Court me, Court me Not..
- Thread starter Mel85
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I'm going to piggyback off of this because I think Seoul is absolutely right about the distance thing. She and I have talked before about long distance relationships and I keep saying the bottom line of an LDR is .... at least one person will have to pretty much uproot their entire day to day life to make that relationship work out. So that's a much bigger issue to progress that relationship than if the two of you live in the same town. And for most of us, even moving an hour away would mean that we change where we go to church, what stores we shop at, what clubs or activities we regularly attend, etc.
That makes the relationship much more costly than if it's with someone who already lives in the same town and goes to your church and you already have some common life and community elements.
But the internet also spoils us with too much choice which leads to us not making any decision at all. If you know your options are hurry up and marry the best guy in town / a good enough guy, or get stuck in a marriage with someone you don't want to be with, or be alone, you're probably much more willing to overlook imperfections in the good enough guy and be glad you didn't get stuck with someone worse than if you think that you have access to millions of guys and a better one is just around the corner.
And then the last subtle thing I see is that we've kinda lost the art of the date. You can be dating someone without going out on many dates, but as men and women are around each other more socially the line between are we doing something just as friends or as a romantic outing has been blurred a bit (especially if you're trying to keep some physical boundaries).
So practical advice if you really want to be with someone, find the person you like most in your immediate surroundings and give them a fair chance. And find new ways to say what you want and express your intentions rather than relying on words that no longer have such clear meanings. Or there's always the option of being happily single and doing other stuff instead of navigating the minefield that is modern coupledom.
That makes the relationship much more costly than if it's with someone who already lives in the same town and goes to your church and you already have some common life and community elements.
But the internet also spoils us with too much choice which leads to us not making any decision at all. If you know your options are hurry up and marry the best guy in town / a good enough guy, or get stuck in a marriage with someone you don't want to be with, or be alone, you're probably much more willing to overlook imperfections in the good enough guy and be glad you didn't get stuck with someone worse than if you think that you have access to millions of guys and a better one is just around the corner.
And then the last subtle thing I see is that we've kinda lost the art of the date. You can be dating someone without going out on many dates, but as men and women are around each other more socially the line between are we doing something just as friends or as a romantic outing has been blurred a bit (especially if you're trying to keep some physical boundaries).
So practical advice if you really want to be with someone, find the person you like most in your immediate surroundings and give them a fair chance. And find new ways to say what you want and express your intentions rather than relying on words that no longer have such clear meanings. Or there's always the option of being happily single and doing other stuff instead of navigating the minefield that is modern coupledom.
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I agree with your post but wanted to highlight this specific comment because I’ve seen both side of the fence for this.
1. My good friend who lives in Australia was talking to a guy in USA via MSN messenger years ago and finally after a couple of months chatting he paid for her airfare to travel to California to meet him. They did a few back and forth traveling then finally wed. Unfortunately he passed away and now she’s a widower. So although she had plenty of options to choose from her current surroundings, she took the risk and decided to try outside of her surroundings. She said it was the chemistry on all levels that they had between themselves that separated him from the other guys.
2. I’m friends with a guy in USA who’s been trying all sorts of dating sites, apps, meet n greet - you name it. He’s attend local speed dating events and still no matches found or made. He is introvert which I think doesn’t help because of the shy aspect but now he’s considering international dating because he can’t find any matches or women interested in his own town let a lone state. It’s been frustrating for him but he has hope that God will match him someday.
1. My good friend who lives in Australia was talking to a guy in USA via MSN messenger years ago and finally after a couple of months chatting he paid for her airfare to travel to California to meet him. They did a few back and forth traveling then finally wed. Unfortunately he passed away and now she’s a widower. So although she had plenty of options to choose from her current surroundings, she took the risk and decided to try outside of her surroundings. She said it was the chemistry on all levels that they had between themselves that separated him from the other guys.
2. I’m friends with a guy in USA who’s been trying all sorts of dating sites, apps, meet n greet - you name it. He’s attend local speed dating events and still no matches found or made. He is introvert which I think doesn’t help because of the shy aspect but now he’s considering international dating because he can’t find any matches or women interested in his own town let a lone state. It’s been frustrating for him but he has hope that God will match him someday.
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Yea there’s nothing biblical but courting in the old days was an actual thing not adapted by all but, it happened. Culturally you could say that happens too when a man chooses to pursue a woman he will splash gifts food money towards the woman’s family. In the Tongan culture, the guy’s family would all chip in and deliver gifts money food to the girls house and ask her to marry him in front of everyone…. Sounds like a lot of pressure lol but it’s a culture thing.
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Maybe the problem is people DO get to know each other pretty well, and they're like, "Nah, I'll just stay single." 
I often hear that phrase, “date to marry”, but then different people have different interpretations of “dating”.
If I’m honest with you, I am in that category of scared of rejection or being burned - but the older I get (lol) the less I worry about that and move on. I think life experiences help as well.
I always enjoy hearing about you and Darlenes story and just the amount of wisdom you give us Jerry - appreciate you brother.
If I’m honest with you, I am in that category of scared of rejection or being burned - but the older I get (lol) the less I worry about that and move on. I think life experiences help as well.
I always enjoy hearing about you and Darlenes story and just the amount of wisdom you give us Jerry - appreciate you brother.
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Some people are naturally so friendly, and also physical (in a non-sexual way, and with no romantic intents) it comes across as being interested. Often to them their behavior is natural and they are unaware they're doing it.
It's not uncommon for men to take this as giving romantic intentions. Usually such women get hit on often as a result. So it makes sense that you, too, interpreted her behavior as such.
It's not uncommon for men to take this as giving romantic intentions. Usually such women get hit on often as a result. So it makes sense that you, too, interpreted her behavior as such.
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Obviously mens and women's brains are different. And one way it's been proven is communication. Men tend to be more direct and focused when talking. Getting to the point and saying what he wants.
Women tend to come at things more sideways and indirect. Which works well when talking with other women, but when dealing with men it doesn't work near as well.
It's even been stated that to improve communication between a man and woman one change that the woman alone must make is she needs to talk more directly and speak her mind to a man. Mens brains are not wired to pick up the hints women drop, so in that particular area it falls on women to do all the work.
Funnily enough it seems men have two main takes on if a woman is interested or not. One is "she didn't say so, therefore she's not interested" and the other is "she's in my line of sight. She must be interested" 😂
Women tend to come at things more sideways and indirect. Which works well when talking with other women, but when dealing with men it doesn't work near as well.
It's even been stated that to improve communication between a man and woman one change that the woman alone must make is she needs to talk more directly and speak her mind to a man. Mens brains are not wired to pick up the hints women drop, so in that particular area it falls on women to do all the work.
Funnily enough it seems men have two main takes on if a woman is interested or not. One is "she didn't say so, therefore she's not interested" and the other is "she's in my line of sight. She must be interested" 😂
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