Do not be a people pleaser.

[Brasspen]

When your a people pleaser, people will know that and can use this to hack you. Hack you into giving them things you don't want too. There are many types of people pleasers. I learned about this from a book that Natalie Lue wrote.

Being a consumer of goods at super markets. If your a people pleaser, you will buy things from the stores because of this curse.

 

[Solitude]

If we try to please everybody, we will eventually please nobody.

 

[Seeker47]

Interesting post.

In the long run a people pleaser runs the real risk of loosing themselves. Pleasing others, out of necessity means denying yourself. Do this long enough and you will disappear. You will have no likes or desires, no hobbies or personal goals as you gave everything away to others. You can become nothing but a reflection with no substance.

A people pleaser is the opposite of a narcissist. One becomes the center of existence while the other disappears.

 

[lisatanner]

dont be afraid to be yourself.

 

[Spiritwalker]

Yes, I sometimes wondered if they have a sixth sense for knowing who is ripe for the picking.

I struggle with being a people pleaser at times and am still working on it. And when I say no I still feel like I must give some kind of justification or excuse as to why I said no. I still struggle with this sometimes. it's wierd. But I am proud of myself for the last time I said no without giving justification. They didn't ask why, and if they did I was at that point I would have actually told them I was off to the moon or some other ridiculous answer as its really non of their business anyway. But thats where I am at. Enjoying the freedom.

But to be fair, in my last job, I did do the extra jobs they always piled on me because, they were miserable company anyway.... always slandering backstabbing other workers for not being good enough and I hated it. So I would have rather have been out working alone than with them. Woe betide you had a different opinion of them.... no wonder it's said a bunch of women are lunatics!

I like helping people, but I don't want it to be a tool used by others to take advantage. I pray I can tell those who are genuinely in need rather than those who don't.

 

[seoulsearch]

A people pleaser is the opposite of a narcissist. One becomes the center of existence while the other disappears.

This has had me pondering the past few days.

While I've had to cut down on my own people-pleasing quite a bit in my life, I was thinking of another kind of people-pleaser I've run into in the process.

I'm sure you all have seen it too? The person who tries to please people -- when the people they're "serving" don't need or ask for anything, but the people-pleaser is desperate for attention and positive feedback. And they become angry with you if you don't provide the specific feedback they're looking for.

I've had encounters with some people (yes, sometimes in church,) who try to "do things" for others that the other person never wanted or it might even be a burden to them, but if the people-pleaser doesn't get a thank-you, compliment, and long gushing praise ("You're just the sweetest person! Any one in your life is so blessed to have you!") they become bitter, depressed, and often lash out.

It's almost like a narcissist posing as a people-pleaser, or becoming co-dependent on people-pleasing as a way to feed their narcissism.

I suppose there could be a whole host of other things this fits under, but I tend to steer clear (and try to avoid being) anyone who swings too far in any one direction.

 

[engblom]

I have to confess I am kind of a people pleaser. If I can make someone happy, I become so happy myself. But if someone says something I do not agree with, I will never pretend to agree to please the other, nor will I go against my conscience.
But I have had my share of being used by narcissists.

 

[Spiritwalker]

I'm sure you all have seen it too? The person who tries to please people -- when the people they're "serving" don't need or ask for anything, but the people-pleaser is desperate for attention and positive feedback. And they become angry with you if you don't provide the specific feedback they're looking for.

Yikes, sounds like there are degrees to people pleasing. I haven't gone that far Thank God. I don;t like external validation.

But hasn't that passed the line of natural people pleasing and entered the the scope of "busybodying" ?

I had very charismatic people who I hardly know and certainly don't trust enough, ask me about my problems and to open up to sharing about it at church, so they can "pray" for me. (I'm quite a reserved person in real life and prefer to stick to the joyful aspects of existence, and even when hurt I would rather process my own emotions. )
Yet, I always felt off put by this behaviour because I sensed they were prying. I certainly felt uncomfortable.

 

[Spiritwalker]

I have to confess I am kind of a people pleaser. If I can make someone happy, I become so happy myself. But if someone says something I do not agree with, I will never pretend to agree to please the other, nor will I go against my conscience.
But I have had my share of being used by narcissists.

Yes, making other people happy, especially when you know it's not going against your values and causing our own detriment is great. I think most people are this way. Except the envious. We are called to serve. Which when we do we are not to give serpents in place of fish. So even Jesus knew the value of making others smile. Yet I, like you will not agree to please another.

I have also learned peace -keeping is not Peacemaking. One is a temporary cop out and avoids taking responsibility and the other is serious and demands commitment, even as far as going to war to uphold godly values.

edit; I meant I will not agree to please another if it means sin.

 

[Mem]

It's almost like a narcissist posing as a people-pleaser, or becoming co-dependent on people-pleasing as a way to feed their narcissism.

I heard it taught that these are two sides of the same coin.

 

[Lynx]

"Moderation in all things." Even in helping people.