Courtship...Broken Courtship
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It really goes back to Genesis 3:16.
16 To the woman he said,
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.”
God's punishment for Eve (and womankind) after the Fall was 1) pain during childbearing, and 2) the husband will rule over the wife.
There are several translations for the second punishment, but basically it means that the woman will want to control the husband (as Eve did with Adam with the forbidden fruit) but the husband will rule over her. This verse basically goes to the source of why womankind in general does not really like submission to man. Of course, if a woman has a great husband who is understanding, etc. she has it easy. Even then, if a wife really wants something and the husband says no, that would be considered punishment. If a wife is being "naggy", she may be suffering from this punishment.
In the New Testament, Paul made it more clear how husbands should treat their wives. Even then, the punishment from Genesis 3 persists.
I think it is important for husbands to realize the source of why their wives may be "naggy" or disobedient.
16 To the woman he said,
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.”
God's punishment for Eve (and womankind) after the Fall was 1) pain during childbearing, and 2) the husband will rule over the wife.
There are several translations for the second punishment, but basically it means that the woman will want to control the husband (as Eve did with Adam with the forbidden fruit) but the husband will rule over her. This verse basically goes to the source of why womankind in general does not really like submission to man. Of course, if a woman has a great husband who is understanding, etc. she has it easy. Even then, if a wife really wants something and the husband says no, that would be considered punishment. If a wife is being "naggy", she may be suffering from this punishment.
In the New Testament, Paul made it more clear how husbands should treat their wives. Even then, the punishment from Genesis 3 persists.
I think it is important for husbands to realize the source of why their wives may be "naggy" or disobedient.
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yea I agree with this, sadly its all too common
Some of the things non christian men do with their christian wives are shocking.
It makes me cry to think about how much pain their wives go through
But theres also the other side when a christian husband marries a non christian wife.
That is also painful to hear about. :-(
Some of the things non christian men do with their christian wives are shocking.
It makes me cry to think about how much pain their wives go through
But theres also the other side when a christian husband marries a non christian wife.
That is also painful to hear about. :-(
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Pain during childbirth. often forgotten afterward or now alleviated by powerful drugs, but those drugs absolutely affect those babies being born. We are now seeing scores of drug affected children
Also, if you drank alcohol or were in contact with any chemical toxin during pregnancy, this WILL affect your baby in the womb.
Also, if you drank alcohol or were in contact with any chemical toxin during pregnancy, this WILL affect your baby in the womb.
Was talking with a learning support lady who had seven children ..amazing, but shes now separated and said that one or two of her children went off the rails for a bit. But she loves them all anyway unconditionally.
A lot of mothers put conditions on their children eg they have to be aboslutely perfect. If they were born with a defect or fail to measure up, they dont seem to want to love them.
A lot of mothers put conditions on their children eg they have to be aboslutely perfect. If they were born with a defect or fail to measure up, they dont seem to want to love them.
Thank you for sharing sis 😊❤️
He is ready to marry and you are not ready yet...he wanted you,you wanted him but you are not at peace about marriage yet...you loved him but I guess it was
too fast for you... 🤔
You were hurt because you loved him but the marriage proposal was way too early for you...is it? Maybe you just needed more time....just my opinion based on what you wrote....
There's no perfect smooth sailing relationship...no perfect husband material or wife material. It's two imperfect people coming together not scared to commit,willing to compromise and grow together while growing together in the Lord.
As an older lady who made so many mistakes in my life and experienced hurt and pains ...this is what I am gonna say... experience is the best teacher and it is often the most painful experience that hurts us the most that helps us become more stronger and wiser 😊
God bless you ❤️
He is ready to marry and you are not ready yet...he wanted you,you wanted him but you are not at peace about marriage yet...you loved him but I guess it was
too fast for you... 🤔
You were hurt because you loved him but the marriage proposal was way too early for you...is it? Maybe you just needed more time....just my opinion based on what you wrote....
There's no perfect smooth sailing relationship...no perfect husband material or wife material. It's two imperfect people coming together not scared to commit,willing to compromise and grow together while growing together in the Lord.
As an older lady who made so many mistakes in my life and experienced hurt and pains ...this is what I am gonna say... experience is the best teacher and it is often the most painful experience that hurts us the most that helps us become more stronger and wiser 😊
God bless you ❤️
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Last night I was thinking about this thread I started almost 2 years ago and thought..."Maybe I should get on and do a little update."
God has literally brought me thru so much since then and grown me a lot. At the time I wrote those posts I was toward the beginning of my healing- or should I say the time when I was feeling more "normal". I was so miserable for the majority of about a year and a half after that breakup...but God brought me joy again, for which I am so thankful.
Then I moved to a different state summer before last. My life became extremely busy and quite fulfilling. My social life especially. I was absent from the online space for awhile for lack of accessible wifi, time, etc. But I spent a lot of time with people. I believed I had come to the place of being truly happy as a single and realized I don't need marriage or a relationship to be happy. (Although of course I desired it.) And my standards had risen; it took a lot for a guy to really impress me.
A year ago I briefly met a guy who really impressed me. I didn't think he'd like me so I tried setting him up with a close friend of mine. Turns out he liked me instead, and we kinda began talking last summer. Pretty soon, tho, I as well as some people close to me in my life began seeing concerns. The main one being a lack of humility. Eventually that relationship came to an end, which broke my heart once again. but this time I knew God would bring joy in the morning cuz He'd done it before. I didn't have to be miserable and waste a year and a half of my life! I grieved, but moved on.
Then seemingly out of nowhere (Well, he's a neighbor that my family had met over a year before but I'd never met.) another guy came into my life. We connected right away, having so much in common as far as beliefs, interests, lifestyle, goals, etc. It was amazing. We started officially courting 2 months after we met. He told me about a week into our relationship that he knows I'm the one and he'd marry me tomorrow. But although I really liked him, I wasn't ready for that. With all I'd been thru in relationships I wanted to take it slow and let God lead. I called it "holding the relationship with open hands." I tried not to fully give my heart away to him before I knew God wanted me to marry him. He knew I was holding back, and I felt maybe I was being unfair, but he was very sweet to assure me he's in no hurry.
But soon some real concerns came up, evident to me and people close to me. I hated to admit it but I had to. And it's the kind of concerns that I would be afraid would make an unhappy marriage. Once again, it seems a lack of humility is one of the biggest things.
As of now we're on hold. I didn't feel like I could go on in peace with the things that had come up. He has amazing qualities, strength and leadership and intelligence, but I'm realizing these things must be tempered with humility to truly be glorifying to God, and for a healthy relationship (dating, marriage, or otherwise.)
It's been tough. It's painful. And I feel for him. But I'm not in despair because I know where true joy and fulfillment comes from. Here's some verses that speak to me about it.
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
I know the kind of tribulation I think I've been thru with heartbreak is nothing like the tribulation the early church went thru being persecuted for their faith. But in my life it's been my tribulation so far (one of them lol) and God giving me grace thru the smaller trials gives me confidence He also will in the bigger ones.
God has literally brought me thru so much since then and grown me a lot. At the time I wrote those posts I was toward the beginning of my healing- or should I say the time when I was feeling more "normal". I was so miserable for the majority of about a year and a half after that breakup...but God brought me joy again, for which I am so thankful.
Then I moved to a different state summer before last. My life became extremely busy and quite fulfilling. My social life especially. I was absent from the online space for awhile for lack of accessible wifi, time, etc. But I spent a lot of time with people. I believed I had come to the place of being truly happy as a single and realized I don't need marriage or a relationship to be happy. (Although of course I desired it.) And my standards had risen; it took a lot for a guy to really impress me.
A year ago I briefly met a guy who really impressed me. I didn't think he'd like me so I tried setting him up with a close friend of mine. Turns out he liked me instead, and we kinda began talking last summer. Pretty soon, tho, I as well as some people close to me in my life began seeing concerns. The main one being a lack of humility. Eventually that relationship came to an end, which broke my heart once again. but this time I knew God would bring joy in the morning cuz He'd done it before. I didn't have to be miserable and waste a year and a half of my life! I grieved, but moved on.
Then seemingly out of nowhere (Well, he's a neighbor that my family had met over a year before but I'd never met.) another guy came into my life. We connected right away, having so much in common as far as beliefs, interests, lifestyle, goals, etc. It was amazing. We started officially courting 2 months after we met. He told me about a week into our relationship that he knows I'm the one and he'd marry me tomorrow. But although I really liked him, I wasn't ready for that. With all I'd been thru in relationships I wanted to take it slow and let God lead. I called it "holding the relationship with open hands." I tried not to fully give my heart away to him before I knew God wanted me to marry him. He knew I was holding back, and I felt maybe I was being unfair, but he was very sweet to assure me he's in no hurry.
But soon some real concerns came up, evident to me and people close to me. I hated to admit it but I had to. And it's the kind of concerns that I would be afraid would make an unhappy marriage. Once again, it seems a lack of humility is one of the biggest things.
As of now we're on hold. I didn't feel like I could go on in peace with the things that had come up. He has amazing qualities, strength and leadership and intelligence, but I'm realizing these things must be tempered with humility to truly be glorifying to God, and for a healthy relationship (dating, marriage, or otherwise.)
It's been tough. It's painful. And I feel for him. But I'm not in despair because I know where true joy and fulfillment comes from. Here's some verses that speak to me about it.
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
I know the kind of tribulation I think I've been thru with heartbreak is nothing like the tribulation the early church went thru being persecuted for their faith. But in my life it's been my tribulation so far (one of them lol) and God giving me grace thru the smaller trials gives me confidence He also will in the bigger ones.
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Whether your first suitor was conscious of your reasoning or not, you took a figurative bullet to safeguard his heart from long-lasting injury.
Following after the whims of the heart causes many wounds and can leave a trail of irremediable damage in its wake. The casualties of ill-considered decisions are often the very people we care for most.
Emotions aren't stable enough to serve as a consort to the unshakeable truth. The permanence of Christ is the only way to attain firmness of purpose, and continuance without change. People who unite in feelings will become estranged when their feelings inevitably shift. And unrestrained emotions only muddy the flow of living water.
It says a lot for your disposition that you're not stumbling around in retrospect, wondering whether you should have married this guy or that? You've made some difficult decisions and limited their wounds to a grazed knee, in comparison to the heartache of being bound in a dispirited covenant.
If they haven't already done so, I hope the guys who sought your hand will become conscious of the painful hit you took for them. Because our solidarity in the gospel can be significant enough to prevail over any knock back as far as courtship is concerned.
Following after the whims of the heart causes many wounds and can leave a trail of irremediable damage in its wake. The casualties of ill-considered decisions are often the very people we care for most.
Emotions aren't stable enough to serve as a consort to the unshakeable truth. The permanence of Christ is the only way to attain firmness of purpose, and continuance without change. People who unite in feelings will become estranged when their feelings inevitably shift. And unrestrained emotions only muddy the flow of living water.
It says a lot for your disposition that you're not stumbling around in retrospect, wondering whether you should have married this guy or that? You've made some difficult decisions and limited their wounds to a grazed knee, in comparison to the heartache of being bound in a dispirited covenant.
If they haven't already done so, I hope the guys who sought your hand will become conscious of the painful hit you took for them. Because our solidarity in the gospel can be significant enough to prevail over any knock back as far as courtship is concerned.
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I've met numerous Christian women who claim to be submissive (married) and claim to be willing to submit to their future husband, but in reality, they will only submit provided they agree with whatever the husband decides. That defeats the whole definition and point of being submissive. I'm going to sound like a broken record as I've said this numerous times on this forum, but we can thank feminism infecting the church for this new definition of submission.
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I bet it's easier said than done tho, much as I agree with your statement. Obviously I haven't been in that situation as a wife, but I know how difficult and self-denying it can be to submit to my parents sometimes if I don't see it their way. But biblically im called to honor them and so I know God has Grace for that. And that's how it would be in a marriage I guess, asking God to help you when your flesh doesn't wanna submit.
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I had a mentor who told me about a situation in which she wanted to let a woman who needed help stay with them for a bit, but her husband didn't feel comfortable with it. She felt God was telling her to take the woman in; he felt God was telling him no. Would God really tell then conflicting things? I don't know.
As a Christian wife, she let her husband have the final decision, even though she felt torn by it.
She told me that even though things like this happen -- even if it's disagreeing over who to help and how -- as a wife, you have to trust that God will work things out.
She trusted that even if her husband was wrong, God would help this woman in another way, and that in either case, God would dole out correction to either her or her husband or both of them if necessary.
She's an amazing woman of God and I'm thankful for the time I had with her.
As a Christian wife, she let her husband have the final decision, even though she felt torn by it.
She told me that even though things like this happen -- even if it's disagreeing over who to help and how -- as a wife, you have to trust that God will work things out.
She trusted that even if her husband was wrong, God would help this woman in another way, and that in either case, God would dole out correction to either her or her husband or both of them if necessary.
She's an amazing woman of God and I'm thankful for the time I had with her.
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Strangely I know a lot of couples where the man is the head of the house, period. And the woman is fine with that.
See, in all these situations I have observed that they talk to each other a lot. They consider each other to be an intelligent entity, deserving of respect for each other's opinion, and they actively seek each other's opinion about decisions.
See, in all these situations I have observed that they talk to each other a lot. They consider each other to be an intelligent entity, deserving of respect for each other's opinion, and they actively seek each other's opinion about decisions.
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I don't like talking about it a lot cuz I don't wanna be critical of anyone. But basically coming across as if one has it all together, or doesn't have many faults, or that they are better than others, or difficulty admitting when they're wrong. This would be the lack of humility im referring to. I know the struggle cuz by nature im not the most humble person!
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Yes. All of the above. There seems to be no correlation for age in this group.
Also these people seem to respect each other enough to not complain loudly and at great length about each other to other people. But I'm not sure whether that is a cause or an effect.
Actually that seems to be quite a dividing line between groups of couples I know. There seems to be a sharp contrast between those who complain about their spouses to other people and those who don't. One woman I know is on her fourth marriage, and I know every negative thing about all four of the husbands she has had. Over and over.
But the couples I know who have good, biblically sound marriages, neither the husband nor the wife is ever heard complaining to other people about each other. But again, I'm not sure if this is cause or effect.
Also these people seem to respect each other enough to not complain loudly and at great length about each other to other people. But I'm not sure whether that is a cause or an effect.
Actually that seems to be quite a dividing line between groups of couples I know. There seems to be a sharp contrast between those who complain about their spouses to other people and those who don't. One woman I know is on her fourth marriage, and I know every negative thing about all four of the husbands she has had. Over and over.
But the couples I know who have good, biblically sound marriages, neither the husband nor the wife is ever heard complaining to other people about each other. But again, I'm not sure if this is cause or effect.
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Hey Miss Hope!
Thank you for posting this, I'm sure it wasn't easy ❤. Without going into detail, let me just say that a lot of what you said in post 1 and 2 resonated with me.
However, rather than beating yourself up for doing things "the hard way" or "needing a tough lesson", please consider the possibility that your relationship was exactly what God wanted for that time in your life..... which would explain why you felt peace when things slowed down. Maybe you helped that young man in ways that aren't yet apparent but will be revealed later down the road. Perhaps he did the same for you.
Christian culture tends to push the idea that all relationships should have the end goal of marriage, and anything less is a failure. I don't see that concept in the Bible though.
Although I've never been one to date casually, I have also come to recognize and appreciate the contributions of every guy I have gotten close to. I don't regret a single minute I spent with any of them. I can't even tell you how much I've learned and grown by having them in my life.
Thank you for posting this, I'm sure it wasn't easy ❤. Without going into detail, let me just say that a lot of what you said in post 1 and 2 resonated with me.
However, rather than beating yourself up for doing things "the hard way" or "needing a tough lesson", please consider the possibility that your relationship was exactly what God wanted for that time in your life..... which would explain why you felt peace when things slowed down. Maybe you helped that young man in ways that aren't yet apparent but will be revealed later down the road. Perhaps he did the same for you.
Christian culture tends to push the idea that all relationships should have the end goal of marriage, and anything less is a failure. I don't see that concept in the Bible though.
Although I've never been one to date casually, I have also come to recognize and appreciate the contributions of every guy I have gotten close to. I don't regret a single minute I spent with any of them. I can't even tell you how much I've learned and grown by having them in my life.
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