet fad. I dont know if Im that good a friend in that respect cos Im not like a personal trainer or anything.

 

[Sculpt]

I tried 12 steps for something else. Can't fully recommend, depends on your personality type.
Im discovering symptoms of bipolar. Just have to find your way slowly

Cognitive Behavior Therapy is beneficial for everything, but particularly for Bipolar.

In regards to bipolar, it's about perceiving/feeling/recognizing when you're experiencing mania and depression. One can then engage practices to regulate their behavior. In my opinion christians already acknowledge a spirit/personhood that is separate from (and can override) the body/brain, so in practice they have a "headstart" in this regard.

 

[Lanolin]

CBT requires some extensive application, but REBT (rational emotive behavioural therapy) seems to work much better for those suffering from bipolar.

Christians can utilise 'making every though captive to Christ' and the truth they already know through scripture, but it doesnt hurt to remind themselves of the truth daily. And this works for EVERYONE no matter what people are suffering.

Jesus was even reciting scriptures when he was being crucified....