Dating non Christians
- Thread starter Virtuously_CEE
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Simply put, courting only has one outcome and that is marriage. Courting in other words dating with intent to marry. The is actively seeking that one woman with intent to marry. The families are aware as well as church leaders.
It's a bit old fashioned but I feel like it's the safest route to go. Unless you want to get married you shouldn't date because it can potentially open the door to sexual sin. Courting also allows for the individuals involved to focus on getting to know one another because they are already aware of the desired outcome and are in agreement.
Unlike dating where everything is just confusing and the intent may not be clear or truthful.
I hope that explanation helps.
It's a bit old fashioned but I feel like it's the safest route to go. Unless you want to get married you shouldn't date because it can potentially open the door to sexual sin. Courting also allows for the individuals involved to focus on getting to know one another because they are already aware of the desired outcome and are in agreement.
Unlike dating where everything is just confusing and the intent may not be clear or truthful.
I hope that explanation helps.
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It begs the question of how does one get from the perfect strangers stage to the I think this is someone I could consider marrying stage without spending the kind of time together that looks an awful lot like dating? I agree with a lot of what you're getting at with your distinction in terms ( both parties should be in agreement about the purpose of the relationship, trusted family or spiritual advisors should be involved and have opportunity to give you a more unbiased opinion of the other party than you're likely to have in the throes of infatuation) but I kind of lived through the downside of the courtship / purity movement which is that asking someone out on a first date can take on the weight and significance of a kind of pre-proposal. At what point does dating with the intent to find someone to marry turn into trying to decide to marry this one specific person or not?
One thing my generation seems to have gotten rather wrong is we've almost erased the distinction between going on a single no strings attached event date with someone and "dating" someone exclusively. And in doing so we've also kind of removed our opportunity to spend time with a broad pool of people socially as part of the selection process of who to get serious with (which many of the more traditional courting cultures have had built in, like the balls in Jane Austen stories). While I'm awfully greatful to live in a time where I have a lot of good options to choose from to support myself as a single female, I do think that women moving out into the workforce and other aspects of public life has blurred many of the boundaries that made dating and courtship so clear in previous generations (where a man seeking to talk to a woman pretty much must be interested in her because there were no other relational options). Unfortunately, my best solution to the difficulty has been to just say it's too complicated, I think I'll sit this aspect of life out because it doesn't seem worth it.
One thing my generation seems to have gotten rather wrong is we've almost erased the distinction between going on a single no strings attached event date with someone and "dating" someone exclusively. And in doing so we've also kind of removed our opportunity to spend time with a broad pool of people socially as part of the selection process of who to get serious with (which many of the more traditional courting cultures have had built in, like the balls in Jane Austen stories). While I'm awfully greatful to live in a time where I have a lot of good options to choose from to support myself as a single female, I do think that women moving out into the workforce and other aspects of public life has blurred many of the boundaries that made dating and courtship so clear in previous generations (where a man seeking to talk to a woman pretty much must be interested in her because there were no other relational options). Unfortunately, my best solution to the difficulty has been to just say it's too complicated, I think I'll sit this aspect of life out because it doesn't seem worth it.
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You're absolutely correct. That's why they have young adult and adult mixers at church so you can familiarize yourself with other singles and then move forward from there. Courtship is rather complicated, it's not for everyone. I prefer it because I've done the opposite up until I was saved. I don't care to date casually anymore. I'm s single mom with two children. It's just not desirable.
If your church does this and has a large enough population of older adult singles to do this then you are very blessed in the church you've found. Most of us in churches find that other singles are few and far between and events for them are practically non-existent. But I have found being single dog mom a difficult enough challenge so I've got nothing but respect for single parents of human children and will be happy for any extra support you have in a good church.
I just joined my church right before the pandemic began. So I haven't had a chance to experience what I mentioned personally. My church does not have a huge population if young adults but we are encouraged to fellowship and participate with other churches who do offer these services. Hopefully I'll be able to attend one but right now I'm just focusing on myself, my children and my relationship with Jesus.
I also have a dog, my first child and I love Jane Austen.
I also have a dog, my first child and I love Jane Austen.
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I understand the distinction, but how does one determine whether the other person is a worthy candidate or a good fit without getting to know them first? I would refuse to “court” a woman about whom I knew nothing but her name and outward appearance. “Hi… my name is (x). Let’s get married, and learn about each other in between now and then.” Um, no.
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No you wouldn't court a stranger. I think there is a misunderstanding in my post. I go on dates but I don't date. I don't have boyfriend's or commit to long term or casual relationships. From my experience this opens the door for sexual sin and the consequences that follow. I don't know anyone yet alone a Christian who can say they successfully had a long term relationship as an adult and was able to remain chaste. I'm talking about being together for like 2-3 years or more.
I personally wait until after 6mths of going on dates with someone and getting to know them to access where it's headed. This would be the point where an agreement to court or comes into play. The couple agrees that they want to move forward and seek marriage so they begin to introduce each other to family and friends. They may attend church together and even go to counseling for couples. If everything goes well, an engagement will ensue and then marriage.
The opposite of this would be to agree to date someone monogamously but marriage isn't the goal, companionship is. It's so much that could go wrong especially for a Christian if not careful. The desires of the flesh are real.
It may take a few attempts until you meet the right person to enter into a period of courtship with. In my opinion you won't waste you time this way or be vulnerable to sin because your conforming to the ways of the world and not God.
I personally wait until after 6mths of going on dates with someone and getting to know them to access where it's headed. This would be the point where an agreement to court or comes into play. The couple agrees that they want to move forward and seek marriage so they begin to introduce each other to family and friends. They may attend church together and even go to counseling for couples. If everything goes well, an engagement will ensue and then marriage.
The opposite of this would be to agree to date someone monogamously but marriage isn't the goal, companionship is. It's so much that could go wrong especially for a Christian if not careful. The desires of the flesh are real.
It may take a few attempts until you meet the right person to enter into a period of courtship with. In my opinion you won't waste you time this way or be vulnerable to sin because your conforming to the ways of the world and not God.
Edit:...
It may take a few attempts until you meet the right person to enter into a period of courtship with. Until then just enjoy meeting new people and avoid conforming to the ways of the world. We know that God has called us to marry if we can't maintain a single life. Not be in long term relationships that mimic marriage minus the blessings of God.
It may take a few attempts until you meet the right person to enter into a period of courtship with. Until then just enjoy meeting new people and avoid conforming to the ways of the world. We know that God has called us to marry if we can't maintain a single life. Not be in long term relationships that mimic marriage minus the blessings of God.
It seems the OP has described typical dating, but just avoided calling it the usual terminology to make it sound different. But, ultimately, it's not different.
In my experience of 45 years most people date with the intention of marriage, and this is even more true with Christians. So this notion that people date for companionship seems pretty rare.
Also I don't get how not using the dating label prevents anything sexual.
Nor do I understand how it saves time.
And six months of dating, err... not dating, then marriage talk and moving forward? The first six months are the easiest and can also be the most misleading. To try to be so careful the first six months then throw it away by moving too quick?
It seems the term "courting" also has a constantly shifting meaning. I've heard a few answers over the years, but this is a new one. Most commonly I understand it to be that two people date, but never alone. There's always a chaperone on the dates, some won't even have private phone calls. Typically this is between two people that know each other already and the courtship is more formality than getting to know one another. The two acknowledging their interest in one another with the intention of marriage. But even then it's not a guarantee.
In my experience of 45 years most people date with the intention of marriage, and this is even more true with Christians. So this notion that people date for companionship seems pretty rare.
Also I don't get how not using the dating label prevents anything sexual.
Nor do I understand how it saves time.
And six months of dating, err... not dating, then marriage talk and moving forward? The first six months are the easiest and can also be the most misleading. To try to be so careful the first six months then throw it away by moving too quick?
It seems the term "courting" also has a constantly shifting meaning. I've heard a few answers over the years, but this is a new one. Most commonly I understand it to be that two people date, but never alone. There's always a chaperone on the dates, some won't even have private phone calls. Typically this is between two people that know each other already and the courtship is more formality than getting to know one another. The two acknowledging their interest in one another with the intention of marriage. But even then it's not a guarantee.
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