Divorce?
- Thread starter MissingLove
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a repetitive 'abuser' of any kind may think they are a Christian,
this would be a false assumption on their part...
EPH. 5:9-10.
(For the fruit of The Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth
Proving what is acceptable unto The Lord.
this would be a false assumption on their part...
EPH. 5:9-10.
(For the fruit of The Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth
Proving what is acceptable unto The Lord.
And it was never part of God's plan for a spouse to stay in an abusive marriage and get murdered either.
In a marriage, the only way to remove yourself from danger is to leave or get a divorce. Even then you're not guaranteed to be safe. Many husbands/ exes end up killing their wives even after she's left.
again I said LEAVE>>>>.. GET SAFE>>>> but yes many relationships end in murder nowadays. that is how bad the world is...
Another tip, never marry a non Christian. but even that doesn't make it perfect marriage.
But again if a man or woman is feeling unsafe. go find church support. We as the church need to look after our members better.
If your spouse is causing you to sin, then you need to use your self control a bit more. It's not like your spouse has some sort of rope tied to you forcing you to sin; it takes choice on your part to sin. And if your spouse is literally forcing you to sin, then you need to rethink how safe you are around this person.
Why do you not believe in divorce? It is real. It is a fact of life. That's one reason both Jesus and Moses had to address it. And divorce, in and of itself, is not a sin. By the way, God used divorce twice. So that should make my point. And in one circumstance he did not ask the divorcees to get back together.
You should consider reading this book (link below), as it may help answer some of your questions about divorce. It is an unbiased study of the scripture on it. Also, keep in mind that you cannot save yourself through marriage. That would be another work. Salvation is through grace. And even a divorcee can go to heaven. Remember that Jesus said it would be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich guy to get in heaven. But he also added that with God all things are possible.
By the way, I, too, am where you are.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07VD1181...llows+divorce&qid=1563736486&s=gateway&sr=8-1
Hi all, not really sure how to use this forum as am new, but am really just in need to vent my feelings and I have no one here right now to talk to. I too have issues in my marriage and am currently separated from my husband but living in the same house. My husband is obsessive and can be controlling. He reacts very badly to anything not going his way and makes every issue all about himself, such as I recently had a car break-in and called him to ask him for help ( it night time and dark where I was). there were two other ladies there at the time whom I spoke to whilst on the phone to my husband. Apparently, he is mad at me for talking to them as he did not come to help me, and when I finally arrived home he was in bed asleep. I asked him why he didn't even wait up for me and he said because I was speaking to the other women. Then we were supposed to be going away together for the weekend the very next day and because he was upset he did not go with me so I went alone. Now he won't speak to me at all and it has been 10 days. the only time he speaks is about housework or the heater!! am feeling so awful. These things have been happening for 10 years. So am feeling very flat and upset as I have tried everything I can to help my marriage but my husband will not do anything
and thinks he is justified in his actions and reactions
and thinks he is justified in his actions and reactions
Hi, I think from reading the scriptures that adultery is the only grounds for divorce according to Jesus if you wish to re-marry again. It is hard however to give any advice unless you share your full story. Perhaps you can pray more to God to be your help and strength?
Sorry to hear about all this. You should ask him but if it is true he is having an affair he is committing adultery and you are free to divorce him and re-marry. Divorce is very hard, I went through one where my wife cheated on me but everything will be ok. Trust in God, time really does heal all wounds.
"We are meant to be happy, joyous and free from unwanted misery. It should be understood
that changing times requires different decisions in the world we now live in. Living in a new
'age' requires adjustments accordingly. One should not feel guilty of pursuing happiness and
a well being. Let us keep close to God's 'presence' and hope to make the right decisions for
our well being of contentment."
'Praise God'
that changing times requires different decisions in the world we now live in. Living in a new
'age' requires adjustments accordingly. One should not feel guilty of pursuing happiness and
a well being. Let us keep close to God's 'presence' and hope to make the right decisions for
our well being of contentment."
'Praise God'
Me again, after reading this whole line of comments, I have a little more to add. I don't read anywhere that you say there is or isn't any abuse. If there is abuse or adultery, divorce is acceptable to God....so there is no question what to do. Either way....I highly recommend counseling for yourself. He doesn't want to go, which is too bad. But you could definitely use some help yourself as this is causing you a lot of stress, disappointment, and heartache. Maybe if you find help and growth in therapy, your hubby will notice the change in you and experience some changes himself. Remember, love is a feeling. We can't always trust our feelings. If you don't think you love him anymore, ask God to love him through you, ask God to give you a love for him. God is still in the miracle business, if you have given this all to God, then you need to trust Him that He can fix this, if that is His will. If you are a true follower of God, I am sure He does not intend you to live in misery forever, and if you ask Him, He will fix it, or He will make another way for you to find joy. Meanwhile, friends and family can be a lot of comfort, and maybe some volunteer work somewhere can bring you some purpose.
I do believe I have welcomed you Rose but just in case not! I am glad you are here with us. Blessings on your journey here!
I just divorced last year and there are no winners and there is no justice. There was a sense of relief, at the exchange of the Holy Spirit grieving. I did everything in my power and prayed and hoped but my marriage showed all the signs of failure and a reality of being single again. Other believers gloated at my situation doing more harm than good I know this for certain. My worst nightmare is failure to be the Christ in my own marriage. Lets clear the air...God hates divorce! BUT MARK MY WORD, NO ONE KNOWS YOUR SITUATION. If there is no abuse physical or mental hang in there, if there is no adultery hang in there, if there is no trust hang in there, if there is no danger hang in there, if Love is absent hang in there, if times are lonely hang in there, let wisdom and the guidance of the scriptures validate the separation. I dont suggest divorce, but I suggest Hope and try looking at your spouse with compassion rather then a perception of disappointment there is a difference. Hang in there. Good luck and God bless!
MissingLove, this sounds like a re-run of my former marriage. The red flag to me was when you said you were friends/roommates and he knew you wanted children. If your situation is similar to mine, it's an area that few people grasp because it's an uncommon situation. I stayed in my marriage because I was terrified I would go to hell if I got divorced. I was tormented with the fear of not truly being saved in general - I asked Jesus to be my Savior when I was 12; I'm now 65 but it was only five years ago when I was in a very dark place due to my sin that the Lord confronted me and I'll be eternally grateful. I never understood the scripture about working out your salvation with fear and trembling, further scaring me...but I do now and realize that it is truly a lifelong process.
My former husband, I'll call him Tom, refused to see our pastor but finally did relent. The pastor was stunned and his recommendation extremely simplistic. I did follow it in obedience to the Lord and my church authority but it made things worse. I then tried to get him to see a "Christian counselor" who was highly touted by several churches. (This was when "Christian counseling" was a new thing but, beware, there are wolves in sheep's clothing in the church.) I did the same the same thing as you ie. I went on my own, got a similar reaction to that of my pastor. The counselor said he couldn't do couples counseling with only one person but, from our initial session, there were other issues we could address. It opened my eyes to some things but again, wolves. After about 3 months, Tom agreed to go to counseling. I was so excited to tell my counselor, then totally confused when he said he wouldn't see us as a couple stating that he had developed a counseling relationship with me, I needed someone "on my side, and referred him to another Christian counselor (not a wolf). The second counselor found it odd that my counselor wouldn't allow Tom to join me and we had a few joint sessions as a couple with him. After a year, Tom walked out of counseling saying he was done with it.
After 18 years of marriage and 3 years of separation (I believed God would heal our marriage and was still terrified of going to hell if we got divorced) our marriage ended. To my very great surprise, Tom got remarried six MONTHS after the divorce with a reception at a well-known luxury hotel in the tourist area in which I live. We had two main issues in our marriage but him getting remarried never , just floored me. Tom quit going to church during the separation; I continued and almost weekly was approached by a "church lady," informing me that "God hates divorce." Really. Good to know. <sarcasm off> That added to my fear, I was mad that God didn't heal my marriage, thus began years of wilderness living and satan had a toehold that turned into wider areas of my life but PRAISE GOD He sees the heart and will never leave nor forsake one that truly wants God.
I posted this for two reasons: (1) I pray it will be helpful to you, MissingLove, and don't hesitate to send a private message if you'd like (2) those of you who throw out casual comments of condemnation when you don't know what the situation is, nor know the person's heart can do a LOT of damage to the faith of one who is sensitive in nature; it could even cause them to turn from the church and possibly from the Lord. IMO, and this is a broad statement as there are some wonderful fellowships with caring believers, some churches (particular congregations, not THE church ie. the Bride of Christ) can do a lot of damage. Please church...don't be quick to condemn. I've been on the "condemning side" myself and it definitely came back on me.