I know this is gonna sound really dramatic of me but I honestly just need advice on my faith and what to do to get past this roadblock. For the past few years I've been just completely numb (I'm 15F btw). I've been in the church since birth and my whole family is christian so I've been firmly planted in my faith from day 1. Well, around the start of 6th grade I had some really bad influences as friends. It just wasnt great and I did some pretty bad things that I still regret to this day. They pulled me farther than I've ever been from Christ. I went to camp for the first time that year and felt absolutely terrible for my actions and finally the gears started to turn. I had finally had my eyes open to what faith really looks like. I get really invested in my faith until the start of 7th grade. I get back with those friends and I start to feel so insecure and sickly all the time, always wondering if people will judge me for my faith. I got some not so great thoughts of ending my life and doing SH because my friends did it and I wanted ro be cool (it has been years since that, and I'm fine now and dont think like that anymore so it's okay) Then I just stopped. I still went to church and youth group, but I was a faker - still am. I go, i act like I'm doing great, but in reality I feel so disgusting. Crying for hours on end has become regular, and reading my bible only once per month is normalized. Every day I just sit and lock myself up there and cry and wonder why my life is miserable, only to come down for dinner really quick (my parents didnt even give a crap that my face was all messed up from crying and my makeup smeared, why would they care?) And then go back up to bed. School, home, cry, dinner, cry, sleep, repeat. Now I'm just some depressed highschool girl who is sometimes christian and sometimes the troublemaker from school. No time for the lord. And I hate it. I want Him back in my life because I know He's the one I need. The reason I feel so bad is because I'm doing all this on my own. But every time I try to get back on track sin just pulls me down and I'm up till 2am talking to strangers on a burner phone and saying stuff I shouldnt and doing stuff I shouldnt (like being on the burner and making social media accounts that I shouldnt have even bought in the first place) and satan is telling me it's okay. But it's not. And to be honest, even though I was saved, now I'm doubting it. If I died tonight, I'm not so sure where I'd go, honestly. So I dont know what I'm looking for. Just someone to say something I guess. (Sorry for not formatting the paragraphs how they should be and just making it one big block of sentences)
Dealing with possible depression
- Thread starter LeonaTrrblnche
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Someone asked me in HS " If you were to die today, are you 100% sure you'd go to Heaven?"
Like you, I was honest and did not know, BUT I wanted to know. I believed the Bible and that's where the clear answers are.
You can take care of that right now
>Good News<
Remember it isnt what we bring, offer, or do that provides ourselves salvation. Christ did it all so that we may be forgiven and justified.
Your mistakes do not define you.
Your sin doesn't define you.
Your weakness doesn't define you.
Only Christ the one has saved you.
There is no sin too great that He can't forgive.
Doubt is normal, but not a place to stay. Wrestle with it, search out truth. For all those who trust in Christ as saved and secured.
Ground yourself in knowing the scriptures so that you may resist the lies of Satan.
Finally, give your parents a chance to help. Be open, honest, and let them know. I'm sure they care way more than you feel.
this is exactly, like, almost precisely what I have and am going through. I won't tell you what to do, but I will try to offer my perspetive, and what has helped me. I -still- haven't told my parents. I likely never will. sometimes I wish I could, others tell me that they love me, that they will help, but I can't believe that. I, too, have done so many things I regret, probably the exact same unmentionables you have, and still, even being saved for a year, do sh and cetera. salvation,for me, having grown in a christian home, is a belief in christ. An acceptance. for years I cursed God, having seen too much to deny him, instead denying his goodness. every day knowing that I would go to hell if my attempts suceeded, and every night in pain over failing yet again. I made it out, and now, I have accepted christ as savior, but that doesn't mean that I am perfect. I am still just as dark as I was before. all I have now is love. and that makes all the difference. knowing that he loves me, and that is all that matters. nothing anyone says matters, because I have my identity in christ, not in them. Im somewhat of an outsider in every group
anyway, I hope my/our testimony gives you some fragment of hope in this world of hopelessness.