Dating a Christian, not so sure

[CharliRenee]

Well as I've said, we'll have to agree to disagree.
I'm afraid that my relationships will be governed by me, not other people saying "I think you should...".

Does independence make me a 'worse' Christian?
Then so be it.

We all need His grace, and we all serve Him, each other and ourselves when we are teachable. I am not suggesting man is the authority but I am saying, for a fact, He is. It is all about Him, even our identity should point NOT to our individuality or Independence but to Him and our complete dependence and surrender to Him!!! I have not arrived, not by a long shot, but I think being hungry and thirsty for His righteousness, is for our own good, and for His purposes and Glory.

Brother, I am so glad you are choosing Him. I pray we, all my brothers and sisters in Christ, continue to grow, reaching for His Truth, the only way. I am encouraged that you are seeking counsel, but remember, our greatest teacher is Him and His word. I need to remember that too. God Bless you.

 

[Lighthearted]

First time I've posted in this section.

I have been a Christian for about a year.
Late twenties and single.

Consequently sex before marriage was never something that effected me.

There are a few things that concern me about dating a Christian:

1. Sex before marriage, partly because I'm not sure I want to get married in the modern sense

2. The idea of not being able to live together until after marriage

3. If I had Children with a Christian, I'd like to bring them up around certain values but I'd like them to be given the chance to make up their own mind without being force fed Church dogma in Church children groups from a young age.
This is influenced by the fact that I came to God through my own free will and was not through being influenced by family (not Christians) or anything else.

Thoughts?

After a 20+ year marriage ended, I wasn't sure I ever wanted to get married on paper either...so, I was in a committed, monogamous relationship and sin has consequences and it can be extremely expensive. I am a firm believer In marriage and doing things by the standards God has set for man and woman.
As for children...having been brought up in church from birth, it is the one thing my parents did right. To give me a foundation of solid Rock and unconditional love that only comes from God. Trust me...kids will question their beliefs and religion. I did. I was a Prodigal daughter. After everything that Ive been through in this life, I was truly blessed to have been taught about Jesus.
Our children are borrowed. They belong to God. As a parent it is our responsibility to teach them about salvation and it's easier to do that when they are young, and being responsible for their souls is a big part of parenting. Eventually, they will decide, but youv e got to equip them with the tools to make the right choices and teach them the values they need for life. This life and eternity.

 

[Lighthearted]

I should probably mention that my 23 year old found Christ at a young age but the world has made her choose the prodigal route...I pray every day...but I know that what He begins, He will finish. He's working on the six year old right now too.

 

[tourist]

While I agree with you on what you said, being alone doesn't always mean lonely, brother. Sometimes though, yes, but don't married ppl deal with that too, from time to time? I always say, but could be off, that loneliness is God's way of telling us to come sit with Him awhile, seek His comforting communion. Ugh, I bet that is another cliche thing. @cinder, hahaha, what have you done, lol? I now notice, I spew them out right and left.

What you have said about married people experiencing loneliness was certainly true in my case with my late second wife who died Feb 21, 2014 in the state of Maine at the age of 59, the same age as me at the time. I will not go into the full details as it is lengthy and I have told me story many times through the years as a member of this site.

The marriage lasted 11 years 2 months and the last 8 years of it was in Maine while my family was in Florida. My late wife was in declining health when we were married and she was very sick and disabled and spent the last 2 years of her life in a nursing home.

We moved from Florida to Maine so that she could be close to her family as her parents were elderly and she wanted to spend time with them. Due to her illness we could not be intimate for the last 2 years. Due to her many medications she was basically incoherent for the last year so we really couldn't communicate either but I still visited her on a regular basis.

I remember walking to work on the last day of her life. During the night I got a call from the nursing home saying that she was in the hospital for a urinary tract infection. I said that I would be there that night. While walking to work God spoke to me in a way to let me know that she was going to die today. I asked God to not let her die during my shift at work because that was going to be my last day with the company and I wanted to just focus on doing a good job. This was on a Friday. Right after my shift a co-worker told me that my brother-in-law was waiting for me in the hallway and something about a family emergency. I told her I already knew what that was about.

I was in the hospital room with her when I ordered the doctor to remove the respirator that was keeping her alive. Her eyes were open but she could neither see or hear. Either way she was going to die that night or the next day. I wanted her to die with dignity. I gently removed the hair from her eyes, told that I loved her and would see her again in another time and place. I gave her my last kiss on her forehead. She died a minute later. I immediately left the room and went outside in the gloom of night. It was foggy and misty outside. I was now all alone and isolated from even my family members who were 1500 miles away. I then cried my eyes out.

A week later, after the funeral service I resigned my job, got on a bus with just my clothes in a duffle bag and headed back to Florida. In the end I lost everything of any material value. Her parents had died, my car was broken down, I resigned my job, and my dogs were given new homes. As for myself, I really didn't have a home anymore. It was just me alone on the bus with only my depressed thoughts for company. It was the loneliest time of my life. I was very much a lonely broken man.

 

[Ellorah]

What you have said about married people experiencing loneliness was certainly true in my case with my late second wife who died Feb 21, 2014 in the state of Maine at the age of 59, the same age as me at the time. I will not go into the full details as it is lengthy and I have told me story many times through the years as a member of this site.

The marriage lasted 11 years 2 months and the last 8 years of it was in Maine while my family was in Florida. My late wife was in declining health when we were married and she was very sick and disabled and spent the last 2 years of her life in a nursing home.

We moved from Florida to Maine so that she could be close to her family as her parents were elderly and she wanted to spend time with them. Due to her illness we could not be intimate for the last 2 years. Due to her many medications she was basically incoherent for the last year so we really couldn't communicate either but I still visited her on a regular basis.

I remember walking to work on the last day of her life. During the night I got a call from the nursing home saying that she was in the hospital for a urinary tract infection. I said that I would be there that night. While walking to work God spoke to me in a way to let me know that she was going to die today. I asked God to not let her die during my shift at work because that was going to be my last day with the company and I wanted to just focus on doing a good job. This was on a Friday. Right after my shift a co-worker told me that my brother-in-law was waiting for me in the hallway and something about a family emergency. I told her I already knew what that was about.

I was in the hospital room with her when I ordered the doctor to remove the respirator that was keeping her alive. Her eyes were open but she could neither see or hear. Either way she was going to die that night or the next day. I wanted her to die with dignity. I gently removed the hair from her eyes, told that I loved her and would see her again in another time and place. I gave her my last kiss on her forehead. She died a minute later. I immediately left the room and went outside in the gloom of night. It was foggy and misty outside. I was now all alone and isolated from even my family members who were 1500 miles away. I then cried my eyes out.

A week later, after the funeral service I resigned my job, got on a bus with just my clothes in a duffle bag and headed back to Florida. In the end I lost everything of any material value. Her parents had died, my car was broken down, I resigned my job, and my dogs were given new homes. As for myself, I really didn't have a home anymore. It was just me alone on the bus with only my depressed thoughts for company. It was the loneliest time of my life. I was very much a lonely broken man.

You are so brave to share this. I pray you are doing well today. During college I worked in a nursing home as a nurse aide. I was scared and intimidated at first but I found out that I really enjoy the elderly. God bless you for being an inspiration !

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Am I sure I'm a Christian?

I'm clearly feeling or questioning something you wouldn't even think to feel or question.

See my first post in the 'God and Political Correctness' thread in the Bible discussion forum.
Link:

https://christianchat.com/bible-discussion-forum/god-and-political-correctness.182681/

Anyway, I don't have to justify my faith to you.
God knows, and that's the important thing.

Now we've got that out of the way...

I think it did me the world of good to come to God from a non-Christian background.

It meant that I was logical thinking enough to not allow my relationship with God to be inhibited by dogma, tradition or culture, where not Biblical.
This in turn meant that my relationship with God, and learning about the Bible, was 'more pure' and less 'cluttered' by non-Biblical cultural traditions and dogma.

I feel like a better Christian for it and it is the kind of relationship with God that I'd like my future children to experience.

With regards to sex before marriage, that is Biblical.

Your understanding of moving in with somebody before marriage is not Biblical, but an aspect of peripheral tradition and culture.
I know that back in the day a man would build his house on the side of his in-laws', but not only is this a description of what people used to do as oppose to an instruction from God to everybody, but you don't see people building on the side of their in-laws' now do you..

Two major flaws in your thinking. One is that you're applying what worked for You and assuming the same will apply to any children you may have. Perhaps that's what you needed but others are glad to have escaped coming out of the world. So to say your view is the right one, and thus should be the same for your children, is false.
Second you seem to view your faith as dogmatic. You don't want your kids being taught biblical principles at church nor do you seem to want to teach them about being a Christian.
Well even if you were to teach them they still have the option to choose otherwise. I've known ones that rejected their parents faith at a young age.
It's only because it's religion do you have this reluctance but no doubt you'll be teaching them plenty of other things you'll expect of them and won't have a problem "force feeding" them those.
It's a double standard using terminology the world uses to resist religion and often times God.

 

[BrotherMike]

When do ya know? Fruits of the spirit shown.

 

[selfdissolving]

First time I've posted in this section.

I have been a Christian for about a year.
Late twenties and single.

Consequently sex before marriage was never something that effected me.

There are a few things that concern me about dating a Christian:

1. Sex before marriage, partly because I'm not sure I want to get married in the modern sense

2. The idea of not being able to live together until after marriage

3. If I had Children with a Christian, I'd like to bring them up around certain values but I'd like them to be given the chance to make up their own mind without being force fed Church dogma in Church children groups from a young age.
This is influenced by the fact that I came to God through my own free will and was not through being influenced by family (not Christians) or anything else.

Thoughts?

i can't imagine being Christian and WANTING to have sex before marriage. (it dishonors God)
i can't imagine ever even dating outside of the faith. (it's forbidden)
i can't imagine ever leaving my children to figure it out on there own, when i know that Jesus Christ is the truth.

i'm actually having trouble understanding where your post is coming from.

You're a Christian, but unsure if you want to date another Christian? Because they might want to live according to the Scriptures?

 

[Adam4Eve]

I should probably mention that my 23 year old found Christ at a young age but the world has made her choose the prodigal route...I pray every day...but I know that what He begins, He will finish. He's working on the six year old right now too.

Great!

 

[christianlove1]

Am I sure I'm a Christian?

I'm clearly feeling or questioning something you wouldn't even think to feel or question.

See my first post in the 'God and Political Correctness' thread in the Bible discussion forum.
Link:

https://breakupshop.com/best-christian-dating-sites/

Anyway, I don't have to justify my faith to you.
God knows, and that's the important thing.

Now we've got that out of the way...

I think it did me the world of good to come to God from a non-Christian background.

It meant that I was logical thinking enough to not allow my relationship with God to be inhibited by dogma, tradition or culture, where not Biblical.
This in turn meant that my relationship with God, and learning about the Bible, was 'more pure' and less 'cluttered' by non-Biblical cultural traditions and dogma.

I feel like a better Christian for it and it is the kind of relationship with God that I'd like my future children to experience.

With regards to sex before marriage, that is Biblical.

Your understanding of moving in with somebody before marriage is not Biblical, but an aspect of peripheral tradition and culture.
I know that back in the day a man would build his house on the side of his in-laws', but not only is this a description of what people used to do as oppose to an instruction from God to everybody, but you don't see people building on the side of their in-laws' now do you..

Excellently put. God knows all. Our sins, good deeds. All of our experiences when people are watching and when people aren't. We want max happiness for all people and for God's Will to be done, but we don't ever have to justify knowing God to anyone else.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Excellently put. God knows all. Our sins, good deeds. All of our experiences when people are watching and when people aren't. We want max happiness for all people and for God's Will to be done, but we don't ever have to justify knowing God to anyone else.

I think you're a year too late.

 

[Lanolin]

how can a christian not be sure about dating another christian?
If you have doubts then just dont date. stay single.

Grow in God first.

As for going to church etc. well you need to have fellowship with other believers in that you do meet with others and do fun things together but you dont need to date anyone if you dont want to. Theres no rule that says ALL CHRISTIANS have to date and get married.

 

[Lanolin]

When I became a christian for real (not just the knowing about God and going to church but truly knowing God, got baptised on holy spirit etc) I wondered a lot about the dating thing because it seems those raised in church just all married really early.

and I did meet heaps of ther christians in home groups and stuff like that. But in all this time I havent actually dated anybody in those groups. Ive been out as friends and in groups but actually nobody has ever asked me on. a date so....? I dont count the ones I dated through online. (it wasnt what God wanted me to do anyway, and He knows as Ive confessed it to Him)

as for sex before marriage well if you are not a virgin, unfortunately your purity has been compromised so there is actually a real risk there. I think its for the best because, any potential child should not have to pay for your past mistakes.

 

[Heart_Melody]

First time I've posted in this section.

I have been a Christian for about a year.
Late twenties and single.

Consequently sex before marriage was never something that effected me.

There are a few things that concern me about dating a Christian:

1. Sex before marriage, partly because I'm not sure I want to get married in the modern sense

2. The idea of not being able to live together until after marriage

3. If I had Children with a Christian, I'd like to bring them up around certain values but I'd like them to be given the chance to make up their own mind without being force fed Church dogma in Church children groups from a young age.
This is influenced by the fact that I came to God through my own free will and was not through being influenced by family (not Christians) or anything else.

Thoughts?

Hi There
I remember being in that same stage at some point. For the first year after being saved, I did not have real christian teachings, my english was very bad and so I had a very hard time understanding the bible and so I lived on, as I had before (minus the sex), but dating guys I found interesting no matter their religious back ground. (And I can tell you I've only once dated a Christian because usually they don't seem my type. Deduct whatever you want from that lol).

Naturally because they were still living in their lifestyles and I did not want to participate - it became clear to me that somehow this did not mix well. Like trying to mix oil and water - very unsatisfactory.

And not it's been 10 years since I realized I need to date an equally yoked person. That is EVEN HARDER to find than just another christian dude. However - I did not come to these conclusions over night.

As your relationship with Jesus grows, as your love and respect for God grows so will your understanding of what should be important to you. Because you will want to do what is important to God and find it fulfill you more than your own will does.

Asking help from others is a wise thing to do - however only if you are also willing to take their counsel in account - if you are just going to get upset about other Christians telling you about their vaster knowledge and experience... Then I wouldn't ask to begin with and just do what you want.

Most likely people won't tell you to do what you want to do. And we can't keep you from doing what you want to. So just do that and see how it turns out

I don't have kids yet but I saw how my cousin raised his own children. If you don't want your kids to know Christ, or "force" your religion on them, then you would have to live contrary to God's word. You'd have to act like the world and speak like the world and "practice" in secret. That makes no sense - hopefully to you too.

So if you live your life for Christ. Then your children will hopefully pick up on the fact that you are a Christian. You will pray and you will act as a person who is inspired by the Scriptures. You won't leave your kids home when you go to Church that would probably be grounds to send for Child Protection so you take them to church with you where they will hear about being a Christian and God and who Christ is. They will hopefully celebrate Christmas and Easter with you unless you want to put them in a closet for those holidays too.

SO IN CONCLUSION... Your life will be a testimony to your children and you won't be able to force them into salvation anyways.

My cousin raises his kids and engages and loves them and he is one of the most gifted teachers and persons I know and his children all decided they WANTED to be Christians around the same ages... They were all around 4-6 years old when they asked about Christianity and what it means and so on. And because they are intelligent people who have experienced Jesus love from their birth - they decided "Why wouldn't I want this?"


God bless you

Good luck and God Bless

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Hi There
I remember being in that same stage at some point. For the first year after being saved, I did not have real christian teachings, my english was very bad and so I had a very hard time understanding the bible and so I lived on, as I had before (minus the sex), but dating guys I found interesting no matter their religious back ground. (And I can tell you I've only once dated a Christian because usually they don't seem my type. Deduct whatever you want from that lol).

Naturally because they were still living in their lifestyles and I did not want to participate - it became clear to me that somehow this did not mix well. Like trying to mix oil and water - very unsatisfactory.

And not it's been 10 years since I realized I need to date an equally yoked person. That is EVEN HARDER to find than just another christian dude. However - I did not come to these conclusions over night.

As your relationship with Jesus grows, as your love and respect for God grows so will your understanding of what should be important to you. Because you will want to do what is important to God and find it fulfill you more than your own will does.

Asking help from others is a wise thing to do - however only if you are also willing to take their counsel in account - if you are just going to get upset about other Christians telling you about their vaster knowledge and experience... Then I wouldn't ask to begin with and just do what you want.

Most likely people won't tell you to do what you want to do. And we can't keep you from doing what you want to. So just do that and see how it turns out

I don't have kids yet but I saw how my cousin raised his own children. If you don't want your kids to know Christ, or "force" your religion on them, then you would have to live contrary to God's word. You'd have to act like the world and speak like the world and "practice" in secret. That makes no sense - hopefully to you too.

So if you live your life for Christ. Then your children will hopefully pick up on the fact that you are a Christian. You will pray and you will act as a person who is inspired by the Scriptures. You won't leave your kids home when you go to Church that would probably be grounds to send for Child Protection so you take them to church with you where they will hear about being a Christian and God and who Christ is. They will hopefully celebrate Christmas and Easter with you unless you want to put them in a closet for those holidays too.

SO IN CONCLUSION... Your life will be a testimony to your children and you won't be able to force them into salvation anyways.

My cousin raises his kids and engages and loves them and he is one of the most gifted teachers and persons I know and his children all decided they WANTED to be Christians around the same ages... They were all around 4-6 years old when they asked about Christianity and what it means and so on. And because they are intelligent people who have experienced Jesus love from their birth - they decided "Why wouldn't I want this?"


God bless you

Good luck and God Bless

You, also, are a year too late.

 

[Heart_Melody]

You, also, are a year too late.

A year too late for what?

 

[Subhumanoidal]

A year too late for what?

The thread is a year old.

 

[Heart_Melody]

The thread is a year old.

but the fact isn't old news - these might still be things that potentially could help him make dating decisions - or other people too...

 

[KhedetOrthos]

First time I've posted in this section.

I have been a Christian for about a year.
Late twenties and single.

Consequently sex before marriage was never something that effected me.

There are a few things that concern me about dating a Christian:

1. Sex before marriage, partly because I'm not sure I want to get married in the modern sense
Thoughts?

if you don’t want to get married, why are you even wasting your time and money dating?

 

[Lanolin]

exactly, honestly I dont know why people bother. If you want to sleep around and spread germs, then do so and ruin everyone elses lives and reputations....