Dating

[cinder]

So I kinda wanted to update.

In short, I've been trying to force myself to be more proactive about talking to women around me but Im having a difficult time telling when its okay and not okay to do this. For example at work in a different department (I have to pass through it to get to the break-room) there is a cute lady but I don't know if I feel comfortable disturbing her while she's at her desk just to get to know her especially given she's never spoken to me before.

I've also been going out more but at the same token I don't want to come off as a creep by approaching a total stranger but not sure what else I can really do at the same time. If I see them on their phone, I always avoid speaking to them. The same goes if it looks like they're walking fast. If they're not busy and not walking fast, I "may" approach them. Usually I won't approach if they're not alone either. I also kind of feel that this will end in an automatic no as I don't know that ladies enjoy being approached at random by a stranger as they don't know what his intentions are initially.

I did approach once - basically asked if she was okay if I chatted with her and basically she said no. I apologized to her and quickly put distance between us.

----
I wanted to state Im posting this because I can't tell what is right and what isn't. For a long time I have been waiting and expecting God to just put someone in my life but the longer I wait (almost 20 years now) the more I begin to realize there really might not be that special "one person" and that relationships take time and understanding to build instead of one person being magically made for you and that this may be something I will have to go out and get instead of waiting for it to happen. Basically I'm just beginning to think that he isn't going to just drop someone in my life, I may have to find her.

Some ideas:

Get (or borrow) a friendly dog. I'm one of those who doesn't talk to strangers, but if someone is walking their dog I almost always want to say hi to the dog and that's a good indirect conversation starter.

Ask for help or advice, most people are willing to help you out if you need it and it immediately gives the interaction something to be about rather than people trying to guess what you want or what you're really after.

Wear t-shirts that advertise your interests, hobbies, or just have terrific humorous sayings; it's a great conversation hook and might just help you find people interested in things you actually want to talk about.

No guarantees that any of these things will lead you to a date or a special woman, but they might just help get a conversation started with strangers in public places.

There are of course also options like online dating or speed dating where both you and potential dates put yourselves out there and essentially give other people permission to attempt romance with you ( and after a phrase like that we all can tell I'm not the romantic type). That has it's own hazards, but at least you know that the women there (if they're real people in the case of online dating) are looking for a date.

 

[toinena]

Some ideas:

Get (or borrow) a friendly dog. I'm one of those who doesn't talk to strangers, but if someone is walking their dog I almost always want to say hi to the dog and that's a good indirect conversation starter.

Ask for help or advice, most people are willing to help you out if you need it and it immediately gives the interaction something to be about rather than people trying to guess what you want or what you're really after.

Wear t-shirts that advertise your interests, hobbies, or just have terrific humorous sayings; it's a great conversation hook and might just help you find people interested in things you actually want to talk about.

No guarantees that any of these things will lead you to a date or a special woman, but they might just help get a conversation started with strangers in public places.

There are of course also options like online dating or speed dating where both you and potential dates put yourselves out there and essentially give other people permission to attempt romance with you ( and after a phrase like that we all can tell I'm not the romantic type). That has it's own hazards, but at least you know that the women there (if they're real people in the case of online dating) are looking for a date.

Dogs attract people and you might end up talking to people you never would have.

Being open about your interests like on a t-shirt seems like a splendid idea!

To show that you are interesting, funny, confident in who you are and caring among other people is a great way of attracting positive attention. Some might even be romantical

 

[Jewel5712]

I have never heard of people growing back a womb or testicles, but

I thought it was a miracle when I read an article, that Doctors could now use penises from organ donars, to replace the ones that were lost to soldiers in combat. I know God makes physicians who perform miracles everyday.

Or, the miracle is God made these physicians.

Why i love the medical field..

 

[Dapsy]

Well the following is not based on personal experience, but on observation of others. Take with a grain of salt, or maybe up to half a shaker of salt.

From what I have observed the best way to find somebody is to go out and do the things you like to do. It increases the probability of finding somebody who has a chance of having anything in common with you, because people you meet will be doing those things that you like to do. Bowling, ice skating, book club, quilting party... whatever it is you enjoy, further your horizons in that area.

If you don't have anything you enjoy, find something. If you have no time to do something you enjoy, you SURE won't have time for a girl. From what I've seen a girlfriend takes up way more time than a hobby, and is much harder to put off when scheduling conflicts arise.

o

Why i love the medical field..

 

[Tommy379]

I've been wanting to get to this topic.

Ok, here is what the guy does, who gets numbers from random females, daily. I also admit, except for a small stint on dating sites last year, I won't actually ask a girl on a date, unless I'm really interested in her. This is a very rare occurrence.

Anyone who knows me here, will agree that I work in a mention about myself being the world's sexiest man alive. It could be a true statement, but I spend a good portion of my thoughts on that one statement. I've been doing this since I was 13. It causes a type of body dysmorphia, that when I look in the mirror, I see myself as totally studly. Although photos of myself, disgust me. Just keep up, this has a point, and is crucial.
So I spend a lot time imagining myself as Adonis, with a body of a Greek statue. After years of doing this, when I think of myself, I always see myself as being very physically attractive.
This right here, gives you confidence you need to approach women. You just assume they all want you.
This confidence manifests itself in your eyes and face, the first thing a woman will see.
Why?
Cause you're going to make eye contact with every woman you cross paths with. You're going to smile at them. And this needs to become a natural act for you. You are going to smile at the lady at the post office, the lady ringing up your groceries, the lady you write your tax check to, even your mother.
Because you want to not only come off as, but be the warmest man who ever lived.
You will soon learn, they always will smile back, and their level of interest is measured by how much the width of their smile, exceeds your own.
You will know when they smile back, with a look of joy, that's the one you talk to. I always start by saying hello.
When they say hi back, I'll throw out a question, like " How long have you been working here?"
If there's chemistry, the conversation will just happen. I usually find out something they're into, and finish out the conversation with " I wouldn't mind talking to you about that sometime."
I usually hand them my phone, and tell them to put their number in it.
If you're into the girl, go ahead and shoot her a text the next day.
I rarely do though.
Actually, the last time I went on a date, I had very little conversation with the girl, but knew who she was, so I just friended her on Facebook, and messaged her the next day.
Which brings me to my next thing.
You got to have some social media.
I have Facebook and Instagram. I use to have snapchat, but the filters women use, totally turn me off.
But if you're going for women under 25, you're gonna have to have some snapchat. My bottom age for a potential Mrs, is 27, any younger than that, God is going to have to light a bush on fire, and say something.
This brings me to something you mentioned. About having to date a Christian. I don't think you need to date a bible banging, prayer ninja.
I stay away from women who practice Eastern religions, islamist, militant atheists, and practitioners of witchcraft.
Lukewarm Christians, agnostics, and rational atheists are alright people. I don't think I would marry an atheist, but I'm sure I could have dinner and a beer with the right one.
I say this about religion, because I'm divorced. I married a girl who was a prayer warrior, and 13 years later, I know that doesn't necessarily equate to success.
Now, there are going to be some fine women in this forum who will totally disagree with me on this, but many of them are wonderful women who sometimes opine about wanting a spouse of their own. If it's going to happen, let it happen darling. It will be ok.
Keep this in mind.
Women have the final say in who they date, who the are romantic with, and who they marry. It's on men to cast a wide net. To be the guy she wants to choose.
Oh yeah, hitting the gym and keeping your weight down, really helps.

 

[Lynx]

So THAT'S why I'm still single! I don't have Facebook! Or twitter or snapchat or instagram or... anything except this forum really, and this forum has never gotten me one single date.

Thanks man, I'm gonna go sign up for FB right now! (And then I'm going to flap my arms and fly to the moon, where I will build the universes biggest sand castle for me and my future wife to live in... yeah, none of these things will actually happen.)

 

[Tommy379]

So THAT'S why I'm still single! I don't have Facebook! Or twitter or snapchat or instagram or... anything except this forum really, and this forum has never gotten me one single date.

Thanks man, I'm gonna go sign up for FB right now! (And then I'm going to flap my arms and fly to the moon, where I will build the universes biggest sand castle for me and my future wife to live in... yeah, none of these things will actually happen.)

The guy who started this thread does want to meet someone.

I understand you have no interest in the opposite sex, that's fine to be an A-sexual, but the guy wants to talk to women, and you should be fine with that too.

Social media exists now, and it has become very important in modern courtship, even with women my age and older.

Everyday it seems, I get a friend request from a single mom. I kinda know them from passing, or they know someone I know. They put pretty pictures of themselves up on their page, and they are probably just hoping someone like me, or some other guy they friended, will send them a message.

That is absolutely fine to do.

If someone wants a romantic relationship, that should be fine with everyone else.

Not everyone can be as disciplined as the Lynx, and go 40 years without the warmth of another human being.

 

[Lynx]

I never said I'm disciplined. I'm just apathetic. Basically it's not worth the trouble.

And with as many smart-alec remarks as you give every day, surely you can take one from a medium-size feline occasionally.

 

[Tommy379]

I never said I'm disciplined. I'm just apathetic. Basically it's not worth the trouble.

And with as many smart-alec remarks as you give every day, surely you can take one from a medium-size feline occasionally.

I'm like a delicate flower. I have emotions and feelings.

I am going to cry in my pillow now.

 

[Tommy379]

I never said I'm disciplined. I'm just apathetic. Basically it's not worth the trouble.

And with as many smart-alec remarks as you give every day, surely you can take one from a medium-size feline occasionally.

And this is apathy....

 

[toinena]

People still get married without facebook. But CC is kind of a social media as well, so I guess I am guilty of finding someone on social media as well, although indirectly.

Mostly men approached me here or on social media have been scammers, douche bags or simply pervs though. But among the 1000 there might be one genuine. It is worth waiting for that.

 

[Tommy379]

People still get married without facebook. But CC is kind of a social media as well, so I guess I am guilty of finding someone on social media as well, although indirectly.

Mostly men approached me here or on social media have been scammers, douche bags or simply pervs though. But among the 1000 there might be one genuine. It is worth waiting for that.

Oh no. You misunderstood. You never approach complete strangers on Facebook, or any other site. Those women who friend me, they probably know me from around, and likely live within 20 miles.

 

[toinena]

Well.... you're too hot for your own good.....

 

[Tommy379]

Well.... you're too hot for your own good.....

This is what I've been thinking.

 

[toinena]

This is what I've been thinking.

I know..... And you love you because of it ;-)

 

[tourist]

So THAT'S why I'm still single! I don't have Facebook! Or twitter or snapchat or instagram or... anything except this forum really, and this forum has never gotten me one single date.

Thanks man, I'm gonna go sign up for FB right now! (And then I'm going to flap my arms and fly to the moon, where I will build the universes biggest sand castle for me and my future wife to live in... yeah, none of these things will actually happen.)

I don't do any of that crap either and don't plan on doing so. CC is the extent of my use of social media.

 

[tourist]

I wanted to state Im posting this because I can't tell what is right and what isn't. For a long time I have been waiting and expecting God to just put someone in my life but the longer I wait (almost 20 years now) the more I begin to realize there really might not be that special "one person" and that relationships take time and understanding to build instead of one person being magically made for you and that this may be something I will have to go out and get instead of waiting for it to happen. Basically I'm just beginning to think that he isn't going to just drop someone in my life, I may have to find her.

You will indeed have to find her but continue to pray that that girl that you find is the one that God has searched for you.

 

[tourist]

So I kinda wanted to update.

In short, I've been trying to force myself to be more proactive about talking to women around me but Im having a difficult time telling when its okay and not okay to do this. For example at work in a different department (I have to pass through it to get to the break-room) there is a cute lady but I don't know if I feel comfortable disturbing her while she's at her desk just to get to know her especially given she's never spoken to me before.

I've also been going out more but at the same token I don't want to come off as a creep by approaching a total stranger but not sure what else I can really do at the same time. If I see them on their phone, I always avoid speaking to them. The same goes if it looks like they're walking fast. If they're not busy and not walking fast, I "may" approach them. Usually I won't approach if they're not alone either. I also kind of feel that this will end in an automatic no as I don't know that ladies enjoy being approached at random by a stranger as they don't know what his intentions are initially.

I did approach once - basically asked if she was okay if I chatted with her and basically she said no. I apologized to her and quickly put distance between us.

----
I wanted to state Im posting this because I can't tell what is right and what isn't. For a long time I have been waiting and expecting God to just put someone in my life but the longer I wait (almost 20 years now) the more I begin to realize there really might not be that special "one person" and that relationships take time and understanding to build instead of one person being magically made for you and that this may be something I will have to go out and get instead of waiting for it to happen. Basically I'm just beginning to think that he isn't going to just drop someone in my life, I may have to find her.

Perhaps leave a nice card on her desk when she is not there. Being cute is a very desirable quality and it may be worth pursuing.

 

[Tommy379]

Perhaps leave a nice card on her desk when she is not there. Being cute is a very desirable quality and it may be worth pursuing.

I don't know about cute, but he is going to have to make a move if he's into this girl.

She may like him too, but she doesn't think he's into her, cause he won't make a move.

And to the OP....

Don't be scared of some rejection. I promise you, no woman has ever gone around and ridiculed a guy for asking her out.

 

[tourist]

I don't know about cute, but he is going to have to make a move if he's into this girl.

She may like him too, but she doesn't think he's into her, cause he won't make a move.

And to the OP....

Don't be scared of some rejection. I promise you, no woman has ever gone around and ridiculed a guy for asking her out.

I agree completely. Faint heart does not win fair maiden. She probably has a pretty smile too and that goes a long way.