Do Men and Women Like to be Complimented About Different Things?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

Since we've been having a few discussions about compliments, I wanted to ask what differences men and women might have as far as what they like being complimented for (or encouraged), whether it's by a significant other, friends, family, or acquaintances.

For instance, do women prefer to be complimented about their looks, while men would rather hear about their strength?

I'm going to attempt to write a poll, but I know it will only show a very limited range of possible answers, so I'm hoping the poll will just act as a spring board for a more detailed discussion. Please don't stop with just the poll! It's going to be anonymous and multiple-choice, but please come back and tell us why you chose the answers you did, or to include things that weren't able to be included in the poll.

* What top 3 qualities about yourself do you appreciate acknowledgment/recognition for, and why?

* When it comes to children or younger brothers and sisters in Christ, do you tend to encourage girls differently than boys? How so, and why?

I know we talked about this a bit in the "How to Compliment Men" thread, but I was hoping to get a more balanced discussion going about the kinds of qualities men and women appreciate encouragement for, and if there are some distinct differences.

I'm looking forward to your answers, especially when it comes to how we encourage those we are called to raise up in the next generation.

Ack... I just got done with the poll, and wasn't able to post nearly as many variations as I wanted (such as character, morals, etc.) due to a limit on the number of options.

I'm hoping those kinds of topics will all come up in the resulting discussion instead.

Thanks for sharing!

 

[Susanna]

I’m shallow. Like that guy in that movie, Shallow Hal ( where do I find a movie about a shallow 42 year old hag, not Hal???) I’m not really into it when people are saying I’m good at this or that, or that my moral standards are like my grandmother’s. Maybe I shouldn’t have said this?

 

[Hamarr]

I guess I like to get complimented on things I’m good at it or things I know. If I am good at stuff or know things.

I checked that I like to be complimented on looks but honestly I don’t know if I would believe it outside of things like “you clean up well”.

 

[Dino246]

I’m shallow. Like that guy in that movie, Shallow Hal ( where do I find a movie about a shallow 42 year old hag, not Hal???) I’m not really into it when people are saying I’m good at this or that, or that my moral standards are like my grandmother’s. Maybe I shouldn’t have said this?

The Hallmark channel...

or CNN.

 

[Dino246]

I would add "accomplishments/successes".

I recognized recently that I really wanted to be complimented in a certain area by specific persons, as though their "approval" would somehow validate my skill. Consistently, such persons have been absent for the display of said skill, and therefore unable to offer such comments. I am fairly certain that God has a lesson for me in that.

 

[cinder]

I'm going to say that I like to be complimented for the results of my effort, so the more effort I've put into accomplishing something, the more I value the compliments. Stuff that I feel I'm naturally good at doesn't seem compliment worthy, feels more like being congratulated for something like being female or brown haired. And when I know you're stretching the truth to try to make me feel better, that just doesn't have the same impact because I know what you say isn't true (though I've developed almost enough social skills to appreciate your intentions instead of accusing you of being a liar).

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I would suspect most of it is the same hirings, just in differing degrees.
For example, as a guy I enjoy an occasional compliment on my looks, but it's not something I need (or want) to hear often. Women, I've noticed, tend to respond stronger to compliments about their looks and express a desire to hear such things more frequently.

 

[seoulsearch]

I’m shallow. Like that guy in that movie, Shallow Hal ( where do I find a movie about a shallow 42 year old hag, not Hal???) I’m not really into it when people are saying I’m good at this or that, or that my moral standards are like my grandmother’s. Maybe I shouldn’t have said this?

For what it's worth, Susanna, I don't find your comments to be shallow--I think they're real.

They're the kinds of things a lot of people would say if they had to take down religious guards or didn't have to be afraid of being judged by other people.

Shoot, (in reference to your post in another thread), I can openly confess to not minding being called "hot" in the right situations either (like, from someone who DOESN'T sound like he's stalking my apartment with a telescope.)

 

[Lynx]

"When you're called to stand and tell
Just what you saw in me
More than anything I know
I want your words to be

He had his Father's eyes
Eyes that saw the good in things
When good was not around
Eyes that found the source of help
When help could not be found
Eyes full of compassion
Seeing every pain
Knowing what you're going through
And feeling it the same
Just like his Father's eyes"

 

[Lynx]

Wouldn't strength (mental) and intelligence be redundant? Or did you mean something different by strength (mental)?

 

[seoulsearch]

Wouldn't strength (mental) and intelligence be redundant? Or did you mean something different by strength (mental)?

When I wrote down mental strength, I was thinking of the context of someone who has gone through a lot of challenges in life (the death of loved ones, illness, tragedies, abuse, etc.) but still has an positive attitude and is able to give to others, which is something I see as a separate characteristic from intelligence alone.

It's a similar quality (to me at least) to teachers who might be wonderful at learning, but not so great at conveying the information to others, and doctors who at the top of their game in their field, but lack the bedside manner or personlity to be able to empathize with others.

 

[Mel85]

Thanks sis for the awesome threads that you write. I’m a big fan of your work (that’s a compliment by the way).

I voted for the last option in the poll - being complimented for my faith and relationship in God. I get a real kick out of people complimenting me in that area, I think it’s because I am honoured to be a daughter of the true King

We did this team exercise at work where we had to write one word that describes your colleague in a positive way. We stuck all our names up on the wall and had to write the positive words around the colleague’s name. Once everything was done, we were able to go and have a look at your name and what positive words were written around it. As I was reading mine, along with smiling at the little nice words, one word struck out at me, someone had written “Christian”. Now I don’t go around and proclaim my faith (even though I do have other Christian colleagues) but seeing that word made me absolutely proud of who I stood for as a Christian and believer of Christ. I was moved. I was wondering who wrote it and to my surprise one of my colleagues who isn’t a Christian came up to me and said “you know I wrote that Christian word, right?” I replied “I didn’t know, but thank you ” she then said, “well it’s your nature of kindness and how you hold yourself in the workplace, plus you always give time and are willing to help others”.

That humbled me and I thanked God for using me to show others Christ in me. It’s compliments or moreso, encouragements like that that I value so much. People being able to see Jesus in the way we act, or speak is super important and should not be taken lightly.

My second would be getting compliments for my efforts in the work or projects that I do

 

[Lynx]

So Kim's recent threads about compliments seem to be garnering her... a lot of... hmm... compliments.

 

[BrotherMike]

My goal is for God to say well done faithful servant. The only compliment I would treasure is to be told I'm doing what I can to serve and worship God. The rest doesn't matter as much to me.

 

[JustEli]

Yes, on all counts.

 

[cwizzle07]

I would suspect most of it is the same hirings, just in differing degrees.
For example, as a guy I enjoy an occasional compliment on my looks, but it's not something I need (or want) to hear often. Women, I've noticed, tend to respond stronger to compliments about their looks and express a desire to hear such things more frequently.

You have a point.
I do like to hear that i'm good looking lol.

 

[Mel85]

You have a point.
I do like to hear that i'm good looking lol.

And that you are sis lol

 

[cwizzle07]

And that you are sis lol

 

[Solemateleft]

Hey Everyone,

Since we've been having a few discussions about compliments, I wanted to ask what differences men and women might have as far as what they like being complimented for (or encouraged), whether it's by a significant other, friends, family, or acquaintances.

For instance, do women prefer to be complimented about their looks, while men would rather hear about their strength?

I'm going to attempt to write a poll, but I know it will only show a very limited range of possible answers, so I'm hoping the poll will just act as a spring board for a more detailed discussion. Please don't stop with just the poll! It's going to be anonymous and multiple-choice, but please come back and tell us why you chose the answers you did, or to include things that weren't able to be included in the poll.

* What top 3 qualities about yourself do you appreciate acknowledgment/recognition for, and why?

* When it comes to children or younger brothers and sisters in Christ, do you tend to encourage girls differently than boys? How so, and why?

I know we talked about this a bit in the "How to Compliment Men" thread, but I was hoping to get a more balanced discussion going about the kinds of qualities men and women appreciate encouragement for, and if there are some distinct differences.

I'm looking forward to your answers, especially when it comes to how we encourage those we are called to raise up in the next generation.

Ack... I just got done with the poll, and wasn't able to post nearly as many variations as I wanted (such as character, morals, etc.) due to a limit on the number of options.

I'm hoping those kinds of topics will all come up in the resulting discussion instead.

Thanks for sharing!

Another great post seoulsearch!!

Interesting, I suspect that since it has been so long that I have received any sort of recognition - I actually checked all the options provided for men...
I wouldn't say that I compliment my daughter (or girls) any different than my sons (boys); as I do strive to always let them know how 'proud' I am of them for their varying talents, efforts and abilities...

 

[cv5]

Hey Everyone,

Since we've been having a few discussions about compliments, I wanted to ask what differences men and women might have as far as what they like being complimented for (or encouraged), whether it's by a significant other, friends, family, or acquaintances.

For instance, do women prefer to be complimented about their looks, while men would rather hear about their strength?

I'm going to attempt to write a poll, but I know it will only show a very limited range of possible answers, so I'm hoping the poll will just act as a spring board for a more detailed discussion. Please don't stop with just the poll! It's going to be anonymous and multiple-choice, but please come back and tell us why you chose the answers you did, or to include things that weren't able to be included in the poll.

* What top 3 qualities about yourself do you appreciate acknowledgment/recognition for, and why?

* When it comes to children or younger brothers and sisters in Christ, do you tend to encourage girls differently than boys? How so, and why?

I know we talked about this a bit in the "How to Compliment Men" thread, but I was hoping to get a more balanced discussion going about the kinds of qualities men and women appreciate encouragement for, and if there are some distinct differences.

I'm looking forward to your answers, especially when it comes to how we encourage those we are called to raise up in the next generation.

Ack... I just got done with the poll, and wasn't able to post nearly as many variations as I wanted (such as character, morals, etc.) due to a limit on the number of options.

I'm hoping those kinds of topics will all come up in the resulting discussion instead.

Thanks for sharing!

Hhhmmmm......I like to be completed on my competency and trustworthiness.