Do men prefer women who don't chase...at all?!

[LadyInWaiting]

So I've been watching The Bachelor this season. I know I know...it's not the best thing for me to watch but it's so dramatic and juicy! Anyways, this season there was no sex involved. So I don't think it's been inappropriate. The bachelor is a virgin this time. For those of you not familiar with the show. The bachelor starts off with about 30 women and each week he dates a few of them at a time and picks some that he wants to send home. At the end of the season, he has three women left. He goes on three home town dates. This is where each woman takes him home to meet her family. The last three women were Tayshia, Hannah, and Cassie. Both Tayshia's and Hannah's families were welcoming and gave Colton the bachelor their blessing. Cassie's dad, however, did not. He explicitly said he couldn't because he didn't see how Colton could love his daughter with 2 other women involved.

A little later, Cassie breaks up with Colton herself. This usually doesn't happen. The bachelor is the one who sends the women home. Colton was shocked. He said he loves Cassie the most and he doesn't want to continue the show. So he quit. He left Tayshia and Hannah to try to win over Cassie! What's crazy is that Tayshia and Hannah are both beautiful and sweet women who clearly love Colton dearly. But...he chooses Cassie. Cassie has already broken up with him! I just don't get it. lol Anyways, today we will find out if Cassie accepts Colton and gives him another chance. I gotta say I can't wait for all that to unfold. If ya'll want, I'll let you know what she chooses tonight.

But that's not the topic of this thread...what I'm getting at is this. Do men prefer women who don't show them they like them too much? Cassie has never told Colton that she loves him. He has been shown wondering why she doesn't love him back or why she doesn't say it back.
My grandma used to say "the more love you show a man, the more disrespect you receive from him." I never really understood that until now. Colton couldn't case less about hurting the other two women. All he wants is Cassie who already left him!

And it's not just Colton and Cassie I'm talking about here. Men claim to want women to chase after them, but the few times I have chased guys they react very negatively. Maybe I'm just ugly or something but why is this? There were two men who clearly showed interest in me and when I told them I was into them, they backed off. Why is this? Can certain men not handle women who know what they want? Or do they really like the chase and the mystery of not knowing?

Do you ladies have any stories or points you would like to make regarding this topic? Have you chased a guy before and how did it end up?
Men, do you prefer women to chase you? Have you found that only unattractive women chase you? Do the women you really like not chase you? (This is something my brother has told me.)

I'm not trying to lump all men into a single group. Obviously some men don't want women to chase them and some do. But I would like to see what ya'll have to say about this. Just to have a general idea of what men want. Thanks!

 

[Subhumanoidal]

We see threads like this pretty often. The short answer, as always when asking about a bulk of people, is 'it depends'. There is no yes or no answer, because people vary. Some men hate it, period. Others don't care. Some (men and women) think it's un-Christian for a woman to pursue, or even speak up at all, others (men and women) disagree.
So it depends on the man. But, i always say, do what you believe. If you like a guy and feel it's acceptable to speak up, then do so. If he doesn't like it, find someone who is ok with it. If you dislike it, as a woman, then don't do it.
I have, many times, been on the receiving end of women that spoke up, and it's never bothered me. The only time it bothers me is when i make a refusal very clear and it is not accepted (it hasn't happened a lot, but it's happened).

"the more love you show a man, the more disrespect you receive from him", as a man, sounds ludicrous to me and far from true.

 

[Didymous]

Having experienced both, i'd have to say I have no preference.

 

[Lynx]

I remember a tale about a wedding where somebody asked an elderly man if the groom had chased the bride long. The old man started laughing and said, "Chased her? Yes he did, in very deed! Chased her till SHE caught HIM!" In other words she intentionally played hard to get so he would chase her.

For a serious answer, reread Subhumanoidal's answer. It really does all depend on the individual.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

@LadyInWaiting

"Have you found that only unattractive women chase you?"
That's a rather difficult idea. What one man may find beautiful another may find mundane.
The first woman to actively pursue me was definately not unattractive by general cultural ideas of beauty. Blonde hair, blue eyes, southern accent, my height, exercises so was slim and in shape and had the appropriate curves in the appropriate places.
She was regularly checked out by guys and even landed a job largely due to her looks.
Really most of who I've dated spoke up first and I found them all attractive, which was one reason I dated them. In fact most that spoke up I found attractive and only a few I felt were not.

 

[Wild]

So I've been watching The Bachelor this season. I know I know...it's not the best thing for me to watch but it's so dramatic and juicy! Anyways, this season there was no sex involved. So I don't think it's been inappropriate. The bachelor is a virgin this time. For those of you not familiar with the show. The bachelor starts off with about 30 women and each week he dates a few of them at a time and picks some that he wants to send home. At the end of the season, he has three women left. He goes on three home town dates. This is where each woman takes him home to meet her family. The last three women were Tayshia, Hannah, and Cassie. Both Tayshia's and Hannah's families were welcoming and gave Colton the bachelor their blessing. Cassie's dad, however, did not. He explicitly said he couldn't because he didn't see how Colton could love his daughter with 2 other women involved.

A little later, Cassie breaks up with Colton herself. This usually doesn't happen. The bachelor is the one who sends the women home. Colton was shocked. He said he loves Cassie the most and he doesn't want to continue the show. So he quit. He left Tayshia and Hannah to try to win over Cassie! What's crazy is that Tayshia and Hannah are both beautiful and sweet women who clearly love Colton dearly. But...he chooses Cassie. Cassie has already broken up with him! I just don't get it. lol Anyways, today we will find out if Cassie accepts Colton and gives him another chance. I gotta say I can't wait for all that to unfold. If ya'll want, I'll let you know what she chooses tonight.

But that's not the topic of this thread...what I'm getting at is this. Do men prefer women who don't show them they like them too much? Cassie has never told Colton that she loves him. He has been shown wondering why she doesn't love him back or why she doesn't say it back.
My grandma used to say "the more love you show a man, the more disrespect you receive from him." I never really understood that until now. Colton couldn't case less about hurting the other two women. All he wants is Cassie who already left him!

And it's not just Colton and Cassie I'm talking about here. Men claim to want women to chase after them, but the few times I have chased guys they react very negatively. Maybe I'm just ugly or something but why is this? There were two men who clearly showed interest in me and when I told them I was into them, they backed off. Why is this? Can certain men not handle women who know what they want? Or do they really like the chase and the mystery of not knowing?

Do you ladies have any stories or points you would like to make regarding this topic? Have you chased a guy before and how did it end up?
Men, do you prefer women to chase you? Have you found that only unattractive women chase you? Do the women you really like not chase you? (This is something my brother has told me.)

I'm not trying to lump all men into a single group. Obviously some men don't want women to chase them and some do. But I would like to see what ya'll have to say about this. Just to have a general idea of what men want. Thanks!

You do realize the entire show is scripted and the whole thing is pretty much fake...

 

[Solemateleft]

So I've been watching The Bachelor this season. I know I know...it's not the best thing for me to watch but it's so dramatic and juicy! Anyways, this season there was no sex involved. So I don't think it's been inappropriate. The bachelor is a virgin this time. For those of you not familiar with the show. The bachelor starts off with about 30 women and each week he dates a few of them at a time and picks some that he wants to send home. At the end of the season, he has three women left. He goes on three home town dates. This is where each woman takes him home to meet her family. The last three women were Tayshia, Hannah, and Cassie. Both Tayshia's and Hannah's families were welcoming and gave Colton the bachelor their blessing. Cassie's dad, however, did not. He explicitly said he couldn't because he didn't see how Colton could love his daughter with 2 other women involved.

A little later, Cassie breaks up with Colton herself. This usually doesn't happen. The bachelor is the one who sends the women home. Colton was shocked. He said he loves Cassie the most and he doesn't want to continue the show. So he quit. He left Tayshia and Hannah to try to win over Cassie! What's crazy is that Tayshia and Hannah are both beautiful and sweet women who clearly love Colton dearly. But...he chooses Cassie. Cassie has already broken up with him! I just don't get it. lol Anyways, today we will find out if Cassie accepts Colton and gives him another chance. I gotta say I can't wait for all that to unfold. If ya'll want, I'll let you know what she chooses tonight.

But that's not the topic of this thread...what I'm getting at is this. Do men prefer women who don't show them they like them too much? Cassie has never told Colton that she loves him. He has been shown wondering why she doesn't love him back or why she doesn't say it back.
My grandma used to say "the more love you show a man, the more disrespect you receive from him." I never really understood that until now. Colton couldn't case less about hurting the other two women. All he wants is Cassie who already left him!

And it's not just Colton and Cassie I'm talking about here. Men claim to want women to chase after them, but the few times I have chased guys they react very negatively. Maybe I'm just ugly or something but why is this? There were two men who clearly showed interest in me and when I told them I was into them, they backed off. Why is this? Can certain men not handle women who know what they want? Or do they really like the chase and the mystery of not knowing?

Do you ladies have any stories or points you would like to make regarding this topic? Have you chased a guy before and how did it end up?
Men, do you prefer women to chase you? Have you found that only unattractive women chase you? Do the women you really like not chase you? (This is something my brother has told me.)

I'm not trying to lump all men into a single group. Obviously some men don't want women to chase them and some do. But I would like to see what ya'll have to say about this. Just to have a general idea of what men want. Thanks!

Well yes it depends and it is complicated...
There is something to be said for 'playing hard to get'... but I think within reason...
I think Cassie's dad had it right; and one of the issues I have with the show (confess I watched it this season) is that the bachelor or bachelorette are ultimately placed into juggling multiple relationships at the same time... While I agree with the 'concept' of recognizing that you do not always have to settle - there are always more fish in the sea - and if you know your worth you can be somewhat selective...
My take on your gramma's claim is that <if a woman throws herself at a man too quickly - it is plausible that (an un-Godly) man might use that as empowerment, leverage or control> ...

But timing is a factor... and as Hanna (one of the girls left hanging) put it in her final interview - 'she wants someone who is willing to jump an 8 foot fence for her'...

I'm at the same place in my life... I would love to know what that feeling is to know that someone is willing to fiercely fight to show me (not just tell me) but to show me that they are willing to jump an 8' fence for me too...

BTW - it looks like Colton's actions were ultimately effective at winning Cassie's heart...

 

[Solemateleft]

You do realize the entire show is scripted and the whole thing is pretty much fake...

Sure, a large part of the show is scripted and the producers absolutely have a lot of influence in instigating and arranging a lot of the personality types that are inherently going to drive their ratings...
But unlike the completely scripted level of the WWE who prescribe who wins and who loses every match; I do believe that the candidates get to select the majority of the persons they choose to give a rose. Yes, the producer gets to select the handful of personalities in the house to instigate drama... But I suspect that the bachelor/bachelorettes get to pick their final choice...
As evident by the few couples who are still together...

Yes - I have watched a couple seasons, but only as a training tool - to teach my daughter the dangers lurking out there in the wild, and how not to conduct herself in a real relationship...

 

[Didymous]

The idea that a couple can get to know each other well enough in just a few months to have a successful marriage is ludicrous. Almost all of the couples from the bachelor ended up divorced-most of them is a very short period of time.

 

[LadyInWaiting]

You do realize the entire show is scripted and the whole thing is pretty much fake...

You do realize that that's not the topic of this thread. I bounced an idea off from the show...doesn't mean I think it's all completely true.
The idea is...do men prefer women who make themselves available and call and text first...or do they prefer women who wait on the guy to chase them?

 

[LadyInWaiting]

The idea that a couple can get to know each other well enough in just a few months to have a successful marriage is ludicrous. Almost all of the couples from the bachelor ended up divorced-most of them is a very short period of time.

Yep...I definitely don't think it's the best way to meet your spouse and I would never participate in such competition. But it's still pretty fun to watch.
Oh and I love the way some of the women dress on there. This is kinda weird but I sometimes get fashion ideas from the girls. Maybe just make them a little more modest though.

 

[BruceWayne]

I don't have a preference. It makes it easier if they do chase, but I also like a challenge. All I can say is that none of my serious relationships have come from a girl doing the chasing.

 

[Didymous]

Yep...I definitely don't think it's the best way to meet your spouse and I would never participate in such competition. But it's still pretty fun to watch.
Oh and I love the way some of the women dress on there. This is kinda weird but I sometimes get fashion ideas from the girls. Maybe just make them a little more modest though.

I don't judge the show harshly, because I also speak from experience.

 

[Demi777]

Well...men dont want stalkers but a lil chase gives a thrill...if she also draws back and let men do their part too..

 

[Sweetmorningdew78]

I am not a man 😊 but in my opinion A lil chasing is fine but if it is too much already it gets boring I guess. MATURE men and women know what they want and they will never play the chasing game. Anyways if a man likes you he will pursue you he will make an effort to make his intention known and a mature woman won't play hard to get but won't be that easy either 😊

 

[NoNameMcgee]

I am not a man 😊 but in my opinion A lil chasing is fine but if it is too much already it gets boring I guess. MATURE men and women know what they want and they will never play the chasing game. Anyways if a man likes you he will pursue you he will make an effort to make his intention known and a mature woman won't play hard to get but won't be that easy either 😊

Well said... by the beautiful woman who turned me down twice before we got together....



(as for me... I pretty much agree with SMD, a little chasing is fine for the right person but as adults we should know what we want....)

 

[Lynx]

For myself I suppose she will have to chase me, or I won't even notice she's interested. I certainly don't seem the type to chase her.

Or maybe we will just happen to meet and realize we like each other, and none of this chasing stuff will need to come into play. *shrug*

 

[Hamarr]

As someone who is a bit clueless, I ne

For myself I suppose she will have to chase me, or I won't even notice she's interested. I certainly don't seem the type to chase her.

Yeah. I’m generally clueless, so help figuring it out from the interested party would be appreciated. There have have been a couple of cases where I didn’t figure it out until a few years later.

Otherwise, would have others have said about the person and the differing preferences is true. I suppose the worst would be coming on too strong. What that is also depends on the person.

I guess the best case for me would be a bit of push-pull.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I am not a man 😊 but in my opinion A lil chasing is fine but if it is too much already it gets boring I guess. MATURE men and women know what they want and they will never play the chasing game. Anyways if a man likes you he will pursue you he will make an effort to make his intention known and a mature woman won't play hard to get but won't be that easy either 😊

Your automatic assumption is that chase = game, but that's not always the case.
But since the thread is on women pursuing men, and men are less likely to play hard to get, it's not wholly relevant.
And, if as NoName suggests and he had to pursue you would that mean you were playing a game? That you aren't mature? Because that is the claim you made.

 

[NoNameMcgee]

Your automatic assumption is that chase = game, but that's not always the case.
But since the thread is on women pursuing men, and men are less likely to play hard to get, it's not wholly relevant.
And, if as NoName suggests and he had to pursue you would that mean you were playing a game? That you aren't mature? Because that is the claim you made.

your post seems snippy....

she is very mature

she just wanted to make sure she was ready and i am the right one

i didn't really need to chase as much as i needed to be patient


(now i would appreciate it if you drop it)