Covetousness, and God's Favoritism?

[SilverBigBack]

Hello All,
I have been wrestling with covetousness for as long as I've been alive, but recently I have found myself deeper in the muck than usual.
I can't seem to knock away some serious questions I have about God. Namely, does he pick favorites?
Here is why I ask: Everyone in my family is a serious believer, or by all means of seeing, they are. However, God chose some of my brothers to be extremely attractive, skilled, "high testosterone" men, while others of us seem to have been left at the shallow end of the gene pool. Outside interactions reinforce and confirm this.
We all love the Lord. Including me. I know He can do no wrong. But I ask, does God have favorites? Those he loves to shower with gifts, while others- at least by a worldly standard- are left to drag themselves on through life as "lesser" men? Truly, that encourages more dependance on God on one hand, and even as I type this I can hear my ungratitude and lack of esteem of my infinitely valuable gift of eternal life... but the question, alas, remains.
I am seeking the Lord's and my Christian friends' counsel on this, but I was also curious about what discussion could be shared here.

 

[cinder]

Do you think God sees you as a "lesser" man?

 

[SilverBigBack]

Do you think God sees you as a "lesser" man?

Yes, lesser than Jesus, like everyone else. Other than Jesus? Let's just say I know some David-like figures where I fear I am more like Saul.

 

[engblom]

Do you want a future partner to love you for how you look or for who you are? As we grow older, our looks fade. If attraction is based on appearance, it will eventually disappear, but if it is based on who we are, it can remain. You could even see it as a gift not to attract many women based solely on looks, as it helps filter out shallow candidates. As Christians, we want marriage to last a lifetime.

My mother is taller than my father. She considered it briefly, but then decided not to let a good man go because of something as shallow as height. While I am much taller than my father, I am still slightly shorter than average. But I have experienced rejection by someone who could not accept the idea of marrying a man shorter than herself.

No, God is not showing favoritism. If anyone had reason to think so, it would be me, yet I do not. I will not go into details, but my life has been filled with sorrow, pain, hardship, an autoimmune disease, rejection, and now what appears to be an aggressive cancer. My best friend also chose to end our friendship while I was seriously ill. Even so, this morning, as I lay in my bed, I felt deep gratitude. I felt truly loved by God and thanked Him for my life. I know God is taking care of me. I know that every day I live is a gift from Him. He may heal me completely if He wills it, but even if I were to die, I trust that it would be because God, in His love, knows what is best.

 

[Suze]

Hello All,
I have been wrestling with covetousness for as long as I've been alive, but recently I have found myself deeper in the muck than usual.
I can't seem to knock away some serious questions I have about God. Namely, does he pick favorites?
Here is why I ask: Everyone in my family is a serious believer, or by all means of seeing, they are. However, God chose some of my brothers to be extremely attractive, skilled, "high testosterone" men, while others of us seem to have been left at the shallow end of the gene pool. Outside interactions reinforce and confirm this.
We all love the Lord. Including me. I know He can do no wrong. But I ask, does God have favorites? Those he loves to shower with gifts, while others- at least by a worldly standard- are left to drag themselves on through life as "lesser" men? Truly, that encourages more dependance on God on one hand, and even as I type this I can hear my ungratitude and lack of esteem of my infinitely valuable gift of eternal life... but the question, alas, remains.
I am seeking the Lord's and my Christian friends' counsel on this, but I was also curious about what discussion could be shared here.

This is a big subject ! Like it or not , we all treat each other differently according to our own bias , either conscious or subconscious .
I like to think of it this way , the flesh , our flesh , is nothing , it's not going to do us any good in the long run . I am not what I look like , how I look doesn't define who I am . Only God knows the real me totally and Jesus will not b judging by the sight of his eyes or the hearing of his ears , he will look upon our hearts . Our hearts need to belong to him , Jesus is working on us , on our hearts , to confirm them to b like his own , in order to bring us much closer to God , in this life for sure but , ultimately , our destination is the world to come . Our ' hearts ' r placed in these bodies of flesh , in the country we live in and in the family we were born into , in the very circumstances that we live in , in order for us to learn . To learn the lessons that we as individuals need to learn , very specific circumstances for us to learn very specific things in order for our hearts to b fashioned into something that resembles Jesus's heart . He is working on and in us to bring us to God , but , we r all still individuals and our journeys will b very different . No just because of our environmental circumstance but because all humans r very different from each other on the inside . We process and perceive and react and think and feel very differently from each other . Jesus is working on millions of individuals at a very individual and personal level , 24 hours a day all day every day , because he loves us and God loves us and we r wanted by Them , to b in God's Kingdom with Them forever and They will do whatever is necessary to us and for us , in order to get us through this life and into the next . This life is a lesson , we r here to live and learn and love and ultimately b with our God and our Saviour forever . I sometimes pray , please , make me all Yours forever by whatever means You c fit Dear Heavenly Father . Don't say that unless u mean it though .
I too struggle with covetousness . I've learned over the years that it seems to get worse when I'm stressed . When my heart and mind r being troubled by something in this life that's stressing me out a bit , I look for material comfort instead of spiritual comfort . Now I've noticed this , it's a bit easier for me to deal with myself . Draw strength and comfort from him that loves us the most

 

[Lynx]

Hello All,
I have been wrestling with covetousness for as long as I've been alive, but recently I have found myself deeper in the muck than usual.
I can't seem to knock away some serious questions I have about God. Namely, does he pick favorites?
Here is why I ask: Everyone in my family is a serious believer, or by all means of seeing, they are. However, God chose some of my brothers to be extremely attractive, skilled, "high testosterone" men, while others of us seem to have been left at the shallow end of the gene pool. Outside interactions reinforce and confirm this.
We all love the Lord. Including me. I know He can do no wrong. But I ask, does God have favorites? Those he loves to shower with gifts, while others- at least by a worldly standard- are left to drag themselves on through life as "lesser" men? Truly, that encourages more dependance on God on one hand, and even as I type this I can hear my ungratitude and lack of esteem of my infinitely valuable gift of eternal life... but the question, alas, remains.
I am seeking the Lord's and my Christian friends' counsel on this, but I was also curious about what discussion could be shared here.

There's nothing wrong with wanting more... To a certain point. That 10th commandment is there for a reason.

And because it is a commandment, we know it is a choice, not something we cannot help. If it was something beyond our control, God would not have commanded us that.

Keep in mind also that God expects more from the people who have been given more. If you have less, less is expected of you.

What about the people who have more, but don't do as much with it? That's between them and God.

 

[SilverBigBack]

All, thank you for the contributions of truth and encouragement.

 

[cinder]

Yes, lesser than Jesus, like everyone else. Other than Jesus? Let's just say I know some David-like figures where I fear I am more like Saul.

David-like? You mean they play the harp, fight a lot of wars, steal other men's wives, count their soldiers to see how strong they are apart from God, and have difficulty confronting and correcting anyone they care about? You didn't mean that? But that covers a lot of what we know David actually did.

Many of us can fall into unfair comparison, where we evaluate everyone else on their successes (or their social media highlights) and ourselves on our failures. And comparison is the enemy of contentment because we always seem to compare ourselves to those we consider better rather than the real normal. We're always comparing ourselves and situations to Christian celebrities rather than our brothers and sisters in poor areas of africa or asia.

And churches almost seem to encourage this comparison as if we can be guilted to being more spiritual. My personal pet peeve is the pastors and evangelists who make it sound like it's super easy for anyone to get into spiritual conversations when most of their spiritual conversations and opportunities start with someone asking them "What do you do for a living?", somehow I just don't seem to get the same kind of spiritual response when I tell people I work in IT.

But your initial post reminded me of this song:

and I think you'd also benefit from bookmarking this site: https://www.fathersloveletter.com/

Beyond that there's the verse about does the pot get to say to the potter why'd you make me like this? God made you to be you, and you'll never fulfill his call on your life by trying to be someone else. And you don't get to choose what he made you for. Or to use the body analogy, the eyes and hands get most of the glory, but the body doesn't function without it's fat cells or kidneys and they have to play their part. So if you're an eye be an eye, but if you're a kidney we need you to be a kidney, not pine away about how much better the eyes are than you.

 

[Cameron143]

Perhaps a similar story from the Bible will be helpful. Read Matthew 11:1-6. John the Baptist posed a similar question. If, indeed, Jesus was Messiah, why was John languishing in jail?
Jesus reassures John that things are going according to plan, but that his part of the plan was accomplished. But Jesus didn't leave him without comfort. Read verse 6. BLESSED are those who don't take offense at the way Jesus accomplishes His purposes.
There is great blessing for those who joyfully and faithfully accept the way Jesus directs our lives. And God's favorite is you because He has chosen you to fill up that which is lacking in the afflictions of Christ...Colossians 1:24. Great is your reward.

 

[seoulsearch]

Hello All,
I have been wrestling with covetousness for as long as I've been alive, but recently I have found myself deeper in the muck than usual.
I can't seem to knock away some serious questions I have about God. Namely, does he pick favorites?
Here is why I ask: Everyone in my family is a serious believer, or by all means of seeing, they are. However, God chose some of my brothers to be extremely attractive, skilled, "high testosterone" men, while others of us seem to have been left at the shallow end of the gene pool. Outside interactions reinforce and confirm this.
We all love the Lord. Including me. I know He can do no wrong. But I ask, does God have favorites? Those he loves to shower with gifts, while others- at least by a worldly standard- are left to drag themselves on through life as "lesser" men? Truly, that encourages more dependance on God on one hand, and even as I type this I can hear my ungratitude and lack of esteem of my infinitely valuable gift of eternal life... but the question, alas, remains.
I am seeking the Lord's and my Christian friends' counsel on this, but I was also curious about what discussion could be shared here.

Hi @SilverBigBack,

Thanks for posting another meaningful and very interesting thread!

I understand covetousness very, very well. I'm Asian, was adopted into a white family, and grew up in a very small white town. Being Asian was definitely not seen as something positive in those days. If I can be blunt, the only thing people in that area knew about Asians were from what they saw on TV or in porn (as this was long before the internet.) To me, it was especially telling when middle-aged (or older) men came up to me out of nowhere and asked things like, "Is your name Mai Ling?" (Too bad I couldn't tell them my name was Chun Li -- from Street Fighter -- and give them a good kicking in the blessed assurance...) But I digress.

My whole life, I always wanted to be something or someone else. I wanted to be white, to fit in, to not have kids, and sometimes even adults "slant" their eyes at me wherever I went. I wanted to be white, so people wouldn't make fun of me so much (and I had it easy to a lot of others I knew in comparison.)

And I'm not trying to "play the race" card or anything obnoxious like that. I'm just saying -- I know what it's like to covet others, both inside and out.

One thing I've found is that "Time Can Be The Great Equalizer." You mentioned that God chose some of your family members to be very good-looking... Just the other day I was talking with a friend about the famous actress, Elizabeth Taylor. He mentioned he'd only seen her in ads when she was very old. I showed him some pictures from when she was young -- and he had no idea that back in the day, she was considered one of the most beautiful women in the world.

I was once working in a store where I waited on one of the prettiest girls I worked with in high school -- and I didn't recognize her until she gave me her license (to purchase alcohol) and I saw her name. Ten years and 50 pounds later can be very humbling for most people.

I'm certainly not saying that to cut any one down. It's just funny though. Being Asian was always a negative when I was growing up; nowadays, people ask me why I look young, and suddenly it's seen as a plus (but I always tell them that it's more from being a boring nerd who never smoked, drank, or partied.)

Some of the women who patted me on the head and told me patronizing things when I was young and newly divorced -- while they went home to their husbands -- are now also divorced and/or widowed.

Some of the people whose talents I coveted immensely -- can no longer do the things they were so well-known for.

Again, I'm not saying this to cut people down or wish bad on anyone -- I'm just saying, time has taught me that God equips us differently for different stages of life. Your prime might still be around the corner. For instance, I really felt I'd hit my stride when I was blessed to be able to participate in prison ministries -- and though that time is over (for now,) it's something I'm so thankful God showed me He had put in me, even if others would never see it.

We may never be the superstar, but that doesn't mean God hasn't gifted us with things that useful in other ways -- or at later times in life.

May God bless you, @SilverBigBack, and please, keep posting threads!

 

[Karlon]

Hello All,
I have been wrestling with covetousness for as long as I've been alive, but recently I have found myself deeper in the muck than usual.
I can't seem to knock away some serious questions I have about God. Namely, does he pick favorites?
Here is why I ask: Everyone in my family is a serious believer, or by all means of seeing, they are. However, God chose some of my brothers to be extremely attractive, skilled, "high testosterone" men, while others of us seem to have been left at the shallow end of the gene pool. Outside interactions reinforce and confirm this.
We all love the Lord. Including me. I know He can do no wrong. But I ask, does God have favorites? Those he loves to shower with gifts, while others- at least by a worldly standard- are left to drag themselves on through life as "lesser" men? Truly, that encourages more dependance on God on one hand, and even as I type this I can hear my ungratitude and lack of esteem of my infinitely valuable gift of eternal life... but the question, alas, remains.
I am seeking the Lord's and my Christian friends' counsel on this, but I was also curious about what discussion could be shared here.

God does not have or choose favorites. sometimes He chooses for people to be "givers" by blessing them with abundance to set an example. 1st, we all must be conscious of Psalm 37: 4, Matthew 6: 21, 33, 1st Samuel 16:7, Galatians 6: 7,8, 1st Timothy 6: 6, 10 & Hebrews 13:5. Jeremiah 29: 11-13 is another top verse in this matter. near the end of those 3, we have: "& you shall seek me & find me, WHEN YOU SHALL SEARCH FOR ME WITH ALL YOUR HEART"! there's the wait too. we must always wait in patience, believing always. but there are people who have been given very little in aspect of material things. the law of averages, permanently, is true. i know people who were given everything, lucky with money, intelligence fame, etc. God has not promised us that He would give us every answer in life but has commanded us to live joyfully, responsibly & wisely. remember, "Godliness with contentment is great gain". search yourself & see if you are as ambitious as possible. are you a creator, an inventor? are you using your God given talent for income. cogitate long on this. also know that God will not give good things to some people because He knows they will abuse them & consume them upon their lusts. of my mom & dad's family, i was the black sheep! yes, i was born with poor vision, poor ability to concentrate, we were all beaten badly & i had no friends. then in teen years, no girls liked me & i was mocked constantly. what i did have, i put to use. & that was ambition. & a strong will not to quit. it wasn't natural, i had to learn it. it came easy. around age 20, i woke up to life. i was already playing in bands as a drummer, worked full time at a factory & started & landscape company when i was 16. i wanted to attend college but i knew i wasn't smart that way. i'm not telling you this to brag but most of the time, especially in america, the reason people aren't what they want to be is because of laziness & the government giving away too much too easily. sit in your favorite quiet place & ponder on these issues. the more honest you are with yourself, the quicker the answer & action will be.

 

[Edith]

Hello All,
I have been wrestling with covetousness for as long as I've been alive, but recently I have found myself deeper in the muck than usual.
I can't seem to knock away some serious questions I have about God. Namely, does he pick favorites?
Here is why I ask: Everyone in my family is a serious believer, or by all means of seeing, they are. However, God chose some of my brothers to be extremely attractive, skilled, "high testosterone" men, while others of us seem to have been left at the shallow end of the gene pool. Outside interactions reinforce and confirm this.
We all love the Lord. Including me. I know He can do no wrong. But I ask, does God have favorites? Those he loves to shower with gifts, while others- at least by a worldly standard- are left to drag themselves on through life as "lesser" men? Truly, that encourages more dependance on God on one hand, and even as I type this I can hear my ungratitude and lack of esteem of my infinitely valuable gift of eternal life... but the question, alas, remains.
I am seeking the Lord's and my Christian friends' counsel on this, but I was also curious about what discussion could be shared here.

Dear don't worry, just accept who God made you to be and you will find joy. for me I have been a fat kid and a fat adult. I would have loved to be thin but when I loose weight I look so malnourished and old and ugly. so I just keep fit and keep my peace. I am proud of who God made me to be.
so be encouraged start looking at the different details you find good about yourself and focus on them

 

[SilverBigBack]

Good afternoon everyone,
Wow, I sure wasn't expecting all those responses! Thank you. I have been very busy since I posted that and as much as I want to respond on detail to each reply, I just don't and won't have the time soon. That said, I did want to show my appreciation for your wisdom and encouragement, and I want to empathize with some of you who shared the very difficult circumstances you have had to live your life under.

I will also say, when I made that initial post, it was partly inspired by the bad mood I was in following the holidays- comments and jokes from family members about me, but praises and adoration for a sibling. This sibling is a great guy, but it's hard for me when I'm brushed aside simply because I am not attractive like him. Further, he knows his calling from God (praise the Lord!) but alas, despite prolonged prayer and searching, I am still clueless! I thought it was to marry and be a father, but that has been a fruitless endeavour so far... Hmm.

Specifically to "cinder," I must say your reference to the body metaphor used by Paul is definitely helpful. That said, standard Christian beliefs recognize that God will reward our efforts here on Earth in Heaven (NOT SAVED BY WORKS, NOT MY POINT) but that there are "crowns" given to people like pastors (I believe this is 2 Tim, but I'm on break, almost over, and don't have time to check, forgive me). Being a pastor is like being a "mouth," and as I would love to have the most full experience of God and Heaven as I can once I reach that eternity, it is hard for me, the pinky toenail of the body, to not be a little jealous of the mouth.
I want to return soon to flesh out my replies to you all a little better. Thanks again. And Seoul search, your stories were hard to hear at first but made me smile. The Lord is good! Have a blessed rest of your day all.

 

[Lynx]

Hmm... I think I wouldn't go looking for many crowns. Them things ain't just ornaments, or signets of approbation.

A crown designates the wearer as the one in charge, the one who makes decisions about what this group is going to do. A crown also increases the wearer's visibility. If you are part of this group and you are uncertain about the next step, look around for the one with the crown.

I don't nohow want to be in charge of nothing. Our pastor is doing a much better job than I could. When we get to heaven he can have all the crowns that he deserves, and welcome to them.

 

[SilverBigBack]

Hmm... I think I wouldn't go looking for many crowns. Them things ain't just ornaments, or signets of approbation.

A crown designates the wearer as the one in charge, the one who makes decisions about what this group is going to do. A crown also increases the wearer's visibility. If you are part of this group and you are uncertain about the next step, look around for the one with the crown.

I don't nohow want to be in charge of nothing. Our pastor is doing a much better job than I could. When we get to heaven he can have all the crowns that he deserves, and welcome to them.

That is a brilliant and humble perspective. Thanks for sharing your good sense.
I guess it's just the permanence of eternity that gets to me. Like after 50,000 years I might think back and wish I had done more. Be the most I could have been for my King. I would think that anyway, as we all probably will, but I think you get my point. However this also betrays a flawed understanding of eternal life as things like jealousy and regret won't exist, and we will be in perpetual joy of the presence of our God with us.

 

[cinder]

That is a brilliant and humble perspective. Thanks for sharing your good sense.
I guess it's just the permanence of eternity that gets to me. Like after 50,000 years I might think back and wish I had done more. Be the most I could have been for my King. I would think that anyway, as we all probably will, but I think you get my point. However this also betrays a flawed understanding of eternal life as things like jealousy and regret won't exist, and we will be in perpetual joy of the presence of our God with us.

Also I expect we'll have the opportunity to keep doing things to be the most we can be for our king, if we're still alive we'll be able to do things, they just will be different things.

 

[Kainos]

I can't seem to knock away some serious questions I have about God. Namely, does he pick favorites?

If God were in the business of showing favouritism, surely he would have spared His Son?

If anyone felt underprivileged enough to deplore how others were the beneficiary of preferential treatment, it would've been Jesus, who died in our place at His own expense.

In that light, God does not show favouritism, because none of us deserved God's favour to begin with.

Here is why I ask: Everyone in my family is a serious believer, or by all means of seeing, they are. However, God chose some of my brothers to be extremely attractive, skilled, "high testosterone" men, while others of us seem to have been left at the shallow end of the gene pool.

Don't allow comparison to steal away your joy. You and your brothers only found favour because of Christ's unparalleled kind deed.

Seeing whether God is the preferred/favourite presence in your family, is the only thing you need to get the measure of.

 

[DallasMan]

I have been wrestling with covetousness for as long as I've been alive

It's good you admit it, now quit it!

Be led by the Holy Spirit and exercise self control which is one of the fruit of the Spirit.

 

[Sculpt]

Hello All,
I have been wrestling with covetousness for as long as I've been alive, but recently I have found myself deeper in the muck than usual.
I can't seem to knock away some serious questions I have about God. Namely, does he pick favorites?
Here is why I ask: Everyone in my family is a serious believer, or by all means of seeing, they are. However, God chose some of my brothers to be extremely attractive, skilled, "high testosterone" men, while others of us seem to have been left at the shallow end of the gene pool. Outside interactions reinforce and confirm this.
We all love the Lord. Including me. I know He can do no wrong. But I ask, does God have favorites? Those he loves to shower with gifts, while others- at least by a worldly standard- are left to drag themselves on through life as "lesser" men? Truly, that encourages more dependance on God on one hand, and even as I type this I can hear my ungratitude and lack of esteem of my infinitely valuable gift of eternal life... but the question, alas, remains.
I am seeking the Lord's and my Christian friends' counsel on this, but I was also curious about what discussion could be shared here.

Brother and sisters in this thread have given very beneficial responses. Maybe I can add little.

Does God have favorites, pick favorites or show favoritism?

I think not the way you describe it. Scripture says God chooses people for specific purposes (and covenantally) and will equip them for those purposes. Is that "picking favorites"? Scripture also emphasizes impartial justice and the universal offer of mercy.

(Rom 2:9-11) "There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; 10 but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 11 For God does not show favoritism."

I'm not sure if every gene and situation were born in are 100% specifically God intended, while not saying they aren't. Benefits and consequences have a natural course unless God decides to intervene.

I think a good parable for everyone to keep in mind about "things that happen in life" associated with this general subject is "The Horse Story" a.k.a. "A Chinese Farmer". David Jeremiah started a sermon with it. The current Youtube version edits it out for some reason, maybe because it's not of christian origin? Anyway, below is short vid of the parable, though it's not from a christian speaker. (Jeremiah's sermon)

On your story of physical attractiveness, I know a bit about that because I wrote a college term paper on the physical attractiveness phenomena. I know there are many societal benefits when the majority of people perceive someone as physically attractive, and detriments if they don't. It affects us all when were very young, before we have an adult-mind that can process out the unwarranted benefits and detriments. Those effects build parts of us and can linger in our subconscious; so it can be good for some to dig in and correct those. Perhaps your pastor can meet with you to discuss that.

As seoulsearch said so well, aspects of physical attractiveness do change a lot in time. Also, the way people can perceive and treat you based on physical attractiveness tends to be a first-impression nature only. And so we strongly possess the current, long-term and most consequential perception people have of us through our actions/character; and that is an encouraging thought, yes?

 

[DallasMan]

"A Chinese Farmer Story" ~ Alan Watts

I'll pass and stick with God's Word.